Well Guys and Dolls,
Here´s a peak at the new story, as promised. I hope you´ll give it a chance to grow and take shape. And for all my FtLoD readers and fans, it will update bi-weekly as usual, so don´t think I´m going to leave that one alone! See you at the bottom...
Beta'd by: Jdonovan09, famaggiolo, and ivoryhairbela... you ladies are amazing and I couldn´t do it without you... even when you bust my chops, Iza! A million and one thank you´s!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF ITS PHENOMENAL CHARACTERS. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED...
Beta'd by: Jdonovan09, famaggiolo, and ivoryhairbela... you ladies are amazing and I couldn´t do it without you... even when you bust my chops, Iza! A million and one thank you´s!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF ITS PHENOMENAL CHARACTERS. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED...
Prologue Song: More Than Life by: Whitley
Belief in the breeze,
The smoky morning haze.The sun on her face,and the touch of lovers' hands.The pain that comes today,Is here, then goes away.And we are homeward bound,And I,I want this more than life,I want this more than life,I want this more than life.To touch something real,Will help your wounds heal,Like the sun on your face,The dreams of starry nights.And we are homeward bound,And I,I want this more than life,I want this more than life,I want this more than life...I want this more than life.A Real Family of Her Own:
Prologue
BPOV
I paced or rather waddled the length of my living room, feeling like an angry lioness that needed to protect her cub. Today, his bullshit excuses stopped; I was determined to get him to open up to me. And I wasn´t opposed to kicking his beautiful ass to get him to do it if I had to.
He was hiding something from me, and although I´d yet to tell him all the things that happened in my past - my ghosts only haunted me. They weren´t hurting anyone else; not yet anyway. I thought as I rubbed my very large stomach. This wasn´t the first time we´d had this discussion, if that´s what you wanted to call it. And just like all the other times, I was hoping, no praying that it would be a start to the last.
If I had a hundred dollar bill for every time we´ve had this argument over the last three months, I´d be a fucking millionaire. Countless times I´ve asked myself, why do I bother? But the answer was that I owed it to the beautiful little girl who was currently tucked away in my childhood bedroom that she had so stubbornly claimed as her own; even going as far as to have her Nana redecorate it, so that everyone would know it was hers. Her words not mine!
McKynzie Elizabeth Cullen, with her expressive clover green eyes, had single-handedly stolen my heart in a way that I never knew was possible. In the last three and a half months, I´d come to love this little ball of fire just as much as the one I had growing inside my belly. The two of them were definitely going to be a handful; I could already tell.
McKynzie was the reason that I was presently glaring at this beautiful jackass, tugging at his hair nervously, as he too paced frantically around my living room. The tugging was his trademark sign that he was feeling caged in. I knew the signs all too well, because I had a similar nervous habit when it came to biting my lip. "Edward," I huffed for what seemed like the umpteenth time. "Why won´t you talk to me? I thought we were friends?""Damn it Bella, that´s not fair and you know it." he barked, resembling a bitter caged wild animal. "I´m closer to you than my own family. I... I... I just can´t! Please, don´t push; let it go. I´m begging you." His voice was so small at the end that it was barely audible.
He needed help and badly. Whatever secrets Edward was keeping locked away inside of himself, were literally eating him alive. In just the short time that I´d known him and Mac, he´d managed to pull away from her even more. She was spending more and more time hiding away at my house than at her own.
At first I thought it was because her father worked so much and didn´t have a lot of free time to spend with her. But imagine my surprise when I learned that he was purposely avoiding her. I tried to stay out of it, not wanting to be a nosy neighbor; until one night I woke up to go to the bathroom, only to find a warm little body pressed up against me.
Not knowing what to do, I just let her sleep; hoping that with the morning would come understanding. I made sure to set my alarm to wake up before Edward would miss her and try to get some answers to the ever growing mystery that was Edward and McKynzie Cullen.
They were nothing like the happy people that Esme spoke so fondly of. No, these twowere scared of something, and whatever it was, it ran so deep that it was tearing them apart. When I asked Edward about Mac´s mysterious appearance in my bed, he simply brushed it off as one of her ever recurring nightmares.
He told me it was nothing to worry about and that he would make sure it didn´t happen again. Imagine my surprise when after the tenth time it happened, he was still giving me the same lame ass excuse. To keep anything from happening to her at night, I just started inviting her to sleep over. Lord knows I could use the company.
I shook my head in an attempt to clear my scattering thoughts. "Edward, listen," I said in a much softer tone. "I know firsthand how hard it can be on a child to not feel the love of their parents, my childhood was less than stellar. But what I don´t understand is, why you insist on pushing Mac away? I know you love her. More than that she knows you love her! I can see it in your eyes, every time you look at her." I moved a bit closer and took a chance by touching him. It took every bit of my resolve not to react to the electrical current that pulsed through my veins each time we were in close proximity. Ironically, that current tripled in its force when we´re touching.
I gripped his bicep lightly, "Edward, please, let me help you. It´s never as bad as it seems. Let me in. Tell me what happened... please." I begged. "I can't stand to see you hurting; it´s killing me to watch you like this. I care about you Edward, both of you..." I let my words trail off, because the look that passed across Edward´s face at my declaration could only be described as lethal.
Gone was the vulnerability and pain from before, only to be replaced with a mask of incredulity; I had never seen him this upset before. Mentally, I tried to figure out what it was I could have possibly said to garner this type of reaction. His eyes narrowed as he wretched his arm from my grasp.
I could feel the loss of his warm skin against mine; and instantly, I was left longing for the feeling of completion that came along with touching him. My eyes shifted to his as he pinched the bridge of his nose; I could tell he was fighting not to lose control, but in the end it was too much, and he lost the battle.
"You don´t fucking care about me!" he roared. "You know nothing about me! You have no idea what I´ve been through. What I´ve done!" He pulled angrily at his bronze locks, as the harsh words fell from his lips. He was so angry, his beautiful green eyes has turned bitter and cold.
My ever present need to make all things right in his tumultuous world and self-preservation were warring inside me. I knew that I was walking a fine line, but for some reason I couldn´t walk away. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was falling in love with Edward Cullen. Admitting that even to myself, was literally scaring the shit out of me. If anyone knew firsthand how love had the power to break you... it was me.
"Edward, listen to me," I pleaded. "It´s not that bad. Everybody makes mistakes, but you will not convince me that you´re a bad person. I know you Edward! I know you´re a good person. And nothing you say or do is going to make me believe otherwise!" I reached out my hand to touch him again, but my movements were halted by two strong hands slamming mine to my sides. I was rendered immobile.
"Don´t fucking touch me, Bella!" he sneered viciously. My heart began to beat rapidly in my chest. Who the fuck was this man! And what had he done with Edward! I had never seen him so angry before, this was really scaring me. As if he could smell my fear, he sneered, "I told you, you don´t know anything about me. I don´t need you to fucking care about me either. I´m not some nut case that you need to over-analyze. Nor am I a fucking character out of one of your shitty little books, Bella." I jolted at the cruelty of his words as if I´d been slapped; I couldn´t believe he would say something like that to me.
Edward was the only one, besides Jake and Leah, who knew that I was a writer. I couldn´t believe how hurtful he was being. Unbidden, the tears began to fall; he was no different than the rest of them. He didn´t care about me. He just wanted to break me and where the rest had all tried and been unsuccessful, he succeeded. He succeeded in dealing the last blow to my already fragile heart. "Just go." I said shakily, not recognizing my own voice. By now the tears were coming in a torrent; I was still in shock over his hurtful words.In a voice much softer, but void of emotion Edward spoke, "I´m sorry Bella; I never meant for any of this to happen." The roar in my ears was so loud that I could barely hear him speaking. "I let this go on long enough. You´re just not good for me. I promise that McKynzie won´t be bothering you anymore." That got my attention. Edward could be a bastard if he wanted to, but he couldn´t take Mac away from me.
"What are you talking about? Mac doesn´t bother me." I said nastily. "I love that little girl as if she was my own. This is between you and me, Edward. Don´t bring her into this." I could tell by look in his eyes that his resolve was set and there was absolutely nothing I could do or say to make him change his mind. My stubbornness and constant need to make things right had cost me both of them.
"It doesn´t matter," he snapped. "I´m taking her to Seattle to stay with my parents. I´m leaving in the morning to head up a clinical study at Chicago Children´s hospital, and I´ll be gone all summer." I knew that he was leaving, but it hadbeen decided that she would stay with me, at least until the baby came. "What? Why? I... I thought she was..." I never got a chance to finish my sentence, because Edward was already speaking.
"Isabella, McKynzie is my daughter, do not presume you know what is best for her. I will do what I think is best for my daughter." Without so much as a backward glance, Edward began climbing the stairs two at a time in search of his little girl.In shock from the brute force of his words, I couldn´t bring myself to move. I was rooted in place by the weight of losing my little girl. Your little girl? My conscience questioned with a bit of nastiness. She is not nor has she ever been yours! The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can move on from this fairytale existence you´ve been living! We don´t need anyone! We have what we want, the baby will be here soon and the Cullen´s will only be a memory! Get your head out of the fucking clouds and concentrate on your son!
My conscience was right, it never failed. When I let people in they either hurt me or they died, leaving me alone. I let Renee in and not only did she hurt me, but she let everybody else hurt me too. I let Sue and Charlie in and they both hurt me by dying and leaving me here all alone to fend for myself. I let Carlisle and Esme in and they got too busy. And now, it was happening all over again, but this time the force of what was happening was too much for me to handle.
I watched in a haze as Edward carried a kicking and screaming McKynzie down the stairs. "No Daddy!" She screamed and pounded her little fists into his back. "I want to stay with Belly. I don´t want to live with Nana and Papa. Please Daddy, don´t make me go!"With each one of her shrill cries, my heart broke just a little more.
Her words were not lost on me, surely she meant that she didn´t want to spend the summer with her grandparents. "It´s okay, Sweetheart, you´ll be back before you know it." I said through my own tears. I knew it was wrong of me to assume, but I just wanted to take away some of her pain.
Edward shot me another death glare, as if I´d spoken out of turn. "Don´t make her false promises, Bella. There´s a good chance that she will remain with my parents for the school term. It´s still up in the air, but be that as it may, I´m selling the house. I haven´t decided where yet, but McKynzie and I will be moving. I promise to never bother you again. It´ll be as if we never existed." He spoke all these words without bothering to look me in the eye.Not taking into consideration the pair of young impressionable ears that were listening, I allowed my anger to get the best of me. "Fucking coward!" I yelled at his back. "At least be man enough to look me in the eye as you steal my daughter away from me!" It took a moment to register what I´d said, but was too late as my hand abruptly covered my mouth. The words had already left my lips and it would be impossible to take them back.
I watched as Edward slowly turned to face me, and for a brief moment, I saw all my hurt mirrored back at me through his eyes. All too soon it was gone, and the angry emotional asshole was back. "Good bye, Isabella," he smirked evilly. "Take care of your son." The way he spat the words your son at me said that he was telling me in a roundabout way that I had no claim on his daughter. And he was right! Turning on his heels, Edward headed out the door and out of my life, taking my heart and soul with him.
I watched frozen, as he carried McKyenzie home and out of my life... for good. Her beautiful bronze ringlets stuck to the massive overflow of giant teardrops streaming down her angelic face. Her pain caused my heart to constrict to the point where I thought I was suffocating. My ears burned as I could still hear her feeble cries. "Da-da-d-daddy... pa-pa-pah-lease," she hiccuped only to have her cries fall on deaf ears. "I-I-I wanna stay with Belly. Please Daddy?" Edward moved with the finesse of the Tin man, he had checked out and was now running on auto pilot.
Willing my feet to move, I drug myself onto the porch; screaming, pleading, begging for him to come back. He had to actually fight with Mac to get her into the car. The sheer will and determination of that little girl was amazing. Watching them battle for dominance, my breathing began to increase. I was no longer in control of my own body.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn´t pull enough air in my lungs to sustain me. My vision blurred and my body began to sway. Panic set in, I was slowly losing control. I clawed at my throat trying futilely to get the air to flow. I managed to get out a strangled sob that sounded miles away to my ears.
I smiled ruefully, as I heard the sweet voice of my baby girl floating in the distance. "Bella," she cried.
I´m here!
Mommy´s here baby girl!
Those were the last thoughts that flowed through my head before everything went black.
Well there you have it. I know that Edward seemed like a bit of an ass, but in his defense he´s been through a lot, which will be revealed along the way. Leave me some love and let me know what you guys thought of it.
Thanks a millions! Without you there would be no me!
Laterzzz:)
Krazi
xoxo
