Living Her Dream
Amy's POV
"Sure." I said, and threw a stuffed animal at Hannah.
" But, Blue Clues is on." Hannah said jumping up and down.
" And?" I asked. She gave me a pouting look. "You're cheating!"
" I am not." She protested and folded her arms against her chest. 'Where's Ashley?"
" I don't know. She should be home any minute." I said looking at the clock on the wall.
" If you don't want to watch Blue Clue, can we play barbies?" She asked.
" Whatever." I said. We walked over to the dollhouse.
" You can be Luke." She said.
" Luke?" I asked.
" Yeah, and I'll be Sarah."
" You want me to be a guy?" I asked, and glared.
"No." She screamed and started crying.
" Hannah, i was joking." I said stifling my laugh, and holding her in my lap. Joanie came into the room.
" Whats going on girls?" She asked.
" Hannah is upset." I said and started laughing.
" Nuh-huh." Hannah said and shook her head no.
" Uh-huh." I snapped back jokingly. Hannah smiled, and gave me a hug around the leg.
" I love you." She said.
" I love you too." I said. That was the first time anyone in this house had told me that. I was shocked.
" I'm a sucker for group hugs." Joanie said. "I love you both."
" WE LOVE YOU!" Hannah and I screamed. We all laughed, and fell back on the chair. I heard the car pull up into the driveway.
" She's back." I said. We all waited for Ashley and Syd to come in the front door. The door opened slowly, and there stood Ashley. Her face was pink, her eyes were puffy, and she was very sweaty. I knew something was wrong.
" Hannah, upstairs." Joanie said quietly.
" Mommy-" Hannah objected.
" Now." Joanie said. Fearless and Hannah ran upstairs. It was the just the four of us, I wanted to run too.
" Sit." Syd directed. We all went to the kitchen table and sat down. My gut hurt, my head was pounding, my heart hurt, I could feel sweat coming down from my temples. Dripping, I figured everyone could hear my heart beating, everyone could see the sweat oozing out of my head. I bit my lip, and hoped nothing was wrong.
" The doctors informed us about Ashleys condition today." Syd said.
" And?" Joanie asked.
" Ashley?" Syd asked.
" I'll tell them." Ashley said quietly. "I have a month to live."
" What?" Joanie asked. I didn't understand what she said.
" I have a month to live." Ashley said and took a deep breath. "The day I'm suppose to die is August 15." I sat there, and stared straight ahead. My heart was pounding more than it ever did, my brain was screaming 'Why?', the sweat was buliding a river, my whole body was limp, I was reliving my mother's death. All over again, my eyes were welling up with tears, but nthing came out, breathing was difficult.... my chest felt like someone ripped it apart, my head felt like a million knifes were in it, I didn't know how to react. To scream, to cry, to go away, to comfort my sister, to just do something. I stood up.
" Amy-" I heard Syd say. I just waved my hand, and walked upstairs. I felt like any minute my body would burst, I hoped my body would burst. I fell onto my bed, and stared at the ceiling, gazing off....
I woke up around six that night. Ashley was reading "A Bend in the Road". I looked over at her and she looked over at me.
" I'm dying." She said.
" Good job Ace. I'm happy." I said sarcastically.
" You have to get use to it." She said. "In one month I'm dead."
" I KNOW!" I screamed. "I'm not stupid."
" I don't want to die." She said.
" I do." I snapped.
" What?" She asked.
" I want to die. Whats the use of being in this world anyways? I want to die. I wish I could be you."
" Amy, no." She said, fighting tears.
" Don't worry, you'll see me soon after you die. Or maybe you'll meet me up there." I said and ran out of the room, slamming the door.
" Amy!" Ashley screamed. I ran past everyone in the kitchen, and outside. I got to the fourth block, and got a cab.
" Where you headed?" He asked.
" The subway." I said. I was a girl, leaving Providence, and never looking back...
Ashley's POV:
I ran downstairs as fast as my legs would let me and threw open the back door. I ran outside but Amy was gone.
"Ash," Syd said coming up to me.
"Why doesn't she care?" I wept. Syd led me back inside.
"She's upset," Syd said as we walked back into the house. "Don't worry she'll come back."
"What if she doesn't?" I asked. I looked at Syd with tears in my eyes. "The only person I want to spend my time with is my sister. No offense or anything but she's my sister, my twin. I want her to be OK before I well...you know. I have to take care of her, to make sure she's OK."
"Oh sweetie," Syd said. She embraced me in a tight hug.
"She said she wanted to die," I told Syd.
"She's just upset," Syd repeated.
Then the door opened and Brian came into the kitchen. "Sorry but it was open."
"Its OK," I said. I began to get nervous. I hadn't told him my news yet and I wasn't sure how he would react.
"How are you feeling?" he asked. He hugged me.
"Brian there's something I need to tell you," I said. I took a deep breath and gripped his hand. My heart pounded in my chest. "I have one month to live."
Brian just stared at me. "What?"
"I have one month to live," I repeated. Tears came to my eyes. Brian hugged me and we both cried for a long time. We soon retreated to the back porch. The sun felt hot on my face. I sat in the swing and Brian sat beside me.
"So what are you going to do?" he asked putting an arm around me.
"I don't know," I said. "My sister ran off. Brian can you do something for me? Watch out for my sister make sure she doesn't get into any more trouble. When I'm gone there will be no one to look out for her. I'm the only one she'll listen to."
"Of course I'll do that," Brian said. He touched my cheek. "I don't want to lose you. Now I really do feel like Landon."
"But just remember that I'll always be with you," I whispered. I took his hand. "It'll be like the wind, you can't see me but I'll still be there watching over you every moment of everyday."
"Its just so unfair," Brian said. "You never did anything to deserve this."
I put a finger to his lips. "Let's stop talking about my illness. I want to enjoy the time I have left."
"OK I promise no more death talk," he said with a smile.
I smiled back. I laid my head down on his chest and soon I was asleep.
I awoke hours later in my room. It was dark. I looked at the clock. Seven PM. I sighed and laid back down. This is not how I wanted to spend my last days, sleeping all the time.
"Hey kid how ya feeling?" Joanie asked coming into the room.
"OK I guess," I said. "I'm really worried about my sister."
"I know," Joanie said. She smoothed my hair back. "She'll come home...one day."
"I just hope its soon," I said. I began to cry all over again. "I don't want to die Joanie."
"I know," Joanie said.
"Amy said that she does," I blurted out. I didn't know if Amy wanted it to be kept a secret but it was too late now. "She took some pills, Tylenol and that's why she was feeling so crappy a few weeks ago."
"Why didn't you tell us?" Joanie asked. She sounded sort of mad.
"I didn't know how," I said sitting up. "I was afraid she was going to do something worse or get mad at me if I told."
"Sweetie what she did was a very serious thing," Joanie said.
"Joanie please don't tell Syd," I pleaded. "I don't want to leave with my sister mad at me."
"Ash I have to," Joanie said. She headed for the door.
I sighed. I was horrible at keeping secrets and this proved it. Amy was going to be SO ANGRY at me when she came home. I laid back down on my bed and fell asleep again.
I awoke to the door slamming and went downstairs. Amy was in the kitchen. She looked pale and kind of spaced out. I wondered if she'd been drinking again. Then she did something I never expected her to do, she hugged me.
"What was that for?" I asked.
Amy didn't say anything she just walked right past me and up the stairs. I followed her. I went into our room and found her on her bed.
"Where were you?" I asked.
"No where," she said and rolled over.
I sat down on the bed. I had to get through to my sister before it was too late.
Amy's POV
I woke up early the next morning, around eight. I rolled over, and changed into different clothes. I had a pounding headache. Chris had found me the night before, and we went to the beach and drank, and drank, and drank. Then he offered to drive me home, but I said I'd walk home. When I got home, I hugged Ashley. I didn't know why, I just did. I walked downstairs, and Syd was standing there with Joanie.
" Amy, come here." Syd said, she sounded angry.
' Yes?" I asked and walked over to her.
" Sit." She said. She was fuming, Joanie left the room. It was just me and Syd. She sat right across from me.
" What came over you to try and overdose?" She asked.
" Huh?" I asked playing dumb.
" Why did you try to overdose on Tylenol?" She asked.
" I didn't." I said.
" Your sister knows, she told Joanie. Why?" Syd screamed.
" My sister doesn't know anything." I snapped.
" She told Joanie that you took Tylenol." Syd snapped.
" Well, if I had known trying to cure a headache was wrong, I wouldn't have." I said and smiled.
" Amy, why?" Syd said, she was on the verge of tears.
" Syd, listen. I did it because I felt horrible, my best friend had just died, my sister was dying. I thought it was better, I haven't done it since." I said. I made sure, my arms weren't showing. I had cut them up pretty badly.
" Don't do it again, ever." Syd said.
" I won't." I said lying through my teeth.
" Thank you." She said quietly. "I know your upset."
" About what?" I asked.
" Your sister dying." Syd said.
" Hey, no problem. Everyone else died, I should be use to it." i said and smiled. I went upstairs to my bedroom where Ashley was.
" Thanks." I said sarcastically.
" Thanks for what?" She asked.
" Being a little rat and telling about the time I tried to OD on tylenol. Real smart." i said and gave a cheap smile.
" Sis." Ashley said.
" It's cool. You were worried." i said, I was fuming inside. "Would you tell, if I told you something?"
" Maybe." She said.
" Okay." I said. I went over to my bed and laid down on my stomach.
" Fine I won't tell." She said.
" I took four E tablets." I said.
" WHAT?" She practically screamed.
" Shut up. I said I took four E tablets last night, and got really drunk." I said and laughed. "You don't find this funny?"
" No, E is dangerous." Ashley said.
" listen Ashley. I figure, I only live once. At least I'm not shooting up on heroin." I said and laughed.
" Amy, whats it like to be you?" She asked.
" It's like, being exactly the opposite of you. Except darker." I said and smiled.
" What are all the cuts on your arm from?" She asked.
" I can't tell." i said. "You'll tell Syd."
" No I won't." She said. "I promise."
" Fine, I was cutting myself." I said.
" What?" She asked.
" You know, take the razor slash my arm."
" Amy-" She said weakly.
" Hey on a happy note, I heard we're going boating. We've never done that." I said and smiled. Ashley started sobbing and ran into the bathroom. I rolled my eyes, and went outside the window, to sit on the roof where no one would see me.
Ashley's POV:
I cried for I don't know how long. I wasn't getting through to my sister at all, she was still using drugs and cutting herself. I didn't know how to help her, I couldn't. She needed help, serious help. I stared out the window trying to control my tears. One thing I wanted before I went was to go to Six Flags. I'd never been and always wanted to go. I walked out of the bathroom and downstairs. Syd was in the kitchen with Joanie.
"Have you been crying?" Syd asked me.
"I'm OK," I said. I sat down at the bar and looked through the mail. "Hey Syd do you know where I've always wanted to go...well besides LA."
"Where?" Syd asked. She leaned on the counter.
"To six flags," I said. "I know it sounds stupid and Amy would probably have a boring time I just want to ride the rides and see the shows."
"That sounds like fun," Syd said with a smile.
"Yeah and Hannah would LOVE it," Joanie said. "Wouldn't you Han?"
"YEAH!!" Hannah almost screamed. I smiled.
:"We'll try to go sometime this week," Syd said.
"Go where?" Amy asked coming into the room.
"Six flags," I said. I saw her role her eyes.
"Fun," she said sarcastically.
"You don't have to go," I said. "But I really want you to."
"Whatever," Amy said and walked into the living room. I followed her.
"Why do you have to be so mean?" I asked. Tears came to my eyes again. "All I want is for us to spend some time together, just with you. You're my sister Amy and I hate seeing what you're dong to yourself."
"Look Ash I'm just scared all right," Amy snapped angrily. She looked at me. "My life sucks right now, I'm losing only family member left, my best friend is dead and I have a guy who can't make up his mind about anything."
I sat there. Amy had told me that a thousand times and I'd believed her. "But you don't have to solve your problems by doing drugs and stuff."
"Then what do you suggest?" Amy asked sharply. "Helping old people across the street. Thanks but no thanks."
I sighed. "That's not what I meant. I meant...oh forget it you won't listen to me anyway." I walked upstairs and to our room. I quickly showered and changed into overalls with a white shirt underneath. I pulled my hair back into a bun and applied a little make up. I don't normally where make up but I had to cover the paleness of my face. I went downstairs and found Ashley still sitting on the couch where I'd left her. I sat down beside her and picked up my book I was reading. I kept looking over at her seeing she she'd say something about what I'd told her earlier but she never did. I continued reading.
On Tuesday Syd took us to six Flags. Hannah and Joanie came too. Amy looked like she was bored out of her mind but I didn't care I was having the time of my life. We rode rides and saw shows.
"This is awesome," I said to Syd as we waited in line for another roller coaster.
"It is," Syd said.
We stayed until the park closed and as we were leaving the park reality sat in, that would be the last time I'd ever set foot in a park like that again. Tears flooded my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. I didn't want to spoil a great day by crying.
"So did you have fun?" I asked Amy as we changed into our PJ's.
"Yeah," she said sweetly even though I knew she didn't mean it.
I looked at her and climbed into bed. Number 17 on my list was finished now all I needed was sixteen more.
Amy's POV
I sat in the kitchen, eating cereal. When Brian and Ashley came inside. Their arms were linked one in one, and they sat down across from me at the bar.
" Amy, do you know about Scott's party?" Ashley asked.
" Yes." I said, and put my spoon down.
" Are you going?" She asked.
" Yes." I said.
" Can we go?" She asked.
" Uh yeah, it's open house."
" No I mean with you." Ashley said.
" Not the both of you. I will not get on the bad side with all those people because Buckly Brain Brian came with me. No." I said. Brian looked at me, but didn't say anything.
" Well then, can I go alone with you?" She asked.
" Sure." I said, and stood up leaving the room, I walked back in. "Who else is home?"
" Just us." She said.
" So Ashley, your going to drink? smoke? drugs?" I asked and smiled.
" No," she said and sighed. "I just wanted to see what it was like."
" Whatever, but when you see me doing that kind of stuff....don't flip out at me." I said and left the room.
Later that day, I called Chris. He picked up, and we talked for a little, finally I brought up my sister.
" Chris, Ashley wants to go."
" Are you going to let her?" He asked.
" Yeah, she only has a few weeks to live. So what the heck." I said my voice cracking.
" Yeah. Well let's see how long she can handle it." He said laughing. I laughed too.
" I have to get ready." I said.
" Okay, pick you two up at eight?" He asked.
" Sure." I said, and hung up. Chris and I didn't know what we wanted. I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship, but he was. Then he wasn't, then he was. He loved me one day, we were just friends the next. I was so confused.
Ashley and I got ready in complete silence. I decided to wear a pair of black jeans, with a green peasant top. Ashley was wearing light blue jeans, with a pink ruffled top. We said nothing to each other, as she applied her light pink blush, and I applied my black eye-liner. She fixed her brown hair into a french braid, as I pulled a wacky looking headband over my pink hair. She put in a pair of pearl earrings, as I put in my huge star earrings in. She put on her brown leather sandals, as I put on my black platform boots. She put on her pretty silver chain bracelet, as I put on my rubber bracelets and leather bracelets. She grabbed her light pink denim purse, as I grabbed my black Afro Ken purse. We stopped before we left the room, and stared at each other. It was like two different worlds, we were sisters, two different personalities, two different styles, two different social groups...so alike so different. We turned our heads and walked out to the end of the driveway. In a couple minutes i saw Chris' pontiac come flying up the road. We climbed in, us in the back, Eric in the front.
" So we double dating the Bidwell twins or what?" Eric asked jokingly.
" You wish." I snapped at him.
" Oh calm down Amy!" He said and turned around grabbing my knee. "You know you love me" I shot him a cold look and stared straight ahead.
" Let's not fight. If I get on Scott's good side, I'm joining a band." Chris snapped.
" Your going to be in a band?" I asked excitedly.
" If I get on Scott's good side. So don't make me look bad." Chris said.
" Wait, Chris who is Scott?" Ashley asked.
" He's some 11th grader, where I'll be next year. Who needs a head singer for his band. And I told him I'd try out, I did...and if he thinks I'm "cool" I'm in."
" Why do you care if he thinks your cool or not?" She asked.
" Yo, Smartie...enough with the questions." Eric said. He turned to me. "You two are so different, one is all shut up in your face, other is complete say no to pressure." Ashley and i looked at each other, but I looked away. Chris cranked up his radio playing Sublime really loud, and we sped to Scott's house.
It was about midnight, I hadn't seen Ashley. I was having a blast. I wondered if she was, or wasn't. I walked around looking for her, but everyone kept pulling me aside talking to me. Finally I found her in the kitchen.
" What are you doing?" I asked.
" Amy, this is so weird." She said.
" Huh?" I practically yelled over the music.
" This is so weird. You have no idea what it's like to be at one of these and not knowing a single person." She said.
" You know me." I said. I grabbed her hand, and we went out and started dancing. It was actually just a bunch of people jumping up and down, over and over again, banging heads. Scott was having everyone who auditioned a chance at singing. When Chris came on, I was amzed. His voice was so cool, and everything. He looked great up there.
" You know, I love Brian with all my heart." She said. "But, he is cute."
" You know it." I said. We laughed. Some guy named Marshall came up to me.
" Amy, here." He said handing me an E pill.
" Thanks." I said and took it from him.
" Whats that?" She asked.
" E, you want it?" I asked.
" No." She said. "I don't want you to take it either." She said.
" Too late." i said, but threw that pill behind me.
" Amy!" She said.
" Sorry." I laughed. She just looked at me funny, and kept dancing.
When we got home, I was so tired. I drank too much, the drug did me in. Ashley was fine though. We went upstairs.
" Thanks." She said.
" Whatever." i said, and changed into my PJs. I climbed into bed. I heard Ashley mumbling her prays. I didn't understand her. I didn't understand life. But one thing I knew, in a couple on months I would be alone. And I wouldn't be there for Ashley's death... because I had a plan
Ashley's POV:
I woke up at eleven the next morning, which is really late for me and went downstairs. Amy was already up watching TV. I sat down beside her not saying a word.
"Hey Amy," I finally said.
"What?" she asked looking at me.
"I had fun last night," I admitted. "Even though I didn't know a single person there."
"No problem," Amy said. She got up and went into the kitchen I followed her.
Then Syd came through the door. "Hey sleepy heads," she said.
"Hi," I said.
Syd gave me a hug. "How are you feeling?"
"OK," I said. "A little tired. Were you at the clinic?"
"Yeah," Syd answered.
"On a Saturday?" I asked as I got down a bowl for my cereal.
"I had to catch up on paperwork," Syd answered. "So what do you two want to do today?"
I shrugged. "I don't know," I answered. I went over to the bar and sat down beside Syd. "Where are Joanie and Hannah and your dad?"
"I don't know," Syd said.
Then Joanie came in through the back door.
"Hi," I said. "Where's Hannah?"
"Outside," Joanie said. "Why don't you two go check on her I need to talk to Syd alone."
"Sure," I said. "Come on Amy." I looked at Joanie and Amy and I went out the back door. I wondered what Joanie needed Syd for and I hoped it wasn't because of me.
"Can you push me Ashley?" Hannah asked.
I smiled and Hannah got on her bike. I got behind it. "Ready?" I asked.
"Yeah," Hannah said.
I pushed her as hard as I could and even that physical motion was tiring. I hadn't gotten all my strength back since being out of the hospital and didn't want to exert myself too much. I went over and sat on the swing.
"Are you OK?" Amy asked coming over to me.
I nodded. "I'm fine," I muttered quietly. "I just don't have all my strength back yet."
Amy nodded and continued to watch Hannah. I stood up but then fell back again. I felt dizzy and really sweaty.
"Ash?" I heard Amy call. I heard footsteps coming closer. "Ash are you OK?"
"Yeah," I said. "I think I just did a little to much to soon." I didn't tell my sister about the pain medication I was on and that's probably why I was so tired all the time. I stood up again, I still felt dizzy.
"Hannah go get Syd," Amy screamed.
Hannah looked at us and ran inside. For a four year old she was pretty smart. A few seconds later both Syd and Joanie came outside.
"Ash what happened?" Syd asked kneeling beside me.
"I'm just a little dizzy," I said. "I'll be OK."
"Come on let's get you inside," Syd said. She helped me stand and helped me inside. I laid down on the couch.
"I don't know what's wrong with me Syd," I said. "I have to stay strong there's so much I want to do and see."
"It'll be Ok," Syd said. "Are you in pain?"
I shook my head. "No. What were you and Joanie talking about earlier?"
Syd broke into a smile. "Well Joanie and I haven't been to LA in a while so we thought we'd take you and Amy for a few days. I know you wanted to go."
I hugged Syd. "Thank you that's crosses off number three on my list."
"What's number two?" Syd asked.
"To meet Mandy Moore," I said. "I know it'll probably never happen but I just like to pretend it will."
"Maybe it will," Syd said. She stood up. "I'm going to go see how your sister and Hannah are doing outside."
I nodded and watched her walk away. Things were going to get better before they got worse.
A few days later the trip to LA was set. We were leaving on Saturday and coming home Thursday. Our flight was leaving on Saturday at 12:45 PM.
"Girls let's go," Syd called from downstairs.
I came downstairs my bag over my shoulder. "I'm all set and I have my a walk to remember CD just in case we see Mandy Moore."
"Don't get your hopes up kiddo," Syd said.
"I know," I said. "I'll put my stuff in the car." I carried my bag outside and put it in the trunk of Syd's car. Amy came out a few minutes later. "This'll be fun," I said.
"Yeah, yeah," she groaned. "I was supposed to go out with Chris tonight."
"You can see Chris when we get back," I said. "I've always wanted to go and I won't ever get another chance. I'm going to get worse Amy so I need to do this while I still can."
Amy just looked at me and got into the car. I got in after her. We didn't say anything as we waited for Syd and Joanie. Then I heard a knock at the window. I looked over and saw Brian standing outside. I got out.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I'm going too," Brian said.
I smiled and threw my arms around him. He swung me around.
"Did you ask Syd if you could go?" I asked once Brian stopped spinning me.
"She called and asked if I could go," Brian said. "I told her I didn't want to be apart from you for very long."
I smiled. "Put your stuff in the trunk."
Brian put his stuff into the trunk and we piled into the backseat beside Amy.
"Oh great I'm riding with Jamie and Landon," Amy muttered.
I ignored her. I didn't want her attitude spoiling the last trip I'd ever take. Finally Syd and Joanie came to the car. I rolled down the window.
"Hi Brian," Syd said. "Are you three all set?"
"Yep," I said with a smile. I looked over at Amy who rolled her eyes.
A few minutes later we arrived at the airport and checked in our bags. We walked through the security and found our gate, E112.
"We're on flight 114 to LA," Syd said. She turned to me. "Ash how are you feeling?"
"I'm OK," I said. "Please don't bug me by asking me that the whole trip."
"Sorry," Syd apologized.
"Thank you," I said and sat down beside Brian. I looked at him. "Remember the last time we were on a plane?"
"How could I forget," Brian said with a smile. "When we were here last time I wasn't afraid of losing you."
"I'm not going anywhere...yet," I said. "I still have a while but no one can predict death."
"You are so right," Brian said. He took my hand. "I talked to Casey she was all upset she couldn't go."
"She hasn't been around much this summer," I said.
"I know and I when I told her you were well you know she promised she'd hang out with you after we got back."
I nodded. "Good."
Then we heard our flight being called.
"That's us," Joanie said standing up. "Come on you guys we have tans to get, guys to meet."
"So typical Joanie," I whispered to Brian. "She's always looking for a guy."
Brian laughed.
We headed for the line to board and gave the steward our tickets and boarded the plane. Brian and I sat together and Joanie and Syd sat with Amy in a three seater right behind us.
"Did I tell you that Syd used to work in LA?" I asked Brian.
"Yeah I think," Brian said. "That's kinda cool getting to work with celebrity's."
"Yeah," I said. "The only famous person I want to meet is Mandy Moore. I think she is so awesome. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll get to meet her but I'm not getting my hopes up."
Then the captain's voice came over the intercom. "Welcome to Delta flight 114 to LA. Please keep all cell phones off during the remainder of this flight and store all bags and personal items under your seat or in the overhead bens. We will be taking off in about five minutes. The temperature is around 80 degrees in LA. We hope you have a great flight and thank you again for choosing Delta."
"We are now going to show a safety video," a flight attendant said over the speaker.
I sighed. "Not again," I moaned.
"Please roll your window shades down for better viewing and turn your channel to channel one or two. Thank you."
"Just ignore it," Brian whispered.
I nodded. "I still feel bad that Hannah couldn't come but Joanie said she was a little young."
"Yeah," Brian said. "I was thrilled when Syd called me to come with you guys even though I'm the only guy here."
I laughed. "Yeah but Syd said we got a sweet with two adjoining rooms so you get your own room connected to ours."
"I couldn't ask for anything better," Brian said. He kissed me on the cheek and leaned back in the seat. "Let's hope they show a good movie, this is a four hour flight after all."
"Yeah," I said. "Hopefully they will."
Four hours later we landed at the LA airport. Jerry. Syd's old boyfriend (who Syd was not happy to see) met us and took us to the hotel in a limo, which was awesome. I'd never been inside a limo before and it was awesome. It was so huge and it even had a TV with cable. About an hour from the airport we arrived at the hotel.
"I don't know what possessed him to pick us up," Syd complained as we headed inside the hotel. The hotel was HUGE and even had a fountain in front of it.
"But at least we got to ride in a limo," I reminded her. "Do you really dislike him that much? Why did you break up with him in the first place?"
"Its complicated," Syd explained. "He did something he shouldn't have."
"Like cheated on you?" Amy asked.
"Something like that," Syd said. "It's to disgusting to talk about let's just drop it." Syd went up to the desk to check in.
Brian and I sat in overstuffed armchairs waiting. A few minutes later Syd came over to us and gave us our keys.
"We are on floor 12," Syd said. "Joanie, Amy, Ashley and I get one room and Brian you get one to yourself, the connected one."
"Gee thanks," Brian said.
"Ah don't worry Brian you won't be spending much time in it," Joanie said trying to make him feel better.
I smiled and Brian and I put our arms around each other. We headed for the elevator and went to our rooms.
"Brian keep your outside door locked OK," Syd said.
"Sure," Brian said. He kissed me on the cheek. "I'll see you in a few minutes."
I watched him go and looked around my own room. It was huge with two double size beds, and it even had a porch.
"This is awesome," Amy said. I'd never seen her so excited.
"What can we do first Syd?" I asked.
"What do you want to do?" Syd asked looking at me.
I thought for a moment. "I have no idea."
"Well let's see," Syd said. "We could go down Hollywood square and see all the stars, you know on the sidewalk?"
"Yeah," I said. "That'll be fun."
We got Brian from his room and walked down to Hollywood square (I don't know if that's what its called). I looked at all the stars with the stars names on it.
"Wouldn't you like to have your name on one of those," Brian said.
I looked at him. I would never get to have my name on one of those, I wasn't going to make it to the beginning of school.
"I'm sorry," Brian said. He put an arm around me.
"Its OK," I said.
"Can we go now its hot," Amy complained.
"Not as hot as it is back home," Syd said.
"True," I said. "It actually feels pretty good."
The next day we toured the city some more. By two o'clock that afternoon I was exhausted. I could tell I was getting weaker and it scared me. I didn't want to go yet I still had so much I wanted to do. After I napped for about an hour we headed out again and went to se Syd's old work.
"I haven't been back here since I left over three years ago," Syd said.
"Wow," I said. "Did Jerry work with you."
"He was an agent," Syd explained "But he turned out to be a real jerk."
We walked around Syd's work for a while, letting Syd catch up with old friends and old patients. I thought it was awesome that she knew so many famous people. Amy didn't seem to care but I didn't care, I was having the time of my life.
"Ash I have a surprise for you," Syd said. "You know how I worked with famous people?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"Well Mandy Moore's agent is a good friend of mine," Syd said.
"Really?" I asked wide eyed. "That is so cool. Is Mandy Moore here?"
Syd nodded. "Yes. She's shooting a new movie right now and John invited us to the set."
"Oh wow," I said jumping up and down. I couldn't contain my excitement 'When are we going?"
"Tomorrow," Syd said.
I couldn't believe it I was finally meeting Mandy Moore.
The next day we arrived at the set of How To Deal, Mandy's new movie.
"Thank you so much for meeting us," Syd said to a guy who had just come out of some doors. I guessed he was John, Mandy's agent.
"Not a problem," John said. He turned to me. "You must be Ashley."
I nodded.
Then a door opened and there stood Mandy Moore.
"Hi, you must be Ashley," Mandy said. She came up to me and shook my hand. "Its OK I won't bite."
I laughed. "I've been wanting to meet you forever. I played Jamie Sullivan in the play A Walk To Remember."
"In Chicago and Philly right?" Mandy asked.
I nodded. "Yes."
"That's great!" Mandy said. "Well I have an hour to kill so ask me anything you want. We can go back to my dressing room."
"OK," I said. I couldn't believe it number two on my list was coming true.
Mandy took us all back to her dressing room. It was huge. There was a huge couch and a TV.... I sat down on the couch, Mandy sat down beside me.
"So Ashley what grade are you going into?" she asked.
"10th," I replied. "I loved doing a walk to remember. You were awesome in the movie and Shane West is soo cute. Will you guys ever like go out?"
Mandy smiled. "I don't know, we're happy just being friends for now. The movie was amazing though."
"I know exactly what its like to be Jamie Sullivan," I said.
"Of course you do you played her too," Mandy said with a smile.
"No, you don't understand, I'm not very popular at school, I read a lot, and I'm dying."
I could tell Mandy didn't know what to say.
"Its OK," I said. "I get that a lot. I've only got a month to live and number two on my list was to come to LA and meet you."
Mandy Moore's POV:
I was shocked. Here I was talking to a 15 year old girl who I thought at first was just a crazy fan. She just told me she's dying. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to hug her and tell her everything was going to be OK. We talked for a while, she asked me tons of questions and she told me about her mom dying from cancer. She told me about Brian, her boyfriend who had played Landon.
"Would you like to sing Only Hope with me?" I blurted out. I don't know why I did it but I felt like this would mean so much to Ashley.
"Oh my gosh that would be awesome," Ashley said.
"OK then we'll get set up."
Ashley's POV:
I couldn't believe it I was singing with Mandy Moore on one of her best songs ever, Only Hope. We went to the room where the piano was and one of Mandy's band members started playing for us. Mandy and I started singing our voices blended well together. Mandy and I talked for the rest of the time and then Mandy had to get back to filming. I got her to sign my A Walk To Remember CD and she promised to check up on me in a few weeks.
"I don't normally do that with fans," she said. "But you're special."
I smiled. No one had ever called me special before, not even my mom and it made me feel good. "Thanks." I said.
We arrived back home on Thursday. I was too excited to even sleep that night. Number two on my list had been fulfilled in a big way and now all I needed was to do number one, the most important one...try to help my sister see that was she was doing to herself was hurting herself and it was hurting me.
Amy's POV
So basically the LA trip went peachy keen, Ashley met her Mandy Moore, and had her little Brian along. I felt like I was dying with her, like since we were twins...we'd always be together through everything... but if she died...I didn't know what to do. Life had seemed so blah the next few weeks. And before I knew it, Ashley was up to two weeks left to live. Doctors kept giving her pills and shots so when she died there would be no pain, nothing. She would just, close her eyes and sleep. And she was becoming weaker and weaker. We wanted to take her out on a boat, but she was too weak. It was horrible. Truthfully I was scared, but I had this whole act going, that hey Ashley was dying. Like I cared, but it didn't bother me. I had so many things going on. I stopped cutting myself it was getting obvious and my arms were hurting really bad. The last thing everyone needed was for me to be in a Looney Bin...always. Ashley was dying, my world was dying, Chris was in a band.... and that was my life.
Ashley walked into the bedroom and laid down on her bed. She just sat and stared at the ceiling, and I continued writing in my journal. Finally she looked over at me and spoke.
" Sis, I don't want to die." She said quietly.
" Ashley, it's going to happen." I said and bit my lip.
" Why me?" She asked. "Why me?"
" I don't know, listen if I was some miracle worker I'd change it. But sadly I'm regular old Amy."
" And I'm dying Ashley." She said, and the perked up. "But at least I met Mandy Moore."
" Yeah, yippee. My sister met Mandy Moore." I said and put my journal away in my dresser.
" It is exciting. She was so pretty."
" Yeah, whatever. I'd still rather meet, Eminem or Jimmy Eat World or somebody like that. Not some pop diva."
" Amy, do you think I'll see Mom?" She asked.
" Maybe." I said. "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you." I bit my lip, my chest hurt again. I secretly hoped it was a heart attack so I didn't have to watch my sister die...but it was too late. The pain went away just as quick as it came.
" Yeah, I'll tell her all about you." She said.
" You should. She never paid any attention to me. Hey tell her I'm a pothead!" I said and left the room. I walked downstairs to Joanie.
" Hey Ames." She said. I sat next to her.
" Joanie, why is this taking so long?" I asked.
" Huh?" She asked.
" Not to be mean, but why isn't Ashley dead?" I asked.
" Amy!" She said shocked.
" No, I don't want her dead. But I'm tired of watching her die. It's killing me."
" I know Honey, I know." She said, she kissed my forehead. And from that moment, I knew I had a Mom. She was my Mom.
" Joanie, I love my Mom to bits, but I have a personal question for you." I said.
" What?" She asked.
" Can, I call you Mom? I miss having my Mom." I said. Tears welled up in Joanie's eyes.
" Of course Honey, of course." She said. She hugged me in her arms. I felt her "motherly affection", and it felt like being two again when the world made sense. Because your biggest problem was Oscar wasn't on Seasame Street.
I was chilling in Chris' basement with Eric and him. We were all just talking, and drinking some soda.
" So hows Ashley?" Chris asked.
" Good." I said. "Well as good as a dying person can be."
" Yeah...I guess." He said
" she looked good." Eric said. "Not hot, but cute I guess."
" So I'm ugly?" i asked.
" Hah!" Eric said. "I have to go." Eric said. We said our goodbyes and Eric left. It was just Chris and me, and we were both uncomfortable.
" Amy, what do you want?" He asked.
" I want to take it slow." I said. "I'm not ready for anything big."
" Right." He said and clenched his fist together.
" What?" I asked.
" I thought you were right for me." He said angry.
" And?" I asked.
" Listen Amy, you want it slow. I was going to ask you to marry me." He snapped.
" What?" I asked shocked. "I'm 15, turning 16 soon. I can't be getting married... I have to go, bye." I said quickly and ran out of there.
Later that night Ashley and I were sitting on the front steps of the house drinking lemonade. The sky was dark, but the moon and stars lite everything up.
" He asked me to marry me." I said.
" He did?" Ashley asked shocked.
" Yeah, but marriage is not in my vocabulary at 15." I said and laughed.
" Funny, I want to marry Brian before I die. We were talking we want a small marriage on the 10." She said.
" Ashley." I said shocked.
" I want to get married to the man I love, before I die. I just have to see what Syd wants." She said.
" Oh God." I said and fell backwards.
" I'm tired, goodnight." She said and left. I went out to the grass and laid down. I stared out into the sky, wondering if someone just like me was dealing with this, I wondered about Mom and Sharon, me and Chris, and Ashley... I was hoping for answers...
Ashley's POV:
"Isn't not a good idea Ash," Syd said. We were sitting at the kitchen table the next morning. I was still in my PJ's because I was too weak to even leave the house.
"But why?" I almost screamed. Tears came to my eyes. "I love him."
"Ash he's only your first boyfriend," Syd said.
"I'm dying Syd there will be no more boyfriends," I said my voice cracking.
"Can we continue this later?" Syd asked. She stood up. "I've got to get to work. I'm really sorry Ashley I wish their was something I could do but you are too young to get married."
I sighed. "OK fine. I guess you're right I mean 15 is a little young."
Syd grabbed her purse. "I'm going to stay at the clinic for an hour and then I'll be back. If you start feeling bad you call me right away Ok? I mean it Ash."
"I will," I promised. I watched her walk out the door. I stood up and slowly made my way into the living room. I was getting weaker and it was hard for me to get around. I wasn't in any pain though which was good. At least I wasn't confined to the bed...yet. Then the back door opened and I heard Brian yell.
"I'm in here," I called.
Brian came into the room and kissed me lightly on the lips. "Hey! How are you feeling?"
"I'm OK," I said. I looked into his eyes they were so loving so full of concern.
"Did you talk to Syd yet?" Brian asked. He sat down beside me. I laid my head on his chest.
"She said it was a bad idea," I said. "I mean we are a little young."
"Maybe we could have a pretend wedding," Brian said.
I burst out laughing. "A pretend wedding? Like one of those things kids do when they're five? Yeah, right."
:"Come on it could be fun," Brian pleaded.
I shook my head. "No, Syd's right we are way to young. Even Amy said so and she doesn't normally say anything."
Brian laughed a little. "Then we're definitely not to doing it if your sister said anything."
"Sorry," I said. I took his hand. "But remember I'll always be with you."
As the week passed I could feel myself getting weaker. It was Saturday a week later and I was lying on the couch. That had become my bedroom since I was too weak to climb the stairs. Amy spent as little time with me as possible. I think she was scared and I really didn't blame her. "Id been a little disappointed that the marriage thing didn't work out but it was probably for the best. I then felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I stopped. No, this couldn't be happening now. I wanted to be surrounded by family and friends I didn't want to die alone. I reached for the phone and called Syd. I told her that I was in pain and she said she'd be home in ten minutes. I laid down on the couch. I didn't know if I could stand the pain for ten minutes.
"How's the pain?" Syd asked coming into the room. She knelt down beside me.
"it hurts," I said crying.
"Let's get you to the hospital," Syd said helping me up.
I pushed her away. "No, I don't want to die in the hospital I want to die here, with my family and friends."
Amy's POV
I walked inside the house, and saw Ashley crying, with Syd holding her hand.
" Get the phone!" Syd demanded. I rushed for the phone and grabbed it. "911"
" NO! DON'T!" Ashley was screaming. "Please don't, I want to die here." She was screaming, and her eyes were watering.
" Your three days early." I said quietly.
" Ashley what's it feel like?" Syd asked, Syd was bawling.
" It's this sharp pain in my stomach...my stomach hurts." She said crying. My heart was thumping, I didn't know what to say. I had no idea what to say or do. I was watching my sister die. Jim came running upstairs.
" Whats happening?" He asked.
" Daddy, let's go in the other room." Syd said, wiping her eyes. All of a sudden Joanie came busting through the door with Hannah.
" Whats going on?" Joanie asked, she looked over at Ashley. "Oh no, Dear Father in HEaven." She kept mumbling to herself.
" It's time?" Jim asked. Syd nodded. Ashley sat up. I didn't know what to do, to cry or not. To hug her or not. I kept visioning the hospital where Mom was, the whole ordeal over. Sharon's death was running through my friends.
" I want to talk to my sister." ashley said, taking deep breaths holding hr stomach. Everyone else nodded and left. It was me and her, I sat down on the couch next to her. "don't be scared Amy."
" I'm not." I said, I was lying through my teeth.
" I'll miss you." She said.
" Yeah." I said quietly.
" Are you okay?"
" As good as it gets."
" Amy, I love-" She started, she fell over.
" SOME ONE HELP! HELP! HELP US!" I kept screaming. I was screaming, everyone rushed in. Everything was going fast, I didn't know what was happening.
Before I knew it, we were in the hospital. Ashley was in ICU, in a coma. We were in the room with her. I was watching her limp body in the bed. A doctor came in.
" I'd like to talk alone with the mother." The doctor said.
" There is no mother of her here. She died. I'm the sister." I said.
" I'm the adoptive mother." Syd said. "I'm Syd."
" Nice to meet you Syd, I'm Doctor Gray. Could I speak to you alone?"
" No, you can't." I said. "I want to be here with my sister."
" I agree, let her stay." Syd said.
" Okay, but everyone else must leave." He said, everyone else left the room. It was just us three in Ashley's private ICU room. "Ashley doesn't have a high chance of making it."
" And?" Syd asked.
" To put it simply. Do you want me to pull the plug?" He asked. "I don't normally do this, but Ashley could be suffering."
" No." Syd said.
" What do you mean suffering?" I asked.
" Well, she might have those stomach pains. She is going into surgery in ten minutes for internal bleeding... that could possibly pain her. Considering we don't know whats bleeding."
" DOn't let her suffer Syd." I said quietly. "She's my sister."
" No, take her to surgery." Syd said.
" Okay, we'll be preparing her." He said. "I'll call in staff, we'll take her to the OR. I'll come get you when she's finished. You can wait in the waiting room. IF there is any problems, someone will be there to get you."
Syd grabbed my arm and we went out to the waiting room. I wouldn't look at Syd, everyone talked. Robbie, Tina, Pete, Luke, Jim, Joanie, Hannah, and even Heather was there. i wanted to be alone, so where was a better spot to go, then to sleep.
~I was walking around a church. It was very dark, and the only light was coming through some stained glass windows in the ceiling in the very front of the church. I was just walking around. When I saw a light, a very bright light appear in the front. Two woman came out. I saw one was wearing a blue dress, a flower, and her hair was short and "poofy". The other one had short, shoulder length brown hair, she was wearing a black suit...and it hit me. My mother was there.
"Mom?" I asked. She smiled. "Mommy?" I asked. I was suddenly a little girl, Ashley and I were in the living room. Ashley and I were wearing overalls, except her shirt was pink, and mine was baby blue. Our hair was in two braided pig tails.
" My turn." Ashley said excited.
" No, my turn!" I said. We were fighting over whose turn it was to drive the barbie car.
" Mine!" Ashley said and grabbed the car. I grabbed the car from her, and threw it at her. It hit her knee, and she started bawling. Mom walked in, and held Ashley close.
" Amy no more throwing." She scolded. She held Ashley close and rocked her. Soon before I knew it, Ashley and I were 15, Mom was in the hospital. She was sitting up, and we sat next to her. I was on the right, Ashley was on the left. I was watching all of this, while seeing myself with my Mom.
" Mom." Ashley cried. I was silent.
" Girls, I love you both so dearly." She said and kissed our foreheads.
" I love you." I said.
" Oh Amy..." Mom said, her eyes filling up with tears. "Girls, it will be okay, everything's going to be alright.
" Mom, whats going to happen?" Ashley asked.
" I don't know Honey, I don't know."
"I can't live without you." Ashley said.
" Girls, one day we'll be together again. I'll be back, and I'll be there for you, and protect you." She said.
I was back in the church again. Mom was walking towards me, my legs were weak. The other woman was smoking a ciggarette, kept looking at us. Mom came up to me, and tapped me on the nose, "there for you, and protect you", was being said over and over again.~
I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Syd came and sat down next to me, and offered me a chip by sticking the bag out.
" No thanks." I said.
" You can go back and talk to Ashley." Syd said.
" She's awake?" I asked.
" No, she's in a coma, but she can hear you. You can go on in alone." She said.
" Okay." I said quietly. I stood up, and walked over to where Ashley was. I stood aside her, and took her hand.
" Ashley, don't leave me. You can't. Your my sister. I'm sorry for being so screwed up, I really am. I don't mean to be so cruel, but I do really hate Brian, what do you see in him? Anyways, I want you to know I love you. Your the only one left, besides Dad...but I hate him too. Anyways, I love you. Stay strong." I said, and dropped her hand and then started to walk away.
About a week later, we were giving up on Ashley. She outlived her death date, but she was in a coma, hooked up to a bunch of machines. I went to see her everyday, and school was starting in a week. She missed our 16th birthday, which meant the birthday really sucked. And I felt stupid being sung to alone. It wasn't really a part atmosphere. I was there afterschool with Syd, when a miracle happened.
" So, are you excited for school?" Syd asked.
" No." I said. Syd laughed. "I wish Ashley would wake up. I miss fighting."
" Oh jeez." Syd said and laughed.
" I do, I just miss her."
" We all do." Syd said comforting. Syd grabbed Ashley's hand, and kissed her forehead. "Ready to go?" She asked.
" Yeah." I sighed. We started walking away. When I just turned around and saw Ashley's eyes fluttering (or blinking)
" Syd!" I said. "Her eyes!"
" Oh my God, Ashley!" Syd said. Syd got a doctor, and we watched as Ashley opened her eyes. Soon her eyes were fully open, and she looked so confused. The doctor did all that medical stuff, and the tube was removed.
" Syd? Amy?" Ashley said weakly. Syd nodded.
" Honey, you lived. Oh Honey you lived." Syd cried. She hugged and kissed Ashley.
" So can you really hear what we say?" I asked.
" Maybe in my subconcious... but I don't remember anything." She said. "Am I still dying?"
" No, you lived. You had a kidney transplant." Syd said happily.
" Oh." Ashley said.
" Hey sis, you missed our birthday. We're sixteen." I said.
" I did?" Ashley asked disappointed.
" Yep, but I saved you cake." I said. She smiled.
"Girls I'll be back." Syd said. When she left, Ashley turned to me.
" I saw the light." She said quietly.
" Huh?" I asked.
" I saw the light. Mom was at the end, waving for me to come." She said.
" Ashley, don't lie about Mom to me." I said angry.
" No seriously. All of a sudden, it was this dark tunnel, and at the end was a bright light. I kept walking for it, and walking for it. Mom was there, in her funeral outfit. Just waving for me to come, I started running...but then I opened my eyes."
" Do you dream in comas?" I asked.
" I don't know. I wonder if that was really was "the light". I guess no one will ever know." She said. I smiled, my sister was back.
" I'm glad you lived." I said.
" Me too." She said, and then she said her famous line. "Where's Brian?"
" Oh God." I mumbled. We laughed.
Ashley's POV:
I was released from the hospital six week later (school had already started) and was happy to be home. My new teachers had arranged for me to have work sent home by Amy, if you can believe that and yeah she did pretty good with bringing my stuff home. Amy didn't spend nearly as much time with her friends as she used to but Brian was over a lot which drove her crazy.
"Don't you two ever get sick of each other?" she asked one day. I was sitting on the couch and Brian was next to me.
"Nope," I said. "But we promise from now on we're not going to gross you out."
"Thank you," Amy said seeming pleased.
"Well I gotta going anyway," Brian said standing up. He kissed me on the cheek and I saw Ashley stick her finger down her throat.
I pushed him away. "OK I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye," Brian sand and walked out of the living room. A few seconds later we heard the back door slam.
Amy sat on the couch next to me. "So how are you feeling?"
"Happy," I admitted. "I'm happy to be alive." I looked at my sister. "Do you want to go outside and look at the stars?"
"That would be fun," Amy said quietly.
I tried to stand. Amy put an arm around me and we went out on the porch. We sat in the swing rocking back and fourth.
"Do you think mom is up there watching over us?" Amy asked.
I nodded. "I suppose so."
"I saw her too," Amy admitted. She looked at me. "I saw Syd's mom too."
I burst out laughing. "How could you see Syd's mom?"
"The woman in the blue dress said she was Syd's mom," Amy said. "I swear she said she was Syd's dead mother."
"Was Syd there?" I asked.
Amy shook her head. "Nope."
I laughed. "That is the strangest thing I've ever heard."
Amy shrugged. "Well its true."
Amy and I sat star gazing until we both fell asleep.
"I guess you could say what happened was a miracle," I was saying. I was speaking in front of the whole youth group. It was almost four week after my surgery and our youth pastor had asked me to speak about what had happened to me. "but I believe that I was saved for a purpose and I intend to live each day as if it were my last. I thank you for all your prayers and I'm still not completely recovered but I'm getting there."
Everyone clapped and I was helped down from the stage. People started crowding around me telling me to keep faith and to don't give up and stuff like that. When I got home I was so overwhelmed by it I couldn't sleep. I went upstairs (something I hadn't done in a long time) and fond Amy on her bed.
"How was it?" she asked. Lately she's been asking a lot of questions and I think its because she's scared of losing me.
"Great!!" I said. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I quickly changed into PJ's, brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. Amy turned off the light.
"Ash," she said into the darkened room.
I turned to face her. The moon shown brightly making a shadow across the floor, "Yeah?" I asked.
"I'm glad you got to live your dreams."
The End
Amy's POV
"Sure." I said, and threw a stuffed animal at Hannah.
" But, Blue Clues is on." Hannah said jumping up and down.
" And?" I asked. She gave me a pouting look. "You're cheating!"
" I am not." She protested and folded her arms against her chest. 'Where's Ashley?"
" I don't know. She should be home any minute." I said looking at the clock on the wall.
" If you don't want to watch Blue Clue, can we play barbies?" She asked.
" Whatever." I said. We walked over to the dollhouse.
" You can be Luke." She said.
" Luke?" I asked.
" Yeah, and I'll be Sarah."
" You want me to be a guy?" I asked, and glared.
"No." She screamed and started crying.
" Hannah, i was joking." I said stifling my laugh, and holding her in my lap. Joanie came into the room.
" Whats going on girls?" She asked.
" Hannah is upset." I said and started laughing.
" Nuh-huh." Hannah said and shook her head no.
" Uh-huh." I snapped back jokingly. Hannah smiled, and gave me a hug around the leg.
" I love you." She said.
" I love you too." I said. That was the first time anyone in this house had told me that. I was shocked.
" I'm a sucker for group hugs." Joanie said. "I love you both."
" WE LOVE YOU!" Hannah and I screamed. We all laughed, and fell back on the chair. I heard the car pull up into the driveway.
" She's back." I said. We all waited for Ashley and Syd to come in the front door. The door opened slowly, and there stood Ashley. Her face was pink, her eyes were puffy, and she was very sweaty. I knew something was wrong.
" Hannah, upstairs." Joanie said quietly.
" Mommy-" Hannah objected.
" Now." Joanie said. Fearless and Hannah ran upstairs. It was the just the four of us, I wanted to run too.
" Sit." Syd directed. We all went to the kitchen table and sat down. My gut hurt, my head was pounding, my heart hurt, I could feel sweat coming down from my temples. Dripping, I figured everyone could hear my heart beating, everyone could see the sweat oozing out of my head. I bit my lip, and hoped nothing was wrong.
" The doctors informed us about Ashleys condition today." Syd said.
" And?" Joanie asked.
" Ashley?" Syd asked.
" I'll tell them." Ashley said quietly. "I have a month to live."
" What?" Joanie asked. I didn't understand what she said.
" I have a month to live." Ashley said and took a deep breath. "The day I'm suppose to die is August 15." I sat there, and stared straight ahead. My heart was pounding more than it ever did, my brain was screaming 'Why?', the sweat was buliding a river, my whole body was limp, I was reliving my mother's death. All over again, my eyes were welling up with tears, but nthing came out, breathing was difficult.... my chest felt like someone ripped it apart, my head felt like a million knifes were in it, I didn't know how to react. To scream, to cry, to go away, to comfort my sister, to just do something. I stood up.
" Amy-" I heard Syd say. I just waved my hand, and walked upstairs. I felt like any minute my body would burst, I hoped my body would burst. I fell onto my bed, and stared at the ceiling, gazing off....
I woke up around six that night. Ashley was reading "A Bend in the Road". I looked over at her and she looked over at me.
" I'm dying." She said.
" Good job Ace. I'm happy." I said sarcastically.
" You have to get use to it." She said. "In one month I'm dead."
" I KNOW!" I screamed. "I'm not stupid."
" I don't want to die." She said.
" I do." I snapped.
" What?" She asked.
" I want to die. Whats the use of being in this world anyways? I want to die. I wish I could be you."
" Amy, no." She said, fighting tears.
" Don't worry, you'll see me soon after you die. Or maybe you'll meet me up there." I said and ran out of the room, slamming the door.
" Amy!" Ashley screamed. I ran past everyone in the kitchen, and outside. I got to the fourth block, and got a cab.
" Where you headed?" He asked.
" The subway." I said. I was a girl, leaving Providence, and never looking back...
Ashley's POV:
I ran downstairs as fast as my legs would let me and threw open the back door. I ran outside but Amy was gone.
"Ash," Syd said coming up to me.
"Why doesn't she care?" I wept. Syd led me back inside.
"She's upset," Syd said as we walked back into the house. "Don't worry she'll come back."
"What if she doesn't?" I asked. I looked at Syd with tears in my eyes. "The only person I want to spend my time with is my sister. No offense or anything but she's my sister, my twin. I want her to be OK before I well...you know. I have to take care of her, to make sure she's OK."
"Oh sweetie," Syd said. She embraced me in a tight hug.
"She said she wanted to die," I told Syd.
"She's just upset," Syd repeated.
Then the door opened and Brian came into the kitchen. "Sorry but it was open."
"Its OK," I said. I began to get nervous. I hadn't told him my news yet and I wasn't sure how he would react.
"How are you feeling?" he asked. He hugged me.
"Brian there's something I need to tell you," I said. I took a deep breath and gripped his hand. My heart pounded in my chest. "I have one month to live."
Brian just stared at me. "What?"
"I have one month to live," I repeated. Tears came to my eyes. Brian hugged me and we both cried for a long time. We soon retreated to the back porch. The sun felt hot on my face. I sat in the swing and Brian sat beside me.
"So what are you going to do?" he asked putting an arm around me.
"I don't know," I said. "My sister ran off. Brian can you do something for me? Watch out for my sister make sure she doesn't get into any more trouble. When I'm gone there will be no one to look out for her. I'm the only one she'll listen to."
"Of course I'll do that," Brian said. He touched my cheek. "I don't want to lose you. Now I really do feel like Landon."
"But just remember that I'll always be with you," I whispered. I took his hand. "It'll be like the wind, you can't see me but I'll still be there watching over you every moment of everyday."
"Its just so unfair," Brian said. "You never did anything to deserve this."
I put a finger to his lips. "Let's stop talking about my illness. I want to enjoy the time I have left."
"OK I promise no more death talk," he said with a smile.
I smiled back. I laid my head down on his chest and soon I was asleep.
I awoke hours later in my room. It was dark. I looked at the clock. Seven PM. I sighed and laid back down. This is not how I wanted to spend my last days, sleeping all the time.
"Hey kid how ya feeling?" Joanie asked coming into the room.
"OK I guess," I said. "I'm really worried about my sister."
"I know," Joanie said. She smoothed my hair back. "She'll come home...one day."
"I just hope its soon," I said. I began to cry all over again. "I don't want to die Joanie."
"I know," Joanie said.
"Amy said that she does," I blurted out. I didn't know if Amy wanted it to be kept a secret but it was too late now. "She took some pills, Tylenol and that's why she was feeling so crappy a few weeks ago."
"Why didn't you tell us?" Joanie asked. She sounded sort of mad.
"I didn't know how," I said sitting up. "I was afraid she was going to do something worse or get mad at me if I told."
"Sweetie what she did was a very serious thing," Joanie said.
"Joanie please don't tell Syd," I pleaded. "I don't want to leave with my sister mad at me."
"Ash I have to," Joanie said. She headed for the door.
I sighed. I was horrible at keeping secrets and this proved it. Amy was going to be SO ANGRY at me when she came home. I laid back down on my bed and fell asleep again.
I awoke to the door slamming and went downstairs. Amy was in the kitchen. She looked pale and kind of spaced out. I wondered if she'd been drinking again. Then she did something I never expected her to do, she hugged me.
"What was that for?" I asked.
Amy didn't say anything she just walked right past me and up the stairs. I followed her. I went into our room and found her on her bed.
"Where were you?" I asked.
"No where," she said and rolled over.
I sat down on the bed. I had to get through to my sister before it was too late.
Amy's POV
I woke up early the next morning, around eight. I rolled over, and changed into different clothes. I had a pounding headache. Chris had found me the night before, and we went to the beach and drank, and drank, and drank. Then he offered to drive me home, but I said I'd walk home. When I got home, I hugged Ashley. I didn't know why, I just did. I walked downstairs, and Syd was standing there with Joanie.
" Amy, come here." Syd said, she sounded angry.
' Yes?" I asked and walked over to her.
" Sit." She said. She was fuming, Joanie left the room. It was just me and Syd. She sat right across from me.
" What came over you to try and overdose?" She asked.
" Huh?" I asked playing dumb.
" Why did you try to overdose on Tylenol?" She asked.
" I didn't." I said.
" Your sister knows, she told Joanie. Why?" Syd screamed.
" My sister doesn't know anything." I snapped.
" She told Joanie that you took Tylenol." Syd snapped.
" Well, if I had known trying to cure a headache was wrong, I wouldn't have." I said and smiled.
" Amy, why?" Syd said, she was on the verge of tears.
" Syd, listen. I did it because I felt horrible, my best friend had just died, my sister was dying. I thought it was better, I haven't done it since." I said. I made sure, my arms weren't showing. I had cut them up pretty badly.
" Don't do it again, ever." Syd said.
" I won't." I said lying through my teeth.
" Thank you." She said quietly. "I know your upset."
" About what?" I asked.
" Your sister dying." Syd said.
" Hey, no problem. Everyone else died, I should be use to it." i said and smiled. I went upstairs to my bedroom where Ashley was.
" Thanks." I said sarcastically.
" Thanks for what?" She asked.
" Being a little rat and telling about the time I tried to OD on tylenol. Real smart." i said and gave a cheap smile.
" Sis." Ashley said.
" It's cool. You were worried." i said, I was fuming inside. "Would you tell, if I told you something?"
" Maybe." She said.
" Okay." I said. I went over to my bed and laid down on my stomach.
" Fine I won't tell." She said.
" I took four E tablets." I said.
" WHAT?" She practically screamed.
" Shut up. I said I took four E tablets last night, and got really drunk." I said and laughed. "You don't find this funny?"
" No, E is dangerous." Ashley said.
" listen Ashley. I figure, I only live once. At least I'm not shooting up on heroin." I said and laughed.
" Amy, whats it like to be you?" She asked.
" It's like, being exactly the opposite of you. Except darker." I said and smiled.
" What are all the cuts on your arm from?" She asked.
" I can't tell." i said. "You'll tell Syd."
" No I won't." She said. "I promise."
" Fine, I was cutting myself." I said.
" What?" She asked.
" You know, take the razor slash my arm."
" Amy-" She said weakly.
" Hey on a happy note, I heard we're going boating. We've never done that." I said and smiled. Ashley started sobbing and ran into the bathroom. I rolled my eyes, and went outside the window, to sit on the roof where no one would see me.
Ashley's POV:
I cried for I don't know how long. I wasn't getting through to my sister at all, she was still using drugs and cutting herself. I didn't know how to help her, I couldn't. She needed help, serious help. I stared out the window trying to control my tears. One thing I wanted before I went was to go to Six Flags. I'd never been and always wanted to go. I walked out of the bathroom and downstairs. Syd was in the kitchen with Joanie.
"Have you been crying?" Syd asked me.
"I'm OK," I said. I sat down at the bar and looked through the mail. "Hey Syd do you know where I've always wanted to go...well besides LA."
"Where?" Syd asked. She leaned on the counter.
"To six flags," I said. "I know it sounds stupid and Amy would probably have a boring time I just want to ride the rides and see the shows."
"That sounds like fun," Syd said with a smile.
"Yeah and Hannah would LOVE it," Joanie said. "Wouldn't you Han?"
"YEAH!!" Hannah almost screamed. I smiled.
:"We'll try to go sometime this week," Syd said.
"Go where?" Amy asked coming into the room.
"Six flags," I said. I saw her role her eyes.
"Fun," she said sarcastically.
"You don't have to go," I said. "But I really want you to."
"Whatever," Amy said and walked into the living room. I followed her.
"Why do you have to be so mean?" I asked. Tears came to my eyes again. "All I want is for us to spend some time together, just with you. You're my sister Amy and I hate seeing what you're dong to yourself."
"Look Ash I'm just scared all right," Amy snapped angrily. She looked at me. "My life sucks right now, I'm losing only family member left, my best friend is dead and I have a guy who can't make up his mind about anything."
I sat there. Amy had told me that a thousand times and I'd believed her. "But you don't have to solve your problems by doing drugs and stuff."
"Then what do you suggest?" Amy asked sharply. "Helping old people across the street. Thanks but no thanks."
I sighed. "That's not what I meant. I meant...oh forget it you won't listen to me anyway." I walked upstairs and to our room. I quickly showered and changed into overalls with a white shirt underneath. I pulled my hair back into a bun and applied a little make up. I don't normally where make up but I had to cover the paleness of my face. I went downstairs and found Ashley still sitting on the couch where I'd left her. I sat down beside her and picked up my book I was reading. I kept looking over at her seeing she she'd say something about what I'd told her earlier but she never did. I continued reading.
On Tuesday Syd took us to six Flags. Hannah and Joanie came too. Amy looked like she was bored out of her mind but I didn't care I was having the time of my life. We rode rides and saw shows.
"This is awesome," I said to Syd as we waited in line for another roller coaster.
"It is," Syd said.
We stayed until the park closed and as we were leaving the park reality sat in, that would be the last time I'd ever set foot in a park like that again. Tears flooded my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. I didn't want to spoil a great day by crying.
"So did you have fun?" I asked Amy as we changed into our PJ's.
"Yeah," she said sweetly even though I knew she didn't mean it.
I looked at her and climbed into bed. Number 17 on my list was finished now all I needed was sixteen more.
Amy's POV
I sat in the kitchen, eating cereal. When Brian and Ashley came inside. Their arms were linked one in one, and they sat down across from me at the bar.
" Amy, do you know about Scott's party?" Ashley asked.
" Yes." I said, and put my spoon down.
" Are you going?" She asked.
" Yes." I said.
" Can we go?" She asked.
" Uh yeah, it's open house."
" No I mean with you." Ashley said.
" Not the both of you. I will not get on the bad side with all those people because Buckly Brain Brian came with me. No." I said. Brian looked at me, but didn't say anything.
" Well then, can I go alone with you?" She asked.
" Sure." I said, and stood up leaving the room, I walked back in. "Who else is home?"
" Just us." She said.
" So Ashley, your going to drink? smoke? drugs?" I asked and smiled.
" No," she said and sighed. "I just wanted to see what it was like."
" Whatever, but when you see me doing that kind of stuff....don't flip out at me." I said and left the room.
Later that day, I called Chris. He picked up, and we talked for a little, finally I brought up my sister.
" Chris, Ashley wants to go."
" Are you going to let her?" He asked.
" Yeah, she only has a few weeks to live. So what the heck." I said my voice cracking.
" Yeah. Well let's see how long she can handle it." He said laughing. I laughed too.
" I have to get ready." I said.
" Okay, pick you two up at eight?" He asked.
" Sure." I said, and hung up. Chris and I didn't know what we wanted. I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship, but he was. Then he wasn't, then he was. He loved me one day, we were just friends the next. I was so confused.
Ashley and I got ready in complete silence. I decided to wear a pair of black jeans, with a green peasant top. Ashley was wearing light blue jeans, with a pink ruffled top. We said nothing to each other, as she applied her light pink blush, and I applied my black eye-liner. She fixed her brown hair into a french braid, as I pulled a wacky looking headband over my pink hair. She put in a pair of pearl earrings, as I put in my huge star earrings in. She put on her brown leather sandals, as I put on my black platform boots. She put on her pretty silver chain bracelet, as I put on my rubber bracelets and leather bracelets. She grabbed her light pink denim purse, as I grabbed my black Afro Ken purse. We stopped before we left the room, and stared at each other. It was like two different worlds, we were sisters, two different personalities, two different styles, two different social groups...so alike so different. We turned our heads and walked out to the end of the driveway. In a couple minutes i saw Chris' pontiac come flying up the road. We climbed in, us in the back, Eric in the front.
" So we double dating the Bidwell twins or what?" Eric asked jokingly.
" You wish." I snapped at him.
" Oh calm down Amy!" He said and turned around grabbing my knee. "You know you love me" I shot him a cold look and stared straight ahead.
" Let's not fight. If I get on Scott's good side, I'm joining a band." Chris snapped.
" Your going to be in a band?" I asked excitedly.
" If I get on Scott's good side. So don't make me look bad." Chris said.
" Wait, Chris who is Scott?" Ashley asked.
" He's some 11th grader, where I'll be next year. Who needs a head singer for his band. And I told him I'd try out, I did...and if he thinks I'm "cool" I'm in."
" Why do you care if he thinks your cool or not?" She asked.
" Yo, Smartie...enough with the questions." Eric said. He turned to me. "You two are so different, one is all shut up in your face, other is complete say no to pressure." Ashley and i looked at each other, but I looked away. Chris cranked up his radio playing Sublime really loud, and we sped to Scott's house.
It was about midnight, I hadn't seen Ashley. I was having a blast. I wondered if she was, or wasn't. I walked around looking for her, but everyone kept pulling me aside talking to me. Finally I found her in the kitchen.
" What are you doing?" I asked.
" Amy, this is so weird." She said.
" Huh?" I practically yelled over the music.
" This is so weird. You have no idea what it's like to be at one of these and not knowing a single person." She said.
" You know me." I said. I grabbed her hand, and we went out and started dancing. It was actually just a bunch of people jumping up and down, over and over again, banging heads. Scott was having everyone who auditioned a chance at singing. When Chris came on, I was amzed. His voice was so cool, and everything. He looked great up there.
" You know, I love Brian with all my heart." She said. "But, he is cute."
" You know it." I said. We laughed. Some guy named Marshall came up to me.
" Amy, here." He said handing me an E pill.
" Thanks." I said and took it from him.
" Whats that?" She asked.
" E, you want it?" I asked.
" No." She said. "I don't want you to take it either." She said.
" Too late." i said, but threw that pill behind me.
" Amy!" She said.
" Sorry." I laughed. She just looked at me funny, and kept dancing.
When we got home, I was so tired. I drank too much, the drug did me in. Ashley was fine though. We went upstairs.
" Thanks." She said.
" Whatever." i said, and changed into my PJs. I climbed into bed. I heard Ashley mumbling her prays. I didn't understand her. I didn't understand life. But one thing I knew, in a couple on months I would be alone. And I wouldn't be there for Ashley's death... because I had a plan
Ashley's POV:
I woke up at eleven the next morning, which is really late for me and went downstairs. Amy was already up watching TV. I sat down beside her not saying a word.
"Hey Amy," I finally said.
"What?" she asked looking at me.
"I had fun last night," I admitted. "Even though I didn't know a single person there."
"No problem," Amy said. She got up and went into the kitchen I followed her.
Then Syd came through the door. "Hey sleepy heads," she said.
"Hi," I said.
Syd gave me a hug. "How are you feeling?"
"OK," I said. "A little tired. Were you at the clinic?"
"Yeah," Syd answered.
"On a Saturday?" I asked as I got down a bowl for my cereal.
"I had to catch up on paperwork," Syd answered. "So what do you two want to do today?"
I shrugged. "I don't know," I answered. I went over to the bar and sat down beside Syd. "Where are Joanie and Hannah and your dad?"
"I don't know," Syd said.
Then Joanie came in through the back door.
"Hi," I said. "Where's Hannah?"
"Outside," Joanie said. "Why don't you two go check on her I need to talk to Syd alone."
"Sure," I said. "Come on Amy." I looked at Joanie and Amy and I went out the back door. I wondered what Joanie needed Syd for and I hoped it wasn't because of me.
"Can you push me Ashley?" Hannah asked.
I smiled and Hannah got on her bike. I got behind it. "Ready?" I asked.
"Yeah," Hannah said.
I pushed her as hard as I could and even that physical motion was tiring. I hadn't gotten all my strength back since being out of the hospital and didn't want to exert myself too much. I went over and sat on the swing.
"Are you OK?" Amy asked coming over to me.
I nodded. "I'm fine," I muttered quietly. "I just don't have all my strength back yet."
Amy nodded and continued to watch Hannah. I stood up but then fell back again. I felt dizzy and really sweaty.
"Ash?" I heard Amy call. I heard footsteps coming closer. "Ash are you OK?"
"Yeah," I said. "I think I just did a little to much to soon." I didn't tell my sister about the pain medication I was on and that's probably why I was so tired all the time. I stood up again, I still felt dizzy.
"Hannah go get Syd," Amy screamed.
Hannah looked at us and ran inside. For a four year old she was pretty smart. A few seconds later both Syd and Joanie came outside.
"Ash what happened?" Syd asked kneeling beside me.
"I'm just a little dizzy," I said. "I'll be OK."
"Come on let's get you inside," Syd said. She helped me stand and helped me inside. I laid down on the couch.
"I don't know what's wrong with me Syd," I said. "I have to stay strong there's so much I want to do and see."
"It'll be Ok," Syd said. "Are you in pain?"
I shook my head. "No. What were you and Joanie talking about earlier?"
Syd broke into a smile. "Well Joanie and I haven't been to LA in a while so we thought we'd take you and Amy for a few days. I know you wanted to go."
I hugged Syd. "Thank you that's crosses off number three on my list."
"What's number two?" Syd asked.
"To meet Mandy Moore," I said. "I know it'll probably never happen but I just like to pretend it will."
"Maybe it will," Syd said. She stood up. "I'm going to go see how your sister and Hannah are doing outside."
I nodded and watched her walk away. Things were going to get better before they got worse.
A few days later the trip to LA was set. We were leaving on Saturday and coming home Thursday. Our flight was leaving on Saturday at 12:45 PM.
"Girls let's go," Syd called from downstairs.
I came downstairs my bag over my shoulder. "I'm all set and I have my a walk to remember CD just in case we see Mandy Moore."
"Don't get your hopes up kiddo," Syd said.
"I know," I said. "I'll put my stuff in the car." I carried my bag outside and put it in the trunk of Syd's car. Amy came out a few minutes later. "This'll be fun," I said.
"Yeah, yeah," she groaned. "I was supposed to go out with Chris tonight."
"You can see Chris when we get back," I said. "I've always wanted to go and I won't ever get another chance. I'm going to get worse Amy so I need to do this while I still can."
Amy just looked at me and got into the car. I got in after her. We didn't say anything as we waited for Syd and Joanie. Then I heard a knock at the window. I looked over and saw Brian standing outside. I got out.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I'm going too," Brian said.
I smiled and threw my arms around him. He swung me around.
"Did you ask Syd if you could go?" I asked once Brian stopped spinning me.
"She called and asked if I could go," Brian said. "I told her I didn't want to be apart from you for very long."
I smiled. "Put your stuff in the trunk."
Brian put his stuff into the trunk and we piled into the backseat beside Amy.
"Oh great I'm riding with Jamie and Landon," Amy muttered.
I ignored her. I didn't want her attitude spoiling the last trip I'd ever take. Finally Syd and Joanie came to the car. I rolled down the window.
"Hi Brian," Syd said. "Are you three all set?"
"Yep," I said with a smile. I looked over at Amy who rolled her eyes.
A few minutes later we arrived at the airport and checked in our bags. We walked through the security and found our gate, E112.
"We're on flight 114 to LA," Syd said. She turned to me. "Ash how are you feeling?"
"I'm OK," I said. "Please don't bug me by asking me that the whole trip."
"Sorry," Syd apologized.
"Thank you," I said and sat down beside Brian. I looked at him. "Remember the last time we were on a plane?"
"How could I forget," Brian said with a smile. "When we were here last time I wasn't afraid of losing you."
"I'm not going anywhere...yet," I said. "I still have a while but no one can predict death."
"You are so right," Brian said. He took my hand. "I talked to Casey she was all upset she couldn't go."
"She hasn't been around much this summer," I said.
"I know and I when I told her you were well you know she promised she'd hang out with you after we got back."
I nodded. "Good."
Then we heard our flight being called.
"That's us," Joanie said standing up. "Come on you guys we have tans to get, guys to meet."
"So typical Joanie," I whispered to Brian. "She's always looking for a guy."
Brian laughed.
We headed for the line to board and gave the steward our tickets and boarded the plane. Brian and I sat together and Joanie and Syd sat with Amy in a three seater right behind us.
"Did I tell you that Syd used to work in LA?" I asked Brian.
"Yeah I think," Brian said. "That's kinda cool getting to work with celebrity's."
"Yeah," I said. "The only famous person I want to meet is Mandy Moore. I think she is so awesome. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll get to meet her but I'm not getting my hopes up."
Then the captain's voice came over the intercom. "Welcome to Delta flight 114 to LA. Please keep all cell phones off during the remainder of this flight and store all bags and personal items under your seat or in the overhead bens. We will be taking off in about five minutes. The temperature is around 80 degrees in LA. We hope you have a great flight and thank you again for choosing Delta."
"We are now going to show a safety video," a flight attendant said over the speaker.
I sighed. "Not again," I moaned.
"Please roll your window shades down for better viewing and turn your channel to channel one or two. Thank you."
"Just ignore it," Brian whispered.
I nodded. "I still feel bad that Hannah couldn't come but Joanie said she was a little young."
"Yeah," Brian said. "I was thrilled when Syd called me to come with you guys even though I'm the only guy here."
I laughed. "Yeah but Syd said we got a sweet with two adjoining rooms so you get your own room connected to ours."
"I couldn't ask for anything better," Brian said. He kissed me on the cheek and leaned back in the seat. "Let's hope they show a good movie, this is a four hour flight after all."
"Yeah," I said. "Hopefully they will."
Four hours later we landed at the LA airport. Jerry. Syd's old boyfriend (who Syd was not happy to see) met us and took us to the hotel in a limo, which was awesome. I'd never been inside a limo before and it was awesome. It was so huge and it even had a TV with cable. About an hour from the airport we arrived at the hotel.
"I don't know what possessed him to pick us up," Syd complained as we headed inside the hotel. The hotel was HUGE and even had a fountain in front of it.
"But at least we got to ride in a limo," I reminded her. "Do you really dislike him that much? Why did you break up with him in the first place?"
"Its complicated," Syd explained. "He did something he shouldn't have."
"Like cheated on you?" Amy asked.
"Something like that," Syd said. "It's to disgusting to talk about let's just drop it." Syd went up to the desk to check in.
Brian and I sat in overstuffed armchairs waiting. A few minutes later Syd came over to us and gave us our keys.
"We are on floor 12," Syd said. "Joanie, Amy, Ashley and I get one room and Brian you get one to yourself, the connected one."
"Gee thanks," Brian said.
"Ah don't worry Brian you won't be spending much time in it," Joanie said trying to make him feel better.
I smiled and Brian and I put our arms around each other. We headed for the elevator and went to our rooms.
"Brian keep your outside door locked OK," Syd said.
"Sure," Brian said. He kissed me on the cheek. "I'll see you in a few minutes."
I watched him go and looked around my own room. It was huge with two double size beds, and it even had a porch.
"This is awesome," Amy said. I'd never seen her so excited.
"What can we do first Syd?" I asked.
"What do you want to do?" Syd asked looking at me.
I thought for a moment. "I have no idea."
"Well let's see," Syd said. "We could go down Hollywood square and see all the stars, you know on the sidewalk?"
"Yeah," I said. "That'll be fun."
We got Brian from his room and walked down to Hollywood square (I don't know if that's what its called). I looked at all the stars with the stars names on it.
"Wouldn't you like to have your name on one of those," Brian said.
I looked at him. I would never get to have my name on one of those, I wasn't going to make it to the beginning of school.
"I'm sorry," Brian said. He put an arm around me.
"Its OK," I said.
"Can we go now its hot," Amy complained.
"Not as hot as it is back home," Syd said.
"True," I said. "It actually feels pretty good."
The next day we toured the city some more. By two o'clock that afternoon I was exhausted. I could tell I was getting weaker and it scared me. I didn't want to go yet I still had so much I wanted to do. After I napped for about an hour we headed out again and went to se Syd's old work.
"I haven't been back here since I left over three years ago," Syd said.
"Wow," I said. "Did Jerry work with you."
"He was an agent," Syd explained "But he turned out to be a real jerk."
We walked around Syd's work for a while, letting Syd catch up with old friends and old patients. I thought it was awesome that she knew so many famous people. Amy didn't seem to care but I didn't care, I was having the time of my life.
"Ash I have a surprise for you," Syd said. "You know how I worked with famous people?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"Well Mandy Moore's agent is a good friend of mine," Syd said.
"Really?" I asked wide eyed. "That is so cool. Is Mandy Moore here?"
Syd nodded. "Yes. She's shooting a new movie right now and John invited us to the set."
"Oh wow," I said jumping up and down. I couldn't contain my excitement 'When are we going?"
"Tomorrow," Syd said.
I couldn't believe it I was finally meeting Mandy Moore.
The next day we arrived at the set of How To Deal, Mandy's new movie.
"Thank you so much for meeting us," Syd said to a guy who had just come out of some doors. I guessed he was John, Mandy's agent.
"Not a problem," John said. He turned to me. "You must be Ashley."
I nodded.
Then a door opened and there stood Mandy Moore.
"Hi, you must be Ashley," Mandy said. She came up to me and shook my hand. "Its OK I won't bite."
I laughed. "I've been wanting to meet you forever. I played Jamie Sullivan in the play A Walk To Remember."
"In Chicago and Philly right?" Mandy asked.
I nodded. "Yes."
"That's great!" Mandy said. "Well I have an hour to kill so ask me anything you want. We can go back to my dressing room."
"OK," I said. I couldn't believe it number two on my list was coming true.
Mandy took us all back to her dressing room. It was huge. There was a huge couch and a TV.... I sat down on the couch, Mandy sat down beside me.
"So Ashley what grade are you going into?" she asked.
"10th," I replied. "I loved doing a walk to remember. You were awesome in the movie and Shane West is soo cute. Will you guys ever like go out?"
Mandy smiled. "I don't know, we're happy just being friends for now. The movie was amazing though."
"I know exactly what its like to be Jamie Sullivan," I said.
"Of course you do you played her too," Mandy said with a smile.
"No, you don't understand, I'm not very popular at school, I read a lot, and I'm dying."
I could tell Mandy didn't know what to say.
"Its OK," I said. "I get that a lot. I've only got a month to live and number two on my list was to come to LA and meet you."
Mandy Moore's POV:
I was shocked. Here I was talking to a 15 year old girl who I thought at first was just a crazy fan. She just told me she's dying. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to hug her and tell her everything was going to be OK. We talked for a while, she asked me tons of questions and she told me about her mom dying from cancer. She told me about Brian, her boyfriend who had played Landon.
"Would you like to sing Only Hope with me?" I blurted out. I don't know why I did it but I felt like this would mean so much to Ashley.
"Oh my gosh that would be awesome," Ashley said.
"OK then we'll get set up."
Ashley's POV:
I couldn't believe it I was singing with Mandy Moore on one of her best songs ever, Only Hope. We went to the room where the piano was and one of Mandy's band members started playing for us. Mandy and I started singing our voices blended well together. Mandy and I talked for the rest of the time and then Mandy had to get back to filming. I got her to sign my A Walk To Remember CD and she promised to check up on me in a few weeks.
"I don't normally do that with fans," she said. "But you're special."
I smiled. No one had ever called me special before, not even my mom and it made me feel good. "Thanks." I said.
We arrived back home on Thursday. I was too excited to even sleep that night. Number two on my list had been fulfilled in a big way and now all I needed was to do number one, the most important one...try to help my sister see that was she was doing to herself was hurting herself and it was hurting me.
Amy's POV
So basically the LA trip went peachy keen, Ashley met her Mandy Moore, and had her little Brian along. I felt like I was dying with her, like since we were twins...we'd always be together through everything... but if she died...I didn't know what to do. Life had seemed so blah the next few weeks. And before I knew it, Ashley was up to two weeks left to live. Doctors kept giving her pills and shots so when she died there would be no pain, nothing. She would just, close her eyes and sleep. And she was becoming weaker and weaker. We wanted to take her out on a boat, but she was too weak. It was horrible. Truthfully I was scared, but I had this whole act going, that hey Ashley was dying. Like I cared, but it didn't bother me. I had so many things going on. I stopped cutting myself it was getting obvious and my arms were hurting really bad. The last thing everyone needed was for me to be in a Looney Bin...always. Ashley was dying, my world was dying, Chris was in a band.... and that was my life.
Ashley walked into the bedroom and laid down on her bed. She just sat and stared at the ceiling, and I continued writing in my journal. Finally she looked over at me and spoke.
" Sis, I don't want to die." She said quietly.
" Ashley, it's going to happen." I said and bit my lip.
" Why me?" She asked. "Why me?"
" I don't know, listen if I was some miracle worker I'd change it. But sadly I'm regular old Amy."
" And I'm dying Ashley." She said, and the perked up. "But at least I met Mandy Moore."
" Yeah, yippee. My sister met Mandy Moore." I said and put my journal away in my dresser.
" It is exciting. She was so pretty."
" Yeah, whatever. I'd still rather meet, Eminem or Jimmy Eat World or somebody like that. Not some pop diva."
" Amy, do you think I'll see Mom?" She asked.
" Maybe." I said. "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you." I bit my lip, my chest hurt again. I secretly hoped it was a heart attack so I didn't have to watch my sister die...but it was too late. The pain went away just as quick as it came.
" Yeah, I'll tell her all about you." She said.
" You should. She never paid any attention to me. Hey tell her I'm a pothead!" I said and left the room. I walked downstairs to Joanie.
" Hey Ames." She said. I sat next to her.
" Joanie, why is this taking so long?" I asked.
" Huh?" She asked.
" Not to be mean, but why isn't Ashley dead?" I asked.
" Amy!" She said shocked.
" No, I don't want her dead. But I'm tired of watching her die. It's killing me."
" I know Honey, I know." She said, she kissed my forehead. And from that moment, I knew I had a Mom. She was my Mom.
" Joanie, I love my Mom to bits, but I have a personal question for you." I said.
" What?" She asked.
" Can, I call you Mom? I miss having my Mom." I said. Tears welled up in Joanie's eyes.
" Of course Honey, of course." She said. She hugged me in her arms. I felt her "motherly affection", and it felt like being two again when the world made sense. Because your biggest problem was Oscar wasn't on Seasame Street.
I was chilling in Chris' basement with Eric and him. We were all just talking, and drinking some soda.
" So hows Ashley?" Chris asked.
" Good." I said. "Well as good as a dying person can be."
" Yeah...I guess." He said
" she looked good." Eric said. "Not hot, but cute I guess."
" So I'm ugly?" i asked.
" Hah!" Eric said. "I have to go." Eric said. We said our goodbyes and Eric left. It was just Chris and me, and we were both uncomfortable.
" Amy, what do you want?" He asked.
" I want to take it slow." I said. "I'm not ready for anything big."
" Right." He said and clenched his fist together.
" What?" I asked.
" I thought you were right for me." He said angry.
" And?" I asked.
" Listen Amy, you want it slow. I was going to ask you to marry me." He snapped.
" What?" I asked shocked. "I'm 15, turning 16 soon. I can't be getting married... I have to go, bye." I said quickly and ran out of there.
Later that night Ashley and I were sitting on the front steps of the house drinking lemonade. The sky was dark, but the moon and stars lite everything up.
" He asked me to marry me." I said.
" He did?" Ashley asked shocked.
" Yeah, but marriage is not in my vocabulary at 15." I said and laughed.
" Funny, I want to marry Brian before I die. We were talking we want a small marriage on the 10." She said.
" Ashley." I said shocked.
" I want to get married to the man I love, before I die. I just have to see what Syd wants." She said.
" Oh God." I said and fell backwards.
" I'm tired, goodnight." She said and left. I went out to the grass and laid down. I stared out into the sky, wondering if someone just like me was dealing with this, I wondered about Mom and Sharon, me and Chris, and Ashley... I was hoping for answers...
Ashley's POV:
"Isn't not a good idea Ash," Syd said. We were sitting at the kitchen table the next morning. I was still in my PJ's because I was too weak to even leave the house.
"But why?" I almost screamed. Tears came to my eyes. "I love him."
"Ash he's only your first boyfriend," Syd said.
"I'm dying Syd there will be no more boyfriends," I said my voice cracking.
"Can we continue this later?" Syd asked. She stood up. "I've got to get to work. I'm really sorry Ashley I wish their was something I could do but you are too young to get married."
I sighed. "OK fine. I guess you're right I mean 15 is a little young."
Syd grabbed her purse. "I'm going to stay at the clinic for an hour and then I'll be back. If you start feeling bad you call me right away Ok? I mean it Ash."
"I will," I promised. I watched her walk out the door. I stood up and slowly made my way into the living room. I was getting weaker and it was hard for me to get around. I wasn't in any pain though which was good. At least I wasn't confined to the bed...yet. Then the back door opened and I heard Brian yell.
"I'm in here," I called.
Brian came into the room and kissed me lightly on the lips. "Hey! How are you feeling?"
"I'm OK," I said. I looked into his eyes they were so loving so full of concern.
"Did you talk to Syd yet?" Brian asked. He sat down beside me. I laid my head on his chest.
"She said it was a bad idea," I said. "I mean we are a little young."
"Maybe we could have a pretend wedding," Brian said.
I burst out laughing. "A pretend wedding? Like one of those things kids do when they're five? Yeah, right."
:"Come on it could be fun," Brian pleaded.
I shook my head. "No, Syd's right we are way to young. Even Amy said so and she doesn't normally say anything."
Brian laughed a little. "Then we're definitely not to doing it if your sister said anything."
"Sorry," I said. I took his hand. "But remember I'll always be with you."
As the week passed I could feel myself getting weaker. It was Saturday a week later and I was lying on the couch. That had become my bedroom since I was too weak to climb the stairs. Amy spent as little time with me as possible. I think she was scared and I really didn't blame her. "Id been a little disappointed that the marriage thing didn't work out but it was probably for the best. I then felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I stopped. No, this couldn't be happening now. I wanted to be surrounded by family and friends I didn't want to die alone. I reached for the phone and called Syd. I told her that I was in pain and she said she'd be home in ten minutes. I laid down on the couch. I didn't know if I could stand the pain for ten minutes.
"How's the pain?" Syd asked coming into the room. She knelt down beside me.
"it hurts," I said crying.
"Let's get you to the hospital," Syd said helping me up.
I pushed her away. "No, I don't want to die in the hospital I want to die here, with my family and friends."
Amy's POV
I walked inside the house, and saw Ashley crying, with Syd holding her hand.
" Get the phone!" Syd demanded. I rushed for the phone and grabbed it. "911"
" NO! DON'T!" Ashley was screaming. "Please don't, I want to die here." She was screaming, and her eyes were watering.
" Your three days early." I said quietly.
" Ashley what's it feel like?" Syd asked, Syd was bawling.
" It's this sharp pain in my stomach...my stomach hurts." She said crying. My heart was thumping, I didn't know what to say. I had no idea what to say or do. I was watching my sister die. Jim came running upstairs.
" Whats happening?" He asked.
" Daddy, let's go in the other room." Syd said, wiping her eyes. All of a sudden Joanie came busting through the door with Hannah.
" Whats going on?" Joanie asked, she looked over at Ashley. "Oh no, Dear Father in HEaven." She kept mumbling to herself.
" It's time?" Jim asked. Syd nodded. Ashley sat up. I didn't know what to do, to cry or not. To hug her or not. I kept visioning the hospital where Mom was, the whole ordeal over. Sharon's death was running through my friends.
" I want to talk to my sister." ashley said, taking deep breaths holding hr stomach. Everyone else nodded and left. It was me and her, I sat down on the couch next to her. "don't be scared Amy."
" I'm not." I said, I was lying through my teeth.
" I'll miss you." She said.
" Yeah." I said quietly.
" Are you okay?"
" As good as it gets."
" Amy, I love-" She started, she fell over.
" SOME ONE HELP! HELP! HELP US!" I kept screaming. I was screaming, everyone rushed in. Everything was going fast, I didn't know what was happening.
Before I knew it, we were in the hospital. Ashley was in ICU, in a coma. We were in the room with her. I was watching her limp body in the bed. A doctor came in.
" I'd like to talk alone with the mother." The doctor said.
" There is no mother of her here. She died. I'm the sister." I said.
" I'm the adoptive mother." Syd said. "I'm Syd."
" Nice to meet you Syd, I'm Doctor Gray. Could I speak to you alone?"
" No, you can't." I said. "I want to be here with my sister."
" I agree, let her stay." Syd said.
" Okay, but everyone else must leave." He said, everyone else left the room. It was just us three in Ashley's private ICU room. "Ashley doesn't have a high chance of making it."
" And?" Syd asked.
" To put it simply. Do you want me to pull the plug?" He asked. "I don't normally do this, but Ashley could be suffering."
" No." Syd said.
" What do you mean suffering?" I asked.
" Well, she might have those stomach pains. She is going into surgery in ten minutes for internal bleeding... that could possibly pain her. Considering we don't know whats bleeding."
" DOn't let her suffer Syd." I said quietly. "She's my sister."
" No, take her to surgery." Syd said.
" Okay, we'll be preparing her." He said. "I'll call in staff, we'll take her to the OR. I'll come get you when she's finished. You can wait in the waiting room. IF there is any problems, someone will be there to get you."
Syd grabbed my arm and we went out to the waiting room. I wouldn't look at Syd, everyone talked. Robbie, Tina, Pete, Luke, Jim, Joanie, Hannah, and even Heather was there. i wanted to be alone, so where was a better spot to go, then to sleep.
~I was walking around a church. It was very dark, and the only light was coming through some stained glass windows in the ceiling in the very front of the church. I was just walking around. When I saw a light, a very bright light appear in the front. Two woman came out. I saw one was wearing a blue dress, a flower, and her hair was short and "poofy". The other one had short, shoulder length brown hair, she was wearing a black suit...and it hit me. My mother was there.
"Mom?" I asked. She smiled. "Mommy?" I asked. I was suddenly a little girl, Ashley and I were in the living room. Ashley and I were wearing overalls, except her shirt was pink, and mine was baby blue. Our hair was in two braided pig tails.
" My turn." Ashley said excited.
" No, my turn!" I said. We were fighting over whose turn it was to drive the barbie car.
" Mine!" Ashley said and grabbed the car. I grabbed the car from her, and threw it at her. It hit her knee, and she started bawling. Mom walked in, and held Ashley close.
" Amy no more throwing." She scolded. She held Ashley close and rocked her. Soon before I knew it, Ashley and I were 15, Mom was in the hospital. She was sitting up, and we sat next to her. I was on the right, Ashley was on the left. I was watching all of this, while seeing myself with my Mom.
" Mom." Ashley cried. I was silent.
" Girls, I love you both so dearly." She said and kissed our foreheads.
" I love you." I said.
" Oh Amy..." Mom said, her eyes filling up with tears. "Girls, it will be okay, everything's going to be alright.
" Mom, whats going to happen?" Ashley asked.
" I don't know Honey, I don't know."
"I can't live without you." Ashley said.
" Girls, one day we'll be together again. I'll be back, and I'll be there for you, and protect you." She said.
I was back in the church again. Mom was walking towards me, my legs were weak. The other woman was smoking a ciggarette, kept looking at us. Mom came up to me, and tapped me on the nose, "there for you, and protect you", was being said over and over again.~
I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Syd came and sat down next to me, and offered me a chip by sticking the bag out.
" No thanks." I said.
" You can go back and talk to Ashley." Syd said.
" She's awake?" I asked.
" No, she's in a coma, but she can hear you. You can go on in alone." She said.
" Okay." I said quietly. I stood up, and walked over to where Ashley was. I stood aside her, and took her hand.
" Ashley, don't leave me. You can't. Your my sister. I'm sorry for being so screwed up, I really am. I don't mean to be so cruel, but I do really hate Brian, what do you see in him? Anyways, I want you to know I love you. Your the only one left, besides Dad...but I hate him too. Anyways, I love you. Stay strong." I said, and dropped her hand and then started to walk away.
About a week later, we were giving up on Ashley. She outlived her death date, but she was in a coma, hooked up to a bunch of machines. I went to see her everyday, and school was starting in a week. She missed our 16th birthday, which meant the birthday really sucked. And I felt stupid being sung to alone. It wasn't really a part atmosphere. I was there afterschool with Syd, when a miracle happened.
" So, are you excited for school?" Syd asked.
" No." I said. Syd laughed. "I wish Ashley would wake up. I miss fighting."
" Oh jeez." Syd said and laughed.
" I do, I just miss her."
" We all do." Syd said comforting. Syd grabbed Ashley's hand, and kissed her forehead. "Ready to go?" She asked.
" Yeah." I sighed. We started walking away. When I just turned around and saw Ashley's eyes fluttering (or blinking)
" Syd!" I said. "Her eyes!"
" Oh my God, Ashley!" Syd said. Syd got a doctor, and we watched as Ashley opened her eyes. Soon her eyes were fully open, and she looked so confused. The doctor did all that medical stuff, and the tube was removed.
" Syd? Amy?" Ashley said weakly. Syd nodded.
" Honey, you lived. Oh Honey you lived." Syd cried. She hugged and kissed Ashley.
" So can you really hear what we say?" I asked.
" Maybe in my subconcious... but I don't remember anything." She said. "Am I still dying?"
" No, you lived. You had a kidney transplant." Syd said happily.
" Oh." Ashley said.
" Hey sis, you missed our birthday. We're sixteen." I said.
" I did?" Ashley asked disappointed.
" Yep, but I saved you cake." I said. She smiled.
"Girls I'll be back." Syd said. When she left, Ashley turned to me.
" I saw the light." She said quietly.
" Huh?" I asked.
" I saw the light. Mom was at the end, waving for me to come." She said.
" Ashley, don't lie about Mom to me." I said angry.
" No seriously. All of a sudden, it was this dark tunnel, and at the end was a bright light. I kept walking for it, and walking for it. Mom was there, in her funeral outfit. Just waving for me to come, I started running...but then I opened my eyes."
" Do you dream in comas?" I asked.
" I don't know. I wonder if that was really was "the light". I guess no one will ever know." She said. I smiled, my sister was back.
" I'm glad you lived." I said.
" Me too." She said, and then she said her famous line. "Where's Brian?"
" Oh God." I mumbled. We laughed.
Ashley's POV:
I was released from the hospital six week later (school had already started) and was happy to be home. My new teachers had arranged for me to have work sent home by Amy, if you can believe that and yeah she did pretty good with bringing my stuff home. Amy didn't spend nearly as much time with her friends as she used to but Brian was over a lot which drove her crazy.
"Don't you two ever get sick of each other?" she asked one day. I was sitting on the couch and Brian was next to me.
"Nope," I said. "But we promise from now on we're not going to gross you out."
"Thank you," Amy said seeming pleased.
"Well I gotta going anyway," Brian said standing up. He kissed me on the cheek and I saw Ashley stick her finger down her throat.
I pushed him away. "OK I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye," Brian sand and walked out of the living room. A few seconds later we heard the back door slam.
Amy sat on the couch next to me. "So how are you feeling?"
"Happy," I admitted. "I'm happy to be alive." I looked at my sister. "Do you want to go outside and look at the stars?"
"That would be fun," Amy said quietly.
I tried to stand. Amy put an arm around me and we went out on the porch. We sat in the swing rocking back and fourth.
"Do you think mom is up there watching over us?" Amy asked.
I nodded. "I suppose so."
"I saw her too," Amy admitted. She looked at me. "I saw Syd's mom too."
I burst out laughing. "How could you see Syd's mom?"
"The woman in the blue dress said she was Syd's mom," Amy said. "I swear she said she was Syd's dead mother."
"Was Syd there?" I asked.
Amy shook her head. "Nope."
I laughed. "That is the strangest thing I've ever heard."
Amy shrugged. "Well its true."
Amy and I sat star gazing until we both fell asleep.
"I guess you could say what happened was a miracle," I was saying. I was speaking in front of the whole youth group. It was almost four week after my surgery and our youth pastor had asked me to speak about what had happened to me. "but I believe that I was saved for a purpose and I intend to live each day as if it were my last. I thank you for all your prayers and I'm still not completely recovered but I'm getting there."
Everyone clapped and I was helped down from the stage. People started crowding around me telling me to keep faith and to don't give up and stuff like that. When I got home I was so overwhelmed by it I couldn't sleep. I went upstairs (something I hadn't done in a long time) and fond Amy on her bed.
"How was it?" she asked. Lately she's been asking a lot of questions and I think its because she's scared of losing me.
"Great!!" I said. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I quickly changed into PJ's, brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. Amy turned off the light.
"Ash," she said into the darkened room.
I turned to face her. The moon shown brightly making a shadow across the floor, "Yeah?" I asked.
"I'm glad you got to live your dreams."
The End
