A/N- I do not own SOA, but I really wish I did. This is just a one shot. If I get really good feedback I will make it a little bit more than that. We will have to see what you guys think. The song, in case you didn't know, I do not own but it is Picture by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow.

Please enjoy this and please review it. Let me know what you think. I really am curious about what you think.


Living my life in a slow hell different girl every night at the hotel I aint seen the sun shine in 3 damn days

He messed up. He knew that he messed up. Finally he had something good. Something good in his life, something good going for him in this fucked up world. He didn't know what he was thinking. He broke her heart, and he broke his promise. She wasn't supposed to be there, she wasn't supposed to find out, ever.

She was there thought everything. When his mom passed away she was there to pick up his broken pieces. She wanted her house, a white picket fence, and a swing attached to the swing. He gave that to her, he left her for weeks on end to do his job. She waited for him. Always where he left her.

She would do anything for him, anything he asked. All she asked was not to flaunt other women in her face. She knew the life, she knew that he was going to lie to her and he was going to cheat on her. She has the diamond ring, she has everything that he would ever want. Beautiful blond hair that curled around her face. Her blue eyes that shined so bright when she smiled. Her body, oh her body was the best part. A body of the dancer. The tightest pussy he has ever had, and the best tits. He loved when she was under him, moaning his name over and over again. He loved knowing that he was the only one that made her feel that way.

Then it all went wrong. He wasn't sure what happened, or when it happened. He just knew that he was in the wrong, and he knew that deep, deep down, she will never love him again…

He remembered when it happened, he remembered the look on her face when she came home. He brought a girl to their house. He fucked her in their bed. She came home from work, she was a kindergarten teacher, and walked up the stairs seeing the discarded clothes. When she walked into the bedroom, she knew she lost him. He knew he messed up.

Now being a ass, and losing his wife, he packed a bag and got on his bike and left. He only made it to the closest motel and took his cell phone, for the past two weeks he has been calling different crow eaters and sweet butts, anything to get his mind off of her. Wishing to just wake up and it be a bad dream, deep down he knew that it was never going to happen. He was ready to do anything to make it up to her, but he wasn't sure what he could do.

been fuelin up on cocaine and whiskey wish I had a good girl to miss me but I wonder if I'll ever change my ways

Drugs is not something that he would normally turn to. At this point, he would do anything to get the cocaine. He leaves the hotel room at ten at night, stops and gets two bottles of whiskey, then make a stop on the street corner, and get is cocaine. He would then make it back to the hotel room, snort his cocaine and drink it down with whiskey. Getting high was the simple part. It was getting to his phone and calling his next fuck that was the hard part.

It amazed him that it took his that long to mess up. They were married for so long. Longer than anyone would of thought. She was there before the club. She was there before anyone. Why did he do it? Was the girl even worth it? Of course not, but he was horney, he wanted to get his dick wet, and he wanted it right then and there, he didn't want to wait for his wife to get home. So he picked up his phone, and he made a call. She had blond hair too, not like hers, her hair was soft and golden. This girl's was dry and he swore it was falling out. Too much make up, and a padded bra that made him feel like it was false advertising. IT didn't matter what she looked like, he was going to fuck her from behind while she was face down. He didn't want to go up into bed, but sadly, that is just where they ended up.

All he ever wanted was someone to come home too. He wanted that girl, he wanted to girl to love him, no matter what. He found her, and he messed up. She was a good girl. She came from a proper home, she went to church, she didn't judge, and she was a teacher. She was able to see past him as a killer, and a maniac. She was able to look past the things that he did when he went on a run. She was his angel. She was everything that he wanted. She was perfect totally perfect.

The first time he brought her to meet the members of the club. She was obviously terrified. That bothered him. She wasn't afraid of him for anything, but she didn't particularly like his friends. He wasn't bothered that she didn't like them, he was actually relived. That was less people he had to worry about. Keeping her safe was going to be easy when they weren't around.

Sitting on the bed, he knew he didn't want to be thee and be alone. He knew that was the last possible thing that he wanted. Deep down, he wanted to call her. He wanted to tell her he loved her and he was sorry, but he knew that she wouldn't answer or if she did answer, he knew she wouldn't want to talk to him. He hated knowing that he wasn't capable to change for her. Love wasn't a word that he normally would ever say to someone other than his own mother, but she was different. He loved her. When she was on top of him, moaning his name he loved to whisper how much he loved her. He loved to whisper how beautiful she was, and he loved the things that she could do.

I put your picture away sat down and cried today I cant look at you while I'm lying next to her I put your picture away sat down and cried today I cant look at you while I'm lying next to her

When he turned on his head. He saw the picture. It was her. She was sitting on the rocks at the beach. In her little pink bikini. She had on her aviator sunglasses and was smirking her infamous fuck me smirk. He loved that picture of her. He carried it in his wallet. He looked at it all them time when he was on a run. His friends, no, his brothers all thought she was the hottest piece of ass, and they all were curious what he was doing with her. At least now they won't have to wonder what he was going with her. She left him.

The what if's started crossing his mind. What if she was hurt and couldn't reach a phone? What if she was with someone else? What if she was dead? What if she was better off without him?

He hated thinking those thoughts. Making a call to a random Crow eater, he waited. He didn't really want to get laid. He just wanted to fuck his problems away. The remainders of the cocaine was lingering in his mind. The whiskey was laying heavy in his stomach. There was a knock at his motel room door, and for the briefest second, he wished it was her. Deep down he knew that it wasn't her. But he can hope right?

The crow eater proved useful in more than one ways. She brought more cocaine, and she was silent. He fucked her, from behind face down. He didn't want to look at her terrible make up job, her fake tits, or her beat pussy. She wanted to cuddle, and he was not ever going to do that. Rolling on his side, still naked he saw her picture.

Maybe it was the whiskey, maybe it was the cocaine, he couldn't be sure, but what he was sure about is that she was never going to be next to him like this. Reaching down on the floor he grabbed a leg to his pants. Pulling them close to him he took out his wallet, and shoved the pictured inside. He wasn't going to let the guilt and the disgust he felt inside ruin his life. I

called u last night in the hotel everyone knows but they wont tell but there half hided smiles tell me somethin just aint right

He broke my heart. There was not question about that. He broke my heart. I knew when he signed up for this, he was rude, mean, and an asshole. I didn't know where he went to. In my thoughts he was just at the club house. I missed him. I wanted to talk to him. Deep down, I wanted to work this out. I didn't know if he wanted to work it out though. I was going to talk to him, I made up my mind. Its been too long without hearing from him. Something was right. I could feel it.

When I get to the club house, no one would tell me anything. No one would look me in the eye. It took a lot out of me to go down there. I was the one who told him to leave. It was hard for me to go look for him. They all looked at me with pity. They all shook their heads and they all lied. I knew that they were all lieing to me. I knew when they wouldn't look at my eyes.

When I walked into the club house, I could hear the crow eaters saying about how they have been with him. That was like a punch in the face. It was something that I could accept. I didn't want to accept it, but I knew that I have to. I wanted nothing more than to pick up the phone and call, after leaving the club house I decided that maybe I need to swallow my pride and call him.

When I got back to the house, I just walked around and I cried. There was nothing I could do but cry. Finally I cried the last tears and picked up the phone and called our cell phone company. After a lot of waiting on hold they traced his cell phone to a hotel right down town. Taking a deep breath I called the hotel. The patched me to his room, and much to my surprise he didn't answer. I wasn't going to leave a message. I wasn't going to do that to myself. It was time to take a deep breath and remember this was my idea.

I've been waiting on you for a long time fuelin up on heartaches and she'd whine I aint heard from you in 3 damn nights

I kept waiting for the call that wasn't going to come. I knew it wasn't going to come. I didn't want to sit here and keep waiting around. Yet I couldn't bring myself to move away from the phone. I was losing sleep over this. I was losing my mind over him. He was everything to me. Getting in my car I drove to the liquor store and bought a few bottles of wine. Drinking him away seems to be my way of saying good bye. I didn't want to find him with someone again, and I didn't want to find out he was dead either.

Tears and swollen eyes was a new look for me. I locked myself away, I didn't want to think, I didn't want to breath, and I didn't want to look at us in our wedding picture that I have hung up on the wall. After half the bottle of the cheap wine, I was throwing the picture and its frame across the room. I was done dealing with this. I was hurt and I was miserable.

Three days of nothing was driving me out of my mind. After every single thing that we have been through, I couldn't believe that he hasn't called me in this long. I thought that he would at least check and make sure that I was safe. He always calls and makes sure I am safe. We have fought before, and yet, he always would call me within a few hours just to make sure I was ok. When I didn't hear from him it kills me. I was ready to take my mind off of him. I was ready to move on. At least that is what the wine told me.

I put your picture away I wonder where you've been I cant look at you while I'm lyin next to him I put your picture away I wonder where you've been I cant look at you while I'm lyin next to him

I met him at the bar. I didn't even know his name. I didn't know anything about him. He could be taking me back to the house to kill me. I knew that he wasn't going to do that, but it could of happened. Just like when I walked in on him and her our clothes littered the floor. The kissing became heavier, the grip he had on my hips was border line painful. But right now I wanted to hurt. I wanted to scream in pain not pleasure. He was putting on a condom when I turned my head. There was a picture. A picture of him. He was wearing dark denim jeans, his black riding boots, and he had on no shirt. He wasn't smiling but he wasn't frowning or scowling, he was just looking. He looked amazing. Pushing the random guy away, I turned around still naked, and shoved the picture in the drawer. I didn't want to look at him, not when he was in our bed with me.

I saw you yesterday with an old friend

It has been about two months of not hearing a single word from him. I was broken, but I was starting to heal. I was at the grocery store. I have been avoiding going in public so I chose to go at night. I didn't look good, not by a long shot. I had on yoga pants and a tank top. My blond hair was pulled up in little pig tails on the back of my hair. When I was walking out to the car, I saw him. He didn't look good either. He looked tired. Seeing him was killer. It hurt me, but I tried my best and forced a smile. They both stopped when they saw me coming, they both stopped. I forced out a hello and participated in small talk. It was stupid and we both knew it.

it wuz the same old same how have you been since you've been gone my worlds been dark and gray you reminded me of brighter days

She said that she was ok. She said she was doing good. I knew that was a lie. I knew she was talking out of her ass. I knew her better than anyone. I knew her better than she knew herself. He eyes looked hallow, and her forced smile didn't belong on her beautiful face.

I signed our divorce papers when she sent them to me. I have been carrying them in my pocket, but I didn't want to give it to her yet. I wanted to be with her now more than ever. Seeing her and pretending that everything was ok, when we both knew that it wasn't, that wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to either of us. She smiled slightly and said her good byes, and she waked away. I watched her walk away. The usual playful swing of her hips, was absent, she was hurting and it was all my fault. I hated myself right now.

I remember the way we used to be. When I would come home from going on a run, and she would greet me at the door with a big smile. She would run outside and before I would even be off my bike, she would jump on me and hug me. Sometimes I would just come after a job was done, and she would get their blood on her, she didn't care. That is why I loved her so much. She didn't care. There I can be at 3:30AM and covered in some other person's blood and she would hug me like it was me coming home from work at 5PM. We shared so many happy days and happy moments. There was times where the stress would get to me and I would just break. She would hold me and whisper in my ear that it didn't matter and all that mattered was she loved me. I believed her. I believed that she loved me and she didn't want anyone else but me. I hope to be coming home to stay I wuz head of the church

Deep down in my heart. I hoped that he would come home and he would stay with me. I wanted him to be with me. I was frustrated, and I was lonely, and I was horney as hell. He was my everything. He was my world, and my world was crashing down upon me. I took a leave of absence from work. There was no way that I could be around kids when I was this heart broken. There was no one I could turn to. I was lying to my parents telling them that everything was fine. If I told them the truth all that they would tell me I "I told you so." No one wants to hear that. No one. I turned to the church that I was married in. I thought that was the best place for me.

Every Sunday, I found myself crawling out of bed, getting dressed in dresses and skirts, and heels, and I would attend the afternoon services. I didn't know if I was really a religious person, but I didn't know that it was helping me. I was being helped weather I knew it or not. I was around people that passed no judgment, and people that would hug you when you walked into the door. This was helping, even if it was a little at a time.

I wuz off to drink you away

It was only 9AM on a Sunday morning. It was the most important thing to me right now, and that was getting drunk. I gave up on the cocaine, that was just bringing me down. I didn't like the way that it made me feel. I don't like being in control. There was a lot of things that I have gave up lately. I gave up the drugs, and I gave up the dirty hotel room that stunk like sex and whiskey. I moved back into the club house my brother were more than welcoming to have me back, and they were very supportive of my feelings.

Actually if my brothers could have it their way, I would be back at home where my wife is. I still have the dicorce papers, and I still refused to give them up.

Waking up alone in the club house bed, I was ready to just drink away all my problems. Fuck the 10AM rule, no one was brave enough to call me out on this shit. I was a lose cannon right now. Some one look at me the wrong way, I beat the shit out of them. They were supporting me though this, and that was very hard on me. For as private about my life as I was, it shocked the hell out of me to know that they knew this much about me.

I thought about you for a long time can't seem to get you off my mind I cant stand why we're living like this way

He, he was a mess. Everyone knew it. He was walking around drink. Picking fights, and this was not a good thing to have a lose cannon like this, he was liable to blow someone's head off. Everyone was on their last ropes with him. No one wanted to tell him. After his mother died, they didn't have to pick up the pieces, that was her job.

She, she finally lost her job. She never showed up after the leave of absence. They fired her because they felt she wasn't capable to be around children. Told her when she gets her shit straight, to call them back. She didn't have any one to pick up her pieces. She was left to pick them up on her own. She was able to pick them up slowly, but she was still broken.

I found your picture today I swear I'll change my ways I just called to say I want you to come back home

He was cleaning his dorm room up because they told him it was too messy. He was feeling around on the floor when he found his wallet. He was missing it for about one week. When he opened it to see how much money he had left. The picture of her fell out. He took a deep breath and found himself looking at the picture. He wasn't able to take his eyes off the picture, and he knew what he had to do.

He made up his mind. He was going to call her. He was going to call her and beg to go back home. He missed her. He couldn't keep going on like this any longer. He picked up his phone, and dialed her number. It went straight to voice mail. He took a deep breath and with a shaking voice, "Gwen, I just wanted to call and tell you that I miss you, I love you, and I want to come back home." and with that he hung up. He didn't want to believe that she missed his call. That frightened him. Just then his phone beeped, he had a voice mail but he didn't remember missing a call. Dialing into his voice mail he hoped for the best.

I found your picture today I swear I'll change my ways I just called to say I want you to come back home I just called to say I love you come back home

She was cleaning. It was her new hobby. She cleaned every second she had. Today she was cleaning the bedroom. She threw all the old sheets away and bought all new bedding. She even bought new furniture to match. She was cleaning out the night stand, and came across that picture of him. She knew right then and there it was time to make that phone call. She dialed his number, and she took a deep breath, it went right to voice mail, she took a deep breath, and left him a message. "Hi Happy, I was just calling to say I miss you, I really, really miss you, and I love you so much, please come home. I really want to see you." She sighed and hung up the phone. Just as she hung up her phone beeped that she had a voice mail. She doesn't remember missing a call, but she doesn't remember doing anything anymore. She took a deep breath and dialed into her voicemail. Hoping that it was him who called…