Hey all, I just want to thank everyone who's read and reviewed this story as we embark on part three. It started out as a funny sex story and sort of blew up into something else. I just want to say that I really appreciate everyone's reviews and interests in Destiny's psycho life. The reviews really do mean a lot to me, no matter what kind, good or bad. Just wanted to say thanks for reading and reviewing and all that :)
They say it's life's most unexpected moments that make it worth living. My life then, has to be worth living. Nothing is ever expected. I get scared when anything goes the way I had imagined it would. How Matt, Jeff, and myself worked everything out, that was scary. Everything fell into place without any complications what so ever. I had spent a year trying to work everything out, and, in less than an hour, it had. Seemed too good to be true, but it was true. What didn't scare me was my injury. What my injury could do is what scared me, but for a different reason. I had expected to get hurt, I didn't anticipate surgery. But, because I didn't expect it made it ok. It's hard to explain.
What happened with Jay, though unexpected, was a bit scary. I never once thought Jay would think of me as anything more than a friend. We were close, very close, I trusted him with everything. We were living together, he was helping me with my son. He was sweet and kind and everything a girl would ever want in a man, but I never thought I wanted him that way, and I never once thought he wanted me. Jay is the perfect man, well, as close as you can get. Perfection never sat with me, mostly because I was so imperfect, I liked my boyfriends to have flaws, big ones. Jay never had a serious flaw that I could see. Jeff has one, it's one I have. We're secluded, unpredictable, insane almost. But Jay, he's different, and any girl would be stupid to pass him up if he ever made a move. Was I stupid?
The question of my stupidity and intelligence has been one asked to me on several occasions for most of my life. But, here in the WWF it's been tested most of all. My desire for insane, intense, and extreme matches, like the one I had just done, that always gets the "what are you stupid?" question. My sanity's questioned a lot too. So, one would think that, yes, I would pass this up. I had to, because, well, I'm not all the bright.
I have seen many girls in Jay's life before, most were unimportant to really mention. he had several "girlfriends" here and there, but his profession pushed them away. Jay needs a strong girl that can accept what he does. Not many people can accept what we do. They say marry within the business, that way, you know where the other one is at all times. Makes sense, but it's too much. There are the ups and downs to that, as there is with anything. I think it all has to do with the people involved. I've dated within the business, and I think I can do it again. I'd marry a wrestler.
Jay's too nice sometimes too. He gets walked on, a lot. A lot of women don't know how to handle someone like Jay. He's too good for most of them. He deserves someone who's just as good as he is. Someone who's heart is always in the right place. Someone funny and with a sense of humor. What Jay needs and deserves is hard to come by, almost impossible to find. I've been looking.
That brings me to this question, why me? I am far from perfect, I'm far from what he deserves. Jay deserves nice, and I am not a nice girl. I don't know what I am. I know I'm a bit messed up, slightly exocentric, very over the top. They say opposites attract. But, when things are so opposite, it's hard to find something to attract to, except looks, and that's not a good thing to base any relationship on. So, I'll ask it again, why me?
I remember waking up after my surgery in the recovery room. I was tied to my bed so I wouldn't move. I opened my eyes and everything was very blurry. My lips and throat were dry, and my throat was sore from being intibated. I licked my lips and looked around the room. A nurse came to me to check on me.
"Don't try to speak yet, do you want some ice chips?"
"Please," I answered just above a whisper.
She walked over with a cup full of ice chips and handed them to me. I put a few in my mouth.
"You're the wrestler, aren't you?" she asked me. I nodded. "I can tell. Pretty crazy. I saw your friends waiting in the waiting room. Seemed real worried about you. They'll be real happy when you go back to your room."
I was feeling very sore. I tried to sit up, but couldn't. The same nurse came back and put some pain meds into my IV. The drugs that Paul told me about. They really are wonderful.
A doctor came up to me and checked me over. He said I had to wait one more hour before I was able to go back to my room. There was some swelling from my surgery he wanted to come down before I was moved. He told me that once the swelling went down, I'd feel much better. I would be able to leave the hospital in two days.
"Someone will be down to your room later on today to evaluate you, see how much mobility you've got and all that," he told me. "You will need some physical therapy, get strength back. But, if you have the will, you won't need a walker."
"Will I have," I said.
"Good, then," he replied, then left.
I had plenty will power, though it has been tested over the years. For better or for worse, I've always managed to come out on top, no matter how long it took me to get there. I just can't give up. There have always been times where I've felt like I had to, but I couldn't. Giving up was never in my vocabulary. I proved myself time and time again. I felt like I had to. I always felt like I had to prove myself, to whoever. It's not a great way to live. But, it's how I had to live.
I looked at the clock, noon. I was exhausted, and cold. No one was allowed in recovery. I laid in my bed and looked up at the ceiling. I replayed my match in my head. It had it's problems, but it was just what we had to do. I did feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. When I returned to the game, it would be completely different. I wouldn't have any titles, but most of all, I wouldn't have Amy to worry about. I felt free, with the exception of being bound to my bed.
I wasn't sure how my return would be, without Amy. I had based my entire career around her, and wasn't sure if I could have one without her. I was always told that it didn't matter if I face Amy or not, I was great. It's hard to believe from my point of view. Amy had a career at least before me, even though our feud defined her career. I didn't have one. I came into this feud. It was the very best thing that happened to me, I can't deny that. Could I go on without it?
If I brought this up to any of those guys in that waiting room, they'd tell me I was crazy. Like I said, my insanity is always being questioned. I know I've had many opportunities in the WWF. I was the WWF Champion at one point. That was more luck than anything else. I'd never try it again, ever. That was something I didn't plan on getting into, something that just happened. If I didn't go along with it, I'd be hanging around Kurt Angle right now. I had to win that match. It wasn't for the title, it was for myself.
I had won several titles in my career, but right now, I wasn't concerned about that. I just wanted to wrestle. It didn't matter who. I could fight men and women. I had to work hard for that. I had to prove myself to just about everyone for that honor. Chyna could do it, she was one of a kind. She had a lot of firsts too, she was the Intercontential Champion, something I'd love to do. That title is the second most important title in the WWF, and it's easy to get. You don't have to be a tough heavy weight to hold it.
Laying in that bed I wondered what everyone was thinking about that kiss. I knew they were asking Jay, if he had stuck around to hear it. If he had, he would have been hounded by a million questions. I wondered how Jeff took it. I wasn't looking for a relationship with him, though I would love it. I knew that wouldn't happen now, if ever. I don't blame him for not wanting to be with me in that way. All I wanted was his friendship, and I was getting that. Right now, that's all I need. I know Paul, I know he's hounding Jay right now, if Jay's even around. I really don't know if he would have stuck around for the interrogation, I wouldn't have. But, maybe he wanted to get if off his chest, or whatever it was.
I hoped, if he had stuck around, he wasn't getting it too bad. But I did have my own questions, well, question, why me? It boggled my mind. I hadn't been with anyone in so long I felt as if I couldn't be with anyone period. I felt destined to be alone. It's an odd feeling. One I can't really put into words. Everyone I knew, knew that I still loved Jeff, and I feared that if I dated anyone, they'd think of it as a rebound thing, that I wasn't really interested. Most of the guys I really knew already had someone to go home to. And I knew dating outside the business is hard, I never have the time to go out and meet someone.
I never felt ready to date after Jeff. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I wasn't stable to date. I was so worried about fixing things, that if I was with someone, I'd drive them insane. I wouldn't be anyone's girlfriend, I couldn't be. I was a wreck all of the time. I was miserable. I'd leave me if I was with me. I wouldn't give me a chance. And now, with this, I felt completely scared.
Recovery is boring, more boring than anything. You can't move, you can't see or talk to anyone because they're not allowed to see you. You have to lay there, looking up at the ceiling until a doctor tells you you're fine now and can be moved. There's no telling how long that is. An hour can be two, can be less. I was strapped down. Made it even worse on me, I really couldn't move.
My throat began to feel better and I was able to talk like normal again. They put a kid next to me, a young one, had to be about eleven. He had surgery on his heart for something I didn't catch. It made me sad. No one that young should ever have to endure any of this. It's just not fair. He was sleeping when they brought him in, probably still under the anastesthia. I looked at him, he was wrapped in a bandage around his chest, tubes and all sorts of things were stuck in him and coming out of him. Tubes I never had. It made me shudder.
Finally, that same doctor, Dr. Ramsey, came back to see me. he unstrapped me and took a look at my leg, then gently turned me to my side to look at my back.
"Well?" I asked.
"Wonderful," he answered. "We're going to get ready to move you."
"Finally," I said.
"You're going to be sore for a while, let the nurse know if you need any more pain medication," he told me. "When you go up to your room, another doctor will be there to see how your mobility is, I told you about this, right?" I nodded. "Yes, well, it may hurt a bit, but it won't be something too strenuous, ok?"
"Whatever will get me to my room," I said with a smile.
It took twenty more minutes before I was moved. Before I left I took one last look at the boy who was put next to me. He was waking up, and I smiled to myself. The trip to my room wasn't too long. Everyone was still there, they jumped when I came in. Jay was not there.
"You look great," Paul told me. I smiled back at him.
Adam walked up to me. "Jay'll be in later, ok?"
"Yes, fine," I answered.
"How are you feeling?" Matt asked me.
"Fine, considering I have great drugs in my system," I replied. "But, I'm a bit tired, and a little bit cold."
"Do you fell better?" Chris asked.
"When I first woke up I didn't, but I am now."
"It's the drugs," Adam joked.
"Definitely," I replied. "How are you feeling?" I looked at Jeff.
"Better, drugs too," he smiled. "But, seriously, I'm fine. Nothing a little rest couldn't handle. Now, can I get back in the ring yet, uh, don't think so."
"No Swantons any time soon? Come on Hardy!" Paul said jokingly.
"Let me dislocated your knee," Jeff replied.
"There will be no Swantons for me, period," Paul said.
"I'd pay to see that," Chris said. "Triple H doing a Swanton Bomb, could you imagine?"
"No, I can't," Paul replied back. "Not at all. I can't get up that high."
"Yeah, you're pecs would weigh you down," Jeff joked.
"He's right," I added. "They're almost as big as mine, if not bigger."
"Des, no one's are bigger than yours," Adam told me.
"Stephanie's are," I said.
"She bought em," Adam replied.
"So, that doesn't count then?" I asked.
"No, not really," he replied. "I mean, they're not really hers."
"Well, yeah, they are," Stephanie said. "I paid for them, that makes them mine." We all were trying hard not to laugh because Adam was actually serious about it.
"They aren't yours naturally," Adam said. "It's different."
"Then you should have said that, because, these are mine," Stephanie said then laughed, then we all did.
"Ok, enough about Stephanie's chest," Chris said. He turned to me. "Can I ask something?"
"I already know what it is, but yes, go ahead," I said. It was about Jay.
"What happened before surgery?" he asked.
"Ah, yes, that, I knew it," I said. "I don't know, I honestly don't know, and seeing how Jay's not here, no one talked to him."
"I sure as hell was surprised," Matt said. "Never once would I have thought of that, not once. It's going to be interesting with you go back home to his house."
"Yeah, how far is your room from his?" Chris joked.
"Very funny," I replied.
"Yeah, Des is right, chill guys," Jeff spoke up.
I looked at him. I wondered what he was thinking about it. He didn't seem to bothered by it, but with Jeff, you can never tell. Outside he can seem fine, but on the inside he's crying. RAW was tonight and I knew then it would be the only time I'd be able to talk to him. I would.
"Is Jay coming back?" Matt asked.
"Yeah, he is," Adam answered. "Don't you give him anything."
"And you look at me when you say that," Matt said.
"Of course," Adam replied smiling.
"So, Chris, who have you decided to be your new partner?" I asked changing the subject.
"I don't like the idea," he said. "I really don't. I don't know, I have to talk to Vince about it, see how he wants to handle it. I was thinking about having an open tournament, like a battle royal or something. Winner gets to be my partner."
"Sounds good, maybe you can do it tonight." I said.
"You don't give healing time, do you?" he asked with a chuckle.
"Why wait? I won't be back soon, and you need to get yourself out there," I answered. "I don't need a title to be big. Not saying any of us do, just saying. You have to defend your title, I don't think we ever did."
"No, I think you're right, doesn't mean I still like it," Chris replied.
"I didn't ask you to like it," I smiled.
Shortly after a doctor came in to take a look at me. The room was pretty crowded so everyone left momentarily, except Jeff, who couldn't.
"I saw the matches," the doctor said. "Insane."
"That it was," Jeff replied.
"Well, I'm here just to make sure the surgery went well, see how much you can move your leg. I don't want to work you too hard, but if I don't at all, the healing will be slower."
I nodded, letting him do all of the work. He lifted my leg up, which was fine, then proceeded to bend it, which wasn't. I tried to show that I was hurting, but the doctor knew I was, it was his job after all. He took notes. I hate those notes because you never really know what they are writing.
"How am I?" I asked.
"You are someone who just came out of back surgery," he answered. "You're fine. Well, not fine, but as expected. The fact that you are upbeat and happy is a good thing, but the drugs are helping. If anything wears off, don't hesitate to press that button."
"Trust me, I won't," I answered with a smile.
"I'll come back again to see how you are doing," he told me, than left.
No one came in right away. I looked over at Jeff. He was looking out the window, he got the window bed. We were pretty high up and he was looking down at whatever was below. I watched him for a moment, then he turned around. I glanced away quickly so he wouldn't know I was looking at him, but he knew.
"Heights never bothered me," he said. "I've been on top of many ladders, cages, and up there, it's all so wonderful. You don't think about how high you are or what's waiting for you at the bottom, there's really no time. There's just that brief second to take it all in, the fans, the air, the lights. You look out, and all you see is a sea of people, each one blended into the next. You don't make out details, no one has a face. And, when you look below, it's the same thing, faceless people."
He paused for a moment.
"Up here, it's different. I can make out every face, every detail. The only rush I get is the rush to get out of here, because sitting still is too much. I can see every blade of grass, every strain of someone's hair. I used to think that the only view was the view on top of a ladder or a cage, that was the only rush, that was the only life. There was nothing else in the world that could make me feel like I did on top of those things, high above everyone. That was life, that was worth it all. Not now, not anymore. Looking down from up here and I realize that up on top of those ladders those cages, life was insignificant. Now I know that I can't be up there all of the time, and nothing can be always be as calm and as perfect as it is up there." He looked right at me. "I can't have things always as I want them."
"Jeff, are you alright?" I asked him, unsure of where he was going with all of this.
"I am fine," he answered. "I'm more fine now than I have ever been." A small smile appeared on his face. "I can't change the past and I don't have a hold on the future, I can only control what's going on right now."
"And how does it look right now?" I asked still unsure.
"It's looking good." Jeff looked at me. "It's looking real good."
After that, everyone came back in, but still no Jay. Adam told me that Jay had called him when they were waiting outside, and that he should be here soon. I was worried that Jay would get ragged on for what he did. Paul came up to me and sat down right beside my bed. If anyone else tried to sit there, he'd kick them out. It was his spot.
"So, what did the doctor say?" Paul asked me.
"Well, I'm as good as I should be," I answered.
"Typical, Des, you never try to be anything more. Always try to be just as you should be," Adam joked.
"Right, remind me to never strive for anything higher again, I definitely don't like the price," I replied back.
"No, you got a good deal," Matt spoke up. "No, really. Ok, you were in a match that was, I dunno, the match of your career. You came out better than when you went in, gain a shit load of respect, and now you're on killer drugs. I say you made out pretty good."
"Well, since he put it that way," Adam replied. "You lucky bitch. You always have to be better than everyone else!"
"Adam, shut up," Chris told him. "Don't be jealous because you're not on good drugs."
"No, I'll have a friend on good drugs who will be a good friend and slip me a few," Adam said. "Des, remember all the good times we had? Gotta help a buddy out."
"I think if you went these drugs, we might all be better off," Chris told him. "You'd shut the hell up for a change."
"You know, Mr. Jericho, you'd all be a lot more bored if I wasn't so like I am."
"No, we'd all be a lot more sane," Chris said.
"You know," Adam said.
Adam went after Chris is a joking way. In the middle of their play fight Jay had quietly walked in and was standing in the corner. Adam noticed him and stood up. He fixed his hair and walked over, gave his friend a hug and stood beside him.
"Hey, Jay, how are you?" Matt asked. He stood up and shook Jay's hand. Adam gave Matt a look.
Jay shrugged his shoulders. "Not sure."
"You look like hell," Matt said. Adam shot him another look.
"Didn't sleep much," Jay replied calmly.
"I don't think many of us did," Paul said. He stood up and shook Jay's hand. "How are you?"
"I'm ok," Jay said, sounding like he was speaking to Paul alone.
An awkward silence spilled over the room. No one knew what to say, but everyone knew what the other was thinking. I looked up at Jay, he looked different, distant, not himself. He remained glued to the wall, not moving. Adam was right beside him, acting normal. Everyone was seated in the chairs looking aimlessly around the room. It was if everyone was waiting for someone else to bring it up.
"How are you guys feeling?" Jay finally asked.
"Fine," Jeff answered. "Better than I thought really."
"Des's all drugged up," Adam spoke up.
"Yes, so I'm feeling pretty good," I added.
"That was really sick what the two of you did," Jay said. "I don't know if I would have been as brave as the two of you then and now. I hate hospitals."
"Me too, I get the willies just being here," Matt said. "And I'm not even a patient."
"I don't know, there's something peaceful about it," Jeff said.
"You would," Adam replied.
Again awkward silence. I could see it in Jay's face that he knew that everyone was thinking about what he had done. Jay got off of the wall and walked into the room more. Everyone jumped as if Jay had been dead and mysteriously came back to life. He noticed that everyone was looking at him, I saw it in his face. He went and took Paul's seat, Paul didn't say anything. He looked right into my eyes. He looked away for a second, and then back into them again.
"I'm sorry if anything I did seemed out of line," he said to me just above a whisper.
I took his hand. "Don't worry, Jay, everything is cool," I replied.
"And, I know it's what everyone's thinking about," Jay said a little bit louder.
Matt looked up.
"Him mostly," I said.
Jay looked around the room at everyone. Then back at me.
"I know you want a reason," he said. "I know you all want a reason. I know it's what you all have been thinking about, and probably talking about. Damn, you all really need to get out more. But, any way, here's my reason, I don't have one. It was out of impulse. Matt, Jeff, what is it that you say, live for the moment? There you go."
No one said anything. Then, Adam's eyes lit up as if he had discovered the answers to the universe.
"So, you're telling me you laid a hot a heavy kiss on Destiny because of impulse?" he asked. "Do you know all of the things I would like to do to Destiny out of impulse?" Paul shot him a look. "Nothing," he replied, looking right at the floor.
I saw a smile appear on Jay's face, the first time since the match. Jay placed his hand on my bed and slipped me a piece of paper. I went to open it, but he looked at me and mouthed, "later", so I kept it by my side.
"Adam, you should know what you can and can't say around Paul by now," Matt told him.
Adam looked up at Paul, who had an eye on him, mostly to just mess with him.
"So that's it, that's the big reason?" Matt asked. "We didn't hear from you for a day because of an impulse?"
"Pretty much," Jay replied.
Jay's attitude changed. The whole way he carried himself changed. But, when I looked into his eyes, I knew their was more. This was just an act to get everyone off of his back. It was working, though, I didn't know who could see through it. I think this was why Jay didn't look anyone in the eyes.
"Paul, you know I was kidding, right?" Adam asked.
"No one talks about my girl that way," Paul replied in a voice that made Adam jump just a little.
"I was only kidding," Adam said. "You know that right?"
"I don't like hearing that kind of talk," Paul said, getting closer. We all tried hard not to laugh.
"I'm sorry," Adam said, not looking him in the eyes. It's great that Paul can have this effect on anyone, no matter who they are and how close we are to them.
"I don't know, Destiny, what do you think we should do with him?"
"Out the window," I answered. "Jeff, do you mind opening yours?"
The fact that Adam actually thought Paul would do something was what was so funny. Paul was funny like that too. He wasn't my father, of course, and not as much of the father figure as he was, but something different. He looked out for me in ways that no one else did or could for that matter. He was older than all of the guys that we hung out with, so that sort of made him the responsible one. But, for me, it was different. He never looked out for any of the rest of them like he did for me. Probably because, besides his wife, I was the only girl of the group. He didn't want to hear anyone talk about anything they wanted to do with me, no matter if they were kidding or not. When I was with Jeff, anything I told to Stephanie, and I told her a lot, he didn't want to hear. He always got a bit protective of me, but he never took it too far.
Before I knew it, it was time for everyone to leave. RAW would be starting soon and they all had to get themselves together. Of course no one wanted to leave Jeff and myself, but we did want the time alone, some time for quiet. After all the hugs and kisses and I'll miss you's were done, Jeff and I looked at each other and sighed heavy.
"They're good in doses," he said. "Too much and you're insane."
I laughed. "Yes, true, but it is good to know people care about you."
I looked down at the paper in my hand.
"What's that?" Jeff asked.
"Nothing," I answered.
"Liar," he replied. "I'm observant, very observant, everyone forgets that. Jay slipped it to you. Seemed to be pretty good, ya know. Nothing seemed wrong at all."
"Yeah," I said looked at the paper.
"Bullshit," Jeff replied. "The whole thing. He's a horrible actor, wrestler or not. I think everyone else in the room was just happy to see him that they didn't notice the look in his eyes, or the fact that he doesn't look anyone in the eyes when he's lying. Not once did he look anyone in the eyes when he talked to them, well, no one except you, but that's different. No one remembers all the detail I pick up."
He was right, he's got an eye for it. He was also right about how everyone forgets that. He's the fly on the wall.
"So, what does it say?" Jeff asked.
"I don't know," I replied.
I opened the paper up. There was a note on it:
Destiny:
Please, don't take what I did as anything offensive. The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable. Second, don't take anything that I might have said in front of anyone as true. Yes, I've always wanted to do that to you, and impulse had a lot to do with me doing it at that moment, but it is more than that. Also, take anything that I might say in this note for what you want, I don't want it to make you feel, like I said, uncomfortable. I would hate for our relationship to be damaged over something so stupid. We've become so close over the years, you're living in my house now. I know you and I have pushed the boundaries of our friendship, then vowed to never do it again. The truth is, I tried to forget it, I really did, but I can't. I did what I did the day before to throw the idea out there, and the truth that I do think I am falling for you. I know this is the worst timing imaginable, and I am so sorry. I just don't think I could have kept it in any longer. I'm not asking you to jump into bed with me, or anything for that matter, I am just throwing out what I feel. Whatever happens next is totally up to you. Now, I better go before I scare you more and make a bigger ass out of myself.
I folded the paper back up. It sounded a lot like the Matt situation.
"So, what did it say?" Jeff asked. "What I thought it would?"
"Something like that," I answered.
"What do you feel about all of this?" he asked.
"I don't know," I answered. "Jay and I are so close, I live with him. I mean, we did stuff when I first got here, and I didn't think anything about it. Then, a few days before the pay-per-view we tested our friendship again. It was different then, I don't know. I didn't think anything would come out of it, again, but it just felt different. Now, now I don't know what to think about anything. It's, I don't know."
I sighed. I looked over at Jeff and could see he didn't want to hear how Jay and I tested our friendship. Jay was right, the timing was horrible. Jeff and I could tell each other everything, before, and now, now I was trying to, and it was very hard to. So I just stopped talking, and he even knew why.
"Hey, you know you and I are friends," he said. "Just friends, and probably the only people that understand one another. I'm sick of mistrust and all of that. Talk to me."
"I'm not sure if this is the best subject, you know, considering," I said.
"Considering what? Our past? Our past shouldn't effect our future," he said. "Lets not let the fact that we were involved ruin any chances for a good friendship."
"You're right,"
"Of course," he replied. "Do you want to know what I think?"
"Sure," I answered.
"Jay's a great guy. I've known him for a very long time. I think you should really decide what you want before leading him on. Not saying you are or anything, just I don't know what you want or where your head is exactly. You should before anything would happen," he said. "Just what I think."
I let what he said sink in. The doctor had come back in to look at me. Nothing bad to report. So much was going on and I just got out of surgery...and RAW hadn't even started yet.
