~~*~~ Lost Forever ~~*~~
by Prof. Sparky
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine. Neither is the song "If I Never Knew You ". Do I look like a multi-million dollar company to you?
Summary: This is Oikawa angstyness, written for Blackjack Gabbiani's fic contest. It's also a songfic, and contains some slight shounen-ai. That's guys lovin' guys, if you didn't know.
A/N: I'd like to thank Irea, for telling Yukio to relax and turn on the radio. ^^
Italics
indicate thought. Anything inside ~ these ~ indicate song lyrics. Enjoy!! ^^Yukio Oikawa sighed as he struggled with the lock on his apartment door. Finally, the lock clicked and he opened the door, walking inside and setting down the bag containing his laptop. He sighed again as he looked around his sparsely furnished living room. The drawn curtains cast the room into darkness. The coffee table was cluttered with books; the couch pillows rumpled and slightly askew. Shaking his head in disgust, he flung himself onto the couch.
This battle with the Digidestined did not go well, Yukio thought angrily. Even with Blackwargreymon, Arukenimon and Mummymon still managed to make complete idiots of themselves. And to make matters worse, the ones constantly outwitting them were prepubescent children! At this rate, I'll never make it to the Digital World! …Oh Hiroki, why can't we go together? Why did you have to die?
Thinking to distract himself, Yukio turned on his radio. Some heavy metal song blared loudly through the speakers. Wincing, Yukio changed the station to one that didn't hurt his ears. A much softer, slower song began to play. Yukio leaned back to listen.
~ If I never knew you
If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious love can be ~
Oh Hiroki
, Yukio sighed.~ And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me ~
I had,
Yukio thought sadly. I had. We were inseparable, but you left. Why?~ In this world so full of fears
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes ~
The truth,
he mused bitterly. The truth? The truth is all of that rage and sorrow and loneliness. The truth is my best…my only friend is dead. The truth is…I loved him. I loved you Hiroki! But you left anyway.~ I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you ~
"Lost forever," he echoed quietly. I knew you and I'm lost anyway.
After a brief instrumental, the second verse started, each line sending Yukio farther into his deep pool of sorrow and loneliness.
~ Oh, if I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true ~
Hiroki, I wish I could've kept you safe. Not that we'd have been together anyway. Oh no, you had to get married. But at least you were happy. I still loved you, you know. Even when it was obvious you didn't feel the same way.
~ I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you
Oh I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I never thought that fear and hate could be so strong
All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night
But still my heart is saying we were right ~
Yes, we did. We were. We were right about the Digital World, Hiroki. If only you were here to see it with me…
~ Oh, if I never knew you
(There's no moment I regret)
If I never knew this love
(Since the moment that we met)
I would have no inkling of
(If our time has gone too fast)
How precious life can be
(I've lived at last)
I thought our love would be so beautiful
(So beautiful)
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I thought our love would be so beautiful
We'd change the darkness into light
But still my heart is saying we were right ~
Yukio closed his eyes and leaned his head back as the tears began to fall. The song felt like a knife through his heart, piercing his innermost feelings and breaking the dam of emotions.
Hiroki…
~ And if I never knew you
(If I never knew you)
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you. ~
Yukio began to sob as the song ended. Hiroki, I'm lost without you. I- I don't know what to do anymore…
Pushing himself up off the couch, Yukio stumbled into the kitchen as another sing started playing. He stopped at the counter, staring at a large knife, debating furiously with himself.
It would be so easy, he reasoned. Slip away into nothingness. It's not as if I'd be missed…
He reached for the knife- No! Cried a voice in the back of his mind. What would Hiroki think of you, taking this coward's way out? Besides, how can you possibly get to the Digital World if you're dead?
Hiroki…
Nodding mutely, Yukio turned and headed for his bed. "Lost forever," he mumbled to no one, collapsing on top of the sheets fully-clothed.
So lost…
~fin~
A/N: So, what do you think? I'd really appreciate feedback on this, as it's my first angsty fic. As for that 'voice' in the back of his mind, whether or not it's Myotismon is up to you. ^_~ I hope you enjoyed this, and please R/R!
