Hi! Sorry it took so long, damn that evil imp named Writer's Block! And this story is temporarily on this ID because I logged into it to update a I've been writing with a friend, and couldn't log out. There will be more, do not despair, darlings!
Thanks to: *sigh*, Mort, Eze, Anita, annakas, Kevin Greenleaf, WaterShadow, The Woolhat Wearing Genie Bug, GreyLadyBast, Silver-Kalan, Erisana Eveningfall, Shukumeiko, and big, big thanks to IceWhiteLady, whose suggestion provided the inspiration for me finally getting off my lazy fat arse and getting on with the story! I know it's short but I will have the next chapter up within the next couple of days.
~Fop xxx

***

Legolas woke up the next morning in a very bad mood. The first thing he saw was Martyn and Boromir snuggled up to each other, which didn't help. He glared at the couple, then, when that failed to do anything more than make him even angrier, he decided to take out his anger on small, defenceless animals and Aragorn. He shook the ranger awake and the two set off to hunt for breakfast.

"What's wrong, Legolas?" asked Aragorn, as they walked along. The elf shrugged. "It's Martyn, isn't it? Why don't you give up?"

"No!" hissed the elf. "I have told you, I will not give up! You know the plan, yes?"

"I do, and I think..."

"Thinking is dangerous, besides, I didn't ask for your opinion!"

"Legolas, merely ignoring the boy..."

"Ssh! We won't catch anything with the noise you're making!"

*

They returned to the camp laden down with meat, just as everyone else was stirring. Martyn was nowhere to be seen. Boromir was talking to the hobbits, an idiotic grin plastered on his face. Legolas dumped his quarry and sat down next to the man.

"Where's Martyn?" he demanded.

"Washing in the river," replied Boromir, taking no notice of the elf's tone of voice. "He was starting to panic that he was looking less than his usual beautiful self."

"Beautiful?" the elf snorted.

"He is beautiful, in a strange, manic sort of way," protested Boromir.

"He is not beautiful. I am beautiful. But I cannot deny that he is attractive." Boromir grinned, and turned back to the hobbits.

"Boromiiiiir!" whined Martyn, emerging into the clearing. "I can't get my hair right!"

"Does it really matter?" laughed Boromir.

"Yes, it does! Can you help me? I want it spiky." Ten minutes later, Martyn announced himself satisfied with his hair and Boromir was trying to get rid of the unpleasant sensation of hair gel in between his fingers.

"Honestly, Martyn, you're even vainer than an elf," smiled Boromir, kissing the boy on the cheek.

"I know. I'm sorry, I just have to be perfect. Speaking of elves, where's old twat features?"

"He's over there." Boromir pointed to where Legolas was deliberately sitting with his back to the couple. "I think he's ignoring you."

"Good, he won't mind if I do this then," Martyn replied, kissing Boromir.

*

Later that day, when the Fellowship made camp for the evening, Legolas' temper was even worse. He'd tried ignoring the boy all day, but everywhere he turned he saw Martyn and Boromir, either kissing, sharing a private joke, or just cuddled up together in a comfortable silence. It was really grating on his nerves, and he was snapping at everyone.

"It's really not working, is it?" smiled Aragorn, sitting down next to the elf. Legolas glanced over his shoulder towards the couple and sighed.

"What do I have to do, Aragorn?"

"Give up. I tried to tell you ignoring him wouldn't do any good." Legolas stared moodily into the distance. He had to win the boy's affection. He wasn't attracted to Martyn in the slightest, but he had to make Martyn fall for him to reaffirm his belief in himself as the most beautiful, desirable creature in Middle Earth. Suddenly he grinned and scrambled up.

"Aragorn, get your bow."

"What? Legolas, surely you're not thinking of shooting the poor boy?" demanded Aragorn, getting up.

"Don't be silly. I have another cunning plan, and this time it can't fail!"