Keldeo The Critic- Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake by Toadettegirl2012
(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)
It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!
As you know, it's February, and Valentines Day has come and gone. In honor of that holiday, I am going to review a romance FanFiction! And what romance is better than Negaishipping, or Ash and Iris shipping! Why? Because they're two of my good friends and just look so good together! they're both fun, brave, adventurous, and determined! They'd make a perfect couple!
So, when I found a FanFiction about Ash and Iris' first Valentines Day together, I went right for it! So, without further ado, here's "Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake" by Toadettegirl2012!
Hey it's me, Toadettegirl2012! Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Are you guys ready for some more Holiday Fun, 'cause I'm totally am! Hehehe, I put a lot of hard work into this fanfic, and it's the perfect Negaishipping story, since Valentine's Day is the day of hearts, kisses, chocolate, flowers, oversized teddy bears and things of that nature...too bad I have no boyfriend to give me any of those things WAHHHHH! T-T *Sniff...sniff* okay all better (I just shove the fact that my Dad won't let me date in the back of my head) now go ahead and enjoy this awesome fanfic...while I go find some chocolate or something to snack on...
. . .
Wow. . .
That's depressing. . .
Do you really have to do that to us? I mean, sure we feel bad for you, but, why do you want to do this to us? It's kind of distracting from the story.
Ah whatever. So, our story begins with Ash in a flower shop looking for flowers for Iris. . .flowers. . . really? Well, okay. So, Ash wants a specific type of flowers. Iris flowers. Oh. . . I see! Cause she's named after them! Well, unfortunately, the shop is all out of iris flowers.
"I was really hoping I could find some iris flowers here, but I guess their not selling them right now," Ash said brushing a rose petal off his black shirt that had a the word "swag" in big bold yellow letters in the middle, he was also wearing lose fitting jeans and sneakers.
What the heck is he wearing? Ash wouldn't wear a shirt like that! Ash doesn't even have any swag!
(Okay then what's plan B?) Pikachu asked as they exited the flower shop
"Uh, I actually only had a plan A, to get Iris some iris flowers," Ash admitted as he got on his bike and started to pedal.
(What?! You only have a plan A?) Pikachu asked as he jumped off his trainer's shoulder and into the basket that was on the front of the bike
"Well yeah, besides that flower shop was selling iris flowers yesterday," Ash said remembering seeing the purple flowers just the day before.
Pikachu rolled his eyes (Well duh, yesterday wasn't Valentine's Day; they probably got rid of them today and will being selling them tomorrow) the electric mouse's ears pricked up (hey, why not just give Iris a bleated Valentine's Day gift and give her iris flowers tomorrow?)
"What, no way!" Ash said as he pressed the breaks lightly as they started going down a hill, "I can't give Iris a belated Valentine's Day gift!"
(Why not? What are those one of the rules of Valentine's Day something?) he asked sacristy, rolling his eyes
"Yeah…I guess you could say that," Ash says following along with Pikachu's sarcasm
Wait, what's going on here? Did Pikachu suddenly learn telepathy? Did Ash learn Poke-language? Can he understand all Pokemon now? Is it just Pikachu? Are you gonna explain anything? HELLO!? EXPLANATION!? BACK-STORY?! ANYTHING?!
. . .Alright then. Fine. Make stuff up. Just give us a good story.
Back at the Ketchum's home, Iris lounged on the couch. The sixteen year old girl was wearing a pair of white short shorts, a pair of pink fuzzy socks and purple t-shirt that had a cute little pink dragon on eating a cupcake on it, below the dragon it read "CHOMP!" in bold blue letters. The house was empty since Mrs. Ketchum had gone to a Valentine's Day party with her friends, leaving Iris at home with her Axew.
Wha-? Gah! But-the-gah!
Okay, time out! What's with all the bizarre outfits?! I know Anime shows give their characters only one or two outfits a season, and it's refreshing to imagine them in different outfits, but, come on! "Swag" and "CHOMP!"? They sound like Team Rocket rejects or something. . .
"To denounce the evils of logic and sense!"
"To have trouble seeing through a chain-link fence!"
"CHOMP!"
"Swag!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender-!"
Giovanni hit a button that sent the two grunts down a trap door.
Okay, so Iris is having trouble figuring out what to give Ash for Valentines Day.
Axew jumped from Iris head on onto her lap, (Okay how about a giant teddy bear?)
"Axew, only girls get those"
(Um how about sweater?)
"Ew, no not even I would want that for Valentine's Day."
Axew crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her red eyes (Alright, fine why not just get Ash the giant chocolate Bunary you saw in the catalog)
Iris laughed, "I can't do that, you know how Ash is he'll eat the whole thing in an hour and give himself a stomach,"
Okay, so apparently Iris can talk to Pokemon too! And- WAIT, WHY IS AXEW A GIRL IN THIS!
Okay, does the author even watch the actual show? I mean, give us a reason for all this! Don't just drop it on us and expect us to accept it!
And another thing, the grammar in this FanFiction is AWFUL! Just TERRIBLE! There are so many errors, that it's distracting! "Ash will give himself a stomach."? So, he didn't have a stomach before eating the chocolate "Bunary"? There are A LOT more in this story, but I don't want to pick on the grammar, so let's just let that pass and move on.
So, lucky for Iris, inspiration comes in the form a cook book that lands on Axew. Iris decides to make Ash a big double fudge chocolate cake.
It's time to play Politician!
"I can't do that, you know how Ash is he'll eat the whole thing in an hour. . ."
(you're gonna make Ash a cake?) "Yup besides it perfect"
"I can't do that, you know how Ash is he'll eat the whole thing in an hour. . ."
(you're gonna make Ash a cake?) "Yup besides it perfect"
"I can't do that. . ."
"it perfect"
"I can't do that. . ."
"it perfect"
Is there some magical difference between chocolate cakes and chocolate Bunearys?
So, meanwhile, Ash decides to just pick some iris flowers instead! After getting a vase and some flower food, and narrowly avoiding running into Iris at the store, Ash and Pikachu get picking. Unfortunately, it turns out that Ash is allergic to the flowers and his hand become red, itchy, and swollen.
"Ugh, damn it that burns like hell!" Ash moaned trying to keep himself from scratching.
(Keldeo spits out some Berry Juice that he was drinking) WHAT THE HECK! DID HE JUST SWEAR?!
Did Ash Ketchum; the Hero, the Chosen One, the Innocent One, the one Melloetta feels at peace around, and the ultimate Anime Gary Stu; just swear?
No, no, no! I must be imagining things! Look, I'll just eat this Darumaka boxed lunch, relax, and pretend this misunderstanding never happened.
"Ugh, damn it that burns like hell!" Ash moaned trying to keep himself from scratching.
(Keldeo spits out a bite of a veggie pita sandwich) HOLY MEW! HE SWORE! HE ACTUALLY SWORE!
Team Rocket has taken over the world, Mewtwo's the new Easter Bunny, Darkrai has gotten a job at Build-A-Bear Workshop, and I'm pretty sure Cupcakes has just become cannon!
What the heck is this- this- gah! Look, Team Rocket can swear, Paul can swear, Trip can swear, Georgia can swear, Burgundy can swear, even Cilan can swear. But Ash Ketchum does not swear!
(Sigh) Okay, so after that, we go back to Iris in the kitchen, and, as expected, the kitchen, and her own self, are a mess. However, she still managed to get the cake batter done and in the oven.
Iris sweatdropped, "Okay…uh maybe the kitchen's a bit of a mess,"
(A bit of a mess!) Axew shouted (how are we going to clean all this up! If Mrs. Ketchum sees this she's going to poop a Miltank!)
. . . . . .He didn't swear! That's all that matters!
. . . how was she supposed to kill up this mess!?
(Keldeo's teeth are clenched and he's trembling violently) Must - resist - urge - to be - a - grammar Nazi!
Ash and Pikachu get back home, and Pikachu hides the stuff while Iris notices Ash's hands and offers to give him with a first aid kit and a little TLC. In addition, we get one of the most adorable lines in all of FanFiction history.
Ash sighed he gave a smile as kissed the tip of Iris nose he pulled back and licked his lips, "Mmm, I didn't know your nose tasted like chocolate!"
Iris sweatdropped and whipped her nose, "Ash not be silly," she said nervously, "my nose-"
(Keldeo levitates a few inches into the air, and then floats back down with a wide smile on his face.)
Wow. . .that makes you smile. . .
But then, Axew is having trouble in the kitchen and is making a lot of noise. And, what do you know? Iris swears too!
. . .Why am I still happy?
Okay, so while Iris and Axew are finishing the cake, Pikachu and Ash are finishing Ash's gift.
"Oh crap," Iris groaned, she was trying to fit the cake pan in the fridge so it could cool but the irregular shape of the heart shaped pan just wouldn't fit, "ugh, great now what am I going to do, I can't frost the cake until it's cool!"
WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Upstairs Ash and Pikachu were having troubles of their own. With Ash's tightly bandaged hands and Pikachu's lack of thumbs they were having trouble opening the packet of flower food.
(Can't you just take the bandages off?) Pikachu asked after their fifth attempts to pry open the packet.
"I would but I can move my fingers and Iris tied them way to tight!" Ash complained picking at the bandages on his hands.
Pikachu sighed (Give me the stupid thing,) the electric mouse took the packet and carefully as he could nibbled a hole in the side, he got some of the flower powder in his mouth and made a face (Mew knows how much I care for you to just of done that for you, Ash) he said spitting and trying to rub the taste of the flower food off his tongue.
WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
So, after standing in front of the freezer for ten minutes with no ill effects, Iris finishes off the cake. But then-
(Iris-AHHHH!) Iris turned to see Pikachu slide across the floor on a butter rapper, the electric pokemon crashed into the wall.
WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAT the heck am I doing? I sound so stupid doing that sound effect!
So FINALLY, the couple exchange their gifts. After Ash apparently becomes strong enough to spin Iris around!
Iris laughed, "Well could you at least of waited until I got cleaned up I'm all covered in flour!"
Ash laughed, "It's funny that you should say that," he said thinking of the gift he had got Iris. Ash scooped Iris off the grass and spun her around some more, causing her to squeal and laugh in her cute way, before setting her down beneath the tree that sat in the backyard.
OH! I get it! Flour! And Flower! It's a pun! And it's clever! I guess. . .aw, the hay with it, it was cute. I liked it.
Of course, Iris is touched by the gift of the hard to find flowers, especially when it revealed that it was the flowers that destroyed his hands!
And, of course, Ash loves the chocolate cake. And it is worth mentioning that we get the whole, "close your eyes" cliche from both parties when the gift exchange.
The dark skinned girl gave a mischievous smirk then leaned in and locked her lips with Ash's, Ash placed his hands around her waist and allowed Iris to lick the frosting off his lips. The two giggled as they kissed turned into a make out session Iris fell on her back, Ash hovering over her, as they continued to kiss loving. So their tongues started to-
NOOOOOOOOOOO! NO! Cut to something else!
(Terrakion suddenly peeks in) Hm-hm-hm! What's wrong Keldeo? Aren't you mature enough for this?
(Points hoof at Terrakion) You know, Water is super effective against Rock-types, and Aqua Jet is a Water-type move. . .
(Grins roguishly) Alright, Keldeo! You. Me. Sparring match. Later. (Leaves)
And thus, we end the FanFiction on a romantic note. And I-
"WHA-! WHAT ON EARTH-M-MY KITCHEN! ASH, IRIS WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PRICESSOUIS KITCHEN!"
. . . . well. . .someones grounded . . .
So, what's my opinion of this FanFiction?
I really liked it!
Sure, there were spelling errors, the characters swore, and I still don't understand how they were able to understand Pikachu and Axew. But, this was a really sweet FanFiction for Valentines Day, or any day! The jokes were pretty cute, and it was just hilarious how the couple and their respective Pokemon had to go through such great lengths and hilarious antics. And you know what, the great lengths they go to really make this FanFiction. It's these great lengths to get each other the perfect gift that make it so touching and heartwarming.
Also, the fact that the humans can talk to their Pokemon add another level of hilarity and comradeship that keeps you rooting for them, as well as laughing when they have their little squabbles. Like Axew's comments on Iris' kitchen skills or her choice of clothing. Or Pikachu snarky attitude or his clumsiness in the bathroom. It all just works out beautifully. Also, Ash and Iris are generally in character. Sure, they're a little different, but that's because they're in love. And yet, if they were in love in the show, this is probably how they would act.
So, all, Toadettegirl2012 really did an awesome job on this FanFiction. I plan on reading it over and over again. Although, what she really, really, really needs is a Beta Reader. I mean, seriously!
Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Fan-
(Off screen) "Heil Grammar!"
(Keldeo's eyes widen) Oh no! Grammar Nazis! They sense the mistakes in this FanFcition! They're headed this way! I can't fight them alone!
(Off screen) "Don't worry, we'll fight them together!"
Coballion! And you brought Virizion and Terrakion too!
(Terrakion) Don't think I forgot about your challenge, Keldeo! After this, we spar!
I wouldn't have it any other way
(Of screen) "HEIL GRAMMAR!"
Let's get 'em! Swords of Justice ATTACK!
THE END
Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice
The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing.
(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)
