AN: So I'm not the only one that got utterly messed up by the last steven bomb, right? Started writing this almost immediately after watching "friend ship" because I just want my two favorite gay space rocks to be happy. Hope you all enjoy.
"You should talk to her more. It'll be good for the two of you, I know it."
Pearl wasn't able to think of a proper response to that. Her and Amethyst sat in the living room, just letting the evening go by. Steven was off in the corner by himself with his laptop, watching some silly Internet video about ... was it boxing beats? Beating up boxes? Pearl honestly didn't know and would probably never find the capacity to bother knowing. It was a nice evening, a peaceful one, one that was especially needed after a week of complete household turmoil. Their family was at ease - they were just missing one member.
Pearl looked back out the window. Outside the house, Garnet stood at the edge of the porch. Originally, it just seemed like the other gem needed a little alone time after their last mission. However, Garnet had stayed there the entire day and hadn't moved a single millimeter since. At this point, Pearl wasn't sure if Garnet was simply giving herself time - or waiting on someone.
"It wouldn't hurt, yknow." Pearl turned back to look at Amethyst. The usually flippant and care-free gem held a concerned expression. She couldn't blame her. Amethyst was hit just as hard by her quarrel with Garnet and had shown a surprising amount of maturity throughout the whole ordeal, with a particular amount of concern towards Pearl's emotional health. Things had gotten better since their mission at the gem ship, but it was still shaky. Amethyst knew that. Pearl couldn't deny that her suggestion was valid.
Amethyst simply sighed, before patting a comforting hand on Pearl's shoulder. "Give it some thought, alright?" Pearl did her best to try to smile in response, alongside a short nod. Amethyst had done an amazing job at keeping her together. Perhaps now it was time for her to clean up her own messes.
Amethyst jumped off the couch and made her way over to Steven, probably to check what all the interest was with boxes getting beaten. Pearl looked back outside, Garnet still standing in the same place. Pearl took a deep breath, trying her best to mentally prepare herself. She knew what she had to do.
When Pearl walked up and opened the door, she was a little surprised by the sudden gust of wind that had pushed up against her. The ocean waves were a bit higher than usual, working up a strong breeze. The sky was caught between the limbo of sunset and nighttime, with only the barest amount of light still present. Even most of the seagulls cleared out, needing a rest from a productive day of squawking and harassing small children. It was all very nice, but most people still would've retreated back indoors by now. Garnet, nevertheless, stayed in her place, not at all bothered by the sound of the door opening.
Pearl clenched fist as she struggled to find the words she wanted to say. Several awkward seconds passed, as she remained unsure if whether or not Garnet even noticed someone was there. Just short of choking it out, Pearl finally managed to get the words out of her. "I've ... Put a lot of thought into what you said earlier."
Garnet turned her head a second or so after Pearl spoke up. Pearl thought herself to be the quiet sort, able to pass through without drawing much attention, much to the surprise of others when she did. With Garnet, there was no shock; there was only a pre-planned motion, delayed on purpose. The taller gem was always more rigid than the rest of them, but very rarely was she so deliberate with her movements.
Pearl could feel her words float between them. Each syllable took it's own moment to process. She had almost forgotten how unwieldy proper communication could be.
Garnet's gaze turned back forward. "Haven't said much at all to you this past week. Didn't think you'd want to bring up the few things I have said."
Pearl's expression turned downward, before letting out a sigh. She wasn't good at this - not at all. She didn't need to have future vision to see the various different ways she could botch up her words. Garnet did too, but perhaps just in greater detail; maybe she saw all the extra fun scenarios, like the ones involving her choking on her own spit or falling off the banister. Those images alone were enough for both of them to be too embarrassed to talk. But at this point, Amethyst would have their hides if they didn't at least try. And despite the paranoia, Pearl knew she had to talk about this. She needed to, she had to.
She really wanted to.
God, did she miss talking to her.
Pearl walked forward and leaned against the banister next to Garnet, still a couple of feet or so away. "I thought a lot about what you said, about having an impact." As she talked, Pearl tried to find a point in the distance to focus on. She had just missed sunset, with nothing left but a hazy layer of blue to encompass the horizon, fading away from translucence. At the very least, the waves were always a lovely sight. She laced her fingers together. "The whole concept seems almost alien to me. I've been on this planet for over 5000 years now, and I still forget that I'm not just a mistake in a production line."
Garnet still remained still as ever, her weight settled on her forearms. Even without the glasses, Pearl didn't think she'd be able to read her current expression. The side of Garnet's mouth tightened. "Homeworld wasn't good to any of us. That might just be the reason why we don't want them coming back any time soon." Pearl immediately felt her expression falter, as her hand tightened their grasp against each other. It was times like these where she desperately wished she could just retreat back into her gem and avoid the outside world. Instead, all she could do was compress herself further into a ball and hope that Garnet wouldn't notice.
Before she knew it however, Garnet shifted her weight onto one of her arms, turning towards Pearl. "But a mistake, Pearl? Is that what you really think of yourself?"
Pearl held her breath. It was a completely useless action, seeing as she hardly needed oxygen to survive. But she couldn't help halting the air that passed through her, almost to the point of coughing on it. Pearl tried her best to soften out her features, as she forced herself to form a small smile. "Ah, well, you know me. I have a plan and a strategy for everything. I've always been good at that - minimizing damage, seeing things through effectively." Her head drooped down, as her thumbs rubbed against each other. "And despite all that, I'm still so blind. There's a cause and effect to everyone's actions except my own. Everything I do seems like a blur in my head, and in the end, I just end up hurting the people I care about."
Pearl's mouth tightened, before she finally let out a large gust of breath. Her eyes drew over to the side, where she could see that Garnet's eyes were trained on her the entire time. "Mistake after mistake, piled on top of one another. And when I think about it, I can only think that it all ties back down to being inherently broken." She lifted one of her hands to come up to her forehead, gently placing her fingers against her gem. "That this could be the root of our problems."
There was pause between her and Garnet. The silence was filled by the tide crashing against the beach shore. Garnets hand clasped against the top of the fence. "So now you see the result of your actions?"
"Yes."
"And the capacity you have to hurt us? To hurt me?"
Pearl felt her teeth clench. Her hand fell away from her forehead, rested on top of the other. "Yes."
Pearl fully expected the conversation to be done at that point. At that very moment, she waited for Garnet to shoo her away, only to talk again in maybe a couple more decades. In reality, Garnet simply let her hands go from the banister and nodded. "Then its good that you already understand part of it. But I want you to see more than that."
Pearl's head piqued up. Garnet was closer to her than when she last checked. She wasn't bothered by the distance, but she'd be lying if she said it didn't prick at her anxieties. The taller gems eyes still refused to meet Pearl's, and were instead focused on her own hands, each palm embedded with a gem. "It hurt because it was like you only saw me as a fusion and not as an equal. As if I was nothing more than tool for someone's benefit," Garnet said, as she closed her hands. Her gaze came up, but Pearl still wasn't exactly sure it was meeting hers. Maybe Garnet wanted to look her in the eye. Maybe she was scared too. She lowered her arms, keeping them at her sides. "But it hurt more because you're important to me. Because you're someone that inspires me and someone that I have trusted with my life."
Garnet didn't ramble often. Pearl would know, as she was a frequent abuser of the tendency to let words pour out like a near-inarticulate tidal wave. Garnet's nerves were too steady to participate in that sort of speech. But Pearl could see the words push out from her, unbridled by any sort of hesitation. One of her hands rested back on the banister, as she moved closer to Pearl. "You're someone that has impacted me in more ways than one. You're beautiful, and brilliant, and strong, and you do it all with one gem. I admire you for that. It's the reason why I was so torn apart. It's why I still wanted to let you back in, anger and all"
Garnet towered over her. Most would be intimidated when being confronted by the near seven foot tall gem with a knack for pulverizing almost anything. But for Pearl, Garnet's presence always brought a sense of security - a sense of comfort. Her movements were never too sudden, no more urgent then they needed to be. Garnet's hand lifted up and gently came to the side of Pearl's face, thumb positioned against the gem at her forehead. "That's your impact, Pearl. On Steven, on Amethyst, on me. You have the capacity to do so much good. I just want you to see that."
Pearl closed her eyes. There was a lot of reassurance in that single gesture, in the way that Garnet grazed over her gem. She honestly didn't know what to do with the understanding laid out before her. Garnet's words were all so brimming and positive and she wasn't sure what to do in response aside from maybe explode. As Pearl opened her eyes, she grasped at Garnet's hand, gently caressing it within her own. Her eyes drew sheepishly to the side, as she let out a sigh. "This is more kindness than I deserve."
Garnet simply shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not."
Maybe. Garnet was always definite with her answers, making the word seem out of place. Pearl would've almost preferred a straight up no. At least then, so could be assured of something. She didn't know what to do with maybe. Maybe implied that Garnet was just as unsure and conflicted about this whole thing as she was, which was something she wasn't sure she should be relieved about.
Pearl began to draw both of their hands down from her face. "I'm sorry, Garnet."
"I know you are."
Pearl shook her head. All the while, she unconsciously held onto Garnet's hand. "I still haven't made myself clear enough. I didn't know that's how it seemed. That that's how you think I see you."
Pearl had let go of Garnet's hand by that point. Garnet's expression became still once more, as she turned back and leaned onto the bannister. She pursed her lip. "It's a difficult thought, yeah. Definitely a scary one as well." Pearl grasped at her own arm as she read Garnet's features. Garnet was struggling. It wasn't obvious, but she could tell in the micro details that were painted all over. The tightness in her expression. The rigid posture she took on. The way she balled her hands into a compact fist. Garnet was better than anyone at containing herself, but that didn't mean she was perfect. The taller gem tilted her gaze downward. "It's not safe to be who I am anywhere else. But here? I can be who I am here. Accepted like any other."
Garnet stayed like that for a while, eyes focused nowhere. After a few seconds, she unclenched her fist, letting go of the built up tension. Garnet sighed, before reaching up to remove her shades. Her eyes were sullen, as she let her shades dangle from her fingers, swaying along with ocean breeze. "It's ... Jarring to think that could be no longer true."
Pearl was at a loss. She saw her companion before her, distraught and self-conscious, and it broke her heart. She knew she had hurt Garnet, that much had been clear before. She realized that she never really understood why Garnet was so hurt, why things were so difficult to fix. But with one glance at Garnet now, Pearl was able to see the impact before her. Without thinking, she grasped at one of Garnet's hands, trying to imbue a single touch with as much reassurance as possible. "I never meant to make you feel that way. Like you were just a means to an end."
Garnet grimaced. She willed her shades out of existence, letting them dissipate from the air. "I get it, Pearl. You just wanted to feel strong."
Pearl quickly shook her head, as she grasped tighter onto her companion's hand. "But there's more to it than that! I ... I wanted to be close to you again. It had been so long since we last fused and I'd forgotten how great it felt to be with you. To interact with you in such an intimate way." Pearl tried her best to ignore the way her cheeks burned up, the dark hue of blue apparent on her features. She looked down and smiled, trying her best to hide it as she spoke. "You call it a conversation, and you're right - it was one of the best ones I've had in a long time."
The corner of Garnet's mouth perked up. "Flatterer."
Pearl let out a small laugh, albeit a slightly nervous one. Her fingers gently interlaced with Garnet's, as she felt one her gems against her palm. "I know I must sound silly. But I don't know really any other way to be with you. Forming Sardonyx, I felt truly accepted by you. I felt understood, I felt alive, I felt -"
"Loved." Pearl immediately felt her stomach drop. She looked towards Garnet, only to see that her eyes were set on the oceanfront. Her eyes seemed completely calm, almost mesmerized by the crashing waves. All the while, she felt Garnet's thumb rub gently against her hand, unconsciously in sync with the way the tide receded. "You felt loved. I can understand that feeling better than anyone else."
Pearl's resolve strengthened. Seeing Garnet now, she couldn't go off letting her think that she was lesser in any sort of way. Mustering up all of her courage, Pearl reached over with her free hand towards Garnet's cheek. She gently tilted her face towards her, able now to see Garnet's full expression. Despite her calm appearance, Pearl could see the solemness in her eyes, still plauged by insecurity. Pearl took on a serious tone, as she abstained from wavering. "But in the end, all of that isn't as important. You're not a tool. You're not a crutch. You're not a means to make me feel better about myself. You're my friend and I don't want you think that you were ever anything less than Garnet in my eyes. Fusion is everything you are and I disrespected that."
Pearl let out a steady breath, before letting her hand fall from Garnet's face. She looked directly back at Garnet, whose eyes were just as equally focused on hers. "I need to take responsibility for what I did. That's my first step to becoming stronger. Even if it takes a thousand years for me to make up for it all."
Garnet cocked her eyebrows. "A thousand?"
Pearl paused. In a single moment, she managed to lose the impressive momentum she had going, as the cogs in her head began to churn once more. She let go of Garnet's hand, as she proceeded to think out loud. "Well, give or take. I haven't made all of the calculations yet. The cycle of remediation for a human life could take roughly between a week and decade. If we pertained to that scale of time and fit it to our own life spans, then maybe we could -"
Garnet could only laugh, before placing a hand on Pearl's shoulder. "It's alright, Pearl. You're a lot closer to that goal than you realize."
Pearl's posture relaxed, her relief made just a little more apparent then she would've liked. Both of them turned back to face the beachfront, the sky now devoid of the sun's presence. Stars blanketed the sky above, while the moon eased into it's evening position. Without really thinking, Pearl wrapped her arm around Garnet's, holding it close to her. Her other hand came over to hold her arm as well. Over it, Garnet gently placed her hand on top of Pearl's. This was something familiar, something that they always use to do without any real meaning. But for this moment in particular, a sense of mutual reassurance came with the gesture; a sense of closeness.
For the next minute or so, they watched as the water rippled under the faint moonlight, only to dissolve into a strip of foam once it hit the sand. Somewhere, a few hundred thousand miles beneath the surface of the water, a green skinned being thrashed about in agony, tied down by chains. Another hundred thousand miles somewhere else, another green skinned being was pouting about, infuriated and partially legless. However, just for this moment, neither of those things seemed to matter as much as they did.
Pearl sighed, as her eyes trained on the horizon, the homeworld gems now stuck in her head. "No wonder why they hate us."
Garnet grunted in response. "Nothing but a mistake and a tool."
"We really are a mess, huh?"
"Comes with living under the indoctrination of a totalitarian intergalactic imperialist society." Garnet gave a non-committal shrug. "Its messy stuff."
She held Garnet in a tighter grasp, both as assurance to her companion and to herself. Pearl furrowed her brow, indignation coloring her words. "We're better than what Homeworld made us into. I want to be better. For you. For everyone. For myself."
Pearl lightly tugged on Garnet's arm, grabbing her gaze and attention. Garnet looked back at her, lacking in the dissonance or contempt she held just a few days ago. Nevertheless, a lump had formed up in Pearl's throat. She still knew that Garnet hadn't completely forgiven her yet. All she wanted to ask for was a chance; a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
Pearl took a deep breath before she spoke. Her hand held firmly onto Garnet's. "Will you give me the chance to do that? To get better? To let me back in?"
Garnet was quiet. It had only last a moment or so, but Pearl was already fully ready to jump off the banister. Garnet turned away from her, expression and tone being completely nonchalant. "I don't know. Three's a crowd."
Garnet did manage to look convincing for a while, her face completely vacant as she faced the sea. However, given a few seconds and Pearl's persistent hold, the taller gem cracked, unable to stop a grin from emerging on her face. Pearl smiled uncontrollably as well, as she unhooked her arms and playfully pushed Garnet against the shoulder, in part for making her legitimately worry.
They both laughed, probably looking like a couple of buffoons that were out way too late at night. Pearl's hands came to Garnet's shoulders, in part for stability, in part for just wanting to. All the while, she felt Garnet's arms wrap around her, wanting to be just as close. Amidst the air of giddiness, Pearl reached up to hold Garnet's face in her hands. There was joy in all three of her eyes, a warmth she hadn't seen in a long time. Garnet managed calm herself down for just a moment, enough to speak with absolute sincerity. "Of course I will, Pearl."
Pearl looked back at the other gem, completely enraptured. Her chest swelled with joy and relief after hearing those words, as she held her companion close to her, touching her forehead tenderly against her own. Her gem was absolutely radiating with warmth, as it pressed against Garnet's skin. Garnet held on just as just tightly, neither one of them wanting to let go.
Suddenly, the front door of the house slammed open, with a small excited boy stumbling out of it. "Pearl! Garnet! You guys gotta come back inside! Me and Amethyst just made up this cool new song!"
Following the boy, a smaller purple gem ran out of the doorway. She seemed just as excited as he was, as she lazily hooked her arm around the boy. "Ha, yeah, you heard the kid! Get ready for beatbox master Amethyst to MELT YO FACE OFF!" She said, exaggerated hand gestures and everything.
Already, Pearl and Garnet had managed to separate themselves with the bare millisecond they were given to do so. Garnet simply nodded, expression completely neutral, as she adjusted the new pair of shades that had appeared on her face. Pearl, on the other hand, was still colored a deep burning hue of blue, as she seemed suddenly unable to figure out what to do with her arms. She quickly hid her arms behind her back, as she nodded a bit quicker than what was considered normal. "That sounds great, you two."
Steven continued to stand excitedly within the door way, completely oblivious as he held his ukelele close. Amethyst paused, taking a moment to eye the other two gems with squinted glares. Eventually however, her expression turned to that of a knowing smile, one that had a particular effect on flustering Pearl. Amethyst tugged Steven away from the doorway, her eyes still trained on her friends. "Come on, bud. They'll be coming in soon." As she led the boy back inside, she grabbed the door handle, only closing it part way. She looked back at her companions, smirk still plastered on her face. "We'll wait for you guys inside."
The second the door closed, Pearl immediately felt the tension leave her body. She looked back Garnet, who just seemed absolutely content. They smiled at each other, only to break out into a much smaller sort of laughter, the kind born out an air of relief and silliness. Without any sort of hesitation, Pearl casually hooked her arm under Garnet's, motioning towards the door way. "Well then - shall we?"
Garnet nodded, her expression as bright as the starlight above them. "There's nothing else I'd rather do."
The two gems walked inside the house, fully prepared to witness one of the best beat boxing ukelele duets they will probably ever see in their millennia spanning lives. All the while, the ocean continued to gently crash against the beachfront, the tide content with each kiss it planted against the shore.
