NOT BILLDIP! Completely platonic. Minor language.


Detective Mason 'Dipper' Pines stared. Detective Bill Cipher stared back. Tension crackled between them like an electrical current.

"What. Did. You. Just. Call. Me, rookie?" Dipper hissed slowly.

Cipher smirked. "Did I stutter? I said, Nice to work with you, Pine Tree."

Dipper turned on his heel to face Police Chief Ford, aka his great-uncle Ford.

"Sir, I request an immediate transfer of Detective Cipher."

"Denied."


And ever since that day, Dipper had been stuck with this unbearable asshole for a partner. He slacked off, distracted other officers, and was a general nuisance! Dipper had learned the true definition of tolerance in his presence.

Cipher had been out sick for three days, and was finally coming back. Dipper dreaded this moment, but was more distracted by the current case. He had been working on it for two days, and still hadn't managed to connect all the pieces. He leaned on his desk in his office, staring at the billboard on the wall behind said desk. His arms crossed, his brow furrowed, his expression puzzled.

Loud singing interrupted his thought process and he didn't have to turn around to know that Cipher had just walked in.

Dipper was not in the mood to deal with him, and his filter had been squashed angrily this morning. He had snapped at two rookies, and yelled at a senior officer. No one blamed him because they were all used to his mood when there were no breaks in a case.

"Oh, Pine Tree~!" Called that walking pile of distraction that was Officer Bill Cipher.

"Hey, Cipher!" someone called. Bill turned, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't go in there, man. He's dangerous right now."

Bill, of course, ignored this.

"Your funeral.." the officer muttered darkly.

"Guess who's ba~ack!"

Dipper said nothing, simply staring at the wall.

Bill walked over to him, and leaned on the desk beside Dipper.

"Oh, my. What an interesting wall this is. Does it speak, or are you just crazy?" he wheedled. Dipper slowly shifted his gaze to peer at Cipher out of the corner of his eye, not moving an inch.

"What do we have here?" the blonde grinned, leaning in closer to Dipper.

"Bill?"

"Yes Pine Tree?"

"Would you be a good little rookie and fuck off?" Said Dipper conversationally.

Bill's face was priceless. Dipper had never snapped at him, no matter how much he wanted to, so this came as quite a surprise. He was so shocked, the blond menace simply walked out of the room.

"We warned you man, don't mess with Dipper when he's on a case."


Lol, I don't know if I will write more of this. Maybe if I get reviews? *waggles eyebrows suggestively*