Disclaimer-okay yadda yadda I in no way own Junjou Romantica Egoist or the character nor the song Gomenasai it is owned by Tatu
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'What I thought wasn't mine, In the light, wasn't one of a kind. A precious pearl.
Hiroki didn't know how it could have happened, how could this have possibly happened. He'd chosen to ignore this for so long. With Nowaki choosing to go study abroad like that.....and then all those times were he had found Nowaki doing rather questionable things, and then to find him sleeping with that other guy.
He was losing him.
The mere thought of this made Hiroki feel as if he'd burst into tears, he shook his head, how out of character he must sound right now. After all he was 'Kamijou the devil' not scared of anything...anything was scared of him. But if this was so true then why did he feel like this.
His heart had already been broken he didn't want for it to happen again.
When I wanted to cry, I couldn't 'cause I wasn't allowed.
It wasn't his fault that he wasn't likable to other people. It confused him sometimes of how Nowaki could put up with him. He hated to admit it to himself but it was true. Nowaki was always so nice and accepting to him, and he repaid him with yelling and pain.
'Gomenasai for everything
Gomenasai, I know I let you down
Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend Like I do now.
He couldn't help but almost wince in realization of how cruel he must be. Maybe he deserved this, maybe he should've seen this coming, after all they were four years apart in age. Nowaki was a Pediatrician and he was an Assistant Professor of a Literature department. Nowaki was kind hearted and sweet and he was cold hearted and cruel.
Nowaki showed his feelings and he didn't....maybe Nowaki finally gave up. Maybe he'd blocked him off to long.
What I thought wasn't all so innocent
Was a delicate doll of porcelain
When I wanted to call you and ask you for help
I stopped myself
He saw this coming, he knew this would happen, it would only be a matter of time until Nowaki lost interest in him, he knew that this relationship could never work.....
Right?
Gomenasai for everything
Gomenasai, I know I let you down
Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend Like I do now.
Hiroki heard the faint noise of the crunching snow under his feet. It was Winter, the icy wind blew past him the small ice crystals stinging his cheeks. Hiroki couldn't help but shiver slightly from the hold he opened the door to the apartment and stepped inside hanging up his jacket.
Nowaki was still at the hospital. Hiroki let out a sigh at this. He sat down on the couch sitting there in the dimly lit room. What had he been thinking when he started dating him...how could he have thought this relationship would work out. After all how could anyone like Nowaki ever like someone like him. His stupid pride caused everything bad to happen....he couldn't show his feelings to Nowaki because of it......and that probably what drove Nowaki away from him, this was his own fault.
What I thought was a dream, a mirage
Was as areal as it seemed, a privilege
When I wanted to tell you, I made a mistake
I walked away
Hiroki looked down sorrow filling his eyes he loved Nowaki...he truly did. It made his heart ache to think that he was losing him, just as he had almost Akihiko. He couldn't live with that, no, no not again. He wouldn't be able to live through that pain again, he couldn't live through his life with Nowaki's face haunting his mind. Not with vivid memories of him, he couldn't do that again.
Hiroki could feel his eyes sting with pain an aching pain consumed his heart. He could feel his lip quivering involuntary.
Gomenasai, for everything, Gomenasai, Gomenasai
Gomenasai, I never needed a friend, Like I do now
His breath trembled as he closed his eyes crystal drops falling from his eyes.
"Gomenasai" he whispered.
His shoulders shook lightly as he sobbed
Gomenasai, I let you down, Gomenasai, Gomenasai
He didn't want to lose Nowaki, he couldn't lose Nowaki, he needed him. He needed Nowaki so much.
"Gomenasai" he said again.
He kept sobbing silently and quietly sitting there in the dark room. When to strong arms rapped around him from behind.
"It's alright Hiro-san, I'm here now" Nowaki whispered into his ear in a comforting manor, holding his sobbing lover his head resting on the others shoulder.
Hiroki could feel his worries being swept away almost instantly at Nowaki's touch.
Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend
Like I do now
Nowaki's scent drifted through the air the very scent seeming to soothe Hiroki's sobs. He reached up his own hands holding them around Nowaki's, as if assuring himself that Nowaki would always be his, and he would always be Nowaki's.
In this moment of peace Hiroki let his head rested against Nowaki's chest, and Nowaki didn't say anything, just merely smiled warmly at the brunette.
Hiroki felt himself drifting off as he let a stray drop fall from his eye.
"Gomenasai, I love you" he whispered.
Nowaki said nothing to him but kept smiling, He rested his head in the crook of the others neck.
"You have no need to be sorry Hiro-san, because I love you too" he said.
The two laid like that all night, contempt falling asleep in each others arms.
Hiroki just couldn't help it though, he needed Nowaki.
TBC
yes I know strange i'd continue this but I'm putting a reason for why he says Im sorry I love you PLEASE REVIEW
