**DISCLAIMER** Alas, no, I do not own any of the Lord of the Rings, (though I should dearly like to own Legolas *evil cackle* and never will. It belongs to those Tolkien estate peoples and stuff like that.



This was written by me and my best friend while we were on the bus to school and then when we were trapped in the monotonous throes of Algebra..

*Warning : Seriously silly content!*

1 In Moria.

Being several years since Tolkien last wrote some of TLOTR, the fellowship have gotten somewhat bored of being stuck in a toumb.

Each character had his own way of dealing with this: Merry and Pippin had a burping contest, whilst Gandalf and Gimili plaited their' beards, Aragorn did Yoga, Boromir found 101 uses for an heirloom horn, Sam invented breakdancing, Frodo took up Opera singing (Moria, I need not mention, had superb acoustics) and Legolas invented the art of arrow ricocheting.

After awhile, Frodo tired of opera singing and began to toy with the ring. Then he hit on a "brilliant" (or so he thought) idea. " know!" He cried, "Why don't I just eat the ring?!" Frodo grinned moronically and Gandalf's eyes bulged (though not from the tight plaits) "NOOOOOOO!" Gandalf screamed in anguish. "Burrp." Frodo stated, golden chain dangling from his mouth in a most pleasing (or so Frodo thought) manner. Everyone sighed before returning to their' activities, in Gimilis' case, returning to tending Gandalf's plaits.

All of a sudden, one of Legolas' arrows caught the chain dangling from Frodo's mouth and yanked the ring from Frodo's throat with a resounding wet splat.

"Yoink." Legolas declared, catching his arrow and fingering the ring. Suddenly, Legolas disappeared. "Whoa, dudes.." Legolas drawled drunkenly. "Did you put on the Ring?" Gandalf demanded, plaits bristling dangerously. "Hahe heheheh- no." A disjointed voice replied. " This could be SO usefull for Orc hunting.. heheheh" There was a slight stirring of dust in the doorway, and Gandalf's leg shot out. "Hey! What was that for?" A disgruntled voice seeming very near to the floor cried. "I have this great idea.. *gulp*" "You ******!!! You absolute ****ing *******!!!"

Luckily, Tolkien returned just in time. "Thank God." Aragorn stated airily from the ceiling.

Suddenly, they appeared in Lorien. It seems that Tolkien no longer trusted the Fellowship to make the journey themselves, and this left the Balrog free to maraude through Moria, *accidentally* killing many Orcs. oops.

"Well, I suppose we'll have to explain this to Galadriel." Gimili said. "Gulp" Legolas replied, in ernest worry.

As soon as Galadriel saw the fellowship she noticed that Frodo did not have the ring.

"OK, where's the ring?" She demanded.

"I don't have it." Legolas replied in a somewhat high and wavery voice. Galadriel eyed her fellow elf measuringly.

"I thought your voice broke quite some time ago." Legolas blushed. Galadriel squinted. "How old are you again?" He coughed, and muttered, "2,934" The fellowship uttered a universal "Whoah." "You look pretty good for your age." Aragorn observed.

Legolas blushed further.

"Now, what to do about that ring." "But I thought you didn't." "Do you really think you can hide anything from me?" Galadriel interrupted, her eyes flashing dangerously. Then she grinned and uttered one word, one word that tore Legolas' world asunder;

"Laxative."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

So endeth the first part of our not-so epic saga. Next - Sauron meets the Fellowship.

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As a last word, yes, we know that there are several plot- holes and, (probally) spelling and grammar mistakes, but this was written for good, old-fashioned fun. Enjoy!

-Fern