Bovine Teats
AU meme: u suck so much dick you get throat cancer
plot twist jk that don't happen
Author's Note: This plot was inspired by a recent trip to Pagosa Springs. Written by two "Queefy Janes" from Tucson, AZ. Enjoy. ;)
Dedicated to our dear Celery Diggity-Dongity-Dilfy-Dingy-Dung Berry-duckPEEN
Y/N was a typical one-third Somalian, one-third French, and one-third Nigerian girl who liked to fart. She had deep, deep, soupy poopy brown eyes and a "Santa's Flesh" complexion, but a surprisingly radiant smile that revealed rows of perfect pearly whites that blended into her skin. Maybe such a combination of different ethnicities in one female was not typical, however her affinity for flatulence was ordinary where she came from: Sydney, Australia. She went to an all-girls boarding school in a rural area. Daily activities included religious studies in addition to milking cows. Y/N could never quite acquire the technique of grasping and pulling the teats. The bessies mooed at her and for some reason the sounds made her feel very aroused. in the teat. So she mooed back. Always. In her free time, she often played video games with her two best friends Amme and Naiy. Yea she was a girl. Yea she played games. Yea she was a gamer girl. However, besides her two companions, she was very good friends with one of their teachers Harriet Styles. Ms. Styles was like a mother to Y/N. Y/N was sent to the school at a very young age and never really knew her biological parents. For all she knew, she was probably an orphan. Either way, it seemed as tho Y/N had truly resided in Mrs. Styles' uterus for 9 months to finally be birthed from her bloody vagina.
One day, the headmaster Trista Evans announced that the school would be welcoming two new faculty members and two new students.
"What's up bitches, hoes and skanks? What's crackalackin my mahonies?!" She began the assembly laughing but her laughter quickly turned into sad tears. "I'm sorry everybody but I went to my gynecologist today and she told me my vagina was too loose for her instruments. Anyway, on a more serious note, we will be introducing four new members into our little community: Michael Clifford, Ashton Irwin, who isn't here with us A-T-M, Lucille Hemmings and Cali Hood."
After this short introduction, Mrs. Evans gestured to Michael to introduce himself. Michael Clifford, the new janitor, had a passion for bananas. His grey eyes lit up when he talked about their yellow, waxy peels, and how the fiber strings clung from his bottom lip. He loved the way the banana meat mushed between his canines and molars and how even after he swallowed, he could still feel the residue on his tongue. "The tongue is the strongest muscle in the body and bananas contribute greatly to its pleasuring ability," he chuckled goodheartedly.
He didn't seem to notice that no one else quite enjoyed the discussion of the phallic fruit as much as he did. Y/N noticed that both of the new students glared at Mr. Clifford, and she wondered why they needed a janitor at all. After, Mr. Clifford was Lucille. Lucille had crusty blonde hair and eyes as blue as really blue eyes. She was tall as fuck, and had the build of a man. Y/N found Lucille to be quite fetching, and not for the first time did she question her sexuality. "Ummmmm, aloha sprinklerinos. Thank you Mrs. Evans for the incredibly fetch story about your gyno! I think we've all been there am i rite ladies?!" she nodded like a bobbly bobble head. "Anyway, a little tidbit about me: I grew up on a farm milking cows and fertilizing soil." Y/N moaned as cow-milking fantasies filled her naughty imagination, but quickly brought herself back to the present when she realized other girls were staring at her. "I also love dick," Lucille continued with a hair flip and toe flick as she bounced off the stage to return to her seat before the audience. Everyone seemed to brush off the dick comment and no one seemed to notice that Lucille's teats were slightly off kilter after the hoppity hops.
Next in line was Cali Hood. "Uh, hello everybody," began Cali in a deep gruff voice. The distance between her eyebrows and hairline was only like two centimeters, but Y/N was in no place to judge. Cali's uniform was a little tight in the crotch region, and her legs were very muscular and hairy. Her blazer seemed on the verge of bursting around the shoulders. "So uh, I guess a thing about me would be that I like football and dogs. I mean dogs are man's best friend am i rite ladies?!"
"ARE YOU A LESBIAN?!" someone shouted from the back.
"Well, that's for me to know and for you to find out," Cali chuckled right before winking and ripping off her blazer. Everyone cheered at this brash act of borderline nudity, while Mrs. Evans looked fucking horrified.
