Message to the Reader: This arc of sorts takes place immediately after chapter 595 and that means I've alluded to some things that have happened in canon up until then. I can't tell just how majorly these spoilers will affect you but you're gonna come across tidbits as you read. With that said, I hope you'll enjoy reading this. It's pretty much Kamui-centric, and written with manzai comedy and puns in mind, the kind you either love or hate (probably)!


In a starlit void, the gigantic flagship of Harusame paves forward, closely guarded by smaller ships on all sides. Abuto tromps down the corridor of the flagship, holding a bottle of chilled water and heads towards the training hall. Whilst passing by a wide screen of glass he feels a pang of nostalgia and gazes out, watching his cloud-shrouded home planet shrink into the distance.

"If I survive, I'll return one day and see mom... Hope I didn't raise the death flag."

He looks away wearing a derisive smile, makes a right turn and enters the training hall. Its structure is that of a stadium with a ceiling fortified by steel beams, spiralling into a vortex towards a massive disc in the centre. It pours light on a lone Yato, Kamui, focused on practising attacks, blocks and evasive steps. With fluid motions, he flits across the floor, leaping and landing on the geometric markings etched onto it.

Still holding the bottle, Abuto spies an open laptop on the table to the left, on it is a playlist of instructional vids of advanced martial arts, footage of fights and a whole load of anime, no surprise there. Except for that one pervy vid he'll pretend he didn't see.

After a flying kick Kamui lands but staggers off balance. Thinking no one is around, he stoops forward and sprawls onto the ground, sweat-stricken and tired.

"Oi idiot captain, how about taking a break?"

Abuto lifts the bottle into view and waves it by the neck. Kamui peers at him through his dishevelled bangs.

Amid the gloom, fluorescent lights illuminate the corridor as they pass the beams jutting off the wall. They stop at an in-built sofa that Kamui falls back on, who, without a word, swipes the bottle and gulps down every last drop. Meanwhile, Abuto takes a seat and praises himself for being too good a nanny.

Kamui leans forward, prodding his elbows on his knees and stares down at his right hand wrapped in bandages. "The unchanging strength of a Yato was all I had, I thought that was enough…"

No amount of light can reveal Kamui's inner struggle regarding strength. That much Abuto knows so he remains silent out of respect.

"But strength comes in many forms and evolves in us regardless of who we are and what we use it for. It took some stubborn idiots to make me realise that. To thank them I'll strive to be stronger, in new ways and surpass my limits."

Seeing Kamui look up with eyes focused on the present made a smile spread across Abuto's face, he chuckles and replies "I bore witness to an impressive oath." A feeling of pride surges through Abuto as he moves to ruffle Kamui's hair, retracting his only arm in case Kamui breaks it. "Well then, I'll look out for you so you don't collapse from all your striving."

"Isn't that what you always do?"

Abuto raises a brow. "Yer just realised?"

There is a moment of silence as they sit there, relaxed.

Abuto breaks the silence. "So the end is near huh? Geez, after all these chapters we finally appear but the spotlight shifts from us yet again. Hey, you remember the plan right?

"Yeah."

"Good, now it's just a matter of time."

Kamui's eyes light up with an idea, prompting him to ask "Want to make a bet?"

"A bet?" Perplexed, that was all Abuto could say.

"What's faster, the release of the next chapter we'll appear in or us reaching earth? I'm betting the latter."

"Why would you-"

"If I win, before my next appearance, I get to eat any amount of earth food I want and you'll pay for all my bills!"

Abuto's eye twitches. "Are you kidding me?! My savings have dwindled to zilch and no one pays me! Both of which is your fault! Eat shit!

"How about I pay you a visit in hospital?" Kamui's finger bends down, completing his fist raised at Abuto.

Out of dismissiveness, Abuto shrugs. "You're not so threatening now that I've seen how soft you are." The conclusion of Kamui and Kagura's sibling fight springs to mind.

Kamui almost cringes. "That's hardly my true self."

"Aye aye Captain."

An all too menacing smile returns. "I take that as a 'yes' to the bet. If you win I'll let it slide after I hit you once."

"Let it slide, how?!"

"I'll let YOU slide face-first across the ground."

Abuto feels a throbbing pain by his temple. "This bastard! The solemnity's all gone now!"


Not far from Harusame's fleet is Kaientai's fleet led by a mecha monstrosity now in boat form. That monstrosity is none other than Sakamoto's ship where Umibouzu is parked beside Kagura in his wheel chair. His daughter leans on the window pane of the observatory deck with her chin resting on her hands, both watch Harusame's fleet, Kamui, slip away from them once more.

Kagura heaves a sighs. "As expected of Kamui, if he's in one piece it's the pirate life for sure, yes?"

"That's the kind of idiot brother you have Kagura, there's no helping it." Umibouzu glances back at her. "It's worrying how both of you are involved in this soon-to-be intergalactic war. I feel as if my hair will turn white."

Kagura regards him with glistening eyes. "Papi..." But then she deadpans. "Do you even have hair to turn white?"

Umibouzu's dead expression is instantaneous.

Nearby, failing to hide behind a wall, Gintoki and Shinpachi weep so obnoxiously that they're overheard.

"Isn't this great Shinpachi!? The monsters, as a family, have overcome hardships and can finally speak to each other - from the heart!"

"It is, it truly is! Though I feel kinda sorry for Umibouzu!"

Kagura hollers at them with a fiery rage. "Oi you guys! Don't act like a blubbering mess! You killed the mood!"

"Er, no…" Umibouzu murmurs, expression unchanged. "I think the mood was killed the moment you said 'do you even'..."


Manoeuvring in another direction from the same planet, that the mentioned fleets have left, is Kiheitai's fleet led by Takasugi's traditional ship. Therein he plays an elegy for the fallen soldiers on the shamisen.

Takechi slides open the paper door and finds Takasugi alone in the room, causing Takasugi to stop playing and acknowledge him. He bows then speaks. "The remainder of the Four Ominous Stars and their forces are now allied with Kamui-dono, with their strength combined with your old comrades and their fellow forces, the final battle will be a remarkable sight."

Whilst smirking, Takasugi sets down the shamisen to take his pipe from his parted lips. "Rather than the graceless sight of that lot, the outcome of such a battle would be more remarkable don't you think?

Shortly after Takechi entered, Bansai and Makoto appear by the entrance.

With a composed demeanour, Bansai replies "I wonder about that, they've quietened to the sounds of a calm before the storm. With music like this who knows what each of them is capable of? Despite the outcome, the progress may be more remarkable than the likes of friend or foe has ever seen, I daresay."

Makoto's head snaps to Bansai, wearing a curious expression. "How did your hearing ability intensify, senpai?"

Swiftly, Bansai adjusts his sunglasses. "Deus ex machina."

A blank stare is all he receives from Takechi and Makoto who both find it hard to note any sarcasm.

With an air of grace, Takasugi takes a drag from his pipe and holds it out. "Hoh? What a god."


In the control room of Harusame's flagship, a pilot's gaze shifts from the screen readings to Abuto who arrives to check up on things.

"According to these readings, a mid-sized ship that recently took off from one of the planets you mentioned, has been detected in close range!" says the hog-headed humanoid.

"A ship huh? So the survivors are on the move…" Abuto thrusts out his hand. "Open a line of communication, there's something I need to clarify."

"No connection, their communication has been cut off. What now?"

Now this is a problem, Abuto frowns. "Welp, now that they're in our sights we can't let them escape. If they reach earth as predicted the plan will become a whole lot messier, we better clean up here…"

Having heard this, Kamui unsheathes his umbrella and points the nozzle at a nearby gang of 7th Division members. "Get your weapons, we're gonna wreck a ship."

Their bloodthirsty grins are the answers he gets.


The detected ship is minutes away from an ambush.

Refusing to back down, an unarmed, maroon haired Yato levels her gaze with the captain of the ship, an octopus-headed humanoid. The stand-off takes place on the missile storage deck.

"I understand your desire for vengeance captain, I do. Only Tendoshu has the key to devastating those planets, but you setting out to destroy earth and Tendoshu would not only endanger yourself and your comrades, the survivors, but the earthlings who have no reason to be dragged into this war!"

The Captain stands with arms crossed, not a flicker of hesitation in his black, reflective eyes. "I'm well aware of that, Suiren, and I can't turn back. Tendoshu made us suffer for so long, the serial destruction of the terminal towers was the last straw, because of them we lost more than we can bear... that's why I can't let them get away with this. By destroying them and what's theirs I'm doing a favour for the universe!"

Suiren grits her teeth whilst her hands curl into quivering fists by her sides. "Captain, please!"

"What's this?~ A Yato begging!? Fuck, so pathetic! Use violence already!"

A rat humanoid is hurled across the room and collapses in a beaten heap by the pair's feet. The unidentified, raucous voice from before forces Suiren to look away from the crewmate, to a bulking Yato with a vicious Chinese dragon tattooed across the side of his face and neck. When their eyes meet his eyes roll back and he sneers with his tongue out, greeting her with the rocker hand symbol.

Another Yato of a rivalling build trudges to his side and scoffs. "Seeing you so hyped up is kinda pathetic too." His head is cleanly shaven, unlike the stringy mess on the other's head, and his braided beard is a sight to behold. The duo standing side by side is akin to prison roomies doped with steroids.

"Yer talkin' ta me?! Wanna go?!" The tattooed one's face is wrinkled in a demonic scowl.

Both the Captain and Suiren gawk at them with eyes wide open. How could intruders make it this far without them knowing?

Abuto catches up to them. "Oi you guys, shut yer traps, I still haven't clarified a damn thing!" He glowers at the Yato duo, exhausted by his efforts to control all these batshit idiots who've decided it's time to wreck a ship as soon as they mistake 'clean up' with 'obliterate'.

"Is it alright for you to be out of the sea, captain? You'll dry up you know." Kamui's voice draws everyone's attention to him. Smiling, he jumps down from the stack of wooden crates along the side of the wall and awaits a response from the captain.

"Since when were YOU here?!" The tattooed one jolts back and jabs his finger at him.

Suiren snaps out of her stupor and realises the matter at hand. "Cease this madness! Humanity is not prepared for cosmic horror!"

"What am I, Cthulhu?!" The captain whacks Suiren upside the head, perishing her thought of him being in on this intruder fiasco.

Kamui keeps smiling and advances towards them. "You swore vengeance didn't you, To-loo-san?"

"It's Cthulhu- wait, that's not it! Who are you?! What are you doing on my ship?!"

In a split second the nozzle of Kamui's umbrella is pressed against Suiren's throat. It's only proper to greet a fellow Yato like this.

"I'm the pirate king, here to kill you all."

Whilst on the sidelines, Abuto slaps his hand over his face. "Oh boy..."

Kamui pulls the trigger.

A thunderous boom erupts through the air, making the onlookers flinch. All around is coldness and thick tension.

The bullet hit the opposite wall, lodged in a metallic crater. Kamui's focus returns to close-range, where a left hand grips the nozzle so strongly that the whole umbrella shakes just as violently as the being.

Long bangs cast a shadow over Suiren's face as she barely speaks above a whisper. "...can't you see?" A sense of menace rises. "I'm trying to negotiate!"

She stomp kicks him in the stomach, still gripping the umbrella. He caves in but grabs her ankle and kicks over her standing leg.

Losing balance, she begins to fall. She didn't let go of the umbrella but he let go of her, just moments before slamming her into the wall.

The umbrella drops. Disorientated and bones bruising, both sensations she ignores to push herself off the wall, spotting the only exit blocked by the Yato duo.

Her head snaps back and finds a bandaged fist millimetres away from ramming into her face.

She grabs Kamui's wrist and shoves it upwards, causing him to miss and head-butt her. The impact is like two tanks colliding head-on.

"Suiren!" 'Cthulhu' calls out to her in vain, too mindful of his inability to stop them.

Suiren's dilated eyes glare directly at Kamui. Tears well up yet she's intent, not on winning, but ending the fight no matter how.

"I don't have time for this so with all due respect, leave!" She channels all her strength into a right hook. It makes solid contact with his face.

The sheer force knocks him down. Using the momentum, he tumbles across the ground and skids into a crouch. Whilst glaring back at her, he wipes the corner of his mouth and tastes blood.

Kamui's smile is on the verge of a maniacal grin, after all, this is nothing but a warm up. "Hey now, that's no way to treat royalty!"

Suiren hastens to widen the gap between them, breaking into cold sweat. "You're literally a 'pirate' before 'king' so I'm simply giving you fitting hospitality."

Kamui's antennae sways to and fro. "If you're giving me hospitality you better see it through to the end!"

Finding his smile contagious, she gives him a menacing look of her own. "With pleasure!" However, the effect is ruined by her inner voice screaming 'Nonononono! If they find out I have a phobia of fights, I'll die as the shame of the Yato clan! Eyaaaaargh!'

Abuto gestures towards 'Cthulhu' who scrutinises him at a distance with his tentacles flared out, he asks the wary Amanto "Is your kid gonna be alright?"

Suiren smirks a little too widely. "I-I'll have you know I razed 1/3 of a city with one punch! Hehehe!" The croaky laugh from deep in her throat is downright painful even to herself, meanwhile her mind screams 'Stupidstupidstupidstupid! Don't overplay it! You're making it worse!'

'Cthulhu's gaping mouth yells "What are you, One Punch Man?! QUIT IIIIIIIT! You're provoking him into wrecking my shiiiiip!"

"Heeeeeh?" Kamui tilts his head to the side, eyes wide with wonder.

Abuto waves his arm in the air. "Oi, oi! Don't believe it you idiot captain!"

Kamui launches off the floor with one hand out to guard, the other to knife-hand slash.

Suiren flounders in shock but evades. His slash whooshes through the air at chest height. In that instant, Suiren feels her heart on the brink of death.

Her evasion was last second and embarrassingly unco so she stumbles to the ground, saving herself only by slamming her hand down on the metal grate flooring, where she finds support and a new dent.

Kamui moves fast, about to smash her bones in with his elbow from above. Sharp pain sears through Suiren's skull, she's taken the hit and it leaves her writhing on the ground, grasping her head.

Kamui seizes his dropped umbrella and fires at her repeatedly. Though she's writhing she's aware and bounds away from a hole lot of pain.

"Looks like you didn't get a hole-in-one!" She smirks at him in mockery, just to hide her stress.

A glistening object by Kamui's feet distracts him. He bends down to pick it up and turns it over in his hand, checking its authenticity. Then he looks at her. "You...this is..."

Her eyes glimmer in recognition. "M-My lucky charm!"

'Cthulhu' deadpans. "Ah, no wonder you're so cocky."

Kamui eyes the object in his hand. "It's an Altana crystal... where... how did you get this?"

Suiren freezes and looks up as if reminiscing. "When I got caught up in the terminal's explosion in R'lyeh, I was choking on debris, then that crystal hit me so hard in the back it made me breathe again."

'Cthulhu's sweat rolling down his temple carries his doubt and embarrassment of her. "That's what you call a lucky charm? Hang on! You're still referencing The Call of Cthulhu?!"

Kamui tosses the crystal over to Abuto who catches it one-handed with ease. "Just one crystal, Abuto. It's not enough."

Realising what Kamui means, Abuto nods. "Yeah but it's a start."

Suiren's brows furrow in confusion as her hand reaches out for it. "A-hem, show and tell's over. Pass it back to the front please."

"Nope, I'm taking it." Abuto pockets the crystal with an air of casualness.

Lightning seems to strike behind Suiren as if to emphasise her shock. "Why?!"

"The dead don't need luck." Kamui fires another bullet that barely misses her only because she scampers away for dear life.

"H-how about luck in the afterlife?!" Suiren's eyes have gone teary again and her evasive moves are becoming increasingly lively.

Abuto looks at the Yato duo and sends them a hand signal. "They've outlived their usefulness. It's time we do our job."

Abuto initially ordered them to hold the crewmen captive until he knew they'd become enemies once they reach earth. Thus hearing the 'go' made the Yato duo cackle in delight, ready to wreck a ship and slaughter the crew.

'Cthulhu' tenses, looking conflicted about whether he should fight back or surrender.

"STOP!" Suiren's voices rings out, gaining everyone's attention. "I have a better idea..." Her eyes gleam with resolve as she gestures towards the missiles. "There's weapons of mass destruction on this ship, what's more, the ship itself is one in its entirety. Though the crew speaks of apocalyptic vengeance they can only follow through by using these means, otherwise they're simply worthless, miserable tech-heads with a bad case if impulsivity."

'Cthulhu' looks ticked off but he knows where she's getting at.

She continues, "Due to their meagreness in reality, take this ship as your own. In return I'll let you keep the crystal and aid you in whatever quest of yours. All you need to do is keep these guys locked up, away from harm until you find a good planet to drop them off." When she turns to look 'Cthulhu' in the eye, she directs her next words to him and the crew. "It's certainly drastic, I'm sorry captain, but this is our best bet to survive. I want all of you to be safe and live free from this painful cycle of conflict. It'll be hard, given the time to cope, but once these matters are resolved you'll at least have averted certain death as result of what you planned."

It didn't take long for Kamui, with his eyes reverted to false innocence, to consider. "Hmm...sounds like a deal!"

The Yato duo almost trip and spray spit in disbelief. "Captaiiiiin?!"

Raising his hand to his forehead, Abuto heaves a sighed. "Why am I not surprised?" Without further ado, he voices orders to suit Kamui's whims. "You guys, tell the others to take every captive to the cells, ensure they're unharmed at all times. As for the ones that weren't, get them treated. Also, don't friggin' wreck the ship, ya hear? 'Cause we'll add it to the fleet!"

"Y-yes sir!" The Yato duo flinch slightly under his weary scowl.

Whilst the duo take their leave, one of them mutters "Tch! How boring!" within earshot.

Filled with relief, Suiren fights the urge to let her legs buckle beneath her and bawl like a baby.

The beaten crewman, now being carried to the exit by 'Cthulhu', hacks and spits a bloodied glob of saliva on the ground, angered by such a defeat. "Suiren you piece of shit! I won't forget this!"

Suiren simply watches him with a saddened smile, unfazed by his foul language.

Kamui swoops in between the two, facing Suiren with a much cheerier smile. "Don't think the deal is sealed without my own conditions, 'kay?"

Suiren sweats, looking skittish and contradictory to what a Yato warrior should be. "…a-and what will they be?"

Raising a hand, Kamui points one finger up. "1. You obey my orders without fail." Then he points up a second finger. "2. I'll think of the rest later!"

"Then don't say 2!" Abuto butts in.

"3. Shut up."

"Yer right! Learn to follow your own orders!"

"4. We're heading back."

Kamui leads the way, accompanied by Abuto to his left and Suiren to his right. Her grave thoughts are 'Oh god, I doomed myself.'

Kamui peers over and catches her raking her hands through her hair and flailing about like a madman possessed by a maggot on a hotplate.

"How can I keep my fighting phobia a secret on a pirate ship, Yato included?! I can't! I can't! I'm royally screwed!"

Kamui bites back a snicker and looks away, whistling just before she notices how much of a freak show she has become. She makes a sort of dead pan with bloodshot eyes and dramatic shadows cast over her face.

This time Kamui fully turns to face her, smiling with his eyes closed. "Welcome to Harusame's all-Yato 7th Division!"

As if that's the finishing blow, Suiren bristles in dread and forces a smile with quivering lips. "T-that's right, I'm a Yato…hehehe…!"

Abuto observes them as all three cross the tunnel bridge leading to Harusame's flagship. "Today turned out to be more peaceful than expected, if only every day is like this."


Message to the Reader: Thank you so much for reading until the end! It really does mean a lot to me. A review from you, my awesome reader, will also be greatly appreciated and will no doubt be answered with another chapter. That's if you let me know if you're interested in this becoming a series rather than a one-shot. So please type a comment in the review box below no matter how short, be it one sentence or one word! (n_n)