Title: Bittersweet Welcome
Author: BookCaseGirl (Abby)
Date: June 27, 2009 (Beginning)
Status: In-Progress
Rating: T for now; some chapters could possibly be M
Classification: Well, sad...but it'll get happy, or you can all kill me.
Summary: After fifteen years away in Hong Kong, Chuck Bass returns to the Upper East Side for a sad event. When he sees all of his old friends and acquaintances – Blair in particular – he decides to stay for good, and finds out several pieces of life-changing information.
Author's Note: I've been listening to the song "From the Stars" by White Lies a lot lately, and all I ever think of when I listen to that song is Chuck Bass. So, please, if you read this particular chapter, try and listen to the song if you can. I have the lyrics up in there as well. I know that I promised to do a sequel for 'Brightness', and I still plan on doing that at some point. I just like this better right now. I'm thinking of this as a shorter story though, maybe 10-15 chapters only. And with that, I'm sure I could easily get a sequel started within the next couple of weeks. Again, if you read this, please try and listen to the song. Unless you hate it, then I won't force you, hah
Special Note and Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl and thank you so much to Michelle for help with the title idea and also for just encouraging me and looking this over.
I saw a friend that I once knew at a funeral,
He took the time out to be seen.
Chuck walked into the church, not caring in the least that it was the middle of the funeral and he was entirely under dressed. He hadn't even wanted to come to this damn thing; he knew it would be too hard, that he wouldn't be able to handle it.
Fifteen years. Fifteen long and tough years spent boozing away all his guilt and sadness and sleeping around without a care. And now he had to face what he had left so long ago. Chuck had to deal with the people that he had left behind, the mess that he hadn't known was created after he left.
He saw only one place open, right at the front of the line of pews. He looked to see who would be sitting with him, and gulped deeply as he sat down, pressing himself as close as possible to the armrest nearest the aisle. Chuck looked over at Blair, who had a black veil in front of her face – always dressed appropriately – and was dabbing under her obviously baggy eyes with a light blue handkerchief.
His eyes kept glancing to the hour hand on the gold watch, that he'd been given by a magazine.
He didn't cry when the priest gave the sermon,
Tearing his eyes away from her for fear of getting caught, he took a deep breath and glanced down at his gold watch. He looked up at the man giving the sermon for a person he had once called his best friend. It seemed every tear that he had had inside of himself had died when he'd mourned his father all those years ago.
Just pulled up the woolen collar on his fleece.
Chuck couldn't pay attention to the things that the priest said about Nate. It hurt too much; it cut too deeply to hear about the life that he had lived while being married to the woman that Nate knew Chuck loved. All the happiness and sniffles were too much for him and he pulled up his uncharacteristic choice of wardrobe – a gray fleece sweater – so that it covered a clearing of his throat.
Crossed his arms, gave a sigh and checked the time again,
As he sat inches from the wife of the deceased.
Uncomfortable didn't really begin to describe how he felt where he was sitting. Looking at his watch again, he sighed into the collar that had been pulled up around the lower portion of his face, and looked around at the other attendants of Nathanial Archibald's funeral.
There was Serena, predictably with Dan; there were three little girls sitting in between them and he smirked at how everything had fallen into place for the perfect girl of New York City. Lily and Rufus were in the seats that were farthest back in the church, with Jenny and a man he had never seen before sitting a few feet down from them. He turned his face back to Blair, who was now looking at him.
She had been hurt the most, he knew it. When he left, he had left a piece of himself with her, though. The playful and carefree person that he was around her; she had kept that and he hadn't been able to carry it with him on the plane to Hong Kong when he took his place there as CEO of Bass Industries. What he saw in her eyes then was so unintelligible that it baffled him to even give them the slightest glance, because he was instantly lost in them.
Blair looked pleasantly surprised at first, and then another tear slid down her cheek as she registered that he really was there. His eyes shifted to look at the young lady that sat next to Blair on the hard wooden bench. She had curls down to her hips and rosy cheeks that matched her mother's so much he had to look away instantly before he himself started crying when he least expected it.
He could tell that she'd noticed his glance and she seemingly dismissed it. She must have thought that he had missed a lot and was trying to catch up. In a way he was; but from a different view, he was trying to imprint this into his brain so that the memory would last him the rest of his life this time. He hadn't one reason to come back after this day, this weekend.
If he came back, he would never be able to leave again.
He looked to the boy that sat next to the Golden Boy and Queen B's daughter. His eyes teared up as he instantly recognized the child. He looked considerably older than the girl, almost...shit, fifteen. Sixteen even. His eyes trailed back up to hers, but she was focused once again on the priest and his touching eulogy for Nate.
Chuck got up and walked out. He felt the pairs of eyes on him – blue, brown, the darkest chocolate ones that followed him for the longest time – as he walked out, but paid them not the slightest bit of attention. He stood in the bitter cold of New York, remembering that it was one of the things he liked best about the city. The smell that was in the air – warm cinnamon from a nearby bakery and fires crackling in hotel lobbies that weren't far away – was unlike anything. It sure wasn't something he experienced anymore in Hong Kong.
As he pulled out his phone to call the car company for an escort back to the Palace – he'd rented his old room for purposes of nostalgia – he felt a presence behind him and rolled his eyes. Childish ways of smirks and eye-rolls seemed to come back to him when he re-visited his old home, and he almost laughed at that fact.
"Why did you leave." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, said by a dull and flat voice that was thick with wet tears.
"Stuffy," he grunted in reply.
"You know that isn't what I meant." Her voice was so unbearably different; he felt the need to shake her, get his old Blair back. But somehow he knew that after this day, this moment in time, she would never be the same again.
"I don't care to have this conversation now." That was him, always avoiding the inevitable when he knew as well as anyone else that it would just pop up again in his life one day.
"I do!" Blair's voice had volume now, shrill volume that shook him. Her eyes released more heartbreaking tears and he averted his gaze immediately. Watching her cry had never been a pastime that he'd enjoyed, especially when he knew he was the cause.
"Blair," Chuck said gently, his hand reaching out. She tore her own bony hands away from where his were about to touch her, and he felt something inside of him tear.
"Don't you dare," she said slowly, her voice menacing and low. "You cannot just come back here and grab my hands and say my name and expect everything to be okay again!" The tears were unmistakable now and Chuck looked her in the eyes. He would finish it this time.
"I still love you." His voice was strong, full of confidence and the potential of follow-through.
Then came the rejection.
She simply turned around, sniffling loudly and letting out a mirthless laugh. Walking back into the church, she threw a callous remark behind her shoulder that couldn't have been from her. He was convinced it was from a monster hidden deep within her that had taken her over and refused to give her back until she was done mourning her husband.
"Well, Chuck, you can rot with your supposed love for me, because then you'll know what my life has been like."
He felt a lump in his throat as the car finally arrived, black and sleek just as he remembered. When he got in, he instantly went to the fully stocked mini-fridge. There you are, old friend. You seem to be the only one who is exactly the same. He unscrewed the cap and took a long swig. Looking up at the driver, he realized even his old chauffeur had changed in the years he'd been gone.
He took a chauffeur driven car back to his hotel,
Passing through the sick streets where he was born
He said "Driver, what's happened to these buildings? They all look run down and so alone."
Chuck looked out the dark and tinted window of the limo and gazed up at all the changed buildings. It was the same route he had taken many days during his youth, but somehow, it was different. The tall structures looked sad and dilapidated. He pushed a button to lower the partition so he could speak with the driver.
"Excuse me...What happened to all those buildings?" His hand gestured to the window and the young driver glanced at them out of the corner of his eye. His response seemed old and tired, as if he got asked this question often.
"Given up," he stated shortly. "Economy didn't hold enough promise for 'em."
Well, the Upper East Side had changed after all.
Moments later, they were back at the front of the Palace Hotel. He opened the car door and stepped out into the dismal – yet somehow appropriate, given the occasion – rain with clouds that dusted the sky. He jogged lightly inside the revolving doors.
As soon as he arrived up in his suite, he placed the Do Not Disturb sign on the doorknob and lay back on his luxurious and silky bed. It still smelled like his youth, of scotch and the Chanel No. 5 she always wore.
He went to his closet and ran his hands over the array of colored suits that had once been so him. Now, he had gone to sheer business formal, he'd lost any personality that his clothing had once given him. It was back to basics, wearing gray and black suits accompanied by plain ties that showed no originality.
Chuck then walked over to the large bay window directly in the middle of the living room area. He saw only gray, with sparkling drops falling from the sky. They landed, one by one, on the ledge of the extravagant window that was rimmed with gold. He thought for a moment.
Somehow, he knew that he would always come back to this city. It was home, no matter how much Chuck tried to escape that. The raindrops fell back to the ground from which they originated, as with all living things that went back to the nest to finish off life – whether the length they had left was five or thirty years.
And that was why Chuck Bass would stay in the Upper East Side of New York. Because he had unfinished business, and he was home. For good.
He catches raindrops on his window, it reminds him how we fall, Rain drops from his window making puddles in his hands, He catches raindrops on his window, it reminds him how we fall, Rain drops from his window making puddles in his hands, End Note: I'm not sure if the lyrics were right, or the end was, but I'm hoping that that wasn't the big thing readers paid attention to. I had fun writing this part in all of its angst and drama, and the next chapter will have lots of answers, so please keep reading if you wish! I apologize for any stupid ass formatting issues. I tried to fix as much as I could, but whatever. Just so everyone is aware that I do know there will be some issues and I re-posted the stupid thing three times. I refuse to post again, hah.
From the stars back to our cities, where we've never felt so small
He thinks how quick the water's rising as another raindrop lands
From the stars back to our cities, where we've never felt so small
He thinks how quick the water's rising as another raindrop lands
