When she thinks back on it, Kairi realizes that she has probably loved them both for as long as she can remember. At least she knows that she's loved them for longer than she's known it. One day her love was simply shining in her heart when a moment before it had not, at least not where she could identify it. They have both been dear to her heart ever since the day they found her washed up on the shore and took care of her. Their young, determined faces as they tried to help her find parents that would never be found, the warmth of their hands holding hers as a promise of safety. Perhaps she has loved them since that very moment.
They were always together, practically sewn together at the hip, until that day; the day that tore their peaceful life apart. Yet it was not until she found herself truly apart from them for the first time that she realized just how much they meant to her, and in what way.
Riku had always been her strength. From killing creepy spiders to beating up the older kids who stole her underwear when they went swimming, he was always there to protect her. She'd always seen him as her knight in shining armor. And though his fixation with leaving had changed that imagine to one of obsession, it was soon returned, because even through the hold the darkness had on him, he was still thinking of her—of protecting her—that whole time. Now she's grown out of such childish notions and knows him so much better; she knows that he is far from a shining knights, but that matters little to her. Though he is weak—fragile almost—he is still strong to the point where she can barely contain her adoration. The darkness still takes its toll on him—she can see it in the depths of his eyes and in tiny moments of weakness when he thinks no one is watching and lets himself sink to the ground and hold his head in his hands—but he has never once given in or given up; he holds tight to his chosen path—his own path—a path he has carved out entirely on his own.
He inspires strength in her she never thought she had, an inspiration mirrored by Sora's own. They are both strong, so much stronger than she is, and she knows that she would still try to catch up to them even if she did not long for strength herself simply so that they would view her as an equal. The last thing she wants is to be seen as a damsel in distress; a lovesick maiden, the hero's biggest liability. Before they separated it was easy to ignore the reality of her weakness. Dangers were small and far between. But now they are real possibilities, and she has seen true strength with her own eyes. Watching them swing their keyblades, bodies twisting, sweat collecting on their skin, battle grins forming on their faces, she knows this is what she wants as well. Fighting always seemed a frightful thing—and she is not stupid enough to discount that now—but it is also a self-gratifying experience; to know that you have the power to protect yourself and others.
That is the distinction between them: Riku protects only those he deems worth protecting (primarily the two of them) while Sora protects everyone. His goodness stems from his light, a rival to her own purity, and it encourages her that will really can make a difference. She has always wanted to make a difference in the lives of others, but the dream used to feel impossible. Now she knows that she can, not just because of who she is, but because one person can make true change with a pure enough heart and sufficient determination to make it happen. It was because of him that she found her love for healing magic and herbalism.
Because of Riku's status as protector, he always felt further away from her than Sora did. He was the same age, the same height, and had the same carefree spirit. She can still remember fondly the days when Riku would scowl at them angrily for dozing off together instead of doing whatever work they had decided to do that day. After apologizing, they would laugh quietly together as Riku went back to his own work, not sorry in the least. There is an ease to her relationship with him that isn't there with Riku. With Riku she is always somewhat cautious of potentially setting him into a relapse of self-hatred. With Sora there is only pure, unadulterated intimate affection. If Riku is what keeps pushing her to better herself, then Sora is what reminds her that she is perfect as she is already.
Imagining being without either is as devastating as imagining being without both, and this is something she likes to remind them. She needn't to Sora, who would never doubt this in a million years, but each time she says so she can see the emotion welling in Riku's eyes, how necessary the reassurance is for him some days. In a way, he is high-maintenance, but she doesn't mind. He's worth the effort, especially on the nights when he breaks down into the shell of the person she likes to think of him as. On those nights, her arms wrap around his back and her lips kiss the skin of his shoulder, wishing they could serve as a healing balm for everything he still lives through. Sora joins her, and somehow he relaxes, somehow the strain and anguish settles into yearning and he tucks them to his sides as he cries the last of his tears. On these nights she remembers just how much she means to him and any inconvenience she finds in their relationship is rendered meaningless.
She may love them differently, but loving them together is the only way she knows how—and the only way she would ever want to.
