Hailfire Vulpes: Little notice, I'll alternate between the English and Japanese version of the names from Kirby. Usually my serious fics will have the Japanese names, and the comedic ones will have the English names. I don't know why I do this, but I'm crazy so...enjoy!
Disclaimer: I OWN NO KIRBEH
P.S: I got this idea from watching Kirby, the Abridged Comedy from Youtube. Special thanks to Lunara the ara for mentioning it.
Oh yeah, this contains some swearing.
Kirby, the Forgotten Comedy.
The moon shone high overhead, and beneath it was a field of sleeping sheep, contently...counting sheep...
The village was in a peaceful slumber, unknown to any kind of danger that would mar the perfect scene...no one noticed that big-ass squid thing flying overhead toward the field of sheep.
Instinct took over the sheep and they fled, but in vain for the ugly octopus thing scooped them up in his tenacles, and rose one of the baying sheep to its...face...
The sheperd woke up from all of the racket, grumbling ngrily to himself, "Stupid sheep. If I didn't have such a chronic gambling problem, I could still have my mansion-OW!" his self-pity was cut off by a sheep skull beaning him in the head. Looking around, several skulls and sheep bones pelted the ground around him. The sheperd saw the octopus, screamed in a pitch that could shatter glass, and ran in his shack.
The octopus laughed in a chipmunk-y voice, and flew away like a magical unicorn on crack.
Much later:
Villagers stormed the throne room of Castle Dedede, complaining frighteningly about the wierd octopus squid thing that murdered the sheep. They were adressed by a snail, "What are you lot doing in this place? You should know that the king is busy trying to outweigh a small rhino!" The townspeople looked at the king, who was pratically inhaling some sort of greasy six-course dinner.
"That's gross," Tiff commented, walking up. Escargoon looked poisonously at her,
"Who asked you? I want everyone to get their Cappy-asses out of here!" He plucked a spear from the nearest Waddle Dee and proceeded to smack one of the townspeople on the head with it.
"Oh screw you!" yelled Tuff, and he threw a rock at the snail.
Sometime Later:
Everyone was standing in front of a large tiki type thing and trying to talk to it, like it mattered.
"Kabu, what will we do about this monster?" asked one of the viallgers.
"Kabu wonders why it is his problem," the tiki replied. Bun threw a rock at it.
"So we let this monster keep devouring the sheep? How long until it wants to eat us?" one of the Cappies cried. Panicked murmuring broke out, and the tiki replied,
"Kabu wonders why he talks in the third person. Kabu wonders why no one ever asks him about his problems. Why don't the Cappies take care of it? Why don't people notice that Kabu is ON FIRE RIGHT NOW." No one looked at the fire that usually burned close to the tiki base, and the fact that the tiki itself just now caught fire.
Suddenly, the angry screech of tires heraulded the arrival of Dedede, who had a large canon mounted on the hood of his tank as he drove up. He ran over a Cappy, and aimed the canon at the tiki, "Hey Elmo-tiki!" the king taunted, "What's about t' go down 'n flames 'n three seconds?"
"Your mom." replied the tiki. Dedede gaped at him and glared,
"Oh snap," Tuff said, throwing a slightly larger rock at Dedede, who ate it. Dedede dramtically lowered his finger toward a big green button on the canon,
"No, it ain't mah mom." Dedede said, although he secretly wished it was.
"Kabu predicts his royal Fat-Ass won't touch the button and blow Kabu up." the tiki said. Dedede shot him a toothy smirk, which was unusual since birds don't have teeth,
"Oh yeah? Well watch this!" Dedede punched the button, and suddenly flew up into the air. Turns out it was atucally the 'Eject' button.
"So are we doomed to be destroyed by a gay squid or what?" asked Tiff. The tiki paused for a second, and replied,
"Kabu foresees the coming of a Star Warrior named Kirby, who will kick the gay squid's butt, and free us all of its danger." Tiff fantasized about a character that looked like Robert Patterson arriving in a ship, riding a rainbow unicorn. She imagined the fantasy character handing kittens and ice cream out to everyone, and falcon-punching the octopus into oblivion. Her eyes turned into hearts. Tuff stared at her enviously,
"I wish I had eyes..." he muttered. Then the tiki spoke again,
"And Kabu predicts he will come in...right now."
Everyone now noticed a huge, star-shaped vessel cartwheeling incontrollably through the sky. Unfortunately for the southern-accented penguin king, he fell right in its arieal path, and was smacked against the vessel as it flew in for a disatrous landing on the edge of a cliff.
The Cappies all gathered toward the vessel, and Dedede squirmed out from under it, looking majorly pissed. The ship opened up, and a large piece of bubble gum flopped out. Bun threw a rock at it cautiously. The gum rolled over, exposing a face with bright blue eyes and a tiny smile. Tiff gasped, the image of the kitten-bearing, unicorn-riding Robert Patterson now bearing a pudgy, smily, pink face, "My sexual fantasy! Noooo!" she cried, falling to the floor dramatically. Bun threw a rock at her.
Dedede picked up the pink object gingerly, as if it would shed pink germs all over him, "What teh hell is that?" he yelled, flicking the puff onto the ground. The pink puff raised its arms and cried,
"Kaabii! Kaabii!" in a cute wittle voice.
"Looks like 'n alien invaduh!" Dedede growled. Escargoon came in from out of nowhere and yelled,
"Pwn it with yo hammah!" Dedede raised his mallet threateningly over Kirby,
"It's hammah time!" he yelled. Tuff threw a rock at him,
"That's one big-ass croquet mallet!" he commented. Tiff slapped him for his bad language, and looked up in time to see Dedede ready to pwn Kirby.
"Nooo!" she yelled, despite the fact that this creature destroyed her vision of a sexy Star Patterson of coming down to Popstar. She ran forward to intercept, and Dedede smack the mallet into her and Kirby, sending them both flying off the cliff.
From somehwere in the sky, a deep voice said, "FATALITY. TOTAL VICTORY."
"Damn skippy." Dedede said. Bun threw a large stone at him, which landed in his eye,
"You dolt! You just pwned my sister offa cliff! She owed me five bucks, you bastard!" Tuff ran up and punched him in the face.
Well, we could sit here on our asses, watching with great interest how Tuff knocked the birdshit out of Dedede, but we'd be sidetracking the plot a tad, wouldn't we? So now we turn the camera lenses to some freaking canyon where Kirby just saved Tiff from being brutally impaled on a well-placed stalagmite.
She gasped, "Kirby, you saved me!" she said dreamily, and skipped toward him in slow-motion. Kirby tripped her with a naughty giggle. Tuff rode his pwning pony into the canyon and cried,
"You saved my sister! Now Tiff can give me my five bucks, and you can chuck her off the cliff!" Tiff slapped him, and threw him his five dollars in Monopoly money. Tuff threw a rock at her.
Tiff looked at Kirby, maintaining a superior air, "The village invited you to a dinner party." she said, even though she had no way of knowing because of the recent events, but blame the wonky plotline.
Later that night.
Kirby was seated at the far end of a long freaking table, covered with McDonald's entrees. Before anyone could half-blink though, Kirby had inhaled...literally inhaled the entire dinner, including the silverwear, tablecloth, table, and one or two Cappies. Tuff screamed and threw a rock at Kirby, who ran away like a little girl.
Another stupid transition later.
Kirby was standing over a mound of sheep skulls near a convienient shack. Tiff and Tuff ran up to him,
"Now see what you did! They're gonna sic the knights on us now!" cried Tuff, who pelted Kirby with a...football-shaped stone. Tiff picked up Kirby,
"Let's hide in that convenient shack!" she said, and the three ran inside. They hid in teh very back, and Tiff creeped up to the door listening,
"So, did ya see that game on Sunday?" came a wierd British accent.
"Iegbrfjvrkf!" Came incoherent gibberish.
Tuff gasped, "Crap, it's Sword and Blade!" he said. Tiff picked up a sack that smelled of crack and potatoes and threw it on Kirby. She sat on him, and Kirby groped at the sack from the inside, complaining about how he couldn't breathe.
"Aovnkjf?"
"Yeah, let's check in dis convinient shack for that Kirbee."
Suddenly the door fell down, exposing the two knights. Tuff jumped five feet in the air, "We're not getting high!" he exclaimed. Tiff glared at him.
"Dknrfnvr?"
"Excuse me?" Tiff asked, "No, Kirby's not here. He's not in this sack I'm sitting on, complaining about not being able to breathe."
"We didn't ask ya about Kirbee." Sword said, and Tuff threw a rock at him.
"Well, he's not here, in case you're wondering." Tiff said, wondering where all the rocks were coming from.
"I will be teh judge of that." Said a familiar, sexy Spanish accent.
A third shadow appeared, heraulding the appearance of Meta Knight. Tuff pointed at him,
"Chuck Norris!" he yelled and threw a rock. Meta Knight caught it and threw it back at Tuff, who ate it. Suddenly, the knight ran forward, a sword in his paw held threateningly at Tiff. Tiff screamed and jumped off of the sack, which Meta Knight stabbed and yanked off of Kirby, who gasped for air. Meta Knight stabbed the sack a few more times,
"No, zere is definitely no Kirrbee in here." he said. Then he looked at Kirby, then the sack, then Kirby, and his eyes glowed, "Kirrbee!" he said. Kirby looked at him strangely,
"No, it's Kirby." said the puffball.
"Kirrbee."
"Kirby"
"Keer-bee."
"Kir-bee."
Finally Meta Knight turned around with a flourish, and walked outside. Tiff, Tuff, and Kirby followed. "Meta Knight, Kirby's the Star Warrior, right?" she asked. Meta Knight looked at her,
"Well, considerring he isn't E.T., we can assume so rright?"
"Eh?" Tuff asked, eating a bug he found on the ground,
"Yeah, he is teh Starr Warrriorr." he said. Suddenly the gay octopus flew out of the sky, giggling like a unicorn on crack, and turned into a rainbow.
"WHAT THE HELL." Everyone said. Kirby jumped on a random pillar out of the ground and faced his giant opponent. The squid began to piss out firey mini-squids, that started assaulting the pink puff. Somehow on the balcony, Meta Knight, Tiff, and Tuff all watched. Tuff threw a rock at Kirby. Kirby was kicking the mini-squids away, and then engaged a staring contest with the squid. Meta Knight threw a Fire Flower at Kirby,
"SUCK TEH TORCH." he yelled, and Kirby inhaled the Fire Flower, and jumped into the air, spinning rapidly. His head suddenly ignited,
"AHH. WHAT THE HELL WHY IS MY FREAKING HEAD ON FIYAHHH?" He screamed, and rolled on the floor.
Meta Knight looked at Tiff and Tuff, "Tat is Fiyah Kirrbee. Kirrbee can copy abilitehs with his inhalle abiliteh." he said. Tuff threw a rock at himself.
Kirby, now with his head on fire, looked at the rainbow squid, and declared, "IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZUR! BLAAUGH!" Puking a jet of fire, he blew the squid into the atmosphere where he esploded.
"Yay!" everyone yelled gaily, and so was the end of the first...
Suddenly a unicorn decsended toward Tiff, its rider a figure holding several kittens, "I have come to...what the hell happened here?" he asked. Tiff slapped him,
"Where were you, Robert Patterson? The fighting already ended!"
"I was busy haunting Bella and pwning Jacob because I'm moody like that." he said. Tiff slapped him again, and stole one of his kittens,
"Screw you! That doesn't even make sense." she ate his unicorn, and Meta Knight threw Robert Patterson into the atomosphere.
THE END.
H.V: Did you like it? Should I make more? FLAMES NOT WANTED.
