All typos are deliberate.
"Ne, Yagami-kun, you got a letter..."
Oniichan --
Konnichi'wa! Okaasan and I haven't herd from you or dad in forever! It's all Okaasan ever talks about now -- wondering if 'her poor Raito was remembring to eat' and other mom worries. She's thinking about bringing you a home coked meal, and she probably would have, if we knew where you lived. She'd tell otousan to bring you some food, but whenever otousan DOES come home, he just sleeps. He looks really unhealthy. Is that how you look, oniichan? Please take care of yourself! You'll never get a girlfriend -- or a boyfriend -- if you look like all anarexick! And make sure otousan takes care of himself too, ne? He actually listens to you!
Okaasan wants to know how you're doing in university too. She says "her poor Raito could be failing and doing drugs and selling himself on the streets and she would never know!" But oniichan wouldn't do that! Oniichan is too smart! Ne, I miss having you help me with my homework! Okaasan helps, but she doesn't explain it as well as you do! I'll probably need to get a tutor soon! Of course, if oniichan would come home more often, then I wouldn't need to...
Ja!
Sayu
You've got a text message!
Sender: Yagami Sayu
Subject: Oniichan!
Ne, oniichan, how r u? Its lnch tim now, so i thot i'd txt u! u didnt repli 2 mi lttr -- otousan DID giv it 2 u, rit? if u get this, txt bck! i no ur cll has txt on it!
Ja!
Sayu
You've got mail!
Oniichan! Your being realy mean! Evn if your busy with school, it woulnd't kill you to send me a reply back -- even if it IS just a couple words! Okaasan is getting really worried.
Ja!
Sayu
"You have... one... new message."
"Oniichan! Thank you so much for calling home! Okaasan was about to go crazy, I think! Now she's in a cooking frenzy, now that we know where you live! She says that --" Coughing, and then in an imitation of Sachiko's voice, "'We must go over there tonight! My poor Raito must be starving! He MUST be going into withdrawals without my home-cooked meals!'" Back to Sayu's voice. "So you better not have any plans, oniichan! Okaasan is on a mission to make you fat! And tell Otousan he better be there too! No excuses! We ARE going to have a family dinner! And tell your boyfriend to come too! Okaasan made enough to feed all of Toyko!"
"Sayu! Nana-chan is here...!" can be heard, slightly muffled. Sayu must have her hand covering the phone.
"Ah! Nana-chan! Tell her to come in!" Clearer now, Sayu says, "Ne, oniichan, I gotta go! But remember to invite your boyfriend and tell Otousan to come too! Ne, see you later!"
