What's this, some new form of one of them picture boxes?
And look! That there words that I say come up on the screeny thingy just like you see at the drive-thRU.
This is fun!
What did you say you called this again? Whiting?
I'm whiting mah teef! Look at me! I'm a businessmen like they got on the News!
...
...
...
What? You were expecting some epic? Some Harry Potter style retellin' of Kingdom Hearts? Starring Mickey and Pete?
Well, too bad! I'm the back-up writer BleachedMerc sometimes hires when he's lazy or out on a mission hunting Mutantes, or in Jail.
He's sometimes in jail.
And guess who has to post bail? Me?!
I'm under-appreciated, underpaid, and under probation.
If this story doesn't generate 5 hits. I'm fired.
Yup, that's right. Me! Back out on the street. With all 101 of my dogs!
So please! Please read my story! I'll pay you! Well, I can't afford to pay you...
But I'll make you laugh! Honest!
Anything to keep the expensive house we own! Dog's don't pay the bills! Even if there's 101 of them!
And do you have ANY idea how awful it is to walk them!
I go down the street with about a hundred baggies! And the smell! I gotta wear a gasmask!
I look like a hazmat cop!
Anita wants me to stop my chain-smoking but it's the only thing keeping me sane!
And don't even get me started on how bad things have gotten once the Heartless showed up!
No! They didn't eat my soul! What are you daft?
Devour my heart? Are you kidding?
They took to the internet in droves and put this honest-to-goodness hard-working author out of work!
Nobody reads books about puppies anymore, or evil villainesses trying to skin your puppies for fur coats, or how to pick out your future wife by looking out a window or whose stupider, Jasper or Horace!
Now it's all the rage to write sappy crappy stories about boys who act like girls and girls who grow facial hair like boys. It's ridiculous.
Did you know that just the other day a youtube video about a baby sneezing and farting at the same time got 7 million hits, but the web-based documentary: "My wife and me and a hundred and one dalmations" got 7!
SEVEN hits aren't going to feed 102 hungry, angry mouths!
Anita's filing for divorce! She thinks I'm crazy! I didn't think 101 dalmations was a good idea! I thought SHE was the crazy one! What was I thinking?! I should have kept walking around the block a couple more times I should have-!
Should have-!
Wait...
Hold on one second.
It's my boss.
Apparently if I don't mention pooh sticks in here somewhere I'm fired.
Sigh
My life is in your hands.
Pooh Sticks.
The End
