Love Hurts
He had loved once, but it had hurt. It had hurt more than love should hurt. Gaius had once told him that love hurts but he knew he had not meant it that way. He had meant emotionally, not physically. Merlin knew though, that love would always hurt him, physically but oh he wanted to love so much.
Freya…
He had kissed her, loved her, that was when the pain came, not a pain in his heart but a pain in his mind, a pain in his body. A familiar pain, as though he had felt it before. It was probably a good thing she died, he would not have stayed with her, the pain was unbearable, excruciating. If there was no pain he probably would have left Camelot. Left Arthur.
Arthur…
It was the Gods, Merlin could feel it, the Gods didn't want Merlin to love. It would get in the way of their plans, in the way of his destiny. His destiny to watch over Arthur.
Arthur…
Oh god, it was that feeling again, The feeling that now made him scared, he was falling in love and he was terrified, He knew it would come, if he pursued it, this, excruciating pain would come and it scared him, it scared him a lot, It was pain like he had never felt before, yet was so familiar, it made his stomach turn. But… he was in love, and that hurt too, loving, and not being loved.
He so wanted to just walk up to Arthur and tell him how he felt, but that was not an option, he knew that the Gods would not allow it, it would interfere with Arthur's future this time, not Merlin's destiny. Merlin knew now that he would stay with Arthur forever, and would find him in the next life. and the life after that. He would watch over Arthur for all time, It was his destiny.
Maybe, in the next life, when Arthur didn't have a peaceful land to rule, maybe the Gods would allow him to love. Maybe he would even be loved back. That was however in another lifetime and was far into the future.
For now he would suffer, in silence and in pain…
Stupid Gods.
Thank for reading
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