(NOTE: ONLY 30043 Magical Creatures were hurt in the making of this story.)
"Oh why…why did the dark lord make me do such a thing?"thought Snape as he searched through Dumbledore's wardrobes. He remembered that night…
"You….Severus…..my most trusted servant…you must retrieve something for me…." Voldemort whispered in his attempt-to-be evil voice. "Is it the prophecy, my lord?" Snape replied. "No….something…..much…much…..more powerful…" Voldemort once again whispered in a lamely sinsiter voice. "What….what is it?" Snape asked, curiously. "Dumbldore's…Albus Dumbledore's…underwear…."Voldemmort said in an epic voice. "WHAT THE-"
(NOTE: THE LAST PART WAS CUT OFF DUE TO BAD LANGUAGE ISSUES. THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY IS CURRENTLY IN JAIL FOR ABUSING FANFICTION AND FOR TAKING DRUGS.)
Then, something caught Snape's eye. A Purple and Green Barney underwear! Target aquired! Snape snatched it, but found some brown, murky stuff stuck on it. "Elch!" Snape cried as he flung the underwear out the window of Hogwarts. "Oops…." Snape leaped out of the window like some sort of superhero, and posed like one for about half a second in the air before dropping into a rubbish can in the Hogwarts Courtyard.
Just perfect, Snape thought as he heard a crack somewhere in his thigh. He half hopped, half walked out of the bin, collapsing on his face, landing in something that the author could not describe, and believed that the readers did not need to know about. Snape ran across the courtyard, searching for the underwear. "Where are you underwear? Come out!" Snape cried. Professor Flitwick eyed him amusingly from his room about, and then took out his video camera. "Time for some blackmailing…" Filius thought.
Snape then ran into Harry, Hermione and Ron. Snape quickly hid behind a bush, and eyed the three of them suspisciously. Ron was holding the underwear! "I wonder whose this is….." wondered Ron. "Probably Snape's." Harry remarked and the two of them snickered. Snape turned red behind the bush. Hermione examined the underwear closely, and said "This brown, murky substance…seems to have been touched by a human hand…I wonder-". Snape ended her speech there, and jumped out after clearing his throat. "What are you three doing outside on a day like this…?" Snape asked. All three of them looked above, and the sun was shining brightly, as if to prove Snape wrong. "Did you just jump out of a bush after watching us?" Ron asked. Snape turned to answer but was interrupted. "PEDOFILE!" Harry screamed as he and Ron took off. Hermione dropped the underwear and took off, screaming "RONALD BILLIUS WEASLEY! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME HERE!"
Snape sighed, and was about to pick up the underwear when the wind blew it on his face, and then away into the building. As Snape entered the hall, he found Cedric holding the underwear. "Great piece of work isn't it?" Cedric asked with his annoying champion kind of smile that makes Twilight fans over the world faint. Snape, tired of games, said lazily, "Accio Vampire." And suddenly a blood-sucking, living corpse dropped from the ceiling, landing flat on the ground. "Aargh!" Cedric cried and was bit by the vampire, then got dragged into the Twilight world, the worst fate ever.
But Snape's quest was not yet over. As he bent over to reach for the underwear, it flew over to a Time Turner. "Oh no…..oh no, oh no, oh no….." Snape mumbled as he slowly approached the underwear. Neither the underwear nor the Time Turner moved. Snape sighed and tried to grasp the piece of clothing. No such luck. A sudden change of wind made the underwear brush the Time Turner controls. Snape quickly tried to snatch the underwear but then….the Time Turner activated, and Snape and the underwear plummeted into oblivion, to a time long before.
