Presenting: Love, hate and obsession. I apologise if there is any ooc-ness
Disclaimer: I do not own KHR etc, etc.
There is a fine line between love and hate.
Gokudera knew that. He knew that very well but he didn't know where he stood. It was so easy at first. He hated Sawada Tsunayoshi with all his soul. He needed someone to hate, for all the injustice done to him. He had lived in the mafia for his entire life and then a kid with a loving mother comes along to head Vongola, the strongest mafia famiglia in Italy, the mafia that had destroyed his mother. And the wimpy kid was next in line. He had gone to Japan to hate, only to be rescued by the bane of his existence. In a fit of insane gratitude, he had sworn eternal loyalty. He had bowed down, proclaiming himself Decimo's would be right hand man, effectively tying himself to Vongola for the rest of his life in the baby — Reborn's eyes.
He still hated Vongola Decimo.
He hated how people flocked to him, how powerful he became. How powerful Vongola was becoming. And he was part of it. But then one day as Reborn asked Decimo a particularly embarrassing question, he found that Tsuna's blush was cute.
Gokudera was intrigued. He thought of Decimo as Tsuna. He thought Tsuna was cute.
But no matter how hard he tried to figure out why, he couldn't. So he decided to observe Tsuna. In class, he saw how much trouble he had with problem sums, he saw the very well hidden uneasiness around baseball freak, and he saw the pure admiration Tsuna had for lawn head. Gokudera saw.
Hatred turned into an obsession. (a hated obsession Gokudera decided)
But he still couldn't figure it out. In fact, it got worse. To his mortification, he would automatically look at Tsuna's lips and wondered if they felt as soft as they looked, wondered if they tasted like the faint vanilla and cream scent that surrounded Tsuna. Gokudera wanted to kiss Tsuna.
He did.
Obsession may have turned into love.
To Gokudera's surprise, Tsuna kissed him right back. Being a couple was fun, hugging kissing…but sometimes when he hugged Tsuna, he could imagine the fragile body being crushed in his grip, so easy to break and he would entertain that though briefly, hold Tsuna in his embrace a little longer, a little harder before he would reluctantly let go. His kisses with Tsuna were long and forceful, most times Tsuna had to push him away, face so flushed that Gokudera knew that if he hadn't let go, Tsuna would probably have fainted.
A part of him wondered that if he held on long enough, would Tsuna have suffocated? Whenever Tsuna was injured, a little part of him would drink in the sight of the injury with delighted eyes and urge him to finish Tsuna off.
Hate never left
Gokudera wonders if love was involved at all.
Tsuna wonders too
He is not academic smart, or street smart for that matter. But he knows hatred. Bullies made sure he knew…very well. And so, when that half-blood bomber had sworn his loyalty to him, he wondered if it was another assassination attempt. Because he could feel the hatred and he was tired of it.
Tsuna hated Gokudera too.
He hated how much he was hated. He hated how he was the scapegoat of the mafia; he wished Gokudera would die already. Go back to Italy, get assassinated and stop hating him. Just because everyone poured their hatred and disgust onto him, didn't mean Gokudera could too. And so in turn, Tsuna poured his hatred onto Gokudera. Volatile, violent Gokudera.
Tsuna noticed Gokudera's obsession.
It was an accident. Gokudera's hatred had diminished and Tsuna was curious. One day, when Reborn and Mama were out, Tsuna pretended to take a nap and slipped out of the house looking for Gokudera. Even after three hours, he couldn't find him, so he returned home…only to see Gokudera standing against a tree by his house. He raised his hand to call out a greeting but then he noticed what Gokudera was staring at — his bedroom.
Tsuna paused, he decided to watch Gokudera. Four hours later, he deduced that Gokudera was stalking him. He was stalking his stalker. With that realization, Tsuna had nearly giggled and almost gave away his position. Tsuna continued to observe. And he saw; saw how Gokudera actually like onii-san's company but surprisingly, actually disliked Yamamoto. He saw how Gokudera tended to eat from convenience stores and like expensive brands of clothing. He even managed to find out Gokudera's past. He saw more than anyone knew.
He kissed Gokudera back.
That was the only way to respond, words would have been wasted. And so they went out but Tsuna knew that Gokudera's hatred was still there. It was in the suffocating kisses, the crushing hugs and the victorious look he wore when Tsuna was injured. Most important of all, they had never said those three important words to each other… 'I love you.' Not once in their entire relationship.
Tsuna knows there is a fine line between love and hate.
He stands on hate
So does Gokudera.
Because it was hate that brought Gokudera to Tsuna and with hate Tsuna reciprocated. There was no love in their all-consuming hate, the violent and all knowing maelstrom that occurs as they dance to their painful and brutal song.
It was hate all along
And Tsuna doesn't give a damn.
~fin~
I hope you've enjoyed this fic. Reviews are much appreciated. Cielo1207
