I am a very good liar. I lie every day of my life…. That girl you know, this girl you've known for years does not exist. It's all a lie. It's all a scam. You're all being fooled. I am lying to you all. Maybe you know this... but I know you won't admit it. Why not? Is it too scary for you to admit that I need help? You want to admit it, I know you do. I've known it since the day I told you. Ever since that day, you've treated me different. I can't look you in the eyes anymore, because I know what you're thinking. Even now, when your doing your, everything's great, act I can tell what your thinking. I can see it every time you look at me. Fear. Your afraid of me, aren't you? Your afraid that one day, you'll get a phone call, and ill be dead. And you'll just be sitting there, thinking over and over that you could have told someone? I can see it, and I despise it. I can't stand it anymore. The pity in your eyes makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know you think im a basket case, and maybe I am. But I can't help but want to scream in rage every time I look at you. I hate you- because you know the truth. You figured it out…. You always were the smart one. You know what's going on…. But it's that very knowledge that makes me so furious. I can't stand it…. I can't stand you knowing my secret for one more minute. I can't stand your face; I can't stand your pity. It can't stand the way you look at me with concern every time I forget to say hey.

It's that very look, - the one where you look at me as if im dying- that only purging can fix. Even when we're all hanging out, laughing like old times… im never as happy as I once was. I never have that feeling that everything's all right. No; ill never feel that again. Oh, you know: The kind of happy where you just burst out laughing for no reason whatsoever, and your ribs hurt from all the laughing, and your face hurts from all the smiling... the feeling that makes you happy to be alive?…. Only perfection can bring that. Nothing beats the feeling I get when I lose another pound…. No amount of money in the world could make me feel happier… It's my drug. Im addicted, and im getting worse and worse everyday. Im pathetic, I know. Weak and Pathetic. I tell myself that every day, but I never change. But I can't help it: I live for it. I live for the moment when I realize that there is one pound less of me than there was yesterday… You don't understand… You can't understand. I don't blame you for it. I want so badly for you to understand what's going on in my head, but you never will … so im not asking you to. But please, just once, look at me like you don't really see me. Look at me, but not the real me. The real me doesn't even deserve to be noticed, she's horrible. Just look at me, the way a friend is supposed to look at a friend. Look at me, and smile. Stop seeing through my disguise. It's my shield, it's my safteycoat. It's supposed to stay inside my head, hidden from where it isn't wanted. I can't take it one more day. I wish it could just go back to the way it was before- before you knew. I can't take this. You figured it out, good job. You saw through my disguise- the one of an innocent teenage girl who doesn't have a problem. You see through my disguise, and I can't take it. I love my disguise- it's my life, I need it. And you ruined it, you know the real me. Congratulations.