A/N: Hello everyone! New story alert! I'm so excited and nervous for this one, but I'm happy to finally be able to share it with you all.

I hope you all enjoy!


Have you ever walked around with a merciless weight on your shoulders? One that you just can't seem to lift no matter how hard you push and shove?

I've been pushing for the last month, and nothing has budged. I feel like I've been glued to the middle of a racetrack and life keeps doing laps over me. Round and round it goes, never failing to miss a hit.

"James, are you even listening to me?"

That's the biggest hit of all, that displeased tone of his, because due to everything else weighing me down, my relationship with Kendall, the most solid and stable thing I have in my life, is beginning to falter.

I glance over at my boyfriend, who's been yammering on about I don't even know what for the past several minutes, and I blink once, twice.

He sighs in frustration, and shame washes over me.

Fuck.

I know he's annoyed with me, and I also know he's starting to hurt from the lack of attention I've been paying him. It's not him, it's me, and I don't know how to explain that to him without sounding like a walking cliche.

It's times like these I that I wish I hadn't started dating my best friend, wish that I still had him there for me without our feelings for one another getting in the way.

If this were the Kendall of the past, I could sit here for hours telling him everything that's wrong and he'd pat my back, give me some comforting words, try and help me through it, and that would be it.

The Kendall of now? He would take it personally, think he's at fault, even though there's nothing he can help. It's simply the way things work when you're in a relationship with someone you care about.

One partner is upset, you immediately assess what you could have done to anger them.

One partner is sad, you try and sort through if you've said or done something wrong.

One partner isn't interested in sex, you start to think you're all wrong for them now.

It's human nature to automatically look for fault within oneself, to take on those emotions the other is projecting, and I know that's exactly what Kendall would do if I went to him with the war raging inside of me. I don't want that, don't want him to be a part of it.

I've been feeling off for a little over a month now. Nothing is lighting a fire within me. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep, want to check out and take a break from life. I have zero motivation, hence why I'm close to failing two classes I'm required to pass if I want to graduate this year.

I want to quit everything. I just feel so...hopeless.

To top it all off, each of my parents has begun taking turns calling me and trying to get me to testify against the other in court. After years and years of barely holding together the most dysfunctional marriage out there, they're finally cutting the cord, but neither will go quietly.

I thought I had resigned myself to the idea of my parent's marriage being over and their absurd war years ago. Apparently, I hadn't. If that were the case, I'd be getting a lot more sleep than I have been lately.

The stress of everything is weighing on me, and in turn it's weighing on my relationship with Kendall.

"Earth to James." He waves a hand in front of my face. "Babe?"

The sincerity, the concern, the fact that I know he's been tossing and turning and living in a constant state of What version of James am I coming home to today? all piles up inside me. I feel so fucking guilty that I'm making him suffer through this.

He deserves better, and I need a fucking break.

From everything...including Kendall. Or at least this Kendall.

"Are you happy, Ken?"

"I...I'm…" He hesitates, his mouth pulling tight in consideration.

That, right there-that indecision, that moment where he has to actually consider if he's happy with me-it's all I need.

I can't keep this up, not right now. I need space, time to think and work through things without having to add in the worry of ensuring Kendall is happy with me.

I'm scared that if I don't do something to help with it now, it'll fester, and shit will completely go south. And I can't risk that. I can't lose my best friend and my boyfriend.

I have to choose, and right now, I don't need my boyfriend. I need my friend.

Damn, this is going to hurt...


Done! So yeah, this was just the prologue, but it sets the tone for the rest of the story.

Just a little fun fact about this, the title of the story came from a Taylor Swift song. The song came on while I was writing this and I think it kind of fit. This story will be a short one, about twelve chapters, give or take a few.

The next chapter will be the official first chapter, and will be up tomorrow. Until then, I'd love to hear your initial thoughts!

See you all again tomorrow!

-Epically Obsessed