Killing Me
Mozzie says it. Alex says it. Keller said it. It's always the same too.
"How could you"? "THE Neal Caffrey, working for the feds"
Time was my face and skill set was a ticket into any inner circle or any heist I wanted. Now all I get is suspicion and betrayal from the people I used to be. And Peter's right to be suspicious all the time. Maybe some people think I've gone striaght but my fingers still get that terrible, terrible itch everytime we go into evidence or even worse, a crime scene or mueseum. I can't even pick a measly pocket without a chance of going straight back to jail. But that's not whats killing me. I'm used to temptation and restriction, I have control. But what's killing me, what really eating me on the inside is having to smile through it all. They probably don't even realize what they've done. Peter's alright but working with Agent Rice nearly set me off. The way she thought I was nothing but "a tool in her belt", that I was actually force to wait silently in the car? She probably had no clue what was running through my head, the way I could drain her retirment, the way I could steal everything she owns or ever will own. The way I could have made her the nothing she thought I was. God the power they have taken from me. I have some free will remaining and God knows I use it, but it's nothing compared to what was. I answered to nobody. Alex once said it was like they put a muzzle on a wolf and made it play nice with golden retreviars. Another thing, my leash. My anklet, my tracker, call it whatever but it was just another glaring and itchy reminder that I was theirs now, that I had nothing they couldn't take away. Oh but they're wrong. They have no idea what I have up my sleeve. I could run whenever and if they really think a 5 minute headstart isn't enough, they havn't been paying attention to the real Neal Caffrey. Peter wouldn't find me this time, thats for sure. I may not have the capacity to kill, but leaving those who trust and love me behind? Well that's always something I've been good at. For now, all I have to do is smile, help and let them think they've broken me, beat the thief right out of me. And when it's time to cut and run, all they'll have is a beeping tracking anklet and a memory of the greatest theif ever.
