Now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream.
Riley had been certain that their plan would work. It had to. She wouldn't let herself think about what would happen if it didn't. They'd sneak in, kill Lilith, and free Dean from his deal with the crossroads demon. He wouldn't have to go to hell and they could continue hunting.
But as Riley burst into the living room and saw Sam crying over Dean's bloody, lifeless body, she realized with horror that their plan had failed miserably. Lilith was certainly still alive somewhere and the hellhounds had come for Dean. He was gone. And there was nothing they could do to bring him back.
She fell to her knees, trying to look away from Dean's body but finding it impossible. His blood-soaked clothes were ripped to shreds, exposing his torn flesh. A few tears streaked down her cheeks as Bobby ran in and stopped as he took in the sight before him.
"No," he breathed, punching the wall in frustration before burying his face in his hands.
"Dean," Sam sobbed, barely holding himself together. But Dean's hazel eyes stared unmoving into space.
Riley gasped for air, feeling as if the hellhounds had ripped her open too. A chasm had opened in her chest, pulling her heart into its cold black depths. She struggled to her feet and stumbled outside, no longer able to endure the confinement of the house.
She reached the Impala and slid down to the ground, leaning against it. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. Looking back, they'd been naïve to think they could break Dean from his deal, but they'd tried anyway. It almost hurt worse knowing they had tried and failed. This time there was no coming back from the dead. Dean had finally gone to hell, and there was no way the demons would ever let him go.
Riley looked up as Bobby came out of the house. He walked to his car and searched the trunk until he pulled out a large tarp. He slammed the trunk shut and went back in the house, not saying a word or even glancing in Riley's direction. Riley gulped, remembering that as a hunter, Dean would most likely receive the proper burial—being salted and burned.
When Sam and Bobby came out of the house carrying Dean's body wrapped in the tarp, Riley had to look away. After they packed Dean's body into the Impala's trunk, Bobby got in his car and sped off while Sam walked over to Riley. As she stood up, Sam reached out and hugged her tightly. Surprised but pleased, Riley hugged back, another couple tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Please don't leave me," she whispered, knowing that without Dean, Sam would probably shun everyone from his life and go off on his own. And without Sam, Riley would have nothing left to do except hunt on her own or go back to her old life, neither of which she particularly wanted to do. Maybe she could go live with Bobby.
"I won't," he promised, squeezing her tightly before letting go. "Ready?" he asked, nodding toward the Impala as he walked around to the driver's side door.
"No," she replied, getting in the passenger side.
Sam started the car and drove away. The green, perfectly manicured lawns of large houses with four car garages turned into the dried brown grass of small, run-down shacks, which turned into an endless and uninterrupted landscape as they drove farther away from town. Riley was too numb to think or cry and had enough trouble concentrating on just breathing. Sam was quiet too, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white.
About ten miles from the edge of town, Sam pulled the Impala over to the side of the road. On one side was a huge field with long brown grass and on the other was thin woods. "Let's check this place out," he said, turning the car off and getting out.
Riley got out and looked around as she followed Sam into the woods. "Where's Bobby?"
"Going to the hardware store for wood," Sam replied.
"You don't need wood to…cremate him," Riley reminded him, her breath hitching in her throat at the word cremate.
"That's because we're not," Sam informed her, continuing deeper into the woods.
"Why?" Riley demanded warily, stopping.
"Because…because he needs a body when I bring him back," Sam admitted.
"No, Sam! You can't keep doing this!" Riley yelled, horrified that Sam would try to make a deal after all that had happened since Dean made his.
"He's my brother!" Sam yelled back, stopping and turning to face her. "I can't just let him die!"
"Yeah, that's what Dean said when he brought you back! And you know how that made you feel to know that he was dying for you! Your dad gave up his life to bring Dean back, and we both saw how much it tore him up inside! How much worse do you think it'd be for him, knowing you did it too? This cycle is just going to keep going if you don't stop it! Dean wouldn't want you to do this, Sam. He died for you. Just let him." She stopped as a sob wormed its way up her throat.
"Don't you want him back? So you can tell him you love him this time?" Sam asked, knowing that his words had hurt her more than if he had punched her in the gut.
She stiffened and stared at him as tears began rolling down her cheeks. "Of course I want him back, but not if you're going to die for it. I know I should've told him, but I felt like if I did, then I'd be accepting the fact that we couldn't save him." She paused and laughed bitterly. "Look how well that ended."
"I'm sorry, Riley," Sam said quietly. "I didn't mean it. I just wish you could've told him too. You really meant a lot to him." After a pause, he turned around and continued walking. "But we're still burying him."
Riley sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to talk sense into him. Besides, she figured, the demons wouldn't trade Dean's life for Sam's soul. They had what they wanted and weren't likely to let it go.
She continued following Sam as they walked for another few minutes and emerged into a small clearing. They exchanged a glance, silently deciding that this was a good spot. Half an hour later, Bobby arrived with pine boards, a hammer, a saw, and nails. As he constructed the coffin, Sam and Riley shoveled out a six foot hole. None of them said a word.
When the hole and coffin were finished, Sam and Bobby went back to the Impala to get Dean's body while Riley used two pieces of leftover boards and nailed them together into a cross. She sighed deeply and looked around, trying to remember exactly what the place looked like in case she ever found herself back in the area. She fashioned another cross, which she planned to put into the ground on the side of the road as a marker. Bobby and Sam returned and laid his body in the coffin, removing the tarp.
Regret flooded through Riley. She'd give anything to be able to tell Dean how she really felt, but now she was left with a hole in her heart, wondering what could have been. Sam's words rang through her head—you really meant a lot to him. The chasm in her chest opened wider, threatening to swallow her whole. That was only the beginning of her pain.
Sam removed Dean's amulet necklace that Sam had given him as a Christmas present when they were younger and put it around his own neck. Then he gingerly removed Dean's silver ring and held it out to Riley. "Here," he said quietly, dropping it in her palm.
"Are you sure?" she questioned.
"Yeah," he nodded. "He would've wanted you to have something."
She closed her fingers around it and held it tightly before slipping it on her index finger. She made a mental note to get a chain so she could wear it as a necklace. Then Bobby and Sam put the lid on the coffin and began nailing it down. Riley sank to her knees as tears steadily began to fall. Dean was dead, and it was finally starting to sink in. She scrambled to think of the last thing she said to him, the last thing he said to her, the last time they saw each other, but her mind was blank. The last few hours were a blur. She was sore and exhausted, but nothing compared to the pain raging in her heart, or what was left of it. Dean had taken most of it with him to the grave, and she hadn't even had the guts to tell him. Sam and Dean had been the only two stable things in her life over the past five years, and having to function without one of them seemed impossible.
Sam and Bobby lowered the coffin into the hole and slowly began covering it up, occasionally stopping to wipe sweat and tears away. Riley got up and hammered one of the crosses she'd made into the ground at one end of the grave. She stood motionless and watched as they finished filling the grave. They stood in silence for a few minutes, trying to come to terms with the fact that they'd just lost one of the most important people in their lives.
Bobby was the first to leave. He picked up the things he had brought and slowly walked away. Riley stayed a few minutes longer, resisting the urge to run deeper in the woods until she couldn't run anymore and crawl in a hole. She walked over to Sam, who was on his knees, and squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. She turned back the way they'd come and began walking. This couldn't be happening, she told herself. But it was.
Halfway back to the Impala, Riley finally broke down. With her arm, she steadied herself against a tree as a fresh wave of tears fiercer than she'd ever felt pushed its way to the surface. She began sobbing, unable to stop herself even if she wanted to. She cried for Bobby, who had just lost the man who was practically his son. She cried for herself, who had just lost the man she loved and regretted not telling him. She cried for Sam, who had just lost the only family he had left, his big brother, his guardian angel. She cried for Dean, who had sacrificed himself for his little brother and was in hell, suffering the unimaginable.
What felt like hours later, Riley felt Sam's hands on her shoulders, gently guiding her back to the car. She stumbled numbly along, the tears blurring her vision too much for her to see. Bobby was leaning against the hood of his car, waiting for them. Riley approached him and hugged him tightly, having a feeling that she would not see him very often anymore.
"Keep in touch," he requested hoarsely. Riley nodded in response, not trusting her voice. Sam also hugged him tightly before Bobby climbed into his car and drove off.
Riley glanced at Sam, whose expression mirrored exactly how she felt inside. Before climbing into the Impala's passenger seat, she took one last longing look back through the woods at the life that seemed so far away. She got in and slammed the door shut, her mind still numb, but the pain in her heart very much alive.
I haven't been on this site in so long, but I've had an idea for a Supernatural fic since I got hooked on the show last year. So here it is! I hope you liked the first chapter! :)
