Disclaimer: This is a collection of random (and sometimes stupid) thoughts about possible 'powers that the dark lord knows not'. Probably not something I'll follow up on too much.

And I own nothing but my REALLY bad sense of humor. Thanks to JKR for letting us play around in her world.


Dear TOM RIDDLE, in order to further the education of our students, the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is sending this questionnaire to all their previous Head Boys and Girls, to see what level of learning is retained after leaving the school. Please complete this to the best of your ability and reply via owl. Thanks for your cooperation.

Minerva McGonagall

Acting Headmistress

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

1. When harvesting Mandrakes, what piece of equipment is required?
Earmuffs

2. Where is a bezoar found, and what is it's main usage?
It's found in the stomach of a goat, and it helps nullify most poisons.

3. What is the appropriate wand movement and pronunciation for the hover charm?
WinGARdium leviOsa, and it's a swish and flick.

4. What is meant when Mars is rising?
Impending strife or conflict

5. When reading tea leaves, what does the sign of the Grim represent?
Death

6. What is the appropriate rune to place at the base of a home ward?
Eihwarz

7. How do you fight off a Grindylow?
Break it's grip.

Harry Potter put down the piece of parchment he was reading and frowned.

"At this rate we'll never know what the power he knows not is!"


There was a strange noise coming from one of the bedrooms of the Riddle House.

Upon investigation, it was coming from the telephone in the master bedroom. It was ringing.

"Worm!" Voldemort screamed. "Answer the phone! And find out how they got this number, it's supposed to be unlisted! Than kill them!"

Wormtail headed quickly over and answered. "Hello? Yes, one moment".

He turned to his master, put his hand over the mouthpiece, and whispered "My lord, it's for you. It's the dial-a-minion service."

"Well give it here than Worm!" Voldemort answered the phone, "This is Lord Voldemort, how can I help GAAAHH!"

Wormtail watched in horror as a red light came out from the receiver of the phone and split the dark lord's head perfectly in two.

He quickly checked Voldemort's body, finding no signs of life, he quickly hung up the phone, turned into a rat, and scurried away, only to be eaten by a hungry pack of alley cats as he was running off.

"Well, that went well" Harry Potter remarked, hanging up the phone and putting his wand back in his pocket.

"What was that, baby?" Ginny Potter asked, seeing her husband on the phone at a strange hour of the evening. "Something important?"

"Remember the power that he knows not? I have a feeling it was the power to 'reach out and touch someone'" Harry replied with a smirk.


Harry Potter and the dark lord Voldemort were engaged in a heated battle in the New York underground.

As his wand was blown from his hand by the power of the last spell he blocked, Harry heard the dark lord yell "And now you are mine!"

He smirked as he replied "Perhaps, but I know something you don't know."

"What's that?" Voldemort paused to ask.

Jumping back, Harry yelled over his shoulder "The subway schedule!"


As he lay there dying from a heart attack, all Voldemort could do was look up at Harry Potter and say "so THAT'S what a Cleveland Steamer is!"