Title: Hate and Love (One shot)

E-mail: Mutant190583@yahoo.com

Author: Michael Dunbar

Summary: Spike's POV on B and X

Disclaimer: Joss owns all. Wish he didn't but then what'ya gonna do?

Spoilers: Season 7

Author's notes: I haven't written anything in a while but I thought I'd try again even if the last season did suck... its about expressing oneself rather than writing for the hell of it.

Feedback: Please

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I can see him hugging her through the window; she lays back into his arms with a contented smile upon her face. Buffy looks happy as though she hasn't a care in the entire world, as if a few months ago she hadn't ended the biggest apocalypse plot ever.

It was as if the first evil had never existed.

I have to ask myself, did she ever look that way with me?

They're kissing now and I have to look away in disgust, my eyes turning a feral yellow for a few seconds. I could just go in there and kill him, rip his throat out right before her eyes and laugh as she cried at his fallen form but that was the demon talking and I rarely let him out to do anything but that anymore.

She turns her head slightly and they both make eye contact, she looks at him with so much love and so much.. just so much everything. If the world stopped it would stop for that moment alone, the way she looked at him made me want to puke all over the side walk.

Did she ever look at me like that?

I don't know why I came back, why I ended up sniffing after her like a love sick puppy.

I think I thought that if I followed her she would welcome me back with open arms and we'd make up and be all happy and lovey. I know when she said she loved me she didn't mean in the way I wanted it to be; she loved me as much as any of her friends with maybe the exception of the one she's hugging right now. She cared for me I'm sure of that but then she cared for everybody she knew and that fact makes me smile

She's good that way.

I guess I knew this was coming, I saw the occasional look his way from her although he never noticed and I wasn't very well going to tell him. I knew that when she was betrayed by her friends that when the hurtful words came from him they hurt the most. I knew back then and I definitely know now.

He always loved her, despite his relationships. I saw it in his eyes every time he looked her way and in my bad days when I was getting some I reveled in the thought that I got there before him, as my old daddy Angelus had too.

The camper van is a mess, the paint worn in quite a few places and a few of the windows looked dodgy. From the place they live in you wouldn't think they would be the happiest two people on earth but just from a look at them two the doubt would have you turn away.

Giles and the rest must be out, giving them some alone time or something. I hate been on the outside looking in, but then I realize that's what I've always been doing no matter what happened.

She laughs now, her face shining brightly and I manage a smile. At least she's happy, much happier than I'd seen her in the last few years at least. He tickles her sides gently and she giggles into his shirt as she tries and avoids his ministrations.

I hate him, I hate Xander Harris.

He can make her feel like that and laugh like that, he can see her in the bright of day and during the tasks of normal life and that's what she needed. She doesn't need me and if I was honest with myself I'd realize that she never really did.

I hate him, but I love her.

So I'll let them be

If he hurts her, I'll kill him.

I got there before him, but he got into her heart and hopefully he's there to stay.

What can I say; I'm loves bitch and I even I have to admit that they look like they are in it for the long haul.

I need a fight, where's Angel when you need him.