Ok, you asked for it! This is just a little story I came up with while sitting here thinking of how cold and dreary is it outside.  Then I wondered what happened to villains on bright, sunny days.  Thinking is a dangerous pastime of mine, so BEWARE…

Disclaimer:  Come on! If I owned the Mario characters I would be on a nice sunny Island somewhere far far away, sipping one of those little drinks with umbrellas in them while relaxing in my indoor pool.  But I don't, so here I am, typing on the computer with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders for pure enjoyment.  I don't own the Sound of Music or any other references to copyrighted things you may find either. Nyah!

The War in Wario

            The sun was shining brightly in the cloudless sky, while birds chirped happy, joyful songs that were swept along with the gentle breeze, and the hills seemed to be alive with the sound of music. This assured Wario that he was NOT about to have a good day.  The bird outside his window was bound and determined to wake him up with its melodious twittering.  Wario grabbed the radio on his bedside table (which just announced that Mario had saved the Mushroom Kingdom yet AGAIN) and chucked it out the window, missing the blasted bird.  'Of course,' he thought bitterly to himself, 'it's too sunny today; woodland creatures just don't get mashed on sunny days.'

 He pulled himself out of bed and searched for his shoes.  Naturally, there was only one there.  He had forgotten that it was a sunny day.  Well, If HE had to be miserable, the whole mushroom Kingdom would be miserable!

In all of his scheming, he hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, and Wario now realized that he was stuck in the doorway of his bedroom.  He backed up, turned sideways, and shimmied through.  He cursed the flab from last night's donut and made a mental note to construct double doors in all entryways.   They would look more impressive anyway.

He entered the bathroom and pulled back his lips in a sneer to examine his large and lovely teeth.  Very thankful he had gotten braces before the release of Mario Party 2, Wario remembered all of the hardship he'd had from Mario because of that cursed gap in his front teeth.

Seething with anger, Wario heard the clatter of Parakarry landing on his mailbox.  "Your mail is here, here is your mail!" he said in a singsong voice that could easily get on Wario's nerves on a day like this.  Wario slammed open the door so hard that it banged off the side of the house, alarming several birds that suddenly took flight right over his head.

*Plop* Wario disdainfully lifted his eyes to see bird poo dripping from the brim of his hat.  Parakarry was chuckling so hard that he flipped upside down on the mailbox post, hanging only by his claws, still laughing his beak off.  Wario threw his only lonely shoe at Parakarry, and it hit him in the forehead, dead center. Parakarry sniffed as a large teardrop ran down his feathered face and splattered onto the ground.  He took flight towards the Mushroom Kingdom and was soon nowhere to be seen.

Wario pulled out an odd-looking envelope with his address on the front. He held it cautiously for a moment, wondering whether the contents might be dangerous, or if he should just wait until tomorrow to open it. Finally he decided to just open the letter.  It was printed in beautiful calligraphy, but there were squiggles here and there, as though the pen had wavered when the person writing was trying to suppress laughter. It read:

Goombas are brown, paratroopas are green

Bowser is evil, but you're just plain mean!

There was no signature, but the return address he recognized as the Mario brothers'.  Wario snorted inwardly. The Mario brothers might be brave and heroic, but when it came to playing pranks they were like giddy teenage girls.  No doubt, at this very moment they were both in fits of giggles, arguing over whose turn it was to call Wario and ask him if his refrigerator was running.

The very thought disgusted Wario. He pulled out a pen that he had been keeping most uncomfortably in his back pocket and began to write…

--*Bring!*

Wario looked up from his unfinished poem and ran to get the phone.  Unfortunately he hadn't noticed while he was caught up in writing the poem, Parakarry's tear had mixed with the nearby dirt ad had become a nice puddle of mud, which, naturally, he slipped in.

Aching and now hungry, Wario wiped most of the mud off his purple overalls (which he was sure would be stained) and went to get the phone. 

"Hello?" He demanded

"Is your refrigerator running?" Came a very familiar Italian voice from the phone.

"Of course my refrigerator is running!" replied Wario in his usual gruff voice

"Then you'd better go catch it!"

*Click*

Wario growled.  He had been sure that he'd heard another Italian voice laughing in the background.  Curse the Mario brothers!

***Meanwhile***

Pale-faced and breathless Luigi hung up the phone.  Luigi was afraid of everything, including clowns, and Wario just happened to make his top ten list.  He looked over at Mario and they both burst out laughing.  Luigi then turned back to the rest of the group, where several others like Peach, Daisy, and Toad all sat cross-legged in a circle.  "Ok, it's your turn Peach," said Luigi, "Truth or Dare?"

***********************

Mwahahahaha, my first Wario fanfic! 

You see that little button in down there?  Push the button, yes, push the button and review!  I did write the poem Wario sent Mario, but I didn't put it in. maybe next chapter?  Or maybe me, my pen, and my notebook need to be blasted off the face of the earth?  Flames will be used to set Toad on fire.