In the dark and empty room sat a man. He was holding a half drank bottle of whiskey in his right hand and some piece of clothing in the left. You could hear him sobbing. The man looked so pathetic, you could not feel anything but pity for him. You just wanted to hold him tight and tell him that everything is going to be okay. That after pain comes happiness. If you looked into his eyes you would see such a great grief that you would start to feel it too. You would start to feel that nothing will ever be okay. You could see how much he's been through. Too much for anyone or, in the matter of fact, for anything to bear. And all those things just from the green eyes of this sorrowful and lost man. Suddenly the sobbing stopped and he whispered „You said you'll never leave me. You said you will be there for me you lying son of a bitch." Then his voice brake and after a while he shouted "You promised" He hid his face in the dirty trench coat. A coat - without his special angel. These words may sound harsh but if you heard with what love they were said you would understand he did not mean it. In fact, all he ever wanted to say was „ Cas, I love you. I always did but I was too stubborn too dumb to admit it and now it's just simply too late.". Isn't it sad, we can understand how much we love someone only when they're gone? Only when it's too damn late to say anything. We regret things we've never said, we want another chance. We have stupid faith that somehow those people knew what we been trying to keep buried inside. Stupid hope. Hope is such an overrated thing. It never worked for Dean but Cas has always had hope and faith for both of them. And what that hope gave him? He's gone and no one can bring him back. Well God could but he's too busy doing nothing to care about his son. About his only son who is so tender, so silly who knows how to love and has such blind faith in him. Dean stood up and looked at the ceiling. "God, if you can hear me, screw you! Screw your whole angelic garrison" He took the last sip from the bottle and hid it under the bed. He had to make himself smile look normal and confident before his brother showed up. One person gave him a good advice „ If you are gonna do it do it with a smile or don't do it at all" And that's what he was doing for the last three moths putting a fake smile and getting through the day like everything was normal like he wasn't dead and torn to bits inside. Only the thought that he's the only one who can hunt those evil son's of bitches who violated his angel, his Castiel, who killed him, who took his only true love and true friend kept him breathing. Of course there were Sam who's even a better hunter than Dean cause he's not getting his emotions involved into this. But Sam, Sam liked Cas but for Dean Castiel is more than Sam could ever imagine. Was. Was more than Sam could imagine. As Cas once said they share more profound bond. There's love between them. Dean was embarrassed when Castiel said that but now he understood. He knew what the angel meant. Cas... That little stupid angel of his.
