Crack Canon: When A new leader is chosen, that nation and that leader must bond together with...Intercourse...

Alfred F. Jones, A.K.A. America, sighed. Donald J. Trump was officially the new president of the United States. Also...America's new boss. America didn't like Trump very much, but his people's thoughts and opinions have started to rub off on him. You see, the way his people act and think affect America greatly. And since his the majority of his people like Trump-how else would he become president-he now too, might like Trump a little bit. But there is a tiny problem...America may or may not have a small...crush...on Trump. Though he didn't like to admit it, it's true. He tried to hate Trump, he really did! He just didn't have the guts to do it.

America was sitting on his couch, watching The Walking Dead-he changed the channel once Trump was announced-He got a call an hour later from the former leader. Obama was calling him. America contemplated whether or not he should pick up the phone, knowing it was something about Trump, or how Obama wasn't the leader anymore.

"Sup Obama!" America exclaimed, deciding to pick up the phone anyway.

"Hello, Alfred. I'm sure you have heard that Trum-"

"YES! Yes, I have." America cut off Obama, not wanting to hear about Trump.

Obama, understanding Alfred's hatred for Trump he decided not to push it. But he did have to remind him about his job. After all, that's why he did call him after all,"Do you remember what your job today is?"

America was confused for a second,"What job...?" After he said that, he immediately regretted asking Obama that question, for what Obama said after that was almost bone-chilling. 'Why did he have to describe it so bluntly?!' America thought, blushing a crimson red. 'And how could I forget?! augh!' America was frustrated. He looked at the clock, it read 5:00 p.m. He gulped and in a shaky voice asked,"Um...Do you happen to know when he is coming?"

"Well, today of course!"

"I know today, what time!" America urged. He needed to know when Trump was coming over fast.

Obama paused for a moment, thinking,"In a couple of hours, I think."

America slumped on his couch," Thanks, Obama, bye" And with that, he hung up.'A a couple of hours, huh? So no time to change my name and move to Canada I presume.' Then America had an idea,'Or do I?' America quickly looked through his contacts to find Trump's number. Wait...HE DIDN'T HAVE IT YET! SHIT! His phone suddenly dinged, Obama had texted him. America went and checked to see what he said. And just what he needed! Obama had sent him Trumps phone number! America texted back about how awesome Obama was and that he practically saved his life. Before he could call Trump's number though, his phone dinged again. Obama had given a reply, figuring he had time, America decided to see what he texted before he went out with his master plan. This is what Obama had texted him, it read.

'It's no problem, Alfred! I know that you are going to convince Trump not to come today so that you can move to Canada, good luck!'

America stared at the text, his mouth hanging open. How did he...? America let that thought aside, and went along and called Trump. It rung a few times before it picked up,"HEY TRUMP! MY MAN! WASSUP?!" America silently cursed himself on what he just said.

"...Sorry, I don't want to sign autographs right now, so I'll be going-" Trump began.

"WAIT! IT"S ME! AMERICA!" America panicked, he needed his plan to work!

"Oh, Alfred was it?"

America sighed in relief,"Yes, Where are you right now?"

"On my way to the airport to your house, why? You want to meet me in person so bad-"

"NO-no." America interrupted(Again) "I mean-yes-maybe? Anyway, I need you to cancel!"

"Why should I do that? I've got a tight schedule." Trump argued.

"Um...Well...SO DO I! And my very, very, very, very busy unforgiving schedule says you can't come over today! So why don't you get settled into the white house first! Yeah, that will work, get everything taken care of and then visit!"

"Well...Okay, I-"

"OKAY BYE!" America interrupted Trump(Seriously America, your really good at interrupting people...)And hung up. Now it was time to call Canada.