The Further Adventures of Yoda

Chapter 1: Yoda Retires

Disclaimer: I'm English so bear with me. Some of the terms might be a little alien to you [Sorry about the pun]

[Yoda has party hat on. All senior Jedi's are gathered around him. Mace Windu enters with a large cake with 'Happy Retirement' written on it. Obi Wan Kenobi approaches.]

Yoda: [Tears in his eyes] So happy I am!

[Master Windu places the cake in front of Yoda with a smile]

Obi Wan: Master Yoda, would you like me to cut the cake?

Yoda: Yes, Obi Wan I would.

[Obi Wan Kenobi whips out his light sabre and with a downward slash sends the cake in several different directions. Mainly Master Windu's face.]

Mace Windu: Err… thank you Obi Wan [mumbles] As soon as I'm Jedi High Councillor he is so dead.

[There are cries from the crowd anxious for a speech.]

Yoda: Thank you my friends. Very little plans I have. To enjoy my retirement I intend. The Force knows I deserve it [mumbles] bloody kids…I'll shove my light sabre so far! [Begins to talk normally again] My mandatory state pension I will claim as long as I get a nice orange sticker so I can park my hover chair in the disabled spot at the supermarket. May the Force Be With You!

[We cut to Yoda in the queue at the post office.]

Cashier: I'm sorry Master Yoda we're gonna need to see some ID

Yoda: Frickin' 800 years old, I am you twat!

Cashier: I'm sorry this is non-negotiable

Yoda: [Using Jedi Mind tricks] You will give me my frickin' pension

Cashier: I am feelin' the frickin' tension.

Yoda: Oh crap, where's Mace when you need him!

Cashier: I'm going to dig a hole and seed them.

Yoda: Screw it! [He picks up his light sabre] A frickin' stick up this is!

Cashier: [Snapping out of it] I'm sorry sir here take as many disabled parking stickers as you want.

[Yoda leaves the Post Office]

Yoda: Postal workers lead to hate. Hate leads to fear. Fear leads to the Dark Side