The Characters On The Cast
A/n: This is just my opinion on what the characters from Harry Potter might think of the cast playing them! This is only meant to be fun, so please don't take it too seriously! Just to set the scene, this fic takes place in a room in which I am present, as are Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall.
Me: Hiya guys, I'm guess you're probably all wondering why I called you into this fic today?
All present: Yes/Get on with it!
Me: Well, I was wondering what you thought of the muggles they've cast to play you all in a film.
Someone: A film?!
Me: Yep, the muggles are making a film about you all and these are the people playing you. (I show them print outs of the cast members playing them. The various people present make various comments and some start to get angry, so I silence them.) I was wondering if you'd be kind enough to tell the lovely people reading this fic what you think of the muggles allocated to play you? Butterbeers on me if you do!
Everone: (Begrudgingly) Okay.....
Harry
"Okay, you want to know what I think on who they've got playing me? You want me to be as honest as I like? Okay then, here goes:
He's too tall.
Those glasses are SO not real!
He only read about two of my adventures and doesn't even remember what they were about!
His neck is kind of elongated......but I guess it could have been alot worse."
Ron
"My turn? Oh, and, Harry? Your neck is kind of elongated anyway. (He ducks as Harry throws a cusion at him)" 'Okay, here you go:
He's too short.
His hair is no way red enough.
Where are his freckles?!?!?!?!
That's all I've got, a bit of make up, hair dye and some platforms and I guess he'll be okay....."
Hermione
"Why does she look eight? Do I look like an eight year old to you?
Why is her hair not bushy?
Where are the slightly elongated front teeth?
And why is she not weighed down with a tonne of books in any of these pictures? I bet SHE never got 360% on an exam!"
Snape
"My nose is hooked, not FAT!" (he grabs the picture in a rage and tears it up) On the plus side, he looks suitably-evil".'." (He grins menecingly.)
McGonagall
(She's busy checking her roots in a mirror she shot out of her wand) "Oh, I'm sorry, but am I really going gray? LOOK at her hair! Not a black strand anywhere!" (She turns back to the mirror and Snape glances at the picture.)
Snape: Oh come on, we all know you went that colour years ago! That's why you never let your hair down, your frigtened that someone will see your roots and work out that you've been dyeing your hair for years now!
McGonagall: Who told you?!?!?! (She glares at me) Tell anyone about this and I'll take 500 points from Gryfinndor!
Me: I'm a muggle. I don't go to Hogwarts. Aparantly the fact I have a magic wand I won on stage at the Sooty show doesn't qualify me to be a pupil here! You can't take points from a house I'm not even in!
McGonagall: I could do. And then Slytherin would win the cup. And I know you sit in your room rereading the ends of the books just to check that Gryfinndor have still won. We wouldn't want for it to change suddenly, would we now?
Me: Nooooooo, hey! This is my fanfiction! I could kill you off if I wanted to! now tell me what you think of your muggle counter part, or we may have to re-enact the Trisha show! (For anyone who hasn't read Today On Trisha: Snape, McGonagall and JK Rowling, I took over the characters and let's just say, I made them act slightly against their will.....)
McGonagall: (Goes pale at the memory) Okay, I'll talk. Well, there's the hair, obviously. It's the wrong colour, and it's, well......permed! And I DO NOT have wrinkles!
Me: (Seeing that she's getting angry) Let's move swiftly on.......
Dumbledore
(He casts an amused glance at Hermione Ron and Harry, who are having to hold McGonagall back after Snape made a comment about Nivea Visage Anti-Wrinkle Cream) "I think I got off easily! Maybe he should grow his beard a little more, but really, I think this is quite flattering!" (He looks at the picture admiringly)" '"Then again, look at the staff I have. They sent me insane years ago, so as long as he doesn't have two heads" 'then I don't think I'd notice any serious flaws.......Are you going to end this now before she kills him?
Me: What about your butterbeers?
Dumbledore: Maybe another time.....oh, and, as for the Sooty wand, believe me, it was nothing personal, and if it was up to me I'd have let you in, but the Ministry didn't agree. (He galnces behind him) I really think we should say goodbye now.
Me: It was nice meeting you, and, uh, if it's any condolence, let her know I hadn't noticed the roots. (I jerk my head towards McGonagall and decide to end this crazy fic!)
2nd A/n: Hee hee, I suck at humour! And I really do have a Sooty wand from when I was 6!" I'm considering doing this for other characters, what do you think?"
