"We are our choices."
~ Jean-Paul Sartre
Choices are funny things. It feels right, but sometimes our judgement is clouded, influenced more by what we want to believe than what is actually true. Sometimes what seems like a good option is actually a bad one. And sometimes we don't notice until it's too late, until the choice is made and acted upon. Then we have no choice. We must suffer the consequences for that split-second decision, the one that causes our light-filled world to go instantly black. Or maybe it's not really black; it's just silent, because we have to live out the punishment without protest. And the silence presses all around us until it seems like the world is a prison and there is no way out.
The silence leaves us alone with our thoughts, mostly about our choices, and whether we would change them if we could. I don't think I would, even if I had the chance. There was nothing left for me there, nothing but a lifetime of orders and fighting, sent to another district and away from everything I knew. I guess that happened anyway, but at the time I felt like running could make me free.
It's a lonely existence, living in silence, but it's not as bad as people seem to think it is. There's a sense of unity among us, a comforting hand when we're struggling, a smile in our happier moments. Although we can't speak, I know more about these people than I did about most people I grew up with.
I would do it again, even knowing what awaited me. I made my choice, and now I have to live with it. My only regret is that I can't see him again, to say I'm sorry, to see him smile one last time. Even if I did meet him again, how could I explain? Words on a page could never be enough to cross the chasm between us. I never wanted to hurt him, and I would change that if I could.
I can't escape any of this.
In case you couldn't tell, the girl is an avox. I'm not really sure where this is going to go, or how long. I picture the first part as taking place about two years before the 74th Games.
I hope you liked it - this was more of a prologue than an actual chapter. The next ones will have more action.
