Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.
She felt lighter.
Looking at his hands, he thought back to what had just happened and thought once again how light she felt. He held her numerous times before, but this time... he flexed his fingers, recalling the memory, she had been so light.
Worry was evident in his features as he sat there, contemplating as to why that stuck out to him. He turned his head to where she sat, she was seated before the television set, a cup of lemonade sitting idly in her hand, forgotten as the condensation on the glass beaded down the sides and spilled onto the top of her hand. Her attention was focused on the screen, her eyes on the figures in the little box.
His eyes scanned her form, he saw her wrist, her small delicate wrist, the very same ones he had held in order to fend her from hitting him after a snide remark. They were so small, so frail - but yet so powerful. Onwards his eyes went, as they trailed themselves to her slender shoulders, that peeked underneath the fabric that hung loosely around them, and watched as they rise and fall as she breathed.
And his eyes continued, they had momentairly stopped to settle on her chest, but her oversized shirt made sure of it that everything was hidden, so he went on. Although her clothes hid her curves, they did nothing as it stopped mid-thigh and allowed an unadultered view of shapely legs that folded neatly under her. So lost in his endeavors, he hadn't realized that she turned around.
"Ranma?" came her voice.
Snapping out of his reverie, he glanced up and caught her gaze, his cheeks slightly red, "Yeah?" She smiled softly, her eyes closing as she did so, "Do you mind if we order take-out for dinner? I'm hungry..."
"Nah," he grinned, trying to get back his cockiness and losing his smooth edge and her smile as he kept on, "If it saves me from eatin' one of your homecooked meals, I'm up for it."
The warm smile she had disappeared quickly and immediately Ranma felt bad, he opened his mouth to try and cover it up, but Akane beat him to it, "That's fine..."
#
At dinner, Ranma sat across from Akane, and as he ate he peered over his bowl as Akane picked at her food. He saw her take a total of three bites and chew slowly, all the while moving food around on her plate.
"I thought you were hungry," Ranma commented as he reached for another helping. Akane looked up and gave a half smirk, "Uh, I'm full." Narrowing his eyes, as well as putting down his food, Ranma stood up and repimanded her, "You've barely touched your food, there's no way you're full." Akane pushed her plate in front of her, and stood up, knocking the kotatsu in the process, "I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was, okay?"
She then left the room, leaving a shocked Ranma in her wake. Ranma let out a frustrated groan, "What the hell did I do this time? Dammit."
#
Akane eased herself into the tub slowly, allowing the warm water to engulf her and her senses. Letting out a contented sigh, she leaned back and relaxed. It was then she cried.
The tears rolled silently down her flushed cheeks as she pulled her knees towards her. They broke down the wall her eyelashes put up and flooded out. Her frame began to quiver as she let out sharp breaths, all her frustrations slowly leaving her system. Under her breath, she muttered, "Damn you, Saotome, damn you."
#
"So you'll come over to try my new okonomiyaki and tell me if it's good enough to put on the menu?" Ukyo asked, delightfully as Ranma sat beside her eating the bento Kasumi prepared for him and Akane, "Sure, Ucchan." Akane sat beside him, her bento box untouched as she listened to them talk.
Ukyo cocked her head, "You're welcome to come too, Akane-san, I know how hard it must be to cook without Kasumi home tonight, right? And your family, gone too? You'll be starving."
The inaudible crack of the disposable chopsticks went unnoticed by Ukyo, but Ranma heard it. Akane gritted her teeth, but through a false front and forced smile, Akane politely declined her generous offer, "Thanks, but I'll pass."
Ranma chuckled loudly as he patted Akane's back in a friendly, joking manner, "Haha, the tomboy could use to lose a few pounds anyways, Ucchan." But as he did, he felt her frame shake and how vunerable she felt. Mid-pat, he stopped because he felt as though he could break her.
When had she become so frail?
Akane didn't react, instead she stood up, leaving her bento behind, "Yeah, I guess I could. Sorry guys," she began to walk off, "I think Sayuri and Yuka need me over there." The two childhood friends glanced in the direction she indicated and saw that their companion's friends' were indeed there, waving and insisting she go over there.
Ukyo watched her leave, and in doing so, commented, "I don't want to be rude or anything, Ranchan, but...has Akane been dieting?" Ranma scrunched up his face, "Not that I know of..." It was silent for a moment before Ukyo turned to face him, "She looks pretty small lately...and that's really saying something, Ranchan 'cuz outta everyone, no matter what you say about her, she is the most petite outta us. And although she'a my 'rival', she's also my friend...in a way."
Ranma looked at Ukyo, shock on his face as he finally realized that everything he had noticed hadn't been unnoticed afterall. That worries him even more. "Is anything the matter, anything at all for her?" Ukyo urged, "She looks so small, Ranma."
Lowering his head, he whispered, "I don't know..."
#
"You look...healthy," Yuka lied as Akane joined them. Sayuri nudged her in the ribs, "Liar! Look at her!" She openly expressed her notion by referring to Akane, "She's so small now, Akane, please, eat something - anything!"
Akane stood there shaking her head, "I-I'm not really that hungry, guys." Sayuri looked really worried as she stared at her, she and Yuka were biting back the tears they had for their friend. "Don't you dare say that, Akane," Sayuri said, "We know you've been skipping meals, and what hurts the most, Akane is that we don't know why you're doing this? It's so stupid!"
"Have you seen yourself lately?" Yuka exclaimed, "We're your friends, Akane, and we're worried! Please," she and Sayuri held out some pork buns for her, "Eat. Tell us what's wrong. We'll listen...just, please, eat something."
To appease her friends she ate the pork buns, but soom found herself hovering over the toilet, throwing up. The teacher had dismissed her from class and Akane clung to the toilet as she emptied her stomach contents into the porcelain bowl. As uneasy as she felt, she made it her goal to get to the nurse's office.
#
Ranma sat in class, his eyes waiting on the door to see to it that Akane made it back to class safely. Everyone in the room knew it, but said nothing as the teacher continued with lecture. But, as well as her students, the teacher felt the uneasiness Ranma emitted when Akane had not returned in five minutes.
It was about that time the nurse came to the door. The teacher spoke to her for a bit before calling out Ranma to follow the nurse to the infirmary. Eyes widening, the class' attention on him, Ranma stood and made his way to follow the nurse. On the way there, the nurse mentioned, "She fainted before she made it to my office, I found her unconcious a few feet away from my door."
"What?" Ranma exclaimed as he went past her and entered first. There she was, on the bed, her eyes shut and her breathing so minimal Ranma almost missed the rise and fall of her chest. The only thought that ran through his mind was that he could not handle seeing her body lifeless again, so when he saw that she was breathing, an immense feeling of joy kindled through him. He sat down beside her, "What's wrong with her?"
"Fatigue, from the looks of it," the nurse said, "But...I haven't had the time to look at her records, but I know Akane, and doesn't it look like she's smaller?"
"She's been losing weight, she hasn't been eating," Ranma said.
"Oh, that's not good," the nurse commented, "Do you happen to know who her doctor is?"
Ranma clenched his fist as he looked down at Akane, "Tofu-sensei."
#
"Dammit, why isn't she waking up?" Ranma asked as he sat in the clinic, his voice soft as he watched her face. Tofu stood close, cleaning a few instruments before he replied, "Let her rest Ranma. She'll be fine, she just needs bed rest."
"It's been a while now," Ranma said, "She hasn't moved..."
Tofu walked towards him, placed a calming hand on his shoulder, "It's going to be ok, Ranma, but you can stay the night here if you want. I have other patients I have to attend to, housecalls, so make yourself at home and just let Akane sleep, okay?"
Ranma nodded his head at the doctor before he left the room. So it was just the two of them, alone. He looked down at her, saw the way her eyelashes curled against her cheeks, her soft breathing, and he found himself overwhelmed, angry at himself for not noticing her well being before.
Akane was small, but now she was tinier. He looked down at her again and once again recalled how light she was when he brought her to the clinic. Knitting his eyebrows together, he leaned forward and clasped her hands in his, gruffily, he stated, "If anything, Akane...I thought we were friends. You coulda told me if something was botherin' you, 'cuz y'know," he rested his forehead onto hers lightly, "If there's anything I could do to help you...I'd do it in an instant..."
#
The next morning, Ranma woke up with a jerk. Hazily looking around he saw that the bed Akane had been sat there empty. He sat up, left his chair and went in search for her, "Akane?" He called out. He made it downstairs where Tofu sat, looking over papers, diligently.
"Hey, Tofu-sensei, where is Akane?" Ranma asked, "Did that tomboy finally wake-up from her beauty sleep, haha, knowing it won't do her any good?" He joked. But Tofu did not look amused as he looked up. Ranma quickly lost his smile, what happened to Akane?
"Tofu?" he asked, once again.
Tofu stood up, slowly and tenatively at first before he reached Ranma and placed a steady hand on his shoulder, looking him directly in the eyes, he said, "Akane's dead, Ranma. She passed on last night in her sleep."
Ranma stared, the meaning behind those words lost as he gaped, "W-what? No, no- you, you said that she'd be fine, that a little bed rest would do her just fine, Akane's alive," he began to breath unsteadily, "Don't joke about things like this..."
Tofu stood tall, waited for Ranma to calm his breathing before he went on, "I know what I said, Ranma, and I was wrong. But nothing could have saved her, except something short of a miracle."
"What was wrong with her? She was fine before!" Ranma all but cried.
"It was a long process, it killed her slowly, but painlessly..."
"That doesn't help me, what killed her?" Ranma pleaded.
"Nothing but the natural need for death. It was simply her time to go."
#
Ranma sat there, unmoving as everyone else around him made arrangments for Akane's funeral vindication where they would have all her friends and family together to see her off. Ranma looked at his hands, he remembered holding hers not that long ago and refused to acknowledge the truth. Akane dead?
Those words refused to leave his lips.
How could she be dead? She was stronger than that, much stronger than that. He clenched his fists, anger as the base of his emotions, anger at himself and at Akane. He then remembered the last words he said to her.
He called her fat.
Shit. Of all the things he could have said, of all the things she could have remember him telling her - he choose those words. Guilt riled up in him, why was she dead? Akane...Akane wouldn't have given up so easily; unless, nothing was tying her back, making her life before something to return to.
What would have been her benefits? A loving family? Insults from a boy who was supposedly your fiancee? Friends? Or jabs and chaos from your alleged fiancee fiancees? Why would she go back to that when she could move on, to a happier life, in a world where none of that would happened.
But, there was him?
Ranma paused, unsure of where he was going with that, and more guilt hit him. Had he not showed he cared? He was so sure of it, but, then again...he looked up to see Soun grieving over a picture of Akane. Ranma peeked over and saw it was the one where Akane stood to the side, smiling sweetly as he stood in the middle of the photo, where Ukyo and Shampoo, even Kodachi, were clinging onto him and smiling wildly.
Soun placed the photo down and left the room. Ranma crawled over and held it between his hands. The tears began then as he realized how confident she looked, but her smile was false, almost sad. She looked alone, and he cursed himself as he looked at him in the photo, the pain too much as he ripped his portion of the picture away from Akane.
She should never have to force a smile just for him, but she did. She did many things that she didn't have to do, for him. She was the one that was always there, no matter what the consequences were. She'd give up her life, if it meant to save his - the Jusendo trip reassured that.
What did he do? Insult her. Made her angry, caused her nothing but grief, but she stayed. She stayed for him.
It was just before the ceremony when Soun confronted him, "Son, I know you didn't like my daughter much, and most of the blame could be laid on your father and I, but we were too stubborn to see how it'd never work out, but for this ceremony, knowing the crowd you bring in...I can't stand by and have all your 'friends' ruin this..."
"What?" Ranma rasped, was he really asking him not to attend the funeral? Did he just accuse him of not liking his daughter? Lies!
"Y-you can't do that," Ranma said brokenhearted, "I'm her fiancee...I-I have every right to be there."
Soun shook his head, "I didn't want it to come to this, but if you go, I'm quite certain your crowd will follow. And I won't allow it, Akane deserves a quiet going away...she needs this peace, and Ranma - you can't offer that to her, here. Now."
Nabiki stood behind him, her arms crossed, "Don't deny it, Ranma... Ever since you came into her life, everything for her was ruined. You owe her this."
"Dammit!" Ranma said, almost hitting the wall, "I owe her everything, okay? Let me see her, I want to see her! If you won't let me stay for the damn funeral, at least give me a chance to see her one last time b-before you cremate her!"
"Why, so you can mock her again?" Nabiki spat.
Ranma fell to his knees, his tough exterior gone as the tears fell from his eyes, "No! So I can finally fucking tell her how I feel!"
"That you hate her?"
"Fuck off, Nabiki!" Ranma yelled, "So I can still be the damn coward and tell her I love her...because I never had the courage to tell her! Dammit! Let me see her!"
Soun stood there, determined, "Well, son...go on, but quickly please."
And so he did, and Ranma stood beside the open coffin where Akane layed, she looked so peaceful there. Ranma placed his hand around her cheek, looked down at her and bit his tongue. Even then, he could not find the words to say. Instead, he knelt down, and rested his forehead against hers, "I wish...that I coulda told you this sooner, Akane...but," he paused, his eyes closed tightly to fight back the tears, "I never meant it, y'know, those insults? Y-you're actually a pretty good martial artist, clumsy, but," he sniffed, "Good. And you ain't uncute...you're really pretty, beautiful even, 'kane. I'm sorry that it's under these circumstances that I tell you this, but I was scared...scared that you'd reject me."
He pulled himself up and looked down at her again, her eyes were fluttered shut and her hands were folded neatly in front of her, resting on her stomach, "But now...I won't ever know...so Akane, I know you can't hear me anymore, but I'll say it anyways..." He knelt down and whispered in her ear, as the tears rolled down his cheek, "I-I love you."
#
Ranma shifted in his sleep, and he kept groaning and mumbling incoherently as someone nudged him, "Ranma? Ranma! Hey! Ranma, can you please get off me? You're heavy!" The familiarity of the voice jerked Ranma awake as he stared at Akane in bed, with him pinning her down as he held her around the waist.
"Can you let go, please? You're hugging me as if I'm gonna die or something," Akane said as Ranma let go, but he quickly yelled, "Don't say something like that!" Ranma stared at her wided-eyed, still in disbelief at the nightmare he had. Akane looked at Ranma, shocked at his outburst.
"Is something wrong, Ranma? You're scaring me..." Akane said as she went to get out of bed, "You seem jumpy." As soon as her feet hit the floor, Ranma went back to her and embraced her, the force of it made Akane tiptoe in order to balance, as Ranma buried his face in her neck. Blushing madly, Akane stood there unmoving, "Did I hurt you when I asleep? I-I have a tendency of moving around alot..."
"No," Ranma replied, "You didn't hurt me, you could never hurt me."
"Ranma?" Akane whispered.
"Why aren't you eating? Is something bothering you? Tell me, Akane," he pulled away and stared her down, "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
Akane blushed, "No, it's stupid, you'll just laugh."
"Akane," he said in a serious tone.
Akane turned her head away and murmured, "So I can fit into this bathing suit, you said last summer that it looked tight on me, okay? And I really like that bathing suit. I was just gonna diet for a few weeks..."
"Stupid!" Ranma said as he hugged her again, pressing her to him, "Why do you gotta do something like that for? I'm an idiot, you looked fine."
"But..." Akane said against his chest.
"Stop trying to change the way you are, you're perfect the way you are..." Ranma continued, his heart still racing from the nightmare, his wounds still too fresh, "You're too thin, I want you to eat," he pulled away, "Okay? Promise me that?"
Blinking, Akane nodded to acknowledge him and Ranma released her, but he grabbed her hand and laced his fingers with hers, Akane looked up, surprised and blushing.
"Hey, Akane?"
"Yeah?" Akane whispered.
"You know I love you, right?"
Author's Note
Another one-shot piece that takes place after volume 38. A little twist, and a bit of angst (I guess). I am particularily practicing speech (in a paragraph), as well as description and emotion conveying...hnnn. Anycase, I hope you enjoy!
