'You guys! You guys! Seriously! You guys!'
Cartman panted as he took his usual spot among the other three at the bus stop.
'What is it, Cartman?' Kyle said in a weary voice.
Despite the fact that the boys were now in their final year of high school, a lot of things stayed pretty much the same. The only real notable difference was that the boys had grown in height and Kenny decided to forever ditch his orange parka- revealing a head of shimmery blonde hair and a mouth filthier than the floor he slept on.
Kyle still wore his signature hat – albeit a new and slightly less obnoxiously green ushanka. Stan hadn't changed much other than the fact that he was considerably taller and more built than the other boys. Cartman had lost some weight, although he was still the fattest – and most egocentric - kid in South Park.
'You won't believe it you guys! Take a look at this!'
Cartman presented to the three barely awake boys a book – or rather, a handmade booklet. It had a white cover, and was held together by staples. On the front the title 'My Ships' was scrawled in messy handwriting.
'You make that yourself, Cartman?' Kenny snickered.
'No!' Cartman scoffed. 'I got this in the mail. Everyone did. Didn't you guys get one?'
The other three boys stared indifferently, without saying a word.
'Get this.' Cartman continued anyway. 'The contents of this book are… descriptive.'
'Descriptive of what?' Stan asked.
Cartman opened his mouth to reply but then stopped short to carefully choose his words.
'Descriptive of things you would not want written in a book, Stan.'
There was a moment of silence. And then Kyle yawned, which really pissed Cartman off.
'You know what Kyle? If you want people buying this book and reading gay little stories about you then fine. But Stan, Kenny, and I are going to find out who did this and make them pay!'
'I didn't say anything, fatass!'
'Well, you know what? I'm going to humiliate you, Kyle! I am going to have you read that book and humiliate you!'
Cartman handed the booklet to Kyle, who was glaring at him. 'Go on. Read it, Kyle.'
Kyle he grabbed the booklet. 'Whatever it is, it's probably not half as bad as you're making it out to be, fatass.' He opened up the booklet and began to read.
It was one late Saturday evening that Stan had gone over to Kyle's house. Kyle's parents had gone out, so the two were alone except for Kyle's baby brother. They sat in the living room and watched Terrence & Phillip. Kyle threw back his head in laughter, causing his green ushanka to fall off and revealing a red mess of hair.
'Dude, that sounds just like us.' Stan said. 'Did you write this, Cartman?'
'No!' Cartman's face went red.
'Where did you get this?' Kyle looked at Cartman with a perplexed expression on his face.
'Just read on.' Cartman hastily replied.
Stan's piercing blue eyes were fixed on his red-haired friend.
'What is it?' Kyle asked.
'You remember that game you told me about? The one you played with Kenny when he had chicken pox?'
'You mean Ookie Mouth?' Kyle chuckled.
'Yeah. Let's play that game.'
Kyle was taken aback. 'Dude. You want to spit in each other's mouths for fun?'
'Gay!' Kenny eagerly announced.' And that is a really fun game.'
'That's because you were the one spitting!' Kyle retorted.
Stan looked at the two in disbelief. 'You guys actually played Ookie Mouth?'
'Well, yeah.' said Kyle. 'Looking back on it though, I think it was just my mom trying to get me to catch chicken pox from Kenny.'
'Yeah, yeah. That's real nice, Kyle. Now finish the freaking' story!' Cartman was getting impatient.
'I don't think I want to continue.' Kyle was starting to feel uncomfortable.
'I'll read it then!' Kenny snatched the booklet a little too keenly, as if he was anticipating something.
'We could play Ookie Mouth,' Stan inched towards Kyle. 'Or we could skip to the real fun stuff.'
Stan pulled the redhead towards him and pressed his lips onto Kyle's, as he -
'Kenny!' Stan gaped.
'What? It's what's written on the page.'
Kyle was attempting to pull his hat over his face to hide himself from the world, but to no avail.
'Man, Kyle. I didn't know you were so kinky!' Kenny smirked.
'What did I tell you, Kyle? I bet you feel pretty embarrassed now! Hahahaha haaha! Nananana naana!'
'Dude, someone wrote this and sent it to everyone? I didn't get one.' Stan looked at Cartman.
'Neither did I.' Kenny added.
'You will soon. For all you know, your parents at home are reading it right now!' Cartman replied.
'Shit! I can't have my mom see this! She'll kill me!' Kyle wailed.
'Calm the fuck down, Kyle!' Cartman shook the red haired boy. 'We just need to stop it at the source! Expose whoever did this, and make them eat their parents!'
Cartman was dead serious when he said this, and the other three boys knew that all too well.
'Why do you care if someone's reading these, fatass?' Kyle glared at Cartman.
'Because, Kyle, someone out there is making us look gay. I'm not going to stand by and let that happen, because it's wrong! It's wrong!'
'Us?' Kyle asked. 'What do you mean by 'us'?'
Before Cartman could answer the bus had arrived. The four boys sat in their usual seats but there was no further discussion of the mysterious book called 'My Ships'.
Instead, Stan and Kyle sat together in silence. Cartman sat on his own devising his next plan of action. And Kenny was delighted to sit at the back of the bus and absorb every lovely, smutty detail of this glorious new book.
