Owen felt really guilty. The guilt was eating him up alive, so he went to Dr. Wyatt.
Wyatt: I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?
Owen: I don't know. I don't want to feel anything.
Wyatt: What is it that you are feeling?
Owen: Everything at the same time. I don't know.
Wyatt: You have to name those feelings.
Owen: I love Cristina, but sometimes I am not sure how I feel about Teddy.
Wyatt: Who's Teddy?
Owen: She and I, we served in Iraq together. We were best friends and I had feelings for her. I brought her here to teach Cristina and she told me that she loves me. I told her I love Cristina and Teddy was going to move on, but she didn't.
Wyatt: Sounds complicated.
Owen: It is. I love Cristina, but yesterday I almost kissed Teddy.
Wyatt: Why didn't you?
Owen: Our pagers interrupted. But I don't know if I would have kissed her. And I feel so guilty about that.
Wyatt: Aside from Teddy, how have you been recently?
Owen: I... Teddy, she had this case and I had some flashbacks about Iraq. I haven't been able to sleep ever since and sometimes I don't feel like myself at all. A couple of days ago, Cristina was afraid of me. That's just not me.
Wyatt: Why was she scared of you?
Owen: In surgery, I was harsh on her. I felt like we were in the army, so in the OR I treated her and talked as if we were in the battlefield. I wasn't there in that OR, not really. I made pasta for her, I wanted to apologize and the sausages were burnt. But I lost my temper. When I turned around to apologize, she flinched. She was scared of me. That's when I decided to go back to therapy.
Wyatt: So you just went to therapy because of Cristina? Again?
Owen: Yes. I want to be a better guy for Cristina. She deserves so much better than me and I feel so... guilty. You know, I want to spend the rest of my life with Cristina and I wanted to be fine for her.
Wyatt: You should want to feel alright for yourself, too.
Owen: But I don't deserve any of it. I don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve Cristina. I almost kissed Teddy, for god's sake.
Wyatt: Why did you almost kiss her?
Owen: I don't know.
Wyatt: Ok, then: How did you feel at the time. Aside from the feelings about Teddy, how were YOU?
Owen: I don't know. I kind of felt like in Iraq. Teddy, she was crying and when we were in Iraq, I often comforted Teddy. She cries a lot.
Wyatt: And before, when she cried, did you ever kiss?
Owen: No, of course not. But I was tempted then, too. I thought she didn't like me the way I liked her, so I never tried anything.
Wyatt: You just told me you are sometimes conflicted about your feelings, but you also told me you want to spend the rest of your life with Cristina.
Owen: Yes, that's the problem. I wanted to make everything better for Cristina and for us and I just fucked everything up.
Wyatt: When do you feel conflicted about Teddy?
Owen: When I feel like I am in... Wait a moment, I only have feelings for Teddy when I feel like I am in Iraq.
Wyatt: Yes.
Owen: So I don't really have feelings for Teddy right now.
Wyatt: Yes, but that's not really the point. It's not healthy for you to feel like you are in Iraq. You suppressed and shoved your feelings aside for so long. You need to integrate them. You can't just ignore your experiences in Iraq and how they make you feel. If you do that, those feelings well up and they come back to haunt you.
Owen: You're saying that is what happens? How do I fix it?
Wyatt: You should go back to therapy regularly. And maybe you should bring in Cristina next time.
And Owen: You deserve good things, you deserve people to love you, you deserve to be with the person you love.
Owen: Thank you.
