To Love and to be Unloved.
Then every night he would leave, closing that large, damning door all too firmly behind him. I would be alone under the burning candlelight and sometimes, for a while, I would stare, hard, at the spot where he had just stood. I would silently will him to come back, as if the command locked in my mind could force him to do so. I could have loved Sebastian so much that the seams of my heart would have began to burst and spill thick liquid gold into my blood and yet I still would never have called him back into that bedroom. My pride prevented it.
Was it… Is it love? All the same, it didn't matter. He was a predator and all he wanted from me was my soul. I smirked and fingered the eye-patch I wore with some inward resentment and a bitter smirk. Sebastian Michaelis. My servant, my butler, and the subject of the sickest and foulest desires that had ever played in my wicked heart. He had made an imp of me indeed.
I leaned over and blew out the candle. These days I found more hot comfort in the darkness than I did the light. I sank down against the soft sheets and curled my fingers against the pillow he had made swollen with those expert hands of his. I inwardly laughed at the thought and let my lips brush over the material, taking a fleeting childish joy in the thought of being so absolutely protected and – I fancied for a moment- loved and desired. The thought faded as the darkness set in with my cruel rationality. I was not loved, but I was desired for all the wrong reasons. This contract was the only thing that secured its loyalty…
My hand slid beneath the sheet and my mind began to pump full of useless thoughts.
So what if it was just the contract? He would do whatever I said. O, if only he knew. His gloves. The material and the quirk of his quick fingers. Our routines, his dark, twisted grin.
My body trembled at the thought.
"Young Master."
I could almost hear him whispering inside me. My diseased mind emptied and all the heat left my body as I lay gasping, staring at the ceiling. I felt very cold and very ashamed that I had let my thoughts wander so. I drew my hand from under the sheet and tucked it beneath the pillow which had now relaxed itself from its swollen state and slipped very quickly into the only escape I was offered – darkness and sleep.
