Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: R
Spoilers: Possible spoilers through to the middle of April. This is working off the murmurings on the board that 'Frank does something that will make us love him'.
Summary: Natalia returns to the farmhouse after walking out on Olivia.
Disclaimer: Just messing around with these lovely ladies in anticipation for the big day.
AN – Just couldn't help myself... Crystal Chappell's eyes were begging me to to do this, and srsly, would you say no to those? :)
~~~
Frank sees the look in Natalia's eyes, how they're fixated over his shoulder, where Olivia sits, head high and eyes down - and in that moment he knows. He knows because he's had that look in his eyes too for Olivia Spencer, and he knows Natalia has never had that look in her eyes for him. He knows because as soon as he realizes it, it makes sense and it fits in a way he and Natalia never did. "Um, excuse me..." He began, clearing his throat, surprising himself and the priest, and the church full of well-wishers and family dressed in their Sunday best. "I just - um..."
"Frank?" Natalia whispers loudly, "What are you doing?"
"I just, can I just borrow the bride for a moment?" He asked, grabbing her hand and half-dragging Natalia, making a swift exit from the side door into the sunshine. "Frank - what's going on?"
"I just, I need a moment." He took a deep breath of fresh air and turned around to face his bride. She really was beautiful, glowing in the sun, she deserved...more.
Inside, the church was abuzz with worry and gossip as everyone rushed towards the windows, trying to catch a glimpse of what was going on. Everyone that is, except for Olivia Spencer who sat, glued to her seat in the pew, wishing the tears slowly carving their way down her face would dry up, because every time she wiped away one away, four more would appear in it's place.
"Frank?" Natalia asked once more, stepping towards him, "What's going on?"
"I just - I just want to look at you for a moment," He replied, taking a deep long look at the woman who stood before him.
"Frank, you're going to have your entire life to do that. We're getting married, remember?" She weakly chuckled.
"No, we aren't."
"What? You're not serious Frank."
"I am, Natalia. I am. Because I can see it in your eyes, and I can see it in hers. You don't love me like you love her. You don't look at me the way you look at her, and you never have."
"Who are you talking about?" She questioned, her stomach sinking to her knees and her ears ringing.
"Tell me you love me." It wasn't a question, or a demand. More of a request. He wanted to hear just once that she loved him. But all she could do was look down at the bouquet in her hand, wilting already. "Frank," She began softly. "You know I do. You know I love your whole family." She tiptoed around each word as if she was picking her way across a loaded minefield, her fingers slowly ripping petals off the flowers in her hand.
"Natalia, please. I'm not blind." He whispered, hurt. He wasn't hurt that she loved someone else, he was hurt that she acted as if she didn't know it. "And neither are you. In fact, the only person who might be blind to it Olivia herself."
"She's not." Natalia's voice dropped until it almost disappeared. "Frank, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She took his hands in hers and clasped them tightly. "I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I don't know how or why it happened."
"Then why did you say yes?"
"Because you asked. Because I didn't know what else to do. Because I do, I do love you and your family -" Natalia raised her brown eyes to his, hoping he could see her pain, her sorrow at hurting him.
"But you're not in love with me?"
"No. But you're a good man, a man who deserves to be happy and to have someone take care of him and -" She dropped his hands "And you deserve someone who IS in love with you. I just, I thought I could be that person, that if I was patient, it would come."
"And Olivia?"
"What about Olivia?" She asked, turning away, ignorant to the half of Springfield crammed at the windows, following their intimate exchange.
"Natalia, don't. Don't do this. Are you in love with Olivia?"
Natalia's heart grew, constricting against her ribs, just thinking about Olivia, sitting in the Church, crumbling inside and appearing so strong on the out. All she wanted to do was take that pain away, to go back to the way they were before, before the proposal, before the kiss and before Emma's project - back when she could come home to her family and eat dinner with them, and laugh with them and curl up on the couch with them without questioning the state of her eternal soul. But Frank didn't ask if she wanted to go back, if she was worried about eternal damnation, or even if she was going to break his heart, all he asked was if she was in love with Olivia. "Yes." She admitted, her voice cracking, as Frank took her shoulders in his hands and turned her to face him.
"Mommy? Where did Frank and Natalia go?" Emma's question jarred Olivia out of her thoughts and forced a smile upon her face as she raised her head to greet her daughter. "I'm not sure Em, but do me a favor? Can you give me a hug?"
"You're silly!" Emma responded, but dutifully slid into the pew beside her mother and sat on her lap, letting Olivia wrap her arms around her for a minute, burying her face in her hair. Taking in one deep, calming breath after another, Olivia didn't hear her name being murmured across the church until Marina gently tapped her on her shoulder. Looking up, Olivia saw each and every person was turned to face her, but past them was Frank standing at the side door, waiting. She took a deep breath and slid Emma off her lap, "Marina, can you do me a favor and keep an eye on Em?"
"Sure." She confirmed, confused as everyone else as to why Frank had whisked his bride away and stood there now, asking for Olivia. Olivia meanwhile took a deep breath and stood, straightening her jacket and made her way towards Frank, her face contorted by confusion and concern. "What's going on Frank? If you guys want to elope, I think it's a little too late for that." She joked - but the look on his face wasn't in the mood for jokes, in fact, the look on his face matched the look she herself had been wearing for months - the put-on, sad smile that didn't quite reach the eyes that were forced to stay open for fear of tears. Olivia's stomach dropped - whatever it was, it wasn't good. Frank slipped his hand onto her back and lead her out of the church and together they stood, watching Natalia Rivera standing there in the open air, the sun shining off her simple white gown, her hair blowing in the wind, her eyes squeezed shut, praying that this wasn't happening, that the last three months were a horrible, horrible dream. But when she did finally open her eyes, she was not back at home, she wasn't anywhere else but outside the church, on her wedding day, staring into the eyes of the two people whose hearts she had just broken. Frank, dear, sweet Frank who was kind and loving and wonderful and just...not for her. And then Olivia - messy, loud, bossy, beautiful, demanding and exciting. All three of them stood there, looking lost and confused at one another - no one willing to make the first move towards hurting the others. "You look ... beautiful." Olivia began, taking in the sight of Natalia for one last time, "And there's a whole church full of people who think so too -"
"Oh my God, everybody!" Natalia's hand flew to her mouth as she realized that the entire church was crowded around the windows, watching her break Frank's heart. "I can't, I can't..." And with that she turned on her heel and began to run as fast as the cumbersome dress would let her go. "Go after her," Frank instructed, pushing Olivia slightly towards Natalia's direction. "If she ever meant anything to you, go after her and tell her." Olivia turned on her heel, her green eyes ablaze with rage - furious at being asked to reign in his bride, but stopped short at hurling her angry words. Standing before her Frank stood defeated, deflated - she knew that feeling all too well. He shrugged his shoulders and looked her in the eyes as he confessed "She loves you more. She's always has." And that was all she needed. She gave his hand a quick squeeze as her mouth formed the thanks that her voice couldn't express - and then she was off, her long legs giving chase to Natalia.
Olivia's heart pounded and the blood rushed in her ears - all she could do was repeat Frank's words in her head as she ran towards the front of the church - and then her heart stopped completely as she saw Natalia sitting in the passenger's seat in her car. At this moment, Olivia Spencer had two choices. She could either walk away, right back into that church and pretend that nothing happened - she could go back to what was safe and sound and a sure bet. Or she could not.
.
.
Olivia Spencer never took the safe bet.
.
.
She smiled to herself at that thought and made her way towards her car where she opened the door and wordlessly slid in. Both women sat in silence, staring straight ahead. Moments passed. Natalia's hand slid over towards Olivia's where they hovered, mere millimeters away from the others. More moments passed. "It occurs to me that I never asked you what you wanted." Olivia spoke, finally breaking the spell over the car. "I told you what I thought you should do, but I never asked. And if you've taught me anything," Olivia's voice took on a playful tone as she turned to face Natalia, "It's that it's never to late to correct a mistake. So, Natalia Rivera, what would you like to do?"
"I should go back in." Natalia responded, mind on auto-pilot, eyes straight ahead towards the church.
"I didn't ask what you should do." Olivia retorted, a smile spreading across her lips as she moved her free hand towards Natalia's flushed cheek and gently turned Natalia to face her. Natalia's eyes, black with stress melted back to chocolate brown as she made contact with Olivia's glittering greens. "Hi." Natalia finally greeting the older woman, as if realizing where she was for the first time.
"Hi," She responded back, brushing her thumb over Natalia's lip.
"Hi." The younger woman repeated, finally breaking down into tears as the stress of the day finally broke her. Olivia quickly wrapped her arms around the other woman, running her hands through her hair, down her back, trying to calm her down. "Shhhhhh, shhhhhhhh..." She whispered in her ear, "It's OK, it's all going to be OK."
"How can you say that?" Natalia asked, sobbing into the crook of Olivia's neck. "I ruined today, humiliated Frank in front of all of our friends and family and for what? Hunh? Olivia? For what?" Natalia pulled back, furious now, and shouting.
"I guess now's not the to tell you I love you, is it?" Olivia weakly offered.
"This isn't a joke, Olivia. This is my life -"
"No, Natalia - this is OUR life. And it's not a joke." Olivia's voice rose to match Natalia's in volume and urgency. "I love you. I am in love with you. Head over heels, can't think straight, can't fall asleep without wanting you by me in love with you."
"Well you picked a hell of a time to tell me!"
"I've been trying to tell you for months, since you told me you slept with Frank, since Emma's project, since God knows when, I keep trying and trying and trying - but something always happened. And then Frank proposed - and it was everything you ever wanted, how could I keep that from you? How could I say I loved you and then take what you wanted most away from you -"
"But you did! You did, Olivia. All I wanted, all I've ever wanted as a family. You are my family. Emma is my family. And you took that away. You took it away and pushed me towards Frank."
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" Olivia took a calming breath, trying to steady her shaking nerves. "I love you and Frank could give you so much more than I can. He could give you stability and respectability and safety and I can't. I just can't. Respectable isn't a word people associate with Olivia Spencer. I will hurt you, Natalia, it's what I do. I hurt people, and I push people away and I screw up and I... I snore, and I'm mean, and I fly off the handle and I get angry and I'm not right for you. I can't give you what you want, and what you deserve. I'm only going to give you a lifetime of arguing and laundry and -"
"Did you think, Olivia? Did you think for one moment that what I wanted, what I really wanted was you and Emma? That maybe I knew that you snore, and that you fly off the handle and that you can't do laundry and I loved you anyways? That I wanted you anyways? That I wanted to come home to you and Emma? That I wanted to look across the dinner table and see you smile and know that I'm the only person who sees that smile? That I wanted to fall asleep in your arms on our couch and to wake up in our bed?"
"Our bed?" Olivia asked, her stomach dropping at the thought of waking up with Natalia in her arms.
"Yes, Olivia, our bed." Natalia stopped her speech and took a breath, glad to get everything off her chest. "I love you, Olivia Spencer - and I didn't want anything else, anyone else but the life we had."
"It's not too late." Olivia spoke, her heart racing at the thoughts Natalia had put in her head, "I can pick up Emma and we can head home. And you can take off that dress, and I can order some Chinese food and we can watch stupid movies until you fall asleep in my arms and -"
"And what happens next, Olivia? What happens after we wake up?"
"Honestly? I don't know. But I know that that's what kept me from letting you kiss me that time in the hospital - and I have regretted letting that one question rule my life." Natalia, tired and exhausted at the thought and stress, and emotions expelled in a few short hours finally broke down, slipped her hand behind Olivia's neck and brought together their lips. They took their time, softly exploring with lips and teeth and tongues. When they finally pulled apart, Natalia rested her head on Olivia's shoulder and looked out at the sunshine and at the trees bending in the wind. "So, Ms. Rivera, what would you like to do today?"
"I want to get out little girl and go home."
"That sounds perfect."
-The End
