Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight, or its characters…or anything really! I don't even really own that much of this I don't think… I mean I'm using someone else's characters…so I don't really own that much right? Bah whatever. I DON'T CLAIM TO OWN ANYTHING!
NOTE: I've read the manga up until chapter 63 (the most recent one at this time) so if you haven't…there might be a few minor spoilers! However, if you watched all of the anime, (I did that too!) then you shouldn't really have any issues.
Violet… When I was a kid, I always used to love violets… purple has always been one of my favorite colors. Although, I began to like it even more 6 years ago.(1) It used to be just a color…but now it's half of what I think about. Those eyes…Those strange purple eyes that, a few times, became tainted. Tainted with blood and glowing that terrifying color… I remember the feeling as his fangs sharply dug into me…
My eyes snap open. I'm panting. Kaname-senpai…no…just Kaname now. We've been lovers for about a year now…but why can't I just call him by his name? I've finally started using Onii-sama…but still… Anyways, Kaname will be home later today. I should really stop thinking about Zero. I mean, to have dreams that he's sinking his fangs into my neck again…I…it's cruel. To Oniisama. To Zero. To me…but I deserve it. I don't deserve Kaname, but he's willing to die for me. I certainly don't deserve Zero…but I think…I think he might love me…just maybe. Wishful thinking? Yeah. It probably is. But maybe…just maybe.
Pain. I grip my neck. It hurts! I want…I want Oniisama here. Don't I? I desire his blood. But even after I drink it…I still crave more. Zero's. I need him, I want… I want what I can't have. I want what I don't deserve. I've caused him so much pain. And Oniisama knows! I told him…but he said that it's okay! But it's not! Nothing will ever be okay, I just keep hurting and hurting him. I want to leave him, but I don't want to ever let him go. I want his brown hair…his copper eyes. I do, I really do love him! I desire him… his blood… A shudder passes through me at the mere thought…no the privilege of sucking his blood…feeling it flowing down my throat…so warm and-
No! I turn over, putting a pillow over my head and nearly suffocating myself. My throat hurts so much! It's in flames now, engulfing me…dragging me down…I need…Zero. The only one who can stop it. But…Onii-Sama. I need him too…He alleviates it. I need them both. But I deserve neither. Zero…those violet eyes. Those eyes that I've always wanted to help, those eyes I've always cared for. Those eyes I've always wanted to keep locked with mine…Those eyes that I just want to capture, to entrance. If only I wasn't a vampire. Maybe then Zero would love me. But I guess even when I wasn't a vampire, he felt like he didn't deserve me. I scoff as I grip my throat tighter, panting as I do so. Partially because I'm strangling myself, and partly because the thirst it slowly driving me towards insanity. He was so foolish. Blindly devoted to me as I hurt him again and again with my words and actions. All because he thought that I was the victim…Just because he drank my blood and we both didn't know…that I was the vampire. The true monster. Me. Not him, everything was just so backwards.
He drank my blood…It's so hard to keep those memories at bay. At the time, it didn't mean nearly as much as it did now. But…just the thought of his fangs…Piercing me as he slowly sucks my blood…the feeling of his mouth against my neck. I shudder, clenching my eyes shut and tightening my grip around my neck even more, to the point that I really couldn't breathe. For some reason, it takes me a moment to register that I can't breathe and that I'm gagging because of it. Oops. I finally release my vise grip around my neck and roll over, tearing the pillow from my head and gasping desperately for air. Of course, my thirst only makes it worse. And I can still feel the ghost of Zero's lips on my neck. Taking my blood again. I shudder and wrap my arms around myself, my nails cutting into my skin.
"Zero…" I whisper to myself. I sit up and shake my head furiously. I have to stop this. If I continue to torture myself like this, surely Onii-Sama will find out. He would probably suffer over this, which is the last thing I want. I take a few deep breathes and the deranged thirst becomes almost bearable. I look around furiously for some blood tablets, and when I finally find them, I dump a handful of them in my mouth. As always, my thirst is never fully quenched. The tablets only allow me to be sane, but they don't come anywhere near as close as drinking Onii-Sama's blood does…I freeze. I really should stop thinking about that… I shake my head madly again and go out of my room, maybe talking to Aidou(2) will help calm me down. Just as I'm about to open my mouth to call for him, he comes out of no where.
"Cross Yu- ah, I'm sorry. Yuuki-Sama." He looks down and bows his head just a bit, which makes me frown. I don't like that he seems to be almost scared of what I would do to him if he doesn't call me 'Yuuki-Sama' it's just so weird. "I was wondering when you were going to come out. Are you okay?" He asks me, looking genuinely concerned.
"Ah no I'm fine. I was just tired that's all…did you need me for something?"
"No, I just don't really have anything to do I guess…And Kaname-Sama asked me to look after you…" he trails off. Okay so he's just bored. Well so am I so that's just fine by me, as long as he can think of something to do. It was a bit tiring to just lay around the house all day…and by tiring I of course mean incredibly boring. I'm not in any place to complain though, Onii-Sama wants me to stay inside for my own safety and I owe it to him to do what he asks whenever possible.
"I don't have anything to do either…I'm really bored actually." I look at him, silently begging for him to think of something to do. I need to get my mind off of Zero. Zero… NO. Now is not the time for that.
But no. Aidou Hanabusa merely shrugs in boredom. Great.
"Ummm. Oh I know! I don't really know very much about vampire history and etiquette and stuff, plus Onii-Sama said you should teach me, so why don't we do that?" I smile at him, even if it's just studying, it would help be a distraction. He nods. He really is just so faithful…even though I'm pretty sure Onii-Sama never asked him to be, Aidou has always just been his servant, doing whatever he asked with no, or very few, questions asked.
"Yes well all the books are just over here in this room and there's a table and chairs we could sit at…" He trails off, looking at me questioningly. I nod and let him lead the way. Even though studying isn't really the most exciting thing, it's definitely better than wrestling with my unending thirst. Plus, it is kind of interesting, learning about the history of vampires.
(1)- 4 years before they went to Cross Academy, then I'm just guessing that it's about a year before she turned into a vampire, then she's been a vampire for about a year…so basically it's just when she first saw Zero, but put less bluntly.
(2)- I think it can be spelled either Aidou or Aido, but I like Aidou better because for some reason it's cuter to me. I guess it could be "Idol" but whatever. Oh and I didn't add the –senpai because she's not going to school anymore so…
Yayy my first Vampire Knight fic! Hopefully I'll end up finishing it…Man I love this anime SOOO MUUCH! Well the Manga too obviously…Anyways, please review and tell me what you think! If anyone wants to be a beta I don't have one, or if anyone wants one I'd love to be one! I notice things in other people's stories way more than I notice them in mine…hmmm. Anyways PLEASE REVIEW! Tell me what you think! It's going to be a ZeroxYuuki fic by the way so…yeah. It's set during the year that Kaname and Yuuki are vampires together, and yes I use the Japanese Honorifics. If you need help, look of 'japanese honorifics' on wikipedia. I'm pretty sure that it has all the ones that will be used here, if there is one you don't know feel free to ask and I'd be happy to tell you! I know way more than necessary! Again, any review is appreciated, no matter how lame in short (although long and insightful ones are always better) So if you like it please favorite and/or simply review and say that you do! It takes about 10-20 seconds if you don't want to write a long one! 5 reviews at least would be reaaaly nice! I don't think that will happen, but I can hope right? Oh, and I have a bit of a tendency to mix up past and present…I usually type in past but then I wrote a portion of this in present so I tried to change it to present…anyways if you notice something off please tell me!
