A/N:
1. This is my first Hayffie fic. A little rusty, but I hope you like it!
2. I decided to turn this into a collection of Hayffie stories. If you have a prompt, suggestion or critic, please feel free to contact me.
3. English is not my first language, so I apologize for every possible mistake I make. Please do tell me if you see something wrong, since it will help me.
4. Saddly, I don't own The Hunger Games.
Effie woke up feeling something wrapping around her. Darkness and silence surrounded her and she was immediately reminded of another time where she found herself on her own. She tried to move her arms, but they were being held strongly. Out of reflex, she moved her legs, but found it useless as well, just like then.
It was her nightmare coming back. Only once in her life had she felt completely useless, and it had been thanks to the government she had once praised. Ever since she was captured, and in spite of it being over, the memory of it was a recurring nightmare. In her dreams, however, there would come a point in which she'd wake up from it. When that happened, Effie would get up from bed, go to the backyard and spend her time waiting for sunrise. This time it was different, though. No matter how much she tried, she still couldn't move. The worst part was not being able to see a thing. There was something right in front of her, preventing her from looking around. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, but it only made it worse. Effie could see those peacekeepers in her cell. She remembered their words as if it had been only yesterday, the way they'd touch her and beat her, and felt the emptiness overcome her once more.
She cried. At least she tried to, although the only thing that came through her mouth was a gasp.
"Effs?" asked a sleepy voice coming from the wall in front of her. The arms that were holding her moved to caress her comfortingly and, as his legs slid away from hers, Haymitch placed a soft kiss on her cheek.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he whispered, pulling away from her to try and look into her eyes, but she buried her face on his chest quickly. She had forgotten the events of the previous day. How she had spent the whole day with Haymitch. They had talked most of the time, but there had been certain gestures from both of them that hinted at what happened later. He had reached out for her hand when she almost tripped walking through town in her high heels, but when she tried to pull away from his grip, he only squeezed her hand gently and kept walking as if they were used to holding hands. Later, at his house, they were talking –or at least Effie was talking- about what changes they could do to the place. She was talking so excitedly about the colors of the walls and the new furniture they could get, that she wasn't sure of how her hand had ended on his thigh. There was a small silence as they looked into each other's eyes. It was a comfortable silence. Out of it, they realized their friendship had come to a point of no return. Granted she had been in love with Haymitch for far too long, even if he had been too busy to notice that before, but now they actually had a chance to be together without fear, without hiding… He smiled when she started talking again as if nothing had happened, her hand lingering on his leg as she traced small circles with her thumb. He liked how things were now between them. They kissed that night, for the first time since they had said goodbye after Katniss killed Coin, but that kiss had been so chaste, so quick she didn't even have time to react properly.
When Effie got to Twelve, she was still too shaken, too hurt to even let him give her a welcome hug. He knew it was because of her time as Snow's prisoner. He had read her file and knew more than he wanted to about how she was treated. Even though he had always denied it, in his heart Haymitch had allowed some hope that they might be something more one day, so when he saw the state she was in, he was crushed. He told himself he would give her time, though he wasn't convinced she'd ever be ready for anything. They fought as always, calling each other names and yelling their lungs out, but they hadn't crossed the line. Everything had changed the previous night. Effie gave herself to him willingly and he was gentle with her. She held on to him as if her life depended on it, making him eager to show her how much he cared, to make her know he would be there for her. Being in his arms was everything she had ever dreamed of, yet she somehow forgot.
For a moment she assumed she was on her own, the way she had always been. Still charged with the adrenaline caused by her nightmare, a few tears escaped her eyes, making Haymitch's chest damp. He didn't make more questions, settling for holding her tight instead. Unable to stop herself, Effie cried in his arms. As a response to her shaking shoulders, he placed gentle kisses all over her face and held her until her breath evened.
"I'm sorry, Haymitch" she muttered after a while. He kissed her forehead once more and gently pulled her chin up to make her look at him.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
He wasn't surprised when she shook her head. As softly as he could, he pulled away from her and got out of bed, lazily putting on his clothes. Effie lifted her head from the pillows and thought of what to say so he wouldn't leave, but her mind wasn't cooperating in that precise moment. She watched him go with her mouth half open before her head fell back on the pillow. How could she be so stupid? Why couldn't she let anyone in her life? Haymitch cared. He proved that each day when he made sure he ate her whole plate, when he defended her with those who attacked her for being an escort… why not opening up to him?
"I'm so stupid" she mumbled against the pillow, and almost jumped out of bed when she felt a hand squeeze her hip.
"No, you're not" he whispered to her ear before kissing her cheek. Effie propped herself on her hands and turned over to sit up. He scooted close to her and she saw he was holding a cup of tea in one hand. He held it out for her to take, "I made you some tea."
Taking the drink in her hands she took a sip. It tasted sweet and was refreshing. She could think of two other times in which her tea had been that way. The first one was during her first Hunger Games. She had made the mistake of befriending their tributes, actually earning their trust. When they didn't last ten seconds, she was a mess. Haymitch surprised her when he sat next to her and offered her a cup of tea. She half expected he had added some alcohol in it, but he was surprisingly sober. He hadn't been nice to her before, yet seeing how much the Games affected her made him have some mercy on the poor woman. That was when he realized she was not just another escort.
The second time was the day she picked his and Katniss' name for the Quarter Quell. Effie had locked herself in her room mumbling something about schedules, but Haymitch knew she didn't want anyone see her cry. She woke up prepared to follow her usual routine. When saw the hot beverage on her night stand, she decided to ignore her schedule for once.
Back then, she had taken his gestures as acts out of pity, since he knew exactly how bad it felt to be part of such an atrocity. Last night, however, made her realize there was always a hidden motive. Without much thinking, she placed the mug in her nightstand and hugged Haymitch as tight as she could. He chuckled, bringing his lips down to kiss her and carefully pushing her back down to the mattress. She let him move his hands all over her and soon they had stripped each other from their clothes. He pulled away from her slightly and placed a hand on the curve of her waist. She looked him in the eyes thinking of what to tell him. Effie didn't want to let go of any opportunity to tell him what she felt. She wouldn't give him a single reason to believe she yearned to be alone.
"I love you" she managed to say, and she hated herself for it. Those three words sounded so blunt, so out of place that she wished she hadn't said them in the first place. He deserved better than that and she was unable to find a way to convey what she felt. Haymitch was always surprised by how insecure she was. He thought it was funny how she always kept trying to find a better way to do things, how she struggled to be right when, in fact, she was already perfect. All her wigs, all her makeup and her damned schedules… He was glad she had left all that behind when she moved in from the Capitol. He kissed her again, slowly, so she realized her words meant a lot for him, and immediately felt her relax in his arms. He kissed her neck softly and trailed down to her chest, eliciting soft cries from her. Without stopping there, he moved to kiss the side of her waist and then lower, to her legs. Then, he went all the way back to her lips and met her hand when it touched his cheek.
Effie moved her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him towards her. Her movement was rushed and clumsy. It revealed both her lack of experience, –or maybe it had been too long since her last time- and her eagerness. Instead of having their lips meet, their noses collided, making Haymitch chuckle as she laughed.
"Careful, princess. My nose is what makes me attractive" he joked as he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly to distract her before entering her. Effie broke from the kiss with closed eyes. A loud moan escaped her lips and Haymitch could actually see her body tense and relax under him. He only began to move against her when she opened her eyes with a smile, and her hips soon matched his.
Whether or not this was the right thing to do, he was not sure. All he knew was that he needed Effie. Maybe it was just the look in her eyes that told him, or the way she clung to him when they made love, but Haymitch knew she was afraid he would leave. Effie would never dare to ask him to stay because she feared he'd run away at the thought of compromise. He wasn't made for words; he was used to doing things, not talking them. Words were wind. They were spoken and then left for someone else to catch. Words didn't have the power to reassure any of them.
He kissed her lips and then moved down to her neck. When he felt her arms wrap around his shoulders, he decided to imitate her and encircle her waist with his arms as well. They stayed like that, breathing against each other's neck until they were done, and even after, only Haymitch rolled them over so she was resting on top of him. Silence came over them until he looked down at Effie. In the dim light, he could see her eyes were closed and her body moved up and down as she breathed.
"Sweetheart?"
As a reply, she lifted her head, resting her chin on his chest to meet his stare. What could he say? What could he tell her so she never felt alone again? It was true that words didn't weight most of the time, but sometimes they were all there was.
"Don't leave me" he whispered.
