A/N: This is sort of my version of New Moon. I know the whole letters things was in the movie, but I started imagining what they said, what might happen, etc. Hope you like it and please review, whether it's good or bad. : )

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyer.

I sat up in bed, muffling my screams with my hand. It was the nightmare again. It was always the same one, and it always caused me to wake up like this, screaming in horror. I looked at the little green numbers on the alarm clock by my bed. They read 4:10 AM. I groaned and slumped back onto the pillow. I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again, not that I wanted to, so I sat up again and carefully got to my feet, feeling around in the darkness for the light switch. I found it and flipped the lights on. I blinked, letting my eyes adjust to the sudden light. I looked around my little room. It was very tidy. Too tidy. I frowned. It was like nobody lived here. How depressing.

I walked over to my desk, switching on the old computer and sitting down on the edge of my bed to wait. I stared off into space, thinking.

I wondered what Edward was doing right now. I cringed at his name, which had popped involuntarily into my thoughts. Pain ripped through my chest; I curled up into a ball at the foot of my bed. It hurt to think about… him. Like there was a hole punched through my chest. Emptiness.

After a few minutes, I sat up slowly, breathing hard. I knew this wasn't normal, wasn't healthy, but it was just something you can't help. Something that happens and there's no going back.

I sat down in front of the now-groaning computer and stared blankly at the screen, not sure why I'd gotten on the computer in the first place. I'd just replied to Renee's last email yesterday. Idly, I opened up my email page and looked through the backlog of old, already-read-and-replied-to messages. All of the recent ones were from Renee. When I reached as far back as September 5th I stopped, shocked. There was a different name, a different address there. I closed my eyes and held my face in my hands.

The email was from Alice. I knew it was old, and I'd already read it, and that this was before, but I had an urge to read through it again. I knew this would hurt, not as much as when I thought about…. Edward, but it would still hurt. Instead of a crushing pain in my chest, there was a ghost of that pain. I grimaced and turned back to the message.

Hey, Bella!

So I was thinking, we should go shopping on Saturday. Edward is going hunting with Jasper and Rose that day, so you're free. I would've asked you in person, but I'm going hunting with Jasper and Emmett soon, and Emmett's getting impatient (no surprise), so I needed to hurry up. Anyway, I'll pick you up bright and early Saturday morning!

Love, Alice

When I stopped reading, I realized there were tears in my eyes; I wiped them away hurriedly. I stopped looking at the rest of the old messages, knowing a lot of them would be from Alice.

Alice.

I wasn't sure what came over me, but I felt the urge to send her an email. I knew this was totally out of the blue, and pointless, as I knew… Edward… would've made her stop using this email, knowing I would try to talk to her. But there was always the tiniest chance that somehow, she would see it. He didn't care anymore, not that I didn't but the point was, Alice cared. Even a little. Or had she grown tired of me too? I bit my lip, trying to decide. Finally, I clicked the "compose message" button and typed in her familiar address. Who cared if I was sending emails to nobody? I wanted to.

I started,

Dear Alice,

I know you probably won't get his, as…. Edward… would've been very careful. But I wanted to try. I know it's pretty much useless, and stupid, but frankly, I don't really care. It'll all catch up to me tonight of course, the pain. But I wanted to try, try to contact you, know you exist somewhere. I haven't been doing especially well since you all left. But I'm still here, alive. I guess that's a plus. Or not. I can see this isn't going anywhere; it's completely useless most likely. But I think I'll feel a little better. Sure, it's not as good as venting to someone in person, let alone venting to a person. I'm venting to a computer. Lovely. Maybe this has all gotten to me, making me insane. I hear Charlie getting up. I've been trying to hide it all from him. I'm trying to be normal, for him. Not to lose myself, go completely mental. I know he needs me, and maybe that's the only thing keeping me here. I miss you. All of you guys. It hurts to think about it. It feels like there's a hole in my chest, like when all you left, you took a big piece of me with you guys. I know it sounds stupid. But it's the truth. I don't really know how I've lasted this long. It's like… it's not me living my life. Like I'm missing. I don't know.

Love, Bella

I hit send and flung myself onto the bed, pulling the blankets over myself. I shuddered and bit down on my lower lip. I closed my eyes and imagined what my life would be like if only Edward and Alice and the others were here. The pain was taking over and I screamed into my pillow, wrapping my arms around myself, trying not to explode into a million pieces. It was overpowering, and I started sobbing. They were never coming back, any of them. Ever. Alice would never get my email, I knew that much. I should've never sent it. It would only make life that much harder. The emptiness swallowed me up and I knew I'd brought this on myself. I'd gone too deep into the memories and this was the consequences. The realization that they were gone forever, never coming back, hit hard, though I'd already known this. Most of all, I knew… Edward, I forced myself to think his name, was never coming back. He didn't care, didn't love me, I wasn't good enough for him. I was a mere human, weak, boring, an annoyance. I bit down on the pillow and curled into a tighter ball, letting the pain have me.

I was alone in this world with nobody to turn to.