SO this is actually a story about how I feel every single day set in the life of one Rose Weasley. I wrote it to the song of Never Alone by Lady Antebellum so if you don't understand then ok, you don't understand, this is just a story sure. The only thing that isn't true about this is the ending, because I think Rose deserves a better ending than me, with more hope and strength. I suffer from severe social anxiety and depression and though heck, I've never been diagnosed professionally, I know it's there. So like I said, if you don't understand than what the heck, thins was all written, not as a cry of help but as a way to get some weight off my chest, though to be honest, it's still heavy. For those of you who do understand, everything Rose feels in this story is true, I just made her a bit more obvious than I am.
Rose sat at the window, looking out at the lake below. She watched as her family laughed and splashed and played… but never seemed to notice her absence.
She sighed as she looked around the Common Room, the loud, warm, happy Common Room that was always full. Yet, even being surrounded by everyone as she was, she still felt alone.
She couldn't help it, she was lonely even when surrounded. She was good at faking smiles, at actin like she felt at home. But she never did.
She stood and walked out of the Room and up to her dorms where her friends were talking animatedly about school, boys, rumors, their favorite teachers, and their latest assignments and fashions.
Rose tried to join in but felt that she was only butting into a conversation she simply didn't belong in. So she watched and listened for a while as they continued as though they never even noticed she was there.
So Rose excused herself and left.
She made her way out of the Common Room altogether, though the portrait and out to the hallway where she was greeted by the paintings.
She smiled shyly and made conversation for a while before she finally made her way away with relief, never having been goon at talking to people older than her, even if they were paintings.
She made her way to the Great Hall where she looked in on the crowd chatting happily and loudly and thought they looked happy. She wanted to be like them, she thought.
Yet, even as she thought that, Alice Longbottom walked by and greeted Rose who in response attempted conversation. But her words came out jumbled, stilted, and rough, clumsy and embarrassing.
Alice smiled politely and excuse herself as Rose felt herself grow red.
Rose walked in and sat herself at the Gryffindor table where she began to eat nervously, feeling self-conscious and foolishly like everyone was watching her as she ate.
Finally, she stood and began to walk out, feeling again as if everyone were staring at her. So she went to a place where there was rarely a soul around Christmas time, the library.
With a sigh, she sat at one of the many tables and opened a book to a random page and began to pretend to read, thinking instead of why she could never seem to fit in, to feel like a part of something or even the least bit comfortable.
She jumped, startled when someone tapped her shoulder and she looked up in surprise to see Scorpius Malfoy, the school heartthrob looking down at her with concern before backing up, looking a little fearful.
"Can I help you?" she asked.
"No, sorry", he responded, "You just looked a little… upset. Sorry didn't mean to make you mad."
She frowned in confusion before remembering that she often accidently scared people with her mere neutral expression which was apparently rather angry looking, thus lowing her already low chance of making friends with anyone.
She groaned as she watched him walk away before she could form the awkward words to explain she wasn't angry at anyone other than herself for not being able to at least function around people.
She shoved her things back into her back and marched out of the library and out onto the grounds where she walked to a large tree out near the Whomping Willow.
In truth it was a young whomper, not yet old enough to have an attitude such as its parent tree so she often came there.
Leaning against the tree, she looked at the people around her, throwing snow at one another, making snow angels, having fun and she could help but think that she felt inferior to them. They could be happy, they could still be normal around others. They knew how to be friends with their friends.
Feeling unreasonable and unexplainable tears welling in her eyes she stood and tried to inconspicuously wipe her eyes and hide her choked sobs but the downside about having a thousand family members in the school is that someone is always looking out for you, something that made her feel strangely guilty.
So of course someone saw and by the time she had finished dinner that night, the whole school knew she had been crying and was asking what was wrong.
Having people worry about her made her feel slightly happy but guilty. She finally decided that the only way she could get people to drop the matter was if they simply went on with their lives as they always seemed to, without her around.
So she went and found the Room of Requirement where she asked for a place she could simply be as she always was, alone.
She stayed in the room with its blank, grey walls with no furniture or color anywhere. It seemed the room hadn't known what to provide when she could quite decide on what alone meant as she hadn't the slightest clue how to describe the way she felt to either the room, to herself, or anyone else.
Looking at the dark room around her it felt like she did EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Empty.
Yearning to be filled. But with what, she couldn't seem to ever find.
She stayed in that room for hours and then a few more, doing nothing think and cry if she were to be completely honest, something she admittedly rarely was.
When at last she stood to leave, she opened that door and froze as a mass of voices flooded over her singing a muggle song,
May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
May you always have plenty
Your glass never empty
And know in your belly
You're never alone
May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win but stay humble
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You're never alone
Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you, stay with you
Baby, you're never alone
Well I have to be honest
As much as I wanted
I'm not gonna promise the cold winds won't blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fears surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone
Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you, stay with you
Baby, you're never alone
May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fear surrounds you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone
Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you, stay with you
Baby, you're never alone
My love will follow you, stay with you
Baby, you're never alone
With that Rose knew that she indeed, would NEVER. EVER. Be alone.
So there you have it, my soul laid bare. I'm an awkward depressed soul who just posted a story that I'll probably regret someday ha-ha Oh well. Have a great day everybody and thank you Lady Antebellum for Never Alone.
