I shouldn't, I know. But I just finished DA:O for the first time and, well...I thought I would write some drabbles. Contribute a bit. *grins*

Don't own anything, except maybe my Warden character. I tried to keep her anonymous for the most part here, as I will continue to do, but she is a female mage for story purposes.

T: A bad word and some rabbit hunting. And a Mass Effect joke. How could I not?


Dragon Age: Prigins

Friendly Fire Possible

Wynne was so calm.

She was so, so calm, so motherfucking calm—how could anyone in their right mind put up with this? It was a two-headed beast (thankfully not with two backs). It disgusted her so much she wanted to sink into the depths like the Anvil of the Void.

SOOOOOOOOOOO CALM.

"So tell me, oh mighty intellect with a body, how do you propose we do otherwise?" Morrigan's eyes flashed and her fingertips crackled with unspoken threats.

"We could…save the poor creature," the Fountain of Wit and Intellect replied.

Morrigan looked at the Fountain as though it was something unpleasant on her shoe. Something unpleasant that would die soon. "And then what do you suppose we would eat for dinner? Your goodwill, slathered with a sizeable dose of lovesickness? No thank you, I prefer good, tasty, meat."

Wynne glared at them. Maybe if she glared really hard, they would realize that she didn't have much longer to live and would have no qualms about murdering them in cold blood. She hadn't felt this way since Irving had tried to cop a feel during her 'entering the fade' preparation time.

"I disapprove of your methods," Alistair said as sternly as he could manage. "Besides, look at it! It's too cute and fluffy." He grinned goofily like a puppy that didn't know he was supposed to kill cats, not make friends with them. "Here bunny-wunny-honey…"

The bunny, since it was, oh you know, stuck in a fucking trap, struggled haplessly. It rather reminded Wynne of herself at the moment.

"Oh, how disgusting," Morrigan snapped. "Why don't you just go around and befriend every animal in Ferelden, then? I'll be here laughing at you WHEN YOU STARVE TO DEATH."

"It's not my fault if I have a problem with your bloodthirsty ways," Alistair countered. "You see, I'm a paragon and you're a renegade…uhh, wrong game, sorry. I mean, you see, I happen to think that there are other, more honest ways of enticing game than you luring it by shifting your shape. The poor animal thought he was going to have a, er, night on the town, so to speak, and instead it got trapped in the jaws of doom!"

"Oh yes, I am so heartless and cruel." With one motion, Morrigan stabbed the rabbit calmly. "You'd better watch out, or you'll be next…"

Wynne had had enough. This wasn't going to end, not until Alistair gnawed at Morrigan like a bone until his voice got hoarse. Neither of them, as usual when arguing, had noticed her presence. She raised her staff.

"Oh, I'm petrified," said Alistair mockingly. "…"

Wynne let out a giggle. Alistair, it turned out, was much more tolerable as a statue than as a person. And that had been the world's worst pun.

"About time," Morrigan said. Afraid that she would cast 'crushing prison' any moment, Wynne watched intently as she took the rabbit from the trap and walked away. The Warden was nearby, practicing some spells in the clearing.

"Oh hey Morrigan, is that dinner?" The Warden asked, suddenly noticing that Morrigan was shaking.

"Crazy old bat." She heard as Morrigan, still twitching, exited the clearing in the direction of their camp.


So, Morrigan kills a plot bunny...and Alistair is sadface. More to come? You decide! Or I wil.. Or my muse. Or something. :D

Extra: Shale's face seemed to contract a bit in serious thought. "Perhaps Alistair will join me on my quest for pigeon genocide as soon as he is restored..."