I wish I owned DBZ, but I don't. I own DVD's and tapes, but it just isn't the same. Nor do I own any legal imprinting of whatever theme I'm using, such as a crossover with another anime, movie or TV series. Did I think it up? Yes. Was I the first to think it up, probably not, but I digress. I also don't own the rights to any of the music pieces you see selected, just the merchandise, such a shame. The artists that created them are geniuses and we all must bow to them.
First things first, if you haven't read a word of this story, STOP HERE. Proceed back to Saga 1 and start there, you can reach it through the profile page. Then hit Sagas 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 in that order before coming back to this one. You WILL be incredibly lost if you do not read everything beforehand at least once.
DBV: The Lost Chapters
The following is a collection of short stories, one shots, what-if scenarios and parodies that most likely pertain to DBZ or DBV in general. Some of these stories do happen in the DBV timeline and are merely referenced, but many of them don't. If they do apply to a general area, I will mark the approximate saga that it would take place during. The intent of most of these are not for story building, even if it happens by accident. It's simply for my own and hopefully your amusement. If you are easily offended, well that's just too bad. Odds are you shouldn't have been reading DBV to begin with, unless you're just a glutton for punishment. The same applies if I decide to completely wreck something you like (this is where the pokemon fans should probably abandon ship). As for the Abridged parts, they are spoiler heavy as well as completely random, but in a funny way. In all cases, do not expect me to adhere to the unwritten rule of keeping all characters within their own little worlds at all times. It'll be very non-canon, probably a lot of OOC moments and just plain loopy for the hell of it. This is primarily meant to be comedy, and many of us need time set aside to not be serious and get a good laugh. If you're one of those 'we must maintain each and every character to his or her known traits at all times' types, just close the window now. Seriously, press the X. If you're not, sit back and enjoy.
Lost Chapter: Vegeta's Epic Day. Timeframe: Saga 7.
Capsule Corporation, while normally peaceful, did suffer from unruly situations nearly everyday. This day was no exception.
"Vegeta! Can't you mow the lawn for once? Just this one time?" Bulma shouted into the gravity room from her control station. A video screen popped up in mid-air, revealing her irritated face to a certain Saiyan prince.
Vegeta glared back at the view screen, "If you want the grass to be gone, all you had to do was ask!"
Vegeta hadn't taken a step before Bulma's next screech stopped him, "Argh! Don't you dare even think about torching the lawn again! I want the grass to be short and green, not on fire! Is a lawn mower really that hard to use?"
"It's a useless machine that breaks all the time! And it leaves your precious grass all over the inside of my boots!"
"The all mighty Saiyan prince is afraid of a little grass, what has the world come to?"
"Shut up woman!"
Bulma's face scrunched up, "Well, if you won't mow the grass, the Earthling way, I won't let you use the new gravity chamber!"
Vegeta's face turned red, "You wouldn't!"
"Oh you know I will, maybe this will give you some time to think about how worthless you are around here! Maybe you can spend time with Trunks or Bulla for once!" Bulma suggested as she pressed a button that beeped loudly.
Vegeta's growl fractured the floor tiles, and it only worsened when the gravity chamber shutdown completely. Damn woman, who the hell does she think she is? Vegeta ripped the door out and tossed it back inside as he grunted and left the area. I'm not going to let this ruin my day; I'll just go get a fight out of someone if I can't train. I felt like bashing Kakarot's face anyway!
Vegeta flew across the lands and arrived at Goku's house within an hour, but the Saiyan was nowhere nearby. There was a note on the door from Chichi, but it wasn't meant for him.
"Gohan, me and your father went shopping for the day. Don't worry, Goten is with Grandpa, but you should probably go pick him up once you get home from school…" The note continued on past that, but Vegeta didn't care to read the rest. He had absolutely no desire to go near a shopping mall, especially one that had Chichi inside. He considered hunting down Gohan at school, but the last time he did that he lost the gravity chamber for a month.
Fine, I'll just consult the Namek. He's always been ready and willing to give me a few rounds. Vegeta then searched the immediate area for Piccolo, knowing that as long as he could find a waterfall near where Gohan was, odds are he'd be there. Oddly enough, Piccolo was nowhere to be found. Vegeta scanned the entire planet and didn't find him. Then he remembered why, Goku had transported him and Dende to visit the other Nameks for a few weeks. Damn it, looks like I'll be interrupting the boy after all. He'd better be in the mood.
Verto was observing the half Saiyan-Lenz as she practiced with Psionic Energy control. She was apparently in the process of learning one of his flashy attacks when Vegeta landed and killed her concentration. She did perk up slightly at his arrival, but then glanced back at her teacher, who was none too pleased.
"Tell me this isn't a social call. What is the crisis, because if there isn't one you have exactly ten seconds to leave," Verto grumbled.
"I want a fight, I'm bored!" Vegeta claimed.
"We had a deal, you wouldn't interrupt for anything, and that includes whenever Bulma throws you out of the house for whatever you did this time. Was it Bulla's diaper this time, or something stupid like not mowing the lawn?"
"Watch it boy, I can still wipe the floor with you!" Vegeta warned.
"As evidenced by your last showing in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. You can't bully me into getting what you want anymore, so don't bother trying it! And you can't help me train Lenz either, you know that!" Verto pointed out.
"What are you making her do, sit around and stare at clouds? She doesn't look any stronger to me," Vegeta said, full smirk.
"You want to go?" Lenz fired back with a fist raised.
"Yes, he wants to put his nose into our business where it doesn't belong. But your taunting isn't going to work today. And if you push the issue, you'll be leaving without a few limbs, got that?" Verto threatened.
Vegeta snorted, "As if you could do that to me." Verto frowned as Lenz jumped to her feet.
"Oh, can I practice the sword technique on him then? Cutting trees and energy blasts gets old after awhile!" she claimed.
"No, get back to trying to control small energy fields!" Verto barked.
"Fine, spoilsport!" Lenz grumbled as she sat back down.
"Tch! Going easy on her again I see," Vegeta said.
"Or doing it the right way, you pick one. You came looking for a fight, but you're not going to get what you want, not this time. I suggest you take your business elsewhere. Go find Goku, he's always willing," Verto pointed out.
"I'm not going near Kakarot's mate when she's got him at the mall!"
Verto's eyebrow went up, "Oh, you don't want another Hurricane Chichi eh? Which turned into Typhoon Bulma eventually if I remember right. Well Gohan's at school, probably not the best idea to go interrupt that. Piccolo's on Namek, gee I guess you really are out of fight options since there isn't a villain around at the moment. Maybe you should go watch some twenty-four hour news, that should cheer you up!" Verto suggested.
"I'm not going to listen to humans repeat the same ridiculous stories all day long! I want to fight someone, and I'm not going to settle for less! Unless of course I get to blow someone or something up, that might work for me," Vegeta countered.
"Well that's out, you know he'll cause damage with just about anything or anyone!" Lenz said.
"Unless it's in a place where he can't affect things in the real world," Verto replied.
"What do you mean?" Vegeta asked.
"Go up to the lookout and ask Popo to use the Pendulum room. Pick a point in history where you would have liked to have the upper hand, whenever that might have been. Then, do whatever you want I guess. You won't interfere with the timeline at all. Hell, maybe you can learn a thing or two while you're at it," Verto suggested. Vegeta looked perplexed, but slowly a smile covered his face as his flight aura appeared.
"Boy, if this doesn't satisfy me, I will be back!"
Verto snorted as Vegeta took off, "I'll bet he spends all week up there."
Lenz jumped at the opportunity, "I'll take that bet! If I win then you have to…"
"That was rhetorical!"
Vegeta arrived at the lookout and immediately tracked down Popo, who was busily watering flowers.
"Oh dear, Vegeta. How can I help you today?" Popo asked, slightly surprised to see the Saiyan Prince standing there.
"You will show me this Pendulum Room of yours. Tell me how it works, and you might just survive," Vegeta growled.
Popo turned his head in slight wonder, "The Pendulum Room allows you to visit the past and far off places. You can relive history with it, or even train to your heart's desire. Goku spent much of his time in that room when he trained here long ago!"
"Really, so Kakarot got stronger by training in this room eh? It must not be as effective as the Hyperbolic Time Chamber if he's never mentioned it before!"
"No, it is not like that at all. Step inside, focus on a point in history you want to visit and you will see what I mean," Popo explained vaguely.
"This better not be a trick!" Vegeta barked again as Popo led him inside the palace. Upon arrival at the Pendulum Room, Vegeta stood in the circle Popo referenced too and thought long and hard about what he wanted to do. It didn't take him long to decide on the number one place he wanted to go first, and the room seemed to come to life for him.
Vegeta appeared in a desert full of rocky and random cliffs. He sensed two weak powers fighting each other nearby and flew there to investigate. Vegeta quickly stopped in pure surprise as he witness two large energy beams clashing with each other, both of which he recognized. One of them was the blue Kamehameha, fired from Goku himself. The other was his purple Galic Gun, and he didn't have to wonder who was firing back. Vegeta hovered in the air as he observed Goku eventually overpower his counterpart and send him flying high into the skies.
So this place works just like that fat genie said, well I might as well enjoy myself. Vegeta flew towards the exhausted Goku as Yajirobe was talking with him about something. When he landed, Yajirobe panicked and ran off quickly, leaving only a flabbergasted Goku.
"Huh? How'd you recover so fast? Although, you do look a little different," Goku pointed out.
"Hahaha, foolish Kakarot. You must be mistaking me for someone else," Vegeta laughed. He phased out and planted his knee into Goku's stomach.
Goku fell over in pain as Vegeta stood over him in triumph, "That's right Kakarot, know your place!"
"Ugh, so strong!" Goku mumbled.
"That's right, I am the strongest in the universe!" Vegeta claimed. He heard the sound of someone coming closer and looked up to see his younger counterpart coming in for a landing.
"Who are you?" the Young-Vegeta asked.
"Don't you recognize the good looks?" Vegeta laughed.
"You resemble my father, but he's dead. And you don't have a tail," Young-Vegeta pointed out.
"Ha, I lost my need for that a long time ago! You see, Super Saiyans don't need one," Vegeta said.
"Super Saiyan? That's a myth, nothing but legend!" Young-Vegeta stated.
"I know, because I used to believe that too. Would you care for a demonstration?" Vegeta offered.
"No thanks, I'm busy beating the life out of this third class fool! So buzz off!"
Vegeta's demeanor shifted to his younger self, "Excuse me?"
"You have ears don't you? Buzz off weakling! I don't have the time nor patience to listen to a tailless loser like yourself!" Young-Vegeta retorted.
"Loser you say? That's pretty big coming from someone who is forced to grovel to Frieza at a whim!" Vegeta growled back. Both Vegetas stared each other down and grunted in the same manner.
Goku struggled to get to his feet before he felt a hint of surprise as he observed the stare down, "Wait, there's two of you now?"
"Be quiet you third class wimp! I'll finish you off in a moment," Young-Vegeta claimed.
The older Vegeta smirked, "Nobody kills Kakarot while I'm around, that pleasure belongs to me!" Young-Vegeta dove towards his counterpart and swung towards his face. Vegeta easily avoided the blow at the last moment and stepped aside. Young-Vegeta cringed in anger and turned around to strike from behind. Vegeta ducked down just in time and watched his younger self sail past him again.
Vegeta laughed, "I can't believe I used to be that weak!"
Young-Vegeta snarled, "Who are you calling weak you imbecile? I am the Prince of all Saiyans, no one is stronger than me!"
Vegeta folded his arms, "But Kakarot already is, so get used to it. To think I was as stupid as you."
Young-Vegeta's aura flashed on, becoming bright purple in color, "How dare you speak to me that way! I'll turn you and this mud-ball planet into dust!" Young-Vegeta shot into the skies as he had done before and prepared to fire his Galic Gun again. Vegeta grinned and fired a small counter blast right at him, which flashed and exploded when it hit his younger self. When the smoke cleared, Young-Vegeta was long gone, causing Vegeta to chuckle slightly.
"I guess I should say thank you," Goku said as he offered out his hand.
Vegeta turned towards him, "Yes, I suppose I did save him the trouble of beating you to a pulp. Now I get to do that myself!"
Goku let his hand drop as he wearily sunk into his stance, "You don't have to do this. There's a better way."
Vegeta's forehead filled with veins, "Oh stop that soft crap Kakarot. I can't stand hearing it from you over and over like a broken record! Now I'm the stronger one, so you will bow down to me! Otherwise I'll snap your neck in an instant!"
Goku blinked sharply, "Wait, I just met you so how can I be annoying you? Didn't we just meet a moment ago?"
Vegeta paused at the question, "…Just shut up. Where's the off switch in this thing?"
Goku turned his head in confusion, "What thing? What are you talking about?"
"The Pendulum, whatever they call it at the lookout," Vegeta grunted back.
"How do you know about the lookout?" Goku asked.
Vegeta pushed down the urge to attack, "Shut up, idiot."
Goku brightened up, "Hey I know, you must be another Saiyan that was sent here as a baby like I was. Kami must have found you and made you his replacement like he tried to do with me. That's why you're so strong!"
Vegeta's eyes went blank for a moment before anger settled back in, "WHAT?! NO!"
"He really shouldn't have kept that a secret, I mean you would have been a big help before our friends got killed and all," Goku continued.
Vegeta's jaw slipped a little at the awkward situation developing, "How did this imbecile beat me at anything?"
Goku didn't appear to notice the comment, "You should come meet all my friends, I think Bulma would like you. You see, she and our friend Yamcha haven't been able to get along well over the years and I always feel bad for her being alone and all. She isn't the best cook in the world though, and she can get pretty mean at times. Like when I accidentally found out why she wasn't a boy when I was a kid, boy she was so angry after that…"
Vegeta's reaction to that statement was the same mixture of surprise and anger, only multiplied several times over, "What the…how in the world do you function? How can you not know the difference between males and females?"
Goku stopped his rambling for a moment, "Oh, well I was still a little kid and I hadn't even seen a girl before Bulma. I really had no idea that girls had different parts than boys did until she showed me."
Vegeta's anger increased by several more levels but his voice didn't change, "She showed you?!"
Goku rubbed the back of his head, "Well not really, she was asleep. I was trying to find a nice comfortable spot to lay down and hadn't realized that she didn't have any balls. So I kind of took off her underwear to make sure she hadn't been hurt since they were missing and…"
Goku never got to finish his statement before Vegeta suddenly transformed to Super Saiyan and launched a deadly blast at close range. The blast sent smoke rising for miles around, and left behind a huge crater.
Vegeta stood alone in the crater, breathing heavily from his angry attack, "I'll destroy that fool! How dare he touch my woman!"
The area then darkened to black before a large brown object swung over his head as red lettering appeared below his feet. Vegeta's eyes shifted around to check his surroundings, quickly realizing where he was again.
"So how did it go?" Popo asked.
"Where's Kakarot? I'll tear him apart!" Vegeta roared in anger.
"Goku is not here, you may be disoriented from your journey. Remember, nothing has changed from when you left, so nothing you did will affect history."
Vegeta powered down and calmed himself, "It was, adequate."
He slowly walked out and flew off the lookout, heading back to West City. He wasn't sure what to make of his experience, but there was something about it that bothered him. He quickly landed at Capsule Corp and went inside, heading straight for Bulma's lab.
"Well look who's already back? I didn't feel any earthquakes, so does that mean you did something useful for once, or did you just start a fight somewhere else?" Bulma asked spitefully.
"Woman, I have a question for you, do not lie to me," Vegeta said in a sharp but calm tone.
"What is it?"
"Did Kakarot ever touch you in an dishonorable way? Did he ever physically assault you?" Vegeta asked.
Bulma was taken aback, "Goku? No, never. Why would you ask me that?"
Vegeta sighed, "Forget it."
"What happened? Did Master Roshi tell you about the time he caught a peak at me without my underwear on? I suppose that kind of was Goku's fault," Bulma chuckled.
"What, the old man? What did he and Kakarot do?" Vegeta asked in a raised voice.
"It was the dumbest thing, he had never seen a girl before and took it upon himself to find out why I didn't have any boy parts. The funny thing is that I didn't know it until we ran into Master Roshi the next morning and he had asked for a look at my panties in exchange for a Dragon Ball. God that was embarrassing," Bulma admitted.
Vegeta's fists shook, "Kaka…rot! You're dead!"
Bulma realized what she had said and grabbed a hold of Vegeta's gloved hand to stop him, "Relax, we were just kids at the time. The only thing that happened was Roshi got another bloody nose and Goku finally learned the difference between boys and girls. It was no big deal, although I'm not sure it really sank in for Goku until much later. You can't tell me that you didn't get into some embarrassing situations when you were younger. I imagine Frieza and his men put you through hell." Vegeta's arm slumped as he seemed deep in thought before he left the room.
Within an hour he was back on the lookout, startling Popo again.
"Oh, Vegeta. What is it this time?" Popo asked nervously. The only thing that had appeared to have changed was that Vegeta was wearing his armor this time, and he looked quite anxious.
"Fire that room up again, I'm going to have some fun," Vegeta said with a wicked grin. Popo nodded and led him back to the Pendulum Room.
Vegeta smirked evilly and tightened his gloves, "Alright Frieza, let the games begin!"
A/N: The first of many 'Lost Chapters' out of the gate. Posting times will vary extremely as many of these I only have down as ideas and I'm busy writing the main story as well. But for those wondering, I will consider requests for topics and what-not. That doesn't mean I'll write them, that only means I'll think them over. If I turn you down, don't take offense, after all I'm a big fan of the 'do it yourself' approach. I ask that you do not leave them in a review though, use the PM feature or contact me through other means.
