The Reason
Walking into his house, Gilbert opened the door only to be greeted with packed luggage littering the foyer. "Matt? are you home?" he suddenly heard thumping as Matthew walked down stairs carrying more baggage.
"Wha-"
"I'm leaving, Gil."
Feeling his heart break a little, Gilbert felt the air tense up.
"But…why?"
"I can't take this anymore. Your constant drinking, going out late every night, worrying me to death. I need out."
Finally breaking down, Gilbert fell to his knees. "But I can change! Please don't leave me!"
And, looking away to the side, Matthew said nothing but gathered his belongings and stepped outside the door, "I'm sorry…good-bye, Gilbert."
The door shut quietly behind him, and Gilbert found himself in the corner of the room, curled up, and crying hard into his knees.
A good several hours passed by,
Hours turned to days,
Days turned into months,
3 months to be exact.
And during these months, Gilbert had not accepted the fact that Matthew had left. He did not accept the fact that he could move on. He did not accept the fact that the constant throbbing in his heart was begging him to change.
Until now.
During his "road to recovery" Gilbert had taken a great interest to playing the guitar.
He only practiced one song. Over and over and over again.
and glancing over to the envelope on the opposite side of the table, he reached over and read it to himself:
"To my dearest older brother, if you care at all, you are invited to a small reunion party at my house. Friends and family will be there. I hope you'll be able to come. We all miss you.
P.S I heard you've been getting better at your music, we would love to have to perform."
He stared at the note for a few seconds, and sighed. This would be hard, especially if Matthew was going to be there. But here he was, staring at what could be his very last chance at forgiveness. It was now or never. All or nothing. Life or death.
The next day, Gilbert arrived somewhat late to his brother's social gathering. He took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell, his guitar hung to his shoulder by its strap. The door slowly creaked open to reveal his brother's ever so energetic friend. "Hey! You made it! Your brother will be really happy! Come on in!" and, flashing him a small fake smile, Gilbert walked into the house, kicked off his shoes, and looked around. He immediately noticed his former lover standing with his brother and a few of his old friends from college. Matthew in return, noticed Gilbert staring at him, lowered his eyes and turned away. Feeling his heart clench again, he made his way into the kitchen and greeted his brother. "Hey, it's been a while." "Oh, finally. My isolated older brother makes an appearance." They shared a few laughs, and chat to themselves until his younger brother asked, "Do you think you could play a song for everyone now?"
Fully expecting this, Gilbert said nothing but nodded as his brother led him onto a small stage with a stool that they had set up. He sat down on the stool, and got his guitar into position, he motioned to his brother that he was ready.
"All right, so as many of you know, my brother has taken to the guitar, and he's agreed to play for us!"
The room was filled a small applause, and, as Gilbert noted in his mind, Matthew sitting right in the front row.
"This is it." His last chance. His full transformation, revealed.
He gulped, took a deep breath, and began, "I've been practicing guitar for a few months now, although I've only played one specific song over and over. This song is dedicated to someone I love very much, but I've been too much of an idiot to do anything about it. Please forgive me. You know who you are."
Matthew felt his face warm up a little, but ignored the feeling as Gilbert started singing.
"I'm not a perfect person I've found a reason for me
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you"
At this point, Matthew felt tears rolling down his face. "I'm sorry that I hurt you I've found a reason for me And the reason is you I'm not a perfect person I've found a reason for me I've found a reason to show
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you"
And at this point, Gilbert also found himself with tears, staring right into Matthew's eyes.
Smiling a genuine smile, he mouthed to the blond in the front row: "I love you, Matt."Gilbert looked down at his guitar, and walked off the stage. The room was crackling with silence.
After a few claps, everyone resumed to mingling and talking about meaningless things.
Gilbert sat in the kitchen, quiet, until his brother came up to him, "Hey, you did great. Want a beer?"
Staring at the can in his brother's hand, he looked up at his face, smiled and replied with a, "No, thanks. I'm officially off the stuff."
Now, this surprised the eavesdropper at the foot of the door, as they walked over and took a seat beside Gilbert.
Turning his head to see who was seated to his left, Gilbert was shocked. "M-matt?" he thought inwardly.
"H-hey.."
"Hi…"
"Y-you did really great on the stage..!"
Gilbert smiled a bit.
"Thanks…"
"…"
"S-so…"
"Hm?"
"Did you mean it?"
Confused, Gilbert asked, "Mean…it?"
Looking down, and smiling to himself, Matthew clarified, "Do you still love me?"
And without a doubt, or any hesitation, Gilbert confidently answered, "Yes. I still love you, Matthew."
Feeling tears stinging his eyes once more, Matthew jumped into Gilbert's arms, and held tight, "I love only you. Please don't leave me again."
Returning the embrace, Gilbert smiled, "I'm back. For real this time. I love you."
