The Goldbergs one-shot: In which Erica leaves a note for Beverly.
Beverly cringed as the third-from-bottom step released an anguished moan upon contact with her foot, squeezing her eyes shut as the sound sliced through the morning air. It was 5.30am and the last traces of the night clung to the sky before slinking back behind the clouds, her eyes landed on the kitchen and immediately the empty glass and piece of paper sprawled with the loops and flicks of her daughter's distinctive cursive penmanship had captured her attention. She slipped her fingers under the paper and brought it closer to her face, already aware of flood of tears brimming under her eyes..
Dear Mom,
I'm sorry to leave so suddenly without any notice but I needed to go. I just couldn't go on living in that house with him, pretending to be okay, pretending that watching them together doesn't rip me to shreds, I don't know if you know what I'm talking about so seeing as I don't plan on coming back for a while this is probably the only chance I'll have to explain everything, and hopefully by the end of it you will understand why it's best for everyone involved that I've left.
I didn't want to write this letter, I wanted to grab my things and slip away before anyone woke up, but when you saw me this morning, sitting in the kitchen in complete darkness at 12:30am sobbing into a glass of vodka, I couldn't leave without you knowing everything. I tried to make it go away, I tried to shrug it off and pretend it wasn't happening, and it's not like I could confide in anyone, is it? I mean, 'I'm in love with my best friend who also happens to be my brother's girlfriend' doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
I'm done sugar-coating it mom. I'm in love with Lainey, and I think I've been in love with her for a very long time, longer than I realise. A small part of me wonders if maybe you knew but it doesn't matter. She wants Barry, and he never lets me forget it, never misses a chance to gloat about the fact that he won, that he has the one thing I want most of all but will never have.
But do you know what the funny part is? He has no clue. No clue that my heart shatters every time he tells me how much he loves her, how my chest tightens every time he does some stupid gesture, he doesn't even know he's doing it, doesn't know he's breaking me and I'm done, mom. I'm really done. I can't tell Lainey, she'd be horrified if she knew. Are you horrified?
I'm rambling. The long and short of it is, I love her, I love her so much I physically can't stand it, being in their presence, it destroys me watching her look at him the way I wish she'd look at me, he doesn't appreciate her, he doesn't deserve her, he doesn't love her the way I can. I've been thinking of leaving for a while and I've saved up enough to take care of myself, $3,000 dollars. Oh, and I've taken the car, I'm sorry but the truth is, I don't plan on coming back, I need to heal and I won't be able to do that in Jenkintown. I doubt we'll see each other for a very long time.
I'm so sorry it had to be this way, but at least now you know everything, being around them was killing me, I wanted her so badly it ruined me. Tell everyone I said goodbye, and tell Lainey...well...tell Lainey I'm sorry.
Love,
Erica x
