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A/N:
Trigger warning : dark themed fic . Self harm and mental abuse .
The fic is Prewritten , which means I will finish uploading all chapters soon .
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Summary : Humanity : The thin line that separates two extremes . Mentality to brutality , insanity .
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" You shattered my humanity.. Well , What was left of it .. "
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Trigger warning ! Mark my words .
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When he woke up , it was to a spacious darkness of an eerie basement . It smelt of dust , copper … metallic ? was that blood ?
His whole body went rigid at the thought .
However , he tried to ignore it in favor of surveying the rest of the room .
A sole fluorescent light bulb flickered , twitching on and off in an irritating motion quite far from where he was seated .. And as if that wasn't bad enough , he found the whole thing quite a semblance of demonic lightning , cries of thunder shaking the sky and thus pure terror . He felt like he was left in the deepest pits of hell .
There were many blind spots . However , he did register other important observations . He was tied up to a chair , wrists aching , stinging and burning at the restraint . migraine made itself known , dangerously .
And that wasn't even everything ..
Memories flooded his whole being , rushing back to his brain like a train , merciless and unstoppable .
The person he last conversed with was none other than his lover ..
How did he end up there ? Like that .. ?
As if to answer his question , an all too familiar voice snapped him out of his daze before he could delve further in his mental dilemma .
" Awaken , love ? " voice laced with mock affection , a light haired young man slowly approached the other one .
It didn't sound sincere , that much he could tell .
It sounded too different , foreign and dare he say , creepy.
Too much it sent shivers down his spine.. And he knew why .. He just hoped his lover didn't really believe the rumors , not entirely at least .
Marching leisurely towards the elder , the silver haired lad held a shimmering sharp object in his scarred hand .
" So .. Tell me .. What kind of sick , twisted pleasure did you get from playing me , ha ? " the boy whispered in a demanding tone , half emotionless and half giving away all of his conflicted emotions .
The tied one had a hard time registering it all that he couldn't come up with an answer . The way his .. lover looked at him , those eyes , they looked empty , glassy and crystalline yet he knew how much anguish they hid in the deepest depth . He knew they were blood-shot because of too much tears . Those pair of eyes he had come to love now looked dull and lifeless , those beautiful strands of silk now covered them in a maddening way . Those lips he had come to kiss every day now spat the crudest collection of words . The mind and soul he had come to adore now shattered , tainted with doubts and distrust .
Though the said young man had asked , he didn't wait for the other to arrange a stack of lies before him .
" Whatever reason you may have had to do such disgraceful thing to me , I can't justify it . " he whispered as he left a hair-thin distance between their faces , his eyes taking in everything in his supposed lover , his everything . The other male just panted heavily , staring at those lilac eyes , as if trying , no , pleading them to see the truth . The boy he'd come to caress lovingly now sported scars everywhere , literally . And there was nothing he could do about it . The damage was done .
" If it's envy , I wouldn't believe it . " The silverette spoke up in a low intimidating tone , eyes darting here and there before he straightened up , pulling away .
" You have got the looks , Kaname . " His soothing voice contradicting the whole situation , the nearly driven-mad young man searched every possible reason for such actions .. For why the hell he deserved such treatment , such fate , such life .
Was he really doomed to forever be denied the feeling of love ? Genuine love , genuine mutual love ..
Was it really his fault for trusting someone again ?
Was that the message ?
" The wealth , the family , Recognition .. And pretty much everything I lack . If anything , I should be the one envying you . So it's not that . Yet .. If it's something else then what ? "
He kept pacing around , racking his brain for answers , the knife still held close to his palm .
Kaname shook his head bitterly , fearing the moment he would talk would be the same his lover would get brutal and reckless . But Zero was oblivious to the gesture .
" A bet perhaps ? Or .. Did I ever know you before we met that day ? Did I ever hurt or insult you that you only thought of getting back at me like that ? No way , right ? "
It was possible though . Or not ?
What if he did meet Kaname before , in his childhood for instance and couldn't recall him the second time they met . Even if that was the case , the chances of him hurting anyone were non-existent . He couldn't imagine himself hurting a younger kaname or anyone for that matter , enough to deserve such punishment .
" I could swear we didn't know each other until that day , So why ? Tell me ! How could you ? " He yelled all of a sudden , eyebrows knitting and brain dysfunctioning in disbelief of it all .
The brunette gasped a breath , trying to say something but the other shouted again . The pain seemed to have buried itself too deep for Kaname to be able to convince Zero of otherwise . Doubts have already sneaked their way to his heart , to the core and from there to every nook and cranny , gnawing ravenously at his entirety .
" I trusted you ! "
kaname couldn't stand the look of betrayal and disappointment Zero was giving him and so he shut his eyes before snapping them open again , never meeting the younger's gaze .
" I .. I loved you .. " Grounding to a halt , Zero took the chance to catch his breath before whispering darkly " I truly did ! "
Every time kaname tried to interrupt , to deny it all , the other gave him no chance .
He raised the knife , silently threatening to put it to use and kaname wasn't scared for his own life . On the contrary , he feared Zero harming himself in front of his very own eyes , with the false belief that he , kaname , had betrayed him , made him to be the entire school's laughing stock .
Rejection didn't hurt as much as betrayal did .
Zero couldn't care less about people knowing he was homo-sexual . However , to have the only person he hadn't expected to spread rumors about him do just so devastated him beyond limits .
" I don't even know if I should beat the fucking daylights out of you for hurting , breaking and killing me or If I should do it to myself for trusting you ! " He said in a low tone , only raising his voice at certain words , for added effect . he then let out a twisted giggle , the said action quickly becoming a series of high pitched fit of laughter , psychotic ones .
" You healed my scars , Kaname , only to have them ripped apart all over again .. "
The words and their weight wrenched the elder's heart to no limits .
" I can pretend all of it never happened so we can go back to being lovers , if that's what you want , even if it's a lie . I can be your cheap fuck .. I can fake a smile , I can force a laugh . I can turn it on , be a good machine .. I can hold the weight of the world if that's what you ask . "
He broke down into tears with each word , his grip on the knife tightening , drawing blood along the way and Kaname's eyes mirrored the action , spilling hot tears in response . It wasn't supposed to end up like this !
Short silence ensued as Zero willed himself to go on , trying his utmost for his voice not to crack . He was panting heavily as it was .
" I can do it . I can do it .. I've survived much more toxic words before . But .. I'm only human and I bleed when I fall down .. " the first words came out a bitter whisper . but he nearly cried the rest out .
For a fleeting moment , kaname wondered which was worse , the way his lover emphasized each letter , the way his tone screamed of sheer pain , or the immense sorrow he held in his eyes , until he realized he was asking the wrong question . What mattered was the fact that both combined pulled at his heart strings in a way that left him feeling paralyzed , pathetic and helpless .
" I didn't fall though .. You shoved me from cloud nine to the deepest depths of earth , to hell actually . "
Kaname's breath got caught in his throat , he shook his head , refusing to give in , whilst trying to free his hands . Alas , Zero noticed it and approached him in a heartbeat . He slowly let his weight fall on the other's lap , the sudden proximity shocking the elder beyond belief .
" And in case you are wondering , it wasn't a smooth fall . I crashed down to smithereens ! " the silverette kept resumed his speech as though he was narrating a bedtime story to some kid out there .
Kaname felt his chest heaving up and down as Zero lifted his nail , dragging it painfully slow against the other's cheek . it stung badly .
He watched in awe as his lover winced at the acidic substance irritating the skin . Kaname squeezed his eyes shut before realization hit him and so he forced them open again ..
If it stung his face that much , it must have done the same to Zero's hand …
" Kaname ! I only dipped my finger in it for a short time yet it still stung you this badly . Don't you wonder how much it would hurt if I actually poured all of it over mysel- "
Kaname finally snapped , interrupting him " Stop ! Zero , can't you see ? He lied to you ! he never liked you , he never wanted you happy ! You should know that much ! "
To hell with it , if Zero intended to take things so far then Kaname would not sit back and watch .
" HE HAD A PROOF ! " the younger nearly growled back before standing up and scoffing . He wouldn't be played again ! No .. No .
Though kaname had a point , Zero refused to believe it .
" You see , I just shared a fraction of my pain with you . Now you have a standard to measure against .. " Dismissing the sincerity in his lover's words and eyes altogether , Zero revealed in a dull emotionless tone .
The dark haired male watched , but not silently , as the younger shoved the knife in his own pocket , grabbed a glass full of the apparently acidic liquid and poured it all over his wrist , involuntarily wincing as it took effect ..
" Zero ! STOP ! "
Watching it all and knowing he won't be able to change any of it stung even more than the substance gnawing at his skin . Kaname thrashed about , trying to break free , cursing the confinements around his wrists all the while .
The patch of skin burned and swelled and Kaname started actually pleading his lover to stop before it got worse ..
The silverette did not stop though . Instead , he went forward again , reaching for Kaname's face , forcing him to look . He tugged harshly at the elder's hair , finding the way such action ripped a prolonged groan out of the Kaname's throat oddly satisfying .
" Look ! Look , Kaname ! You did this to me ! "
As if that wasn't enough , he took the knife out of his pocket and started dragging it all over his arm , careful not to target a vein , so he would enjoy it for as long as he possibly could . He wanted Kaname to feel guilty , to watch and know he was one responsible .Maybe then it would satisfy him . Maybe then it would heal some of his pain . He wanted the elder's conscience to eat him alive for the rest of the time .
The younger then gracefully sat down on Kaname's lap again , lifting his chin up , that time a lot more gentle .
the brunette only shook his head , eyes brimming with tears for he could not save his love .
" Kaname ? Did you really feel disgusted whenever we kissed ? Did you really feel your skin crawl ? " Zero whispered bitterly and for once , he seemed to be in his right mind , like maybe he could be convinced if Kaname showed him enough love and he was intending to do just that .
" Don't go there .. " he whispered , nearly out of breath from the way his lover touched him sensually , like how they used to , the words making the younger one halt and furrow his eyebrows , waiting for more .
" Don't even come close to suggesting I don't care about you .. " He spoke up like it physically pained him . He spoke up desperately and yet his voice was laced with a generous amount of determination .
His hands were aching to hold the smaller one in his embrace , to hide him from the whole world , to protect him till the last breath ..
Ironically , Zero had it deeply etched in his mind that Kaname was one to shatter their love .
They gazed at each other intensely for a couple of minutes , neither willing enough to initiate the next move .
Whatever would ensue may end up costing them their lives .
Word count : 2151
19 Sept , 2017
To be continued .
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