He watched her, his eyes carefully assessing the woman dozing on his couch for any injuries. Knowing Elliot Ryder as well as he does, it was more of a necessity than a habit considering how often she'd let herself go untreated for one thing or another. She'd lost weight since her last visit to the Nexus, about a kilogram or two. There was also an angry red line starting at her left ear and running along her jaw. Judging by the look of it, she hadn't let Lexi patch it up and it was sure to scar. Harry has no clue how she does it, carries the weight of the whole cluster on her shoulders with a smile on her face, but it's taking its toll on her.
"It's rude to stare," she whispered, her eyes still closed.
"Says the woman who broke into my apartment," Harry chuckled.
Elliot's deep blue eyes blinked open and she looked up at him. "That implies that I don't already know the code, which I do. You should probably change that, by the way. I mean, your graduation date from med school is in your file. I don't know whether to call you an idiot or a narcissist."
"Technically, I'm a bit of both," he said with a smile.
"That why you left the Tempest, didn't want me to outshine you?" she asked. The question was delivered playfully enough but he knew he had to tread lightly. He had made the choice to trade jobs with Lexi quickly but it was far from easy.
Harry let out a sigh. "I think we both know the answer to that."
"I really don't. One second, you're chomping at the bit to get out there and the next, you wanna stay on the ark."
"With Eli," Harry reminded her.
"Lexi could've looked after him and we both know it."
Elias, Elliot's twin, has been in a coma in the cryobay since day zero, a malfunction with his stasis pod forcing the medical team to wake him up the old-fashioned way. Harry told himself that it was a valid enough reason to stay behind but Elliot saw the move for what it was; a cop out.
"I'm too…"
"If you say 'old' or any variation of it, I'ma punch you in that perfect jaw," Elliot said with a tilt of her head.
"I am, though," he smiled.
"No, you're not. And I'm not letting you wiggle your way outta this one. You don't want to be out there, fine. But you, of all people, can at least be honest with me. Between Tann and Addison playing a political tug of war with me in the middle, trying to show the angara that we're friendlies, trying to stop the kett from exulting us all, trying to stop the rokaar from killing us all, the Archon being two steps ahead of me at every turn and searching for a place for all these people to go, I don't have it in me to do this dance with you. I barely have time to acknowledge that dad's dead, not that people don't keep throwing it in my face. So, please, Harry, just tell me why you gave up your spot on the Pathfinder team. I don't care what it is as long as it's the truth."
Harry knew that this conversation was coming, he was actually surprised that it took her this long. Though, to be fair, she'd been working her ass off since she woke from stasis with no real signs of slowing down. A trip to medical is about as much of a break as Elliot would allow herself to take back when they were all back in the Milky Way, it's only gotten worse since. He could tell, just by the tone of her messages, that she wasn't allowing herself time to rest or recharge. Not that Andromeda gave her much of a break.
Ever since they woke up in Helius, it's been one clusterfuck after another. Their golden world wasn't so golden. The Nexus had a civil war before the Hyperion arrived which ended with a good chuck of the initiative branded as exiles. The founder of this whole thing, Jien Garson, was dead and the eighth in line, Tann, had control. Alec died -admirably- to protect his daughter, leaving her with his role as Pathfinder and a near impossible cross to bear. Elliot, for all her inexperience, has been making good on the promise that Garson and Alec made, even if it was probably going to get her killed.
"I can't watch you die again." Harry couldn't look at her, his eyes focused on the parts of the Nexus he could see out the window. The 'I love you too much' went unsaid.
Most of it was a blur, Habitat 7, but what he does remember feeds the nightmares that keep him up at night. He remembers getting the comm from Kosta that Alec and Elliot went flying off a tall structure. He remembers SAM alerting him that both Ryder's vitals were erratic and declining. He remembers Elliot's helmet smashed all to hell on the deck and Alec's helmet firmly in place on her head. He remembers yanking her father's helmet off her head with shaking hands to breathe life into her when she stopped breathing on the shuttle back to the ship. And he remembers leaning against the wall outside the door of SAM Node after they finally got her stabilized.
It was hell. Every second of it.
"That's not to say that I don't have faith in you, because you know I do, it's just… You're more like your dad than you're not. You'd sacrifice yourself if it meant someone else, especially someone you care about, was safe from danger. I can't have a front row seat to that. Not again. It's better this way."
"Says who? I love Lexi but she's not my doctor, you are." He was sure that anyone else would've missed the hint of possessiveness in her voice but he didn't. He couldn't.
"And I can't look at you objectively, El. I tried. On Habitat Seven… I just… Those minutes felt like hours..."
"Hey." Harry didn't even realize she'd moved until he felt her hands on his back. Elliot slowly slid her arms around his waist, pressing herself against him as she did. "I'm okay."
"No, you're not. You're tired and you aren't eating."
"I'm gonna kill, Lexi."
"Wasn't her. It was Kosta. He's worried about you. We all are," Harry told her.
"If you're so worried, you should come with us," she said with a chuckle against his shoulder. "I'm fine, okay? I may not be great but I'm alive and I'm here. That's gotta be worth something, right?"
"It is," he answered as he turned to wrap his arms around her. Elliot rested her head against his chest and hummed in contentment. "When do you have to go back?"
"I shouldn't even be here now. I have a list of things to do that's longer than my arm."
"You're gonna burn out if you don't slow down."
"I know. I'm just not good at delegating. Family trait," she chuckled. "You sure you don't want back on the roster? Tann'll sign off on it if I ask."
"I'm sure," Harry said, tucking her long black hair behind her ear. "Lexi is the better choice. And Eli… I don't trust anyone else to look after him. He's the only family you have left."
"Here I was thinking that I have you."
"Of course you do. That's one thing that Andromeda will never change."
