Las vs. Layz

Some Telepathic Duct

Ref: 1-c4n-wr1t3-1337

Date: 0123456. Mk.41

Subject: Some battle or something like that

Transcription: Some drunken astropath, A Pub 00sdg/12ay-JGS

Recipient: to whom it may concern

Brief: or boxers

Orders: uh… I forgot

See attached files: IG-Vlw, 123f Chaos, IX-321 (ef) Slaanesh, and lots of other boring crap and stuff

Benedictum: I like cheese

END TRANSMISSION (FINALLY) +

On some grassland battlefield, a very large amount of guardsmen sat behind a hill.

"H'okay troops," sergeant Yelles addressed the large platoon of some 50-60 guardsmen; of which only one and a half were listening.

" We got ourselves a big battle today, against them Slaaneshi peoples. But who cares. Just go an' fight 'em." Yelles was obviously not a motivational speaker. Someone coughed.

" …Uh, okay then, but if we don't fight, they'll just kill us or worse."

At this, the guardsmen jumped up and ran over the hill to charge the assembled group of Emperor's Children and Slaaneshi cultists. Several guardsmen tripped.

Random Guardsman #27 ran out of las-bolts quite quickly.

"Oh shit. That's just wonderful. Where's an extra clip of las-shots when you need 'em?"

A cultist over heard that comment and walked over to R.G.27.

" Las! It's LAYZ! Duh. As in layz-er."

" What? No way man, er woman, uh, what are you anyway?"

"Slaaneshi,"

"Well whatever you are, layz is wrong! It's definitely las,"

"Nuh-uh. Layz,"

"Really, as in layz-guns? Do you know how retarded that sounds! Layz-guns! Makes it sound like you're having sex with guns!"

"I'm Slaaneshi. I have don't who or what I have sex with"

R.G.27 slowly stepped a few paces back.

" It's still retarded." R.G.27 said sheepishly.

"Oh really? As retarded as The Emperor sitting on that golden toilet for some 2 million years?" The cultist started ranting.

"As retarded as the Eldar being nearly wiped out by a giant? As retarded as Orks love of the word Waagh? As retarded as this whole argument?" At the final word, the cultist fell over onto the grass and glared at R.G.27

"Uh, yeah. WAY more retarded." R.G.27 responded, then stuck his pinky in his ear.

The cultist then tackled R.G.27 and a fight broke out.

"Jerk!"

"Idiot"

"$$-Hole!"

" Mother-er!

The fight suddenly stopped.

"Thank you," said the cultist.

" Uh, it's not a complement." Replied R.G.27

"Oh, right." Then the fight resumed.

In a Leman Russ Mk.IV

Ksshhk+ "I got a lock on a cultist, sir. Over."

Ksshhk+ "Well then what are you talking to me for? Wing that muthah! Over."

Ksshhk+ "Right away sir, over."

Ksshhk+ "You know, we're in the same vehicle. We don't have to do this. Over."

Ksshhk+ "Oh, yeah. Over."

Meanwhile, the fight was still going on. Then the cultist remembered he had a las/layz pistol, and pointed it at R.G.27.

"Don't move!" screamed the guy with the gun.

"I seriously wasn't planning on it," said R.G.27.

FRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

In the same Leman Russ

Ksshhk+ "Woo-Hoo! I got 'im! Over."

Ksshhk+ "Woot! Over."

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Then the cultist was freemed off the face of the planet.

Ksshhk+ "Got 'im with my lascannon! Over."

Ksshhk+ "Is it las or layz? Over."