I started translating the Russian version of this story into English. Many thanks to my beta, Namaster, who helped me with translation:)

Here the first chapter.


She has a strong feeling that her soul consists of two parts which are far from each other and their paths are never crossing. A mix of contradicting emotions engulfs her, resulting in an oppressive feeling of turmoil. She feels happy. Genuine happiness. A gorgeous man loves her, he is ready to go above and beyond for her, to make her his wife and mother of his children. He is handsome, smart, charming and caring.

Steven. Two months ago she didn't know who he was and now he excites her, makes her tremble with joy, causes pleasant nervousness. She is surrounded by his attention, ecstatically feeling happy and loved. He needs her.
Donna sighed putting an empty glass on the windowsill and looked at an almost packed suitcase standing next to the couch. Tomorrow she will start living another life – in the first class of the Boeing, flying above the Atlantic, and then in the penthouse of London City's skyscraper. She won't have to get up at 6 o'clock and stay at work till midnight anymore - actually, she can afford not to work at all.

Work. Yersterday evening she said goodbye to Pearson Darby. Jessica actually arranged a farewell party, which Donna spent generally talking to Norma, Rachel, Mike and a dozen of other invited co-workers. All evening she tried to suppress a gnawing feeling, the same, perhaps, that convicted criminals under a death sentence felt while they were led to the place of execution. 'I have four hours left. It's almost an eternity, 'three', 'two…'. She enjoyed spending time with her colleagues, trying not to think that tomorrow she wouldn't have any of this. He didn't come.

Since Steven appeared in Donna's life, her relationship with Harvey has changed. To be more precise, he changed as soon as he figured out that the senior partner of the British firm was paying too much attention to his efficient assistant. At first, Donna tried to keep the act: bantering, engaging in small suggestive talks, playing with words and all, but soon his cold expression and an unusually harsh tone converted their communication into a dry exchange of phrases. One day when they were stuck at the office sorting out Ava Hessington's case she tried to reach out for him. It was getting late. Sitting on two sides of Harvey's wide glass table, they were deeply engrossed into hard work when suddenly he pushed his files aside.

"Why him?"

Being busy with the documentation Donna didn't catch it at first, once the question registered with her she was taken aback. Raising her eyes she saw the same piercing, unreadable expression in his brown eyes. This time she could see not only detachment but also anger and Donna recovered at once.

"Because I like him" - she stated calmly and started searching for the spot where she was reading when she suddenly was interrupted.

"Any man in New York would have been happy to have a relationship with you, but you needed to get involved with this arrogant asshole". She thought she could see Harvey clench his jaw.

Sticking her chin up Donna looked him in the eyes. Her look was challenging, intensive.

"Anyone? You have to be kidding me! Some of these men haven't got the guts to stay in a committed relationship. What they want is a one-night stand girl who will be quickly off to let them wake up alone and enjoy themselves" – Donna felt sudden indignation rising inside.

Some unnamed emotion, something she couldn't actually grasp and comprehend passed in Harvey's eyes but Donna was just too angry to analyze it, she was driven forward on the wave of her righteous wrath.

"Is there anyone you considered worthy, Harvey? You find flaws in everyone, you consider yourself perfect, only yourself, you think you are the only one to be admired and cherished. Steven is perfect for me, is it clear? – she stared at him intensely: "In. Every. Single. Way".

He squinted for a moment. She saw him swallow with difficulty. The next moment he was rising from his seat and uttered coldly:

"I think I don't need your help on this anymore. I can finish by myself. Go home, I'll see you tomorrow".

Donna could sense the pain in his voice and tried to mend the situation.

"C'mon, Harvey. I'm your assistant and I can stay. Really. We can forget this conversation ever happened and be friends again".

"There is no going back" - he continued, his voice cold, but she could swear he barely managed to hold his emotions at bay.-"Our friendship is in the past. I can't be friends with a woman who pleases the bastard who in turn tries to screw me up day and night".

"Pleases?"- suppressed tears could be heard in her voice but Donna did her best to maintain her composure.-"Screw you, Harvey! You have no idea about human feelings, or love, or affection, or tenderness. You are like a senseless piece of wood and you will always be one!"- Donna jumped up abruptly, moving the chair aside, and dashed out of the office trying to get out of his sight before she lost her temper completely. Grabbing her purse, she rushed towards the exit and started pushing the elevator button nervously as if it could somehow speed it up.

Since that night they had almost never talked to one another. Soon, when she announced that she was leaving work and going to London in order to marry Steven, he just listened attentively, nodded and then retreated to his office.
Her heart bled, a dull pain in her chest made her restless, as if the greater part of her was gone with Harvey and it was true. Thirteen years of working side-by-side, knowing they were a team, balanced and unanimous, playful banter and innocent flirting – everything she enjoyed through all of her adult life. Perhaps someone else would consider it insufficient but somehow she managed to convince herself that it was enough. She convinced herself that working together and being fiends was much more important than that glimpse of an intimate relationship which she caught when he came in her little apartment, exhausted and depressed, two days after Gordon's funeral and which ended without even a proper beginning.

No matter how hard she tried to erase the memories of that evening: burning sensations of his fingers, of his lips, she wasn't successful. She locked them in a special box and returned to open it rarely, in moments of tremendous weakness, only for a short while but never the less haunted by her conscious afterwards. All men, she was in relationships with, paled in comparison with those memories, which seemed long ago in the past, and finally she had broken up with each and every one of them, unable to convince herself that everything was all right. Only Steven really inflamed her, managed to evoke the long forgotten flutter, bent her to his will and allowed to rule him in return.
Sometimes, especially when there were having sex after drinking a lot at some party, Harvey's image came up in Donna's mind and for a second she is deceiving herself until Steven said something, drawing her out of her madness. In the morning she felt stings of guilt, but she strongly believed that Steven was the best for her and sooner rather than later those forbidden images would be left in the past.

Waking up to reality, Donna sighed and poured herself some more wine. A considerable part of her life had just ended. Off with the old and on with the new! Tomorrow the plane will take her far-far away towards the new city, new people, new events and new life. She will finally become a woman of someone's life, have children and stop existing as an addition to the great Harvey Specter. Then where is this tightness in her chest coming from? Why is she craving to meet him again, accidently bump into him, see his familiar arrogant and somehow boyish grin? Draining the glass, Donna hugged her knees and started crying. It felt like a wall came down; pain flooded her heart and all the tears build up during the last weeks pour. Her heart was weeping for him, for work, for chats with Rachel, cross-talks with Mike, even for Luis. These people have been a great part of her life for so many years… When there were no tears left, Donna leaned her head on her knees and closed her eyes feeling exhausted.

A sharp knock at the door startled her. Coming down from the windowsill grimly, stretching numb muscles on the way, Donna dragged her feet to the door…